Deadly toxic relationships
Relationships form a huge part of our lives, so much so that sometimes people find themselves soaked up in a love that even when the relationship is toxic, they somehow remain even more convinced that it is the love they deserve.
Often people say love is beautiful, but what is more beautiful is an equally yoked love and not an unrequited, one sided love affair. There comes a time when the honey-moon phase ends and the relationship has lost its sparks with one party in the relationship unwilling to commit any longer, it is important to acknowledge it is no longer working out and let go and close the chapter. When love is forced, emotional abuse often takes over.
Author of Sex keeps a Men and the brains behind Sister Retreats, Bogadi Serumola, has initiated a monthly event that is aimed at giving a platform to women to discuss topics which build them. Here are some of the things that she says make people to stay in toxic relationship.
Emotional abuse destroys self-esteem
Serumola shared with WeekendLife that when self-esteem is destroyed, it makes it difficult to regain it. “Oftentimes, people in emotionally abusive relationships may not understand that they are being abused because there is no violence involved.
Also, many will dismiss or downplay emotional abuse because they do not think it is as bad as physical abuse. It is hard for those in abusive relationships to leave their partners after they have been continuously made to feel worthless and that there are no better options for themselves. For those in physically abusive relationships, they tend to feel that with their scars and bruises, nobody will ever accept them or love them as they are,” she said.
The Cycle of Abuse
After every abusive incident comes a make-up honeymoon phase. The flowers and chocolates always comes after every pinching incident.
“Often when an abusive situation happens, it is followed by the abuser doing something nice or apologising and promising that they will never do it again. This makes their partner minimise the original abusive behaviour. Anxiety is also involved, the abused becomes very scared of the new ‘normal’ of doing things correctly even when they wish to,” she explained.
It’s dangerous to leave
“Many times, leaving an abusive relationship is not only emotionally difficult, but can also be life-threatening. In fact, the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship is post break-up. Women are 70 times more likely to be killed in the weeks after leaving their abusive partner than at any other time during the relationship,” she hinted.
It is not just hard to breakup safely, it’s also hard to escape the cycle of control
Oftentimes after breaking free from an abusive relationship, fear creeps in as it is not easy to break free from the hands of an abuser.
“People in abusive relationships often attempt to break-up with their partner several times before the break-up sticks. On average, a person in an abusive relationship will attempt to leave several times before finally leaving for good.
But questions like ‘how? Where do I go from here? Won’t he/she find out?’ are what makes the escape somehow impossible to them.”
Society perpetuates a ride-or-die mind-set
Those in unhealthy or abusive relationships might stay with their partner or get back together after a break up because they feel pressure to not give up, forgive and forget or “ride it out.”
Pop culture glamorises being a “ride-or-die” for your friends and partner, making people out to be in the wrong for leaving their partner. And while being loyal is a great thing, a good friend or partner would never endanger or hurt you.
The abused feel personally responsible for their partner or their behaviour
“After a conflict, an abuser will turn the situation around and make their partner feel guilty or as though they are somehow at fault. This type of behaviour is known as gas lighting. This then makes the abuser feel as though they are being disciplined,” she said.
They believe that if they stick it out, things might change
The notion that love is blind, truly exists in relationships, most people stick around even when they are abused because they believe one day their partners might change.
“A lot of people in abusive relationships stay in them because they love their partner and think that things will change. They might also believe their partner’s behaviour is due to tough times or feel as though they can change their partner if they are a better partner themselves. Never stay in a relationship in which you count on someone to change their behaviour for the better,” he advised.
There is social pressure to be in a perfect relationship
It could be as surprising, but most women give into abuse because they do not want to be deemed as failures while people surrounding them seem to be having things going and moving in their relationships.
“There is an incredible amount of pressure to be in a perfect relationship, and some cultures and social media only accentuate this pressure. Sometimes because the man has almost everything (material things) or maybe provides.
So a woman would want to look perfect to her family and friends and would prefer to not go back to being “needy” for lack of a better word, again. For men, it is straight forward their ego! They do not want to feel as though they are weak or that they couldn’t control a relationship,” she said.
Fear of how others will react
“People in abusive relationships often feel embarrassed to admit that their partner is abusive for fear of being judged, blamed, marginalized, pitied or looked down on. For example, in some instances, some family members or friends tend to overreact when they are told, they quickly want to report to the police to rescue their friend, not knowing that it is very risky as the abuser may do something even worse! So it’s very important that if someone confides in you, stay calm and make a plan. An intelligent plan,” she said
They share a life together
It is often hard to break bonds that that were built over time that now a lot of things are at stake. “Marriage, children, and shared finances are often huge reasons that people in abusive relationships stay in them. This dependency is heightened in relationships where one partner is differently abled.
But there are also similar factors that affect young people’s decisions to stay in relationships, including shared friend groups and living situations,” she said.
