Determined to teach Gilgamesh a lesson he’d never forget – that is, if at all he survived – for spurning her not only once but multiple times now, Inanna called upon a “sky monster” and set it loose on him. The official name of the monster was the Gudanna, meaning “Bull of Heaven”.
Just like Huwawa, the Gudanna was not an organic monster: it was a mechanical monster parked somewhere in the Cedar Forest. It was Enlil-Jehovah’s personal plane meant for use only in wars. If you recall, the bull was the symbol of the astrological age of Taurus (4380 to 2220 BC), which was dedicated to Enlil. Enlil himself was also referred to as the Bull of Heaven. The Gudanna was therefore synonymous with Enlil.
Inanna used bluster to commandeer the Gudanna to the satiation of her own personal ends: she did not seek the permission of Enlil at all. Some accounts intimate that she bypassed Enlil and sought permission straight from King Anu on Nibiru but that is highly improbable. With a host of important matters to attend to, there was no way Anu would deign to embroil himself in personal vendettas and matters of ego. In any case, even if Inanna cabled him in relation to the use of the Gudanna, Anu’s plausible cause of action would have been to refer her to Enlil, who not only was the proprietor of the plane but Earth’s Chief Executive.
With the Gudanna bearing down on his party, Gilgamesh’s priorities changed on the spur of the moment – from a quest for eternal life to fleeing for his life as a psycho Inanna meant business. Now, as godfather of Gilgamesh, Utu-Shamash could not just stand by and watch Inanna blow him to smithereens. Inanna had effectively declared war on a hapless Gilgamesh and therefore he needed his help. As Inanna was in the process of operationalising the Gudanna, Shamash acted swiftly.
He provided Gilgamesh with a levitating vehicle that could enable him make it back to Uruk in only three days when ordinarily he would have taken about a month and fifteen days. Shamash also provided Gilgamesh with sophisticated weaponry with which to counter missiles spewing forth from the Gudanna.
Gilgamesh and Enkidu had a headstart on the Gudanna but as they neared the ramparts of Uruk around the banks of the Euphrates River, the Gudanna, which was captained by Inanna and manoeuvered by two of her ace pilots, caught up with them. As the Gudanna swept low, Inanna pressed a button and a missile sailed forth. Over 200 of Gilgamesh’s men perished instantly. Gilgamesh dashed off into Uruk to mobilise fighters, leaving the quick-witted Enkidu and a few of the surviving men to tackle the Gudanna.
As the mobilised warriors flooded to what was now a battlefield, Inanna laid into them, felling them in their droves. The crazed and trigger-happy goddess was firing non-stop, causing widespread trepidation throughout Uruk. At some stage, she relented a bit and taking advantage of this lull, Enkidu deployed the anti-missile weapon Shamash had provided them and aimed at the Gudanna as it showily did acrobatics in the air.
The Gudanna’s sophisticated sensors alerted Inanna as to the incoming danger in a split second and being trained fighters she and her pilots ejected from the Gudanna. Only seconds after they had done so, and with their parachutes yet to unfurl, the Gudanna began to descend erratically in a spiral. Enkidu’s missile had not struck it clean; only brushed it but the damage was potent enough to bring it down.
A huge cheer went up from Gilgamesh’s warriors on the ground as they thronged Enkidu and hoisted him shoulder-high. Soon the whole of Uruk had basically emptied to come and see with their own eyes the fallen monster, which Gilgamesh’s warriors set about wrecking and vandalising as they chanted songs of triumph. “After the Bull of Heaven was defeated,” says The Epic of Gilgamesh, “Gilgamesh called out to the craftsmen, the armourers, all of them, to view the mechanical monster and take it apart. Then, triumphant, he and Enkidu went to pay homage to Shamash.”
ENKIDU, GILGAMESH INDICTED
The whole of Uruk partied throughout the night to celebrate the downing of the “sky creature” which had laid waste to hundreds of its sons. Enkidu for one became the toast of the town for almost single handedly terminating the Gudanna. But what Gilgamesh and Enkidu didn’t know was that through their heroic acts of resistance, they had sown the wind and would reap the whirlwind.
Aware that she had landed herself in hot soup for causing the destruction of Enlil’s fighter craft, Inanna raised a self-serving hue and cry, demanding that Gilgamesh and Enkidu be arrested and indicted for destroying a special machine belonging to the most important figure on Earth. She held a mock funeral at her Eanna abode in honour of the Gudanna and decreed several days of national mourning in Uruk, which almost nobody observed.
It didn’t take long for Enlil to learn about the destruction both of his plane and Huwawa. To say he was wroth is an understatement: he was apoplectic with rage and overcome with melancholy. “When Enlil this heard, with agony he cried, in the heavens of Anu was his wailing heard,” says The Epic of Gilgamesh. “For in his heart Enlil well knew: bad indeed was the omen!” Which it indeed was as we shall demonstrate in due course: it was an allegory of the end of Enlilite rule!
Enlil moved quickly to issue a warrant of arrest for Gilgamesh and Enkidu. Although Inanna too was at fault for unauthorised access to the Gudanna, she was not indicted given the special place she occupied in King Anu’s heart. Gilgamesh and Enkidu were charged for the “murder” of Huwawa and Gudanna, which was absurd indeed as these were mechanical creatures and not organic beings.
