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Ballsy Inanna Bounces Back!

Benson C Saili
THIS EARTH, MY BROTHER

Jehovah’s granddaughter sullies Ninurta’s century of peace

Following the atomic blasts that levelled and buried Harappa and Mohenjo Daro in the Indus Valley circa 2140 BC, all the Intraterrestrials with whom Inanna-Ishtar had allied simply vanished. Inanna was all alone and in that state, she was a sitting duck for arrest by Enlil’s disgraced sheriffs. Her only sensible option was to surrender herself for trial and sentencing, but that was the last thing on her mind.  

In desperation, she got in touch with Nergal, her brother-in-law, her beau, and her sympathiser-in-chief and pleaded with him for shelter. Obliging her, Nergal arranged for her to be spirited to the Abzu, southern Africa, where he reigned. Since secrets do not hold forever, Ereshkigal, Nergal’s wife who was also Inanna’s elder sister, got wind of Inanna’s presence in her husband’s domain. Ereshkigal, who had a visceral hatred for her own sister, tipped Enlil straightaway.  When he got the news, Enlil immediately ordered Nergal to expel Inanna from his domain, failure to which there would be serious repercussions for him. Thus alarmed, Nergal did likewise: once again, Inanna was on her own.

It was her own father, Nannar-Sin, who came to her rescue. He fetched her from where Nergal had dumped her and took her with him to Ur, his cult city. Inanna was told by her father that she would indefinitely lose her rank among the Anunnaki Pantheon of the Twelve. She would also no longer have a city-state at her command; instead,   he and his wife Ningal were to assume full-time guardianship of her, meaning she would live in her parents’ house like a minor. That was the only way she could avoid trial and a very harsh sentence for that matter.

Inanna meekly accepted the terms but only with tongue in cheek. Like the fiercely ambitious woman she was, that was not the last she would be heard from. Her strategy was simply to lie low for a while and then rebound at the slightest inkling of opportunity. But in so far as power broking was concerned, she was finished. She was no longer the heavyweight she once was.

Meanwhile, Ninurta was forging a legend in Sumer. Enlil had appointed him as the overall god of Sumer and Akkad indefinitely in 2220 BC. So far, he had done a swell job. He had defeated and forced Inanna into exile in the Indus Valley. Peace and tranquillity had now been restored to the First Region. He had fixed the water reticulation system Nergal had sabotaged and restored to good nick irrigation and agriculture. A diligent and hard-working god, he had been flying from place to place, in his plane, known as the Divine Black Bird, to personally inspect progress about the whole rehabilitation process.

As before, Ninurta’s cult centre was Lagash, which this time around he had set to convert into a great centre of Sumerian culture.  Unlike other gods such as Enlil, Ishkur-Adad, and Nannar-Sin who revelled in a cult of personality, Ninurta was only nominally religious-inclined: his main focus was agriculture. As such, in Lagash, people celebrated agricultural feasts, such as the Festival of First Fruits, and not religious feasts. This, plus the fact that he was an exemplary god moral-wise who was so devoted to his wife Bau, made him very popular with his subjects. Only Enlil and he never ever strayed in their marriages.      

Since he was so demonstrably moral, Ninurta’s people called upon him to proclaim moral laws and codes of justice that would be binding upon all and sundry. At the time he was so besought, there was no king in any Sumerian city-state.  In order to assist him enact and enforce these laws, he appointed what he called “Righteous Governors”.  Then among these governors, he chose one as his viceroy. His name was Gudea.

Gudea was a child of Ninurta and Nina, a daughter of Enlil and his wife Ninli. This made Ninurta and Nina half-siblings given that they had the same father but different mothers, Ninurta’s being Ninmah. But Gudea was not conceived in the normal way: he was conceived by way of artificial insemination and with the instrumentality of Bau herself.

Gudea is remembered for the peace and prosperity that accompanied his rein. In his time, there were no local wars, not even one: it was all about trade and reconstruction. “Lagash burst into new bloom and produced some of Sumer's most enlightened and best-known rulers,” say the Sumerian records. “The known viceroys who followed him left a written record of achievements in agriculture, construction, social legislation, and ethical reforms – material and moral achievements that would make any government proud.”

NINURTA’S FEINT FOR SUPREMACY ON EARTH

Mathematically, the astrological Age of Aries was supposed to dawn in 2220 BC. It was around this that time Marduk, Enki’s firstborn son, began to lay claim to ascendancy to Enlilship. But the Sun still arose in the constellation of Taurus since Taurus was so large that it occupied more than its fair share of the celestial arc. Hence Marduk was prevailed upon to bide his time till Taurus had completely vanished and Aries now constituted the night time’s starry backdrop.  

In 2160 BC, Aries seemed to loom large in the night time sky and Marduk returned from the Antarctica, where he had exiled himself and began to make his case for his replacement of Enlil as Earth’s new Chief Executive.  He demanded an audience with the Pantheon of the Twelve so he could present his case to them with substantial evidence now that the Age of the Ram was upon “us”. Enlil, however, refused to call the meeting until further notice. Power is so sweet.

Thus snubbed but now determined even more than ever, Marduk embarked on a campaign to drum up support from the Earthlings that his time had arrived. He detailed his highly eloquent heir, Nabu, to base himself in Canaan and campaign from there whilst he himself campaigned in other places.

