Lockdown has proved to be one of the best ways to control the spread of covid-19, even so, lockdown has given birth to a ridiculous higher number of gender based violence cases globally, with South Africa recording a staggering 87 000 during the lockdown period.
Many women have found hope and protection from shelters than in their own homes. While this raises a concern, it goes without saying that critical times such as this could build homes but it must be pointed out that they could also shutter homes as some are susceptible to violence.
While healthy homes breed good children, it is very imperative that parents also give their children a proper home for a proper upbringing.
Times as these, could mean couples are going to fight a lot. Sometimes it is hard to stand your partner, imagine now in an instance where circumstances force you to be with her or him all day long and all night long, it could only be a roller-coaster of emotions, which could be draining at times. So here is our two cents guide on how to make this time exciting with your partner.
WeekendLife interviewed one of the marital advisors, who also scripts a weekly television show on marriage that airs on Botswana Television every evening – Mrs Thaba. She advised couples to locate fun during lockdown and enjoy themselves as a family.
“Now that couples are together probably three things will happen – They will actually be forced to communicate as they used to in their dating days when they spent more time together and actually revive the love; they are going to start getting on each other’s nerves and fight even more, or they will use social media and television as a way of entertaining them so that although they are living together they aren’t actually enjoying each other’s company because they live parallel lives under the same roof,” she said.
“I advise that couples use this rare gift where they basically are on a mandated “staycation” where they don’t have to go to work to really rekindle the love. They can do dance parties with their kids, make meals together, do chores together, sleep late in bed and snuggle and talk, do online exercising together, play games together, or read the Bible together (my book Dive In is a great resource to teach that!. Another fun thing to do is to come up with random questions to ask each other just to get to know each other again. Make it a game to play to really talk and laugh and communicate about something other than Corona virus.”
Everyone in relationship deserves to be given space and time to be alone, it helps to calm nerves and give an allowance to think and be with yourself. Therefore, she advises that partners could find something to do whilst in their own space.
“If they are really getting on each other’s nerves, then the best thing is to find a way to put some space between each other. My advice would be to go spend some time reading the Bible and asking God to show you what you did wrong or what you could do to improve.
If you can humble yourself and go back and apologize and serve the other person selflessly, you might find lock down provides a time to actually work through some issues that you could normally just avoid indefinitely. But it is normal to need alone time. In that case, read a book, study the Bible, chat on WhatsApp, Facebook, watch a movie, take a nap or do something to get some alone time in a way that energizes you so you can hang out again with people in a refreshed way,” Thaba said.
Conflicts will always bore their way into relationships and marriages hence she advised that couples should know the importance of conflict resolution and not talking off issues but instead dealing with these issues because we know they will be closer in the end if they work through stuff instead of letting it build up.
“It is also important to only choose one issue at a time to work through. Otherwise, emotions will get too out of control and nothing will get solved. Also, another key point in solving conflict is to focus on LISTENING to the other person not just trying to get your point across. Really strive to understand where they are coming from.
Even if you don’t agree, it will soften your anger to at least understand why they are doing what they are doing or saying what they are saying. Sometimes you can’t change the past. In that case, you might have to forgive, let go and come up with some very clear solutions of what to do in the future to avoid hurting the other person,” she stated.
The Thabas have been married for 16 years and she said that their biggest secret is learning to both seek God first. “When we humble ourselves before God and follow His ways and not ours, we are both more loving and understanding. We also make it a goal to have fun together. Let me give you an example.
Percy has been working nonstop to get our website up and running because so many people are wanting to watch our TV show online. So he spent most of the day yesterday on the computer apart from meals which I make sure we put all work aside and eat together and talk as a family. Anyway, so last night after the kids went to bed,” she said.
“I went to sit next to Percy so at least we were sitting next to each other while he worked. He had an online radio station playing softly in background and a nice love song came on so I said “let’s dance”. He was like “no, not now.. I am busy.”
