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Botswana’s ‘straight’ men who sleep with gay men

Men who sleep with men

For many years and arguably to this day, many people are ostracised for their sexual identity and or their sexual preferences. As a result of this many- both men and women- hide their sexual orientation from their loved ones or from society itself, this has led to many living in the shadows of what truly pleases them.

It has come to light that many Batswana men have a certain taste for their own kind-men sleeping with men. The argument is that, though they may sleep with men, they are attracted to women and are not gay, their preference for sometimes or on occasion sleeping with the same sex is merely for pleasure, to scratch an itch.

For some of these men (Men Sleeping with Men (MSM)), they do not identify themselves as gay in anyway, and see their acts of coitus as nothing but a sexual act and not their identity.

According to a research made by Scholars Strategy Network, there is a difference between identity and behaviours and their research highlights that sexual orientation and sexual identity are different. “Sexual orientation refers to attractions, fantasies, and desires, as well as sexual behaviours. Sexual identity refers to how individuals understand their sexuality in the context of other aspects of their lives, especially the groups and institutions they feel part of,” the research highlights.

This could mean that a lot of men in relatively stable heterosexual relationships may very well be exploring the same sex for sexual gratifications, and still go home to their families and live life as if nothing happened.

WeekendLife explored this topic further with local music sensation Motswafere, who also identifies as a feminine gay man. He confirmed that there are men in Botswana who are fascinated by cross-dressing and feminine gay people and they have a fetish for them.

“Sometimes they do it to release their anger of a part of themselves that haunts them but because of society they can’t explore freely. So they do it in secret. And in the process they might lie to the vulnerable gay person, just to get what they want and leave, but the gay person would have become attached. Sometimes falling victim to being the provider to this person, at the end they realise they invested in a project that never was.’’

In some cases, these are straight boys who lure in weak feminine boys, to swindle them of money for the gain of sexual pleasure. The straight claiming men, are cunning and tactical to benefit out of this. You find out that these men also target rich white guys and just the rich, and they become trophy muscle boys or slave boys, because they are there to offer sex for the high life,” said Motswafere.

It has become more of a trend as more people especially men, find themselves tied down by life due to financial restraints and the only way out would be for them to sleep with men. It then becomes one of the many ways to milk vulnerable people of their money without any emotional attachment, this however as much as it may seem as prostitution is not always the case for why MSMs exist.

“It is becoming more and more apparent, because men these days don’t want to work hard, the youth as a whole. So ‘Men sleeping with Men’ is one way to diversify their income.

And sometimes the helpless feminine gay boys who pay them are left with threats like ‘if you tell people about this, you are dead!’ Some men like domination, the fact that they are dominant and taking from you, emasculating you, gives them power, men love power, so when they do another man, their power is heightened, that is one of the reasons why. So, a lot of straight men now have been reduced to the thought that every gay person needs them. Especially to service them sexually and in return they would be given money,” he said.

Another young man who identifies as gay, Prince Molefinyane strongly believes that there is no such thing as having sex with other men and not classifying yourself as gay. “This is bigotry unrevealed and it really irks me when gays let themselves fall for such people who cannot proudly announce themselves as part of us. Those people can’t just accept their sexuality,” he said.

LEGABIBO VIEW

Bradley Fortuin, Acting CEO of LEGABIBO, confirmed that it is possible for men who are heterosexuals to have sex with other men and not identify as gay or bisexual.

“That is like a sexual practice which does not define your sexual orientation or how you sexually identify yourself. Just like how you can find gay men who engage in sexual practice with women, for various reasons. There is a whole difference between the two,” he highlighted.

When asked whether MSM’s are recognised under LGBTQI he said, “They can be gay, bisexual, queer or straight. Remember MSM is only the sexual act not the identity. So yes, they can identify as that,” he said.

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WeekendLife

The King’s journal 

23rd November 2021
Kgafela Kgafela II

This book is a true-life story of an African King based in South Africa. The Last Frontier is a resistance stand by Bakgatla Ba Kgafela tribe and its line of Kings from 1885 against a dark force called ‘western democracy’ that is insidiously destroying lives, peoples, nations and threatens to wipe away whole civilizations in Africa.