Meanwhile, Ninurta, who was the strongest Enlilite of the day, was not convinced that the Age of the Ram was definitively on the horizon. In order to so counter Marduk, he decided to construct a new sacred precinct known as the Eninnu. This actually was the second Eninnu, to be built about 1500 feet (about 460 metres) from where the old one lay. The symbolism of this gesture, theoretically at least, was that Ninurta was challenging Marduk for the supremacy of Earth. Eninnu meant “House of Fifty” and 50 was the rank for Earth’s Chief Executive.

The statement Ninurta was trying to make was that it was he who would succeed Enlil as Lord of planet Earth.  However, this simply was psychological warfare on the part of Ninurta as he had made it clear a long time ago that he was no longer interested in the jockeying for the highest office on the planet. His construction of the new Eninnu was purely in the interests of his clan, the Enlilites, and not for his own sake personally.  The task to erect the new structure was given to Gudea.  

Some of the building materials that would go  into the structure included gold from Africa and Anatolia, silver from the Taurus Mountains, cedars from Lebanon, other rare woods from Ararat, copper from the Zagros range, diorite from Egypt, carnelian from Ethiopia, tin from  the Titicaca region in South America, and special timbers from Tilmun  for the temple-house’s furnishings.  The edifice was intended to be a magnificent structure. In order to ensure that all went well, Ninurta roped in one other god. This was Ningishzidda, Enki’s genius son.   

CELESTIAL OBSERVATORY TO REBUT MARDUK AMBITION

Zidda was presently based in South America, where he had relocated with a retinue of dark-skinned Anunnaki known as the Olmecs circa 3113 BC. Thus he was a “a god called forth from obscurity in Gudea's time". Zidda, known as the “Bright Serpent” (by virtue of an ancestry that evolved from a snake species on his father’s side), was the Anunnaki’s brainiest dude after his father Enki. He was the Jack of all Trades and Master of them all. Ninurta called upon him in his capacity as the    “Divine Architect” and “Keeper of the Secrets of the Giza Pyramid”, which he designed.  

Ninurta told Zidda that, “The Bull (Taurus) proclaims Commander Enlil and me, his Champion and Successor. While the Sun rises in The Bull, Enlil, through me, rules Earth.” In line with this assertion, Ninurta intended the new Eninnu to serve two purposes in the main. First, it was to be Sumer’s equivalent of the Giza Pyramid in terms of architectural grandeur. In Ninurta’s own words, “The new temple will be seen from afar. Its awe-inspiring glance will reach the heavens.

The adoration of my temple shall extend to all the lands, its heavenly name will be proclaimed in countries from the ends of the Earth. In Magan (Egypt) and Meluhha (Sudan inclusive of Ethiopia) will cause people to say: Ningirsu (Ninurta’s other name, meaning “Lord of the Girsu”, his fighter craft), the Great Hero from the Lands of Enlil, is a god who has no equal. He is the Lord of all the Earth.”

Second, it was meant to serve as a domed astronomical observatory with which to meticulously scan the heavens and therefore ascertain at what time exactly the astrological Age of Aries hove in sight. Zidda was therefore the best fit for this undertaking. It was he “who reckons the heavens, the counter of the stars and the measurer of the Earth, the inventor of arts and sciences, the scribe of the gods, the one who made calculations concerning the heavens, the stars and the Earth, the Reckoner of times and of seasons, he whose   knowledge and powers of calculating measured out the heavens and planned the Earth."

Zidda, “the great God who held the plans, the appointed guardian of the secret plans of the pyramids of Giza”, designed the Eninnu and provided Gudea a scale model of the same. This was in 2160 BC.  According to the architectural plan, there was to be a secure zone, an inner special enclosure within the temple grounds, for Ninurta’s personal airborne vehicle, the “Divine Black Bird”. Two more special sunken enclosures were also catered for. These were to harbour two weapons meant to protect the Black Bird – the "Supreme Hunter" and the "Supreme Killer”, both of which emitted beams of light and death-dealing rays.

Besides the in-house astronomical observatory, there was to be erected in the Eninnu’s forecourt two stone circles, one with six and the other with seven stone pillars, for observing the skies. One part of the stone circles would be devoted entirely to the zodiac and the other was geared to observing celestial risings and setting – a virtual Stonehenge on the banks of the Euphrates River!  There was in fact several such Stonehenges dotted all over the world at the time – in Britain, Egypt, South America, China, the Golan Heights in Syria, etc. All these were deliberate countermoves by Ninurta and Zidda to demonstrate to Marduk and mankind at large that the zodiacal age still was the Age of the Bull.

The Eninnu was to be oriented to the “favourable planet in the heavens”, that is, Nibiru. It was such a grand project that to construct it, Gudea hired 216,000 men, not that he needed this number of men but because he wanted it completed in the swiftest possible timespan with a view to impressing his god.  

MARDUK RUBBISHES ENINNU BLINDFOLD

Once the Eninnu was put up and it was fully operationalised, Zidda was tasked to go around the world and demonstrably instruct people that Taurus, the Age of the Bull, was very much in force and that the Age of Aries, though imminent, still had not showed up and that it was not until a hundred years at the very least that Taurus would completely fade and be supplanted by Aries.