I just turned up the music and pulled him up out of his chair even as he protested he didn’t have time for this! Sometimes I just have to make him step away from his work because otherwise the guy will work himself to death! By the time the song finished, he was smiling and laughing and I released him to get back to work, but then at least we could keep giving each other little loving looks after our spontaneous dance.
I am giving that as an example to say you have to be creative and you have to make it happen. Otherwise, even on lock down, we find ways to get busy and co-exist without laughter and love.”
Fastjet Zimbabwe, the award-winning value-based airline, this week announced that effective Thursday, 30 June 2022, the airline will introduce a new service between Victoria Falls in Zimbabwe and Maun in Botswana.
The new route is scheduled to operate four (4) times a week on a Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday. Fastjet will operate the route using a 50-seater Embraer ERJ145 aircraft. This aircraft choice is known to provide the versatility to build a sustainable regional network with the right-size capacity while offering customers comfortable seating with generous legroom.
Fastjet Zimbabwe spokesperson, Nunurai Ndawana, said, “The airline is thrilled to introduce direct flights from Victoria Falls to Maun. Using our Embraer ERJ145 aircraft, we believe this route will facilitate more travel between these two tourism capitals of Zimbabwe and Botswana. This route has for many years been only available by private charter.
So, with the introduction of this direct connection, we believe it will be able to spur tourism development and growth in the region”. Fastjet Group Chief Operating Officer, Donahue Cortes commented, “The Victoria Falls – Maun flight is the second new route being added onto the fastjet regional network, with flights between Victoria Falls and Nelspruit Kruger Mpumalanga planned to launch ahead of the Easter travel period.
Despite the hard-wearing effects of the COVID-19 pandemic, the Group remains dedicated to the recovery and growth of tourism in Zimbabwe, South Africa and Botswana, and to bringing further connectivity to the region”. The new route will operate 4 times a week on Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday connecting two of Southern Africa’s most iconic tourist destinations.
Botswana has been approached to host the 73rd Miss World, expected in 2024. During the appreciation event for Miss Botswana, Palesa Molefe, by Southern Epic Cycling Challenge in collaboration with The High Commission of India, Miss Botswana Management Company Chief Executive Officer (CEO), Benjamin Raletsatsi, confirmed that they have been approached by Miss World to host 73rd Miss World.
Speaking at the same arena, Raletsatsi highlighted that it has been his dream to host Miss World in Botswana. “Miss Botswana is one of the difficult projects to run. There are days I just wake up and ask myself why I am doing what I am doing because everything about me from integrity is often times torn apart.
Then Palesa came along and validated and confirmed that what I am doing is right because it is setting an opportunity for young girls in this country to have an opportunity to express themselves. Four years ago, when I took over Miss Botswana I had a vision, in my vision I wanted the first year to just be us participating in Miss World, second year was for us to participate and ask Miss World to allow us to host Miss World in Botswana, and the third year was for us to elevate ourselves as a country; whilst in year four we wanted to win Miss World.
We could have won Miss World in our third year of office with Palesa, but unfortunately COVID-19 happened. The idea is that this coming year as Palesa will be handing over her Miss Botswana tittle, she will be there to guide the next Miss Botswana on how to prepare for Miss World.”
Raletsatsi pointed out that the reality that Palesa did not win Miss World does not mean she did not do well. “She did exceptionally well”. He said at the end of Miss World there were ten pictures of Miss World participants who had a huge impact auctioned, and out of ten pictures two of those pictures were of Palesa.
The Miss Botswana management CEO highlighted that after the Miss World competition, Miss World responded to their request to host the 73rd Miss World. “They responded and said we can host 73rd Miss World if we are still interested in hosting it.
The current Miss World will be the 71st this year and then followed by the 72nd which is next year and the 73rd which will be in 2024 which has been offered to Botswana. The bigger challenge for me now is how I will be able to convince Batswana to bring Miss World to Botswana.
The honest truth is that Palesa has done her part as a change agent, it is up to us to do our part as Batswana to ensure that Miss World comes to Botswana and is a success. I was joking with one of my friends the other day to say, what Palesa has achieved in one year can take some companies, three to four years to achieve.”