The story flows through four important episodes of history, beginning in about 1885 when Bechuanaland Protectorate was formed. This section briefly reveals interactions between Kgosi Linchwe 1 and the British Colonial Government, leading to the establishment of Bakgatla Reserve by Proclamations of 1899 – 1904.

The second episode deals with Kgosi Molefi’s interaction with the British Colonial Government in the period of 1929-36. The third episode records Kgosi Linchwe II’s interactions with the British Colonial Government and black elites of Bechuanaland. It covers the period of 1964-66, leading to Botswana’s independence. Kgosi Linchwe ii resisted the unlawful expropriation of his country (Bakgatla Reserve) by Sir Seretse Kgama’s government of 1966 to no avail. He wrote letters of objection (December 1965) to Her Majesty the Queen of England, which are reproduced in this book.

The fourth episode covers the period between Kgafela Kgafela II’s crowning as King of Bakgatla in 2008 to 2021. It is a drama of the author’s resistance to the present-day Botswana Government, a continuation of Bakgatla Kings’ objection against losing Bakgatla country to the Kgama dynasty assisted by the British Government since 1885. The story is told with reference to authentic letters, documents, and Court records generated during the period of 1885-2019. There is plenty of education in history, law, and politics contained in The Last Frontier for everyone to learn something and enjoy.   

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WeekendLife

Gospel concerts make a comeback

16th November 2021
Bishop Benjamin Dube

Hailed for being the prime gospel concert after the Covid-19 pandemic had put events to a halt, Golden Relic, in conjunction with Sweet Brands, recently unveiled the Arise and Worship Concert, Botswana. The show marks the return of worshippers and fans to enjoy music and worship together after what seemed like “cooler box” events were taking over the entertainment scene. 

The concert to be held on December 11th 2021, at the Molapo Showcase, has a packed lineup with the Headlining acts being Bishop Benjamin Dube, Lebo Sekgobela from South Africa and Botswana’s very own Obakeng Sengwaketse. More international acts from Nigeria and Ghana are also expected to grace the event. The show organizers have invested an effort in diversifying the lineup with live performances. 

The promoter of the Arise and Worship Concert, David “DVD” Abram revealed in an overview of the event that; “We have lost a lot of loved ones this year, and when that happens, one’s spirit goes down, and we need a light to ground us once more, to heal our souls. Therefore, the two main purposes of this event are to do the work of God and, secondly, to make sure that we nurture and develop talent in Botswana. With challenges that come up with events of such magnitude, the team and I have been committed to seeking guidance from God through having night prayers.” 

Abram added that as promoters, they usually have a bias towards already established artists, thus neglecting the upcoming ones and wanting to change that. “We approached the Melody Gospel TV Show since we aim at nurturing new talent and agreed on having one of the winners as a headliner for the event to allow them to share the stage with gospel giants so that they are exposed to the industry. This resulted in securing the Second Winner of the Melody Gospel TV show; Thabiso Mafoko as a local headlining act.”

The concert also aims at celebrating a Motswana. Multi-Award Winner; with the most recent title; BOMU Best Traditional Gospel under his belt, also best known for his soulful voice and heartfelt lyrics, Obakeng Sengwaketse enthusiastically said, “I want to thank the organizers of the Arise and Worship concert, it means a lot to me after recently winning two awards that are currently the highlight of my career.

I regard this as a great revival because the Covid-19 pandemic has muffled events such as this. I am looking forward to sharing the stage with the great Bishop Benjamin Dube, Lebo Sekgobela and more artists from Nigeria and Ghana. Sengwaketsi urged Batswana to come and witness the greatness of the Lord as their lives will never be the same.”

Tickets are selling like fat cakes with VVIP tickets having only five tickets remaining; the VVIP tickets include rounder access backstage to all the performing artists. The event will also comprise a seated Gold Circle Ticket, which accounts for 50% of revellers to allow for easier enforcement of COVID-19 protocols and avoid a potential stampede.

In a bid to entice merrymakers to buy tickets, the promoters have come up with a layby strategy and buying tickets on an instalment basis for the attendees to be able to buy their tickets since the COVID-19 Pandemic has left many Batswana in financial ruin but having the interest to attend the event.