“To Ningishzidda the Anunnaki leaders appealed, how to the people the skies to observe to teach,” say the Sumerian records. “In his wisdom stone structures Ningishzidda devised, Ninurta and Ishkur-Adad to erect them helped. In the settled lands, near and far, the people how the skies to observe they taught, that the Sun in the Constellation of the Bull was still rising to the people they showed.”

Meanwhile, word to the effect that Ninurta had completed the duo-purpose Eninnu had reached Marduk in Egypt. Told that the Eninnu observatory arose in order to refute his claim that his supremacy was due, a defiant Marduk answered thus: “Curse Ninurta’s observatory. He must honour Celestial Time, not the Eninnu’s Zodiac Time.  Coming is my constellation, the Ram.  When the Sun rises in the Ram, I, not Enlilites, must rule Sumer.  Each sign gets equal time on the horizon.  The Sun rises on my Ram, not Enlil’s Bull and so I must rule.

Zodiac Time gives Ninurta rule two centuries more than Celestial Time.” Marduk still was adamant that mathematically, his rule was long overdue and he was the de jure Lord of Earth. In fact in Egypt at the time, celestial depictions showed the Sun rising over the Bull of Heaven alright but the Bull of Heaven was depicted tethered and held back. The message was that the Age of Taurus was under arrest for encroaching on the territorial waters of the Age of Aries.

BALLSY INANNA REBOUNDS!

Ninurta was in power for just under 100 years during which absolute peace prevailed throughout Sumer and Akkad. Satisfied that all was well, that he had discharged his mandate as assigned by Enlil with distinction, he asked Enlil to release him. Remember, Ninurta was not interested in being ruler of Earth or Nibiru. He had left that to Nannar-Sin, who was his father’s preferred candidate. Enlil thanked him, awarded him accolades, and released him without fanfare.   The year was circa 2125 BC.

Now, if you thought following the nuking of her Indus Valley domain and her subsequent baby-sitting by her parents Inanna was history, you are totally mistaken. Inanna was a woman but she had bigger balls than most males. Having learnt that Ninurta had departed Sumer, she waited for five years and then made a dramatic return to her erstwhile cult city of Uruk, where she was welcomed in a manner befitting a conquering heroine.  It seemed the people of Uruk adored her not because she was particularly great but out of pure sentimentality.

Watching this development, Enlil did not immediately react, perhaps sensitive as to how his favourite son Nannar-Sin, Inanna’s father, would react when he had tamed her so remarkably for the past 20 years, during which time  she had committed no single act of mischief whatsoever  but remained compliant,  docile, and obscure.  Enlil hoped such exemplary conduct would continue to be her hallmark in the advent of her return to Uruk. Sadly, it wasn’t to be.

Inanna once again wanted to wield power: she wasn’t made for obscurity at all. When Ninurta had left Sumer, he had ensured that each city-state had its own governor. The governor of Uruk was Utu-Hegal.  Inanna quickly turned on her charm and soon Utu-Hegal, who previously worshiped her twin brother Utu-Shamash, was now fawning at her.  Inanna reckoned that if she was to regain her might, she had to take care of the Gutians, who being Ninurta’s minions were a constant menace to the kings of Sumer.

In 2120 BC, Tirigan succeeded to the throne as the Gutians 19th king in their state of Kutha near the Zagros Mountains.   On the very day he was crowned, Inanna let loose Utu-Hegal on him, after having spread the false propaganda that Utu-Hegal was waging war on Tirigan at the service of Enlil.

The two armies clashed at some rendezvous and with Inanna’s strategic genius, Utu-Hergal routed Tirigan who retreated and with tail between legs sought refuge in a city known as Dubrum. But the moment the people of Dubrum heard the false news that Enlil’s army was on its way to overrun Kutha, they arrested Tirigan and his family and when Utu-Hegal arrived handed them to him on a silver platter. After being on the throne for only 40 days, Tirigan was deposed. Inanna was back with a bang and once again was calling the shots in Sumer. Would she last this time around?
    

NEXT  WEEK: ENIGMATIC GALZU RESURFACES WITH DARK PROGNOSIS

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A “Virgin” Conceives

2nd March 2021
IT’S THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS, STUPID

Princess Mary falls pregnant only one month after her betrothal to Prince Joseph

To put the lineage of Mary the mother of Jesus in context, General Atiku, it is in order that we begin with her grandfather Yehoshua  (Jesus in Greek) III.

Mary was offspring of two royal lines, the Davidic line and the Hasmonean line. Yehoshua III was the Herod–appointed High Priest of Israel between 36 and 23 BC.  He had no sons, only three daughters namely Joanna, Elizabeth, and Anna, all of whom he organised dynastic suitors.

Elizabeth would be married off into the House of Aaron, the legitimate priestly line, and Joanna and Anna would be married off into the House of David, the legitimate kingly line. That’s how Elizabeth became the wife of Zechariah of the tribe of Levi and in due course the mother of John the Baptist.

Mainstream Israel up to the level of the Sanhedrin had recognised Anna as the eligible mother of the future King of Israel and not the sitting impostor Herod (it is not clear what happened to first-born Joanna but she probably passed away before she got married). Anna was accordingly married off to Alexander III, a Davidic and Hasmonean prince who was best known as Heli as indeed the genealogy of Luke clearly attests.