You choose a path to be better or bitter, why do you have to expose a person, what do you gain from that? We react rather than become proactive. Mothers need help! Some said as social media turned into a battlefield this past Father’s Day.
Baby mamas came all guns blazing, ventilating their frustrations against absent baby daddies through social media posts. “As for me I feel women will be applying a hurting heart or she is bitter to expose baby daddy.
There are channels one can follow to solve this issues rather than rushing to Facebook and exposing them, it’s reacting rather than solving the reality of the problem, it won’t help you, after all what will Facebook do to you? Would it give you the food, would it make the father to support the child, but there are channels one can follow like one can consult with the laws then this man will know the right thing to do”, said Obonye Obza Thapelo who is baby daddy of two daughters.
Thapelo further argued that if you seek for definition you will lose a father, “we have our fathers, it’s not about the responsibility, if we are talking about a father on happy father’s day don’t talk about the definition, talk about father’s day, it never say define or describe whose a father.
When you come back to family, we have family dynamics, family faults and family failures, so if you have family failures, for example, if I have been taking care of the child while we were together and it happens we break up and I stop taking care of the child, are you not going to call me a father just because of my failures?”
“If we are going to look for the faults we won’t be building fathers that we want. “It says happy father’s day, it ends there, and it’s not about the responsibilities. A responsible father depends on one, I can be a fathers because I am your mentor, I can be a father that am not supporting financially but I can just call and check on my child, I can be father that have money but still fails to support but am there physically but not economically, am there emotionally but still am a father.”
“Speaking from experience, my baby daddy have never been there in my kids life so in my own opinion I think happy father’s day means to acknowledge fathers who are present in their children lives, man who are there for their children, I don’t mean for the mothers, am saying their children.”, Norah Moloi mother of three cried.
“Women are reactive to this issues because it hurts to be left alone with children. Seeing other women praising their baby daddies and as for us not even knowing what to say to our children, they don’t even know if this day do exist hurts. I grew up without a father too, I didn’t even had a privilege to wish him that, even happy birthday to him too. I think this now seem like a trend, it’s like a culture now because it’s like everyone is abandoning their children,” Moloi explained.
“There is co-parenting, I mean if you have problem with me exclude the child from our problems. For us to have a healthy children who are mentally fit we ought to be in the same page. Let us hide our problems from our children. When two elephants fight, it is the grass that suffers, that is why you saw on social media even kids venting out about their absent fathers.
“As for fathers who are not in their children’s life why should we wish them father’s day? It is like throwing a seed on rocks and expect it to germinate without proper soil, proper sunlight or even without water and expect to reap at the end of the day.
Do you expect such a planter to be praised that they have sowed anything? You are a planter yes but where is your seedlings, you just threw a seed and abandon it, as for me is a big NO! There is a mistake that men turn to make, they think children cannot see all the struggles mother goes through trying to made ends meets for them and later blame it on baby mamas for using children when tables turns.
“Ask yourself, are we to wish man who denied pregnancy father’s day? What of those who long abandoned their children? What is there to be wished? What is supposed to be happy about the day? We are not bitter, we are asking them to put themselves in our shoes,” Moloi expressed herself.
Adding on Calvin G Zacharia father of one daughter says that was a cry for help to single mothers, he said men who are not there for their children don’t deserve to be wished father’s day since they are not playing their role.
Zacharia urged mothers to involve the authority, “there is no use to pass remarks on social media without taking action. If the parents had messy break up they should find a common ground for the sake of their child/children”. It depresses the kids not having another party not playing the role on their lives.
“I think ladies are bitter, just because some man don’t give us money we start labelling them as deadbeat”, Boitshepho Gasefiwe mother of one. Men have their reasons for not being there for their children. There is always two sides of stories. Some kids I saw on Facebook I feel meddle in elder people’s issues without knowing the facts.
When giving his views, Thando Morgan, father of one daughter highlighted that he feels it depends on someone’s emotional intelligence, some act according to how their baby daddy treated them. “Baby mamas know their baby daddies better to find fit worthy a father title, some are venting out because they suffer alone in raising the kids alone.