“Above all, the most important thing, blaming someone in an abusive relationship is never okay or forcing them out. There is a big difference between judgment and responsibility. While someone might have used bad judgment by staying in an unhealthy or dangerous situation, it does not mean that they are responsible.”
To conclude she said people should stop normalising the easiness of leaving abusive relationships and support anyone who might want to leave.
WeekendLife
Radio titans gloss RB2
In a thrilling turn of events, former YFM on-air presenter Petula Khulman, now known as Petula El’Kindiy, is set to co-host the morning show with the station’s current star, Thabo Bolokwe, fondly referred to as T.H.A.B.O. Petula’s radio journey began at Yarona FM and spanned over a year and a half, during which she honed her skills and developed a loyal fan base.
Petula, a Media Studies graduate from Rhodes University, holds a wealth of experience in the industry. Her career took her across borders, from Yarona FM to Gabz FM, and even to a community radio station, Bay FM. She later returned to YFM, where she hosted a show called The Plaground.
Her latest venture, “The Morning Essentials,” kicked off on July 1, 2020. The show, which airs from 3am to 5am on weekdays and 6am to 10am on Saturdays, quickly gained popularity among listeners. Petula attributes her success to her passion for media, music, and dance, as well as her appreciation for her colleagues at YFM.
However, her journey wasn’t without its challenges. In 2023, her work permit was denied by South African authorities, leading to a temporary pause in her radio career. Despite the setback, Petula remains undeterred and is ready to bring her bubbly personality and captivating voice back to the airwaves of RB2.
Adding to the excitement, Khumo ‘Missgeekays’ Kgwaadira is also making a comeback. The popular media personality and businesswoman, who was last heard on RB2 in October 2022, will be back on air from Monday. Missgeekays, who owns a restaurant called Kana Kgang, has been keeping herself busy with various ventures, including a stint as a freelance presenter.
Her return to RB2 is eagerly anticipated, and her fans are thrilled to hear that she will be back in her familiar mid-morning slot. The exact details of her show are still under wraps, but one thing is for sure – with the new lineup, RB2 is poised to make a big splash in the radio landscape.
“With the new lineup, RB2 will be the biggest thing ever. We expect fireworks and amusement from the morning through mid-morning and the afternoons. All the faces that are returning to the airwaves will contribute to the radio station’s growth and a snowballing of listenership,” a source close to the station revealed.
So, get ready for a thrilling ride as RB2 unveils its new look and lineup this coming Monday. With Petula El’Kindiy and Khumo ‘Missgeekays’ Kgwaadira leading the charge, there’s no doubt that RB2 is back, and it’s bigger and better than ever!
WeekendLife
Strawberry Ritual: An unconventional key to virtual interview success
In the modern era of swift communication, where digital platforms have become the cornerstone of professional interactions, mastering the nuances of a Zoom interview is a vital skill for job applicants. The pivot towards remote work has rendered platforms like Zoom indispensable for establishing connections with prospective employers. So, imagine if we told you that a humble fruit could be the secret ingredient to enhancing your self-assurance and excelling in that virtual interview? Indeed, the fruit in question is the strawberry!
“A whopping 59.1% of the workforce prefers remote work over a conventional office setting,” asserts Forbes, a staggering fact that underscores the global trend of working from home. In the UK, Zoom witnessed a dramatic surge in its daily active users (DAU), peaking at approximately 1.7 million around the end of November 2020. This significant upswing in DAU coincided with the onset of the coronavirus outbreak in the UK, as more individuals began participating in virtual meetings for both work and social engagements with their families and friends.
But how does a strawberry fit into this narrative? What might seem like a punchline to a whimsical joke could revolutionize your approach to virtual job interviews. CEO Chantry Somtun of JustBanter shares this ingenious trick that could make a world of difference.
According to CEO Chantry Somtun of JustBanter, consuming a strawberry before your Zoom call could have a profound impact on your performance. The National Institute of Health has discovered that strawberries contain folate, a compound that aids in calming nerves and reducing anxiety by stimulating the production of serotonin, a hormone crucial for maintaining a positive mood and mental well-being. Moreover, strawberries are teeming with anthocyanins, antioxidants that enhance brain and emotional health, making them an excellent choice for those seeking to alleviate stress and anxiety before significant virtual meetings.
So, how can you incorporate this simple yet potent trick into your pre-Zoom routine? It’s as straightforward as savoring a few fresh strawberries 10-20 minutes before your call. If fresh strawberries are unavailable, frozen ones or even a refreshing strawberry smoothie can serve as excellent alternatives. For the best results, consume the strawberries on an empty stomach to ensure faster absorption of folate and maximize their mood-enhancing benefits.
Beyond just soothing your nerves before a critical interview, strawberries offer a myriad of health benefits, such as being rich in antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals that contribute to overall well-being. By integrating strawberries into your pre-Zoom ritual, you can not only boost your confidence but also support your body’s health in the process.