Heli and Anna too had no sons. They only had daughters, the firstborn of whom was Dorcas, whose was born in 26 BC and whose titular name was Mary.  Mary was orphaned early in her childhood when her father Heli was killed in 17 BC at the orders of the increasingly paranoid Herod and when her mother Anna died a year or so later.

Since she was a dynastic heiress, it was likely that Herod would come after her. The Essenes thus secreted her somewhere in remote Galilee. It was actually in Galilee that most members of the Davidic royal line were concentrated not only to keep as far away from Herod as possible but to also enjoy the protective custody of the Zealots, who were the secret military wing of the Essenes and a thorn in the side of both Herod and the Romans.  Joseph was also officially based in Galilee although both he and Mary were in truth based at Qumran in the Judean wilds.

JOSEPH CALLED TO “DUTY”

Dynastic marriages are often more politically strategic than spontaneous, General. For example, the union of Prince Charles and Princess Diana was motivated by the need to fuse the Windsor genes with those of the Stuarts as the Windsors, being predominantly Reptilians, were finding it increasingly difficult to maintain their human form.

The Stuarts, the clan of Diana, had by far more human genes than Reptilian and they too were an aristocratic family. That’s why once Charles had produced a  “heir and a spare”, he completely sidelined Diana, who he had never loved, and devoted himself to his real love – Camilla Parker-Bowles.

The marriage of Joseph to Mary, General, was equally strategic. Although both were from the tribe of Judah and of the royal Davidic line, they were from different branches.  Joseph was a descendant of Solomon, whereas Mary was a descendant of Nathan, Solomon’s elder brother. The line of Solomon, as we once underlined, had been tainted by the Jeconiah curse.

The line of Nathan was clean. Since the son of Joseph and Mary would be the future King of Israel, it was important that he not be compromised by the baggage, rightly or wrongly, of the Jeconiah curse. Hence the desirability of the union of Prince Joseph and Princess Mary.

Now, both Joseph and Mary’s clans were Essenes. As such, their marriage process, formalities, and protocols had to strictly adhere to Essene dynastic rules. The Essenes were in ranks. Amongst the higher echelons were the two great dynasties, the Davids and the Zadoks, who had been the high priests and kings of Israel respectively before the destruction of the Temple by Nebuchadnezzar in 586 BC.

The Davids and Zadoks lived a strictly holy life, typically in a monastery at Qumran, the reclusive headquarters of the Essenes. They were sequestered there so that they did not fall prey to the machinations of the bloodthirsty King Herod though officially their address was Galilee.  In fact, the major reason the Essene movement had come into existence was to preserve and safeguard the Davidic and Zadokite lines, the religio-politico haunt of Herod and the Hasmoneans initially.

According to the Essene code, General, the Zadoks and the Davids were not to engage in sex for recreational purposes because it was regarded as defiling: it diluted holiness. The only times they were supposed to do so was when need arose to produce heirs. In 8 BC, it was now opportune for Joseph, the David, to produce a heir and so he was excused from a life of chastity.

At this point in time in fact, the Essenes were focused on two dynastic figures. These were Joseph and Zechariah. The two were expected to produce the Messiah of David and the Messiah of Aaron, that is, the future King of Israel and the future High Priest of Israel.

According to Essene rules, the David had to marry at age 36, so that by the time he was 40, he had already sired a heir. The new heir had to be born when the David was 37. If the child was a daughter, she could not inherit, and so the David had to set about the procreation of a second-born, who hopefully would be a boy (copulation to that end was allowed only when the daughter was 3 years old).

The Davidic heir had to be born not in any other month but in September, the holiest in the Jewish calendar. In order to conform to these parameters, a betrothal ceremony was held at the beginning of June. During the betrothal period – the three months from beginning of June to end of August – sexual relations were not permitted.

Then at the beginning of September, a First Marriage was held. This was the beginning of the marriage proper as now the couple were allowed to become intimate. However, the intimacy began only in December, with a view to delivering a heir in September the following year. At the end of March, the Second Marriage was held for it was hoped that by that time the spouse was three months pregnant if there hadn’t been a miscarriage. With the Second Marriage, the wedlock was permanent: divorce was never allowed whatsoever.

Meanwhile, General, if the spouse hadn’t conceived in December, sexual relations were suspended till December the following year. The husband would then leave her spouse and return either to the monastery at Qumran or embark on a tour of duty elsewhere in furtherance of the Essene cause.

A BINDING ENGAGEMENT

According to the Dead Sea Scrolls, General, the Essenes were not only a spiritual, revolutionary, and philosophical movement. They were also ardent believers in astrology. They meticulously studied the stars and the movements of planets to read what they portended about the future.

Thus the reason a Davidic heir had to be born in September was not only because this was the holiest month of the year: it was also in recognition of the fact that September was ruled by the constellation Virgo. In other words, September was astrologically the month of the virgin. That was what Mary was.