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WeekendLife

Fame vs Mental health

9th November 2021
Lizibo

One can only imagine what is like being in the public eye. It is not a walk in the park; and not as easy as people might think it is because of the pressure from the public. Celebrities or influencers are perceived to be perfect, perfect bodies, perfect families, perfect parents, financially stable, healthy, and always smiling and patient with everyone – Is this for real?

However, when people’s expectations of celebrities are not met, the same celebrities are often victimized, body shamed, or blamed, fairly or unfairly. As a result of them not having a personal life, they are often scrutinized in all aspects of their lives; their lives are aired for the public to see and judge. Celebrities are often extra careful about everything that they do, they have to go an extra mile as compared to how ordinary people live their lives.

To understanding this experiences by public figures, this reporter made a case study of Mr Lizibo Gran Mabutho, the firstborn in his family with only one sibling, his younger brother. Lizibo describes himself as a simple Kalanga guy who was chosen by music and did not choose music.

He said being raised by his mother and grandmother, he grew up surrounded by music from birth. Lizibo said his grandmother was a religious person who held church services at their house in Zwenshambe, “for me singing was from Monday to Sunday. I was not like any ordinary child who only sang at church on Sundays or sometimes in school assembly, for me it was a daily thing. My mother was also a talented dancer in our village that is what I mean when I say I did not choose music, but music chose me.”

Lizibo said though he grew up surrounded by music, it was hard for his parents to accept the path he has chosen to be a musician. Lizibo said he had to prove to his parents that music was his passion and that it could pay the bills like any other profession. He said eventually they saw his passion for music and supported him.

Lizibo said being exposed to music from a tender age made him venture into the music career from a tender age. He said he was part of the Kgalemang Tumediso Motsete (KTM) choir, Lizibo said being in the public eye for the longest time has taught him that he is living for the people and that he does not have a life. He said the very society that is watching him has so much expectation for him and that means he has to conduct himself in a good manner because people are looking up to him.

Lizibo said he understands the saying that great power comes with great responsibility, “when people see me, they see a role model. I realize and understand that people are and have been modelling me even when I was not aware of it, I know of six mothers who have named their sons after me because they felt that I inspire them somehow.”

He said he has accepted his fate that he will never have a normal life because people are looking unto him. He said he is grateful to be in the public on a positive note by bringing hope to the people because he has always wanted to be part of people’s solutions and not their problems.

He said, “people should understand that our careers are our calling. One needs to be spiritually connected to their calling as an artist. The most rewarding part about being in the public for me is not about payment but about being the solution to someone’s problem.”

Lizibo said the greatest challenge that he has ever faced about being in the public eye has been the issue of trust, not able to know which friends are genuine and which ones are not. He said as a way of avoiding fake friends he has always kept his four close friends who have been there for him through thick and thin. Lizibo said being close to his family has also helped him as they have been his strength when things were not going well for him, “most of the time people say we change when we taste fame. That is not necessarily true because people are the ones who changed when we became famous. People always want something from us, nothing is ever genuine with people and that is why I chose to keep my circle very small.”

Lizibo said as much as he travels a lot because of the nature of his work because it is naturally demanding, he said he always ensures that he creates time for his family. He said that at home he is Lizibo who is sent to do errands, he is Lizibo the son, not a celebrity.

He said there is a lot of pressure that comes with being in the spotlight, “the public puts so much pressure on us mostly about the material lifestyle they portray us to have. We are often compared with South African celebrities, but people fail to understand that we are two different countries. Most people fell into the trap and are living above their means resulting in them living in debt. I often tell youngsters not to fall into that trap of being tempted to live life above their means.”

The advice Lizibo gave to upcoming celebrities was that they should know that being in the public is not about them, but it is about the people. He said, “one of my mentors once asked me if I make music about myself or the people. He said I need to make music for the people because it is my responsibility to feed them with what they need, he said they might not even be able to know that they have a need but that I need to identify that need and meet it. Our responsibility is to serve people what they need, our music is to feed people’s hunger. My music is about love, I feed people love.”

Lizibo said it is important for celebrities to seek counselling and take care of their mental health, he said he has been investing in his mental health for years because he understands the importance of mental health especially when one is in the public.

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