In a competitive job market where first impressions matter, adopting this unconventional yet effective strategy could be the game-changer you need to distinguish yourself and leave a lasting impression on potential employers. Therefore, the next time you have a Zoom interview scheduled, reach for some strawberries and experience the positive difference they can make in enhancing your confidence and performance.
In a world where virtual connections have become the new norm, utilizing simple yet powerful techniques like the strawberry trick can set you apart and help you navigate the challenges of virtual job interviews with ease. By capitalizing on the natural benefits of this humble fruit, you can elevate your Zoom confidence to unprecedented heights and pave the way for success in your job search. So, why not seize the day? Grab some strawberries, take a bite, and witness your Zoom interview game soar to new heights!
WeekendLife
Mrs Botswana’s ‘MO’ to gender parity
Mrs. Portiah S Mokgathong, an illustrious beacon brightening the corners of Botswana, wields her vision for gender equity and empowerment like a torch, illuminating paths for her community. Standing at the helm of the Anaya-Tlhwatlhwa Foundation, and donning multiple hats as an international personal wellness coach, a savvy business magnate, and the esteemed Mrs. Botswana 2023/24, her mission is to cast rays of change into the lives she touches.
Her strategy for bridging the gender divide is both comprehensive and visionary. Mokgathong, understanding the vitality of lifting women and girls, equally champions the cause of young boys and men. She advocates for a culture of mutual admiration and understanding across gender lines, fostering a society unbound by the shackles of conventional gender roles—a society where balance and harmony reign supreme.
In her magnum opus, a collaborative venture with entities like NAPHA, Men and Boys for Gender Justice, the Botswana Police Service, and Girls for Girls Botswana, lies a quest for familial empowerment. Her goal is to fortify the foundation of families, supporting parents and guardians, sons and daughters alike, equipping them with the capabilities to forge strong intrapersonal and professional bonds.
“My project is family oriented, we want to focus on the family as a whole, we want to help both parents or guardians, men and women and the children of households both boy and girl. I am passionate in doing so because lately women and the girl child have been given a pedestal, they have been given a lot of help and a lot of recognition while men are considered as perpetrators and young boys are neglected, therefore we want to groom both the girl and boy child so that they grow up to be able to interact with each other and when they get to relationships, be it personal or work wise,†she said.
Mokgathong’s reach extends further than mere intervention; she invests in the empowerment of individuals through education, skill development, and the allocation of resources crucial for autonomy and enduring triumphs. By nurturing innate capabilities, igniting the flames of innovation, and promoting entrepreneurship, she sets the stage for marginalized communities to emerge from the shadows of dependency, crafting their own realms of prosperity.
“As we educate a girl child to be strong and independent, we also enable a young man or boy to be able to accept that strong independent woman, ensuring that the equation is balanced. I also want to help stop gender-based violence while protecting our children. When I began my initiative, it was based on GBV and child protection, but it developed into campaigning for the less fortunate and vulnerable,†she stresses.
Her journey, fraught with hurdles, including early disappointments in her pursuit of the Mrs. Botswana title, stands testament to her resilience and indomitable spirit. Gratitude fills her heart for mentors, sponsors, kin, and comrades whose support has sculpted her into the powerhouse she is today.
She says: “People want to be involved with you when you are a top finalist or the reigning queen. When I first started, I was only a person, and it was difficult and time-consuming to generate cash, solicit donations, and obtain obligation, particularly in rural areas. But right now, as the reigning queen it is a bit easier to reach out to collaborators and sponsors and I pray to God that as I am continuing with my project after crowning the new queen it will continue to be so and growth and more people will be willing to invest and help out.â€
Juggling her myriad roles demands the prowess of a maestro, yet Mokgathong thrives by weaving her family into her philanthropic endeavors and mastering the art of time management. She empowers young aspirants to self-reflect, establish objectives, harness mentorship and sponsorship, and gear up for the trials that lie ahead.
As Mrs. Botswana, her ambition soars beyond personal accolades; it’s tethered to the upliftment of her nation through the empowerment of women, the nurturing of men’s talents, and the preparation of the youth for a flourishing future. She envisages expanding the Anaya-Tlhwatlhwa Foundation’s influence, delving deeper into rural engagements to sow seeds of empowerment and hope for generations yet to come.
“For charity work to be more effective, I believe we need to empower other than just giving. We need to empower the less privileged and the vulnerable, with the right skills and knowledge so that they can sustain themselves in the long run. We need to help those who are talented and innovative. I am proud to say my work is doing wonders, the kids that we are mentoring are able to find direction in life, they now know what they want to be as they grow up and they are able to identify subjects they want to study and career they want to pursue. Families that we have been in contact with, families that are from different background are able to identify their skills and they are able to grow and turn them into businesses.â€
In essence, Mrs. Portiah S Mokgathong stands as a pillar of strength and a source of inspiration in Botswana. Her unwavering commitment to fostering gender equality, community upliftment, and personal development lights the way for others. Through her relentless endeavors and steadfast dedication, she renders a profound impact on her community and beyond, etching a durable mark of empowerment and optimism.