Mary was both a virgin physically and a virgin titularly. A bride of the future king was required to be a virgin. As an Essene, Mary belonged to the Order (not the tribe) of Dan.  This was the Order of Nuns, or virgins, both legal and physical virgins. Thus in the Order of Dan, a woman was not a virgin only before she slept with a man: she was a virgin until she was six months pregnant. In the case of a dynastic spouse like Mary, this was up to end of June.  From then henceforth, she was promoted within the Order to the first stage of a Mother.

Joseph’s betrothal to Mary took place at Qumran in June 8 BC. Now, in our day, betrothal simply means engagement to be married. In ancient Israel up to New Testament times, betrothal was part and parcel of the marriage contract. It was definite and binding upon both groom and bride, who were considered as man and wife in all legal and religious aspects, except that sexual relations were not permitted.

For example, in 2 SAMUEL 3:14, King David refers to his betrothed woman as “my wife”. Also in DEUTERONOMY 22:24, a betrothed woman is referred to as “his neighbour’s wife”.  In the betrothal formalities, dowry and bride price were included. If a bride and groom for one reason or the other wanted to opt out of the betrothal after the betrothal ceremony, they had to seek a formal divorce.

Since the betrothal took place in June, General, Joseph and Mary were not supposed to make love till December, that is, six months after the betrothal ceremony and three months after the First Marriage ceremony in September. Just one month after the betrothal ceremony (that is, at the beginning of July 8 BC), however, Mary became pregnant. Was it Joseph, General? Was it rape by a Roman soldier called Panthera as some contemporary records suggest? Or was it simply the supernatural act of the “Holy Spirit” as Christendom holds?

THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS

Those who hold that the circumstances of Mary’s pregnancy were supernatural, General, can be excused. This is because the language employed therein smacks of ethereality – Holy Spirit, Angel Gabriel, Son of the Most High, etc. To those who have read and rigorously studied the Dead Sea Scrolls, however, such terminology is well within the temporal context.

That is to say, it does not carry spiritual connotations as such. True, the idea of an angel speaking to Joseph and Mary in their sleep may seem supernatural but the dreams are theological interpolations, inserted into the gospels in onward editing to fit a contrived agenda – what Karl Marx called the opium of the masses.

The Dead Sea Scrolls are so named because they were discovered in caves around the Qumran plateau of the West Bank (about 40 km east of Jerusalem), at the northwest corner of the Dead Sea, in March 1947. The discoverer was a Bedouin shepherd kid who was looking for a lost goat. The scrolls were found hidden in jars.

The 1947 find was the initial discovery: more discoveries were made after further excavations on the same site spanning 11 years in a series of 11 caves. Altogether, 972 texts were   turned up. They are written in four languages, namely Hebrew (the majority), Aramaic, Greek, and Nabatean, mostly on parchment. Other texts were inscribed on papyrus and bronze.

Most of the Dead Sea Scrolls are fragments. Fragments of all the Old Testament books have been found save for the book of Esther. The only complete book is Isaiah.  There are also apocryphal books (those arbitrarily excluded from the Old Testament canon by the Constantine-convened Nicene Council of AD 325) such as the Book of Enoch and the Book of Jubilees, and sect-specific writings that embody rules and beliefs of the people who compiled them.

The latter include commentaries on the Old Testament, paraphrases that expand on the Law of Moses, rule books of the community, war conduct, thanksgiving psalms, hymnic compositions, benedictions, liturgical texts, and sapiential (wisdom) writing. These texts have been given appropriate titles such as the War Scroll; Manual of Discipline; the Community Rule; the Temple Scroll; the Copper Scroll; etc.

The Dead Sea Scrolls were written/preserved by the Essenes between 168 BC and 68 AD. We know this because Pliny, the first century Roman historian, wrote that, “On the west coast of Lake Asphaltitis (the Dead Sea) are settled the Essenes, at some distance from the noisome odours that are experienced on the shore itself.

They are a lonely people, the most extraordinary in the world, who live without women, without love, without money, with the palm trees for their only companions.”   The Essenes stashed away the scrolls sometime in 70 AD, when Roman General Flavius Titus overran Jerusalem and laid waste to the Temple following a catastrophic Jewish uprising – led by the Zealots, the military wing of the Essenes – that began in 66 BC.

This they did in heed of JEREMIAH 32:14, which says, “Thus saith the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel; Take these evidences … and put them in an earthen vessel, that they may continue many days.” The Dead Sea Scrolls have given us invaluable insight into the beliefs, customs, rituals, politics, philosophies, and traditions of first century Palestine.

NEXT WEEK: THE PANTERA INVOLVEMENT

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A crash course in publicity

2nd March 2021

The rivalry between luxury German automotive marques Mercedes-Benz and BMW is legendary. Both brands offer high-end, high-priced desirable models, always at the forefront of cutting-edge driving technology and excellence. And in the annals of the advertising world, a campaign between the two rivals is equally legendary and it happened on our own doorstep.

Many of you will be familiar with the coastal road out of Cape Town called Chapman’s Peak. It is a beautiful, sightseeing attraction, the road winding through spectacular coastal-mountain scenery, with cliffs sinking into the  Atlantic ocean on one side, and steep mountains towering over the road on the other. However, the road is also notoriously dangerous, with its 114 sharp, meandering bends . It’s reputation is well-deserved . Several years ago, when a major coastal cleanup campaign was launched, a helicopter pulled a total of 22 wrecked cars out of the water adjacent to Chapman’s Peak and it was one such accident which prefaced the notorious marketing battle. The story is thus:

In 1988 an Irish businessman lost control of his Mercedes Benz when driving along this road, plunging 100 metres down the cliff. Miraculously, he not only survived the accident, but crawled out of the wreckage with hardly a scratch on his body.

When Mercedes heard the details, the marketing department decided to base a new advertisement on the story to promote the safety features and stability of the brand. In the video ad they intentionally drove an identical model off the road in the exact same location, having it plunge off the edge of the cliff, the driver stepping out similarly unscathed, proving the phenomenal survivability and strength of Mercedes Benz.

When the marketing suits at BMW saw this ad, they took a bold and ingenious decision to mimic it but with a twist. Only a week later, whilst the first ad was still fresh in the public’s minds, they shot their ad showing a BMW driving along the exact same stretch of road in the rain. However, when it reached the point at which the Mercedes plunged off the cliff, the BMW negotiated it safely, and continued driving along the road.

The catchphrase of the ad was “BMW beats the bends” . Or was it? It was cunningly recorded so that it could equally have been ‘beats the Benz’, implying that their cars had superior cornering and stability to their rival, Even more sneakily, they launched their campaign on a Saturday, mindful of the rules on competitive advertising in South Africa, safe in the knowledge that no objectionable actions could be taken till the new working week.

Mercedes-Benz wasted no time on Monday in issuing an injunction, the ad was swiftly pulled but the damage was done and the dog had had its day. The ad campaign ranks high in the history of advertising and can still be found online to this day. Meanwhile the rivalry between the two automotive greats goes on.

I reference this piece of marketing history in the light of this week’s horror crash by golfing great, Tiger Woods. Driving from a luxury holiday resort in California to a nearby country club Tiger Woods lost control of his vehicle on a downhill stretch of the road, smashed through a road sign, crossed over the central reservation and rolled his car several hundred feet. He had to be cut out and pulled to safety through the windscreen and the vehicle was so badly damaged, the attending police officers said he was ‘lucky to survive’.

The vehicle Woods was driving was a rented Genesis GV80 SUV. If you are unfamiliar with the brand that is not surprising since it is a relatively new spin-off from the South Korean Hyundai marque. The Genesis utility vehicle, not available locally yet, retails for around $50,000 or half a million pula, placing it in the higher end of town and country SUVs in the USA.

The model has certainly been widely publicised in the media coverage of the high-profile sportsman’s accident and I suspect that if asked to comment, Hyundai/Genesis would disagree with the police assessment, putting Woods’ survival down to build quality and in-built safety features such as crumple zones, anti-roll bars and airbags, which were deployed in the crash and would most certainly have played their part cushioning the effects of the rolling and ultimate impact. There is , of course, no suggestion that the manufacturers will capitalise on Woods’ survival but certainly it will have done the brand no harm that he did indeed emerge with recoverable injuries.

Comparing the two accidents, the driver of the Mercedes driving along Chapman’s Peak was, of course, an ordinary member of the public whilst Tiger Woods is a household name. That said, in humanitarian terms each tale of survival carries equal weight but the fact remains that the former was just another local story of yet one more victim of a notoriously tricky stretch of road whilst the latter went round the world in an instant because of the fame and name of the driver.

There is also no evidence that that stretch of Californian urban highway carried any inherent risk. His appears to have been just a loss of control and a freak accident. However, in the event that Hyundai/Genesis should consider making capital from that accident, a note of caution needs to be sounded.

In the advertising world, the use of celebrities to promote a product is a fall-back stance to sell anything from washing-up liquid to whisky but statistics have shown that it can be a double-edged sword in that yes, the ads are memorable and the public love them when the celeb is popular and personable. But…..what is often remembered is the name of the famous promoter, not the name of the product. In other words, they sell themselves far better than they sell the item.

In golfing terminology Hyundai/Genesis are not ‘out of the Woods’ yet and maybe they should go with a completely different Driver!

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Pact with the Devil

2nd March 2021
THE LORD’S GREAT GRANDMOTHER

How Jesus’s grandfather sold his birthright to megalomaniac Herod

If you were to ask a Christian to name the main Jewish sects, General Atiku, he would no doubt begin with the Pharisees (because Jesus had innumerable slanging matches with  them according to the gospels), followed by the Sadducees.  Yet there was a third, equally momentous sect – the Essenes.

Although there’s not a single, one mention of the Essenes in the Bible, General, the New Testament is filled with Essene-type language as anybody who has read the Dead Sea Scrolls would readily recognise.

In point of fact, it was the Essenes who produced Jesus as well as the infamous Jewish band of freedom fighters known as the Zealots. Furthermore, almost all the New Testament writers were either Essenes or champions of the Essene cause as is apparent in their language and the drift of their overall philosophy.   The Essenes have a palpable presence in the Bible, albeit a cloaked one.

The Essenes, General, were the most popular, the most esteemed, and the most influential of the Jewish sects. The Jewish historian Philo (20 BC-50 AD) devotes 90 percent of his description of the Jewish sects to the Essenes. He wrote that the Essenes  “dwell in many cities of Judea and in many villages and in great societies of many numbers”.

Hyppolytus of Rome (170-236 AD) devoted nine-and-half chapters to the Essenes and only one to the Sadducees.     The Essenes are the authors of the famous Dead Sea Scrolls, which were discovered in 1947 in Israel at a place called Qumran and which have given us even greater insight into the happenings in the first century than the Bible itself.

How did the Essene movement come about, General?  The Essenes, meaning “puritans of the faith”, were the Jewish sect that was the most loyal to the Davidic dynasty. They set themselves apart from the mainstream Jewish community circa 175 BC and established their headquarters at Qumran,  about 40 km from Jerusalem.

Since the Jewish nation revered the Davidic royal line, the only legitimate and rightful rulers of Judah in their view, they rallied to the Essenes en masse. And because the Essenes were disparaging of the Hasmonean rule (140 BC to 63 BC), the mainstream Jews also took a dismissive view of Hasmonean rule too.

The Essenes were so highly regarded because of their virtue and spirituality. The legendary Jewish historian Flavius Josephus (37-100 AD) writes thus of them: “They are more mutually affectionate than the others (Pharisees and Sadducees). Whereas these men shun the pleasures as vice, they consider self-control and not succumbing to the passions virtue  … Since [they are] despisers of wealth –  their communal stock is astonishing – one cannot find a person among them who has more in terms of possessions.

For by a law, those coming into the school (that is, the Essene fold) must yield up their funds to the order, with the result that in all [their ranks] neither the humiliation of poverty nor the superiority of wealth is detectable, but the assets of each one have been mixed in together, as if they were brothers, to create one fund for all.”

In time, the Essenes, General, became quite influential even with occupying powers. For instance, when the Greek General Pompey installed Hyrcanus II as ruler of  Palestine in 63 BC,  he sought the opinion  of the Essenes. The Essenes recommended that Hyrcanus go by the titles High Priest and Prince, not King, to which Pompey paid heed. In  142 BC, when Simon was installed by the Seleucids as ruler of Palestine, the Essenes had insisted on the same titular style. To the Essenes, everybody who occupied Israel’s seat of authority was simply holding fort for the real deal – the Davidic  King.

In 37 BC, when Herod became King of Palestine, the potential Davidic King was Jacob-Eliakim – the father of the Joseph of the gospels – who was an Essene himself. It was in order to win the blessings of the historically popular Jewish royal family that Herod sought to curry favour with the Essenes.

JACOB’S PACT WITH HEROD

About the time Herod came to power, General, there were three citizens of considerable stature in Palestine – Hillel, Menahem, and Jacob-Eliakim, the grandfather of Jesus. Hillel is by all accounts ancient Israel’s greatest teacher and scholar.

He was the foremost spiritual sage in the development of the Talmud and the Mishnah, the most authoritative religious references of the Jews which are second only to the Old Testament in esteem.   The renowned “Golden Rule”, which is invariably attributed to Jesus, was actually coined by Hillel. It is not certain whether Hillel was an Essene but his teachings did have a profound influence both on Essene philosophy and that of Jesus, who was an Essene too.

It was Menahem, however, who was an incontrovertible Essene. The Essenes were of two main branches, General. First, there were the puritans, the Palestinian Essenes. Then there were the liberals, the Diaspora Essenes, who sneered at the Palestinian Essenes’ dogmatism and rather strict views on morality. Menahem was the leader of the  Diaspora Essenes.

He was also privilleged to be advisor to King Herod. Herod did hold Menahem in very high regard. Josephus relates that when Herod was a school-going lad, Menahem had patted him on his back and said to him, “one day you will be King young man.” Since the prophecy came to pass, Herod had a certain, atypical respect both for Menahem and the order of Essenes.

Jacob-Eliakim’s significance was by virtue of his pedigree. He was of the royal line of David and was therefore the uncrowned King of the Jews. Now, as we have already indicated, Herod had his own grand designs about rulership of the world notwithstanding the fact that he was in reality a vassal of Rome.

When he made overtures to the trio, they didn’t mince words: they told him that in the new Israel, the Israel that would rule Earth once the Romans had been toppled from the pedestal of world power, it was a Davidic King who would reign. Herod took very strong  exception to such a prospect. Herod was neither a full-blooded Jew nor of Davidic stock but he was royalty in his own right.

His father, Antipater,  had been the governor of Idumea and in due course Judea in  the Hasmonean government and was in fact the real ruler of the entire Palestine, with John Hyrcanus being a  mere figurehead king.  When he (Herod) was only 25 years old, his father had appointed him governor of Galilee.   Herod thus had strutted the corridors of power from the day he was born and he wasn’t going to give that up easily either for his own sake or that of his descendants.

As such, General, Herod maintained to the trio that in the new, overarching Kingdom of Israel, he was going to be the emperor and would be based in Jerusalem. Just like the Greek empire of Alexander had been a triarchy (a kingdom divided into three governments), the global Kingdom of Israel (“Thy Kingdom Come” in the Lord’s Prayer) was going to be likewise.

There was going to be a ruler in the east, a ruler in the west, and a ruler in the centre, that is Jerusalem, under the oversight of Herod himself. Hillel would rule in Jerusalem; Menahem in the east; and Jacob-Eliakim in the west. If these three happened to have disappeared from the Earthly scene by the time the Kingdom of Israel came into being, their descendants would observe the same setup.

The pecking order would thus be like this: Herod as the emperor; Hillel as the senior king; Menahem as the second-ranked king; and Jacob-Eliakim as the junior king. Put differently, Herod had by the stroke of a pen reduced the Davidic dynasty from foremost to least important as it posed the most serious threat to his office. Meanwhile, the three kings-in-waiting would go by the names of the Old Testament patriarchs.

Hillel would henceforth be called the Abraham, or the Father (or Papa, which later morphed into Pope), since Abraham was the Father of the Jewish nation; Menahem would be called the Isaac (Abraham’s son); and Eliakim the Jacob (Isaac’s son). Half a loaf was better than nothing at all and so Jacob-Eliakim meekly accepted this arrangement.

When Jesus later said, “Many will come from east and west and sit at table with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the new Kingdom of Heaven (MATTHEW 8:11),” he did not mean an afterlife kingdom: he referred to the Earthly setup proposed by King Herod.

FALLOUT WITH ESSENES

Those days, General, the Davidic heir used the title “Jacob” rather than “David” as the latter title was very risky, particularly under the Hasmonean government. Given that Joseph was the most beloved son of the Old Testament Jacob, the next in line, that is, the firstborn son of the Jacob, used the title “Joseph”.

In September 44 BC, a son was born to Jacob-Eliakim. As the crown prince to the Jacob, he was given the titular name Joseph, the name by which he became best-known.  Like his father Jacob-Eliakim, Joseph was a missionary. But he also had a trade. He was a carpenter, a boat builder primarily, and a master of his craft. The word translated “carpenter” in the Bible is the ancient Greek word “ho hekton” which means a master artisan or craftsman.

In 31 BC, Qumran, the Essenes’ Judean wilderness bastion, was struck by an earthquake. The hermitic Essenes had no choice but to trek back to Jerusalem, from where they operated indefinitely at a place they called the Essene Gate. Then in 23 BC, Herod struck again. He had Jacob-Eliakim killed on trumped-up charges of sedition, his motive simply being a continuation of a systematic purge of  the Davidic “pretenders” to his throne.

The Essenes were wroth. They now set about promulgating to the Diaspora Essenes that Herod would have no part to play in the coming Kingdom. Instead, the overall King would be Joseph, the son of Jacob-Eliakim. This, General, was the beginning of a permanent rift between Herod and the Essene sect.

THE SAGA OF JOSEPH

The prospective global world, General, was subdivided into ten provinces to facilitate governance and tax collection. Palestine would have two provinces, Judea and Samaria, the latter of which would include Galilee. Asia Minor (largely present-day Turkey), where the bulk of Diaspora Jews were concentrated, would have five provinces.

The last three provinces would be Babylon, Rome, and Alexandria in Egypt. The future capital of the West was not Rome: it was Ephesus in Asia Minor. Having been allocated the West, it was in Ephesus and Alexandria that Jacob-Eliakim spent most of his time evangelizing to fellow Jews about the future Kingdom of Israel. This was the beginning of the New Covenant, whereby Jews who converted to the ideal of a new Kingdom of Israel were baptised by immersion in water.

To mainstream Palestinian Jews, General, Jacob-Eliakim was a sellout. Herod had demoted his pedigree but to somewhat placate him, he gave him the honorary title of Patriarch or Prince of Jerusalem. By subordinating the Davidic throne-in-waiting to Herod, Jacob-Eliakim had  gone against what the nation of Israel’s God, Enlil, the Bible’s main Jehovah, decreed – that every King of Judah had to be a descendant of  David. So when the unpredictable Herod had him killed in 23 BC for “sedition”, as part of a pogrom against the line of David, there was very little sympathy for him.

In 44 BC, Joseph had been born to Jacob-Eliakim. Joseph was a title: it was not his real name. At the death of his father, Joseph became the Jacob. However, he preferred the title “David”, the more apt one historically. Joseph would become the father of Jesus. When Joseph attained 30 years of age in 14 BC, his uncles and the Essene sages sent him to Rome and Alexandria to do his part in missionary work, which was simply about promulgating to the Diaspora Jews the future Kingdom of Israel in which a Son of David, that is a descendant of King David, would rule.   Egypt was also a special place because Joseph’s maternal relations were Egyptians.

Jacob-Eliakim, General, had two wives. The one was called Euchariah, a Jewish princess, of whom very little is known, and the other, the dynastic wife, was an Egyptian princess, a daughter of Queen Cleopatra VII of Egypt and Julius Caesar. Jacob-Eliakim and this princess had three sons: they were Joseph, the father of Jesus, and the twins Cleopas (after whom James, Jesus’ immediate younger brother, whose given name was Cleopas, was named) and Ptolas. Joseph was thus the Davidian Prince of Israel as well as contender to Crown Prince of Egypt. Despite pretences to the contrary on the part of the Jews, Egypt and Israel have always had ties of monarchical kinship.

In 8 BC, General, Joseph was required by Essene custom to return home and fulfill his obligations for a dynastic marriage. A wife-to-be had already been chosen for him by his uncles  and other patriarchal Essenes. This was Dorcas, better known today by her title name Mary.

NEXT WEEK: HOW HEROD MINIMISED THE HOUSE OF DAVID

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