It just goes to show how the Anunnaki, or the Enlilites in particular, belittled the life of an Earthling. To them we were beneath artificial things they prized highly. Being an Enkite, Enkidu for one was so tortured by Enlil’s callous sheriffs that he was rendered comatose from the savage beatings. Seeing his bed-ridden friend, Gilgamesh was inconsolable. “Enkidu was afflicted with a coma. Distraught and worried, Gilgamesh paced back and forth before the couch on which Enkidu lay motionless. Bitter tears flowed down his cheeks.”
ENKIDU SENTENCED FOR “MURDER”
It was not until Enkidu was fully recovered that the trial commenced before the Enlilite Council of the Gods. The majority verdict initially was a death sentence for both Gilgamesh and Enkidu. The two contested the sentence and on appeal, Shamash recused himself from the ranks of the bench to act as counsel for the appellants.
In his deposition, Shamash argued that both he and Inanna were complicit in what had transpired and so they were equally culpable. He went on to say that Gilgamesh and Enkidu were attacked “by the monsters” and so had the right to defend themselves. “They had to kill before they were killed,” Shamash put it before the bench. “None of the two deserves to die.”
Although Shamash’s arguments were well-reasoned, all he managed to do was to secure the acquittal of Gilgamesh. Enkidu’s death sentence was upheld, with the bench holding to the view that in the demise of both Huwawa and the Gudanna, it was by his direct hand alone that they perished. Shamash denounced the decision as nonsensical. “Why should Enkidu die alone?” he wondered aloud. “The killings of Huwawa and the Gudanna were done with his (Gilgamesh’s) concurrence.”
Sadly, the bench was not persuaded. Enkidu was headed for the gallows. The only option was for him to file for clemency before the high offices of Enlil, which he did at the advice of Shamash although if it were up to him alone, he would rather he died as a martyr. But Shamash held him in very high esteem being his future son-in-law.
Enlil relented thanks to the concerted pleadings of Enki, Ninmah and Ninsun and commuted Enkidu’s death sentence to lifelong toil in the “Land of the Mines,” that is, Tilmun in the Sinai Peninsula, “a place where copper and turquoise were obtained by backbreaking toil in dark tunnels”. But deep down, Enlil still begrudged Enkidu. One way or the other, he vowed to himself, he’d get even with Enkidu. Enlil simply was not the forgiving type.
Enkidu was accordingly summoned to Enlil’s courts and informed of his fate. Then Enlil rendered him the following instructions: “Two emissaries clothed like birds, with wings for garments, shall appear unto you. One of them, a young man whose face is dark, who like a Bird-Man is his face, shall transport you to the Land of the Mines. He will be dressed like an Eagle. By the arm he will lead thee. Follow me, he will say.
He will lead you to the House of Darkness, the abode below the ground, the abode which none leave who have entered into it. A road from which there is no return, a House whose dwellers are bereft of light, where dust is in their mouths and clay is their food.”
Underground mining in those days was the equivalent of Hell. One lived there for life, never to resurface. They died right underground and were buried right there. Once again, Gilgamesh shed copious tears for his most cherished friend. But Enkidu himself was stoic: if that was how fate willed it, he said to Gilgamesh, then so be it.
GILGAMESH’S SECOND SHOT AT ATTAINING IMMORTALITY
Shortly after Enkidu’s sentence was passed, Gilgamesh once again began to muse about his mortality and the possibility of eschewing it. Then an idea dawned in his mind. The Land of Mines, where Enkidu was now destined, was cheek by jaw with the Land of the Living in the Sinai Peninsula and of which Shamash was in charge. The latter was the spaceport, the place where those who had dutifully served the gods – the Anunnaki – lived in eternal bliss.
These folk, who included Noah, the hero of the Deluge, had ridden a shem to Nibiru, so it was believed, and had returned to Earth invested with immortality. The spaceport teemed with rockets: maybe it was time Gilgamesh had his second stab at riding in a shem by going to Tilmun! He’d ask Shamash to arrange for him to travel with Enkidu as he was headed to the same place basically.
Hence it was that Gilgamesh yet again prostrated himself before Shamash for permission to undertake the venture and for his blessings as his godfather. “O, Shamash, the Land I wish to enter: be thou my ally!” Gilgamesh entreated Shamash in the company of his mother Ninsun. “The Land which with the cool date palms aligned, I wish to enter; be thou my ally! In the places where the shems have been raised, let me set up my shem!”
Shamash at first equivocated as he didn’t want a replay of the Cedar Mountain scenario: Enlil had made it clear to him that if such an abomination were to happen again, Shamash would be stripped of his post as the overseer of the Anunnaki’s space-related facilities. But after meticulously prescribing a code of conduct along the way for Gilgamesh, he finally gave him the green light but not before he warned him of the hazards and difficulties of the land route.
Gilgamesh proposed that he travel by sea for most of the journey, and drop off Enkidu on the way. He would sail down the Persian Gulf, around the Arabian Peninsula, and up the Red Sea till he reached Tilmun City (today called El-Tor), the most important port on the Sinai coast. It was there he would part with Enkidu, who would proceed to the Land of Mines not very far off to slave for the rest of his life, whilst Gilgamesh himself would proceed to Paradise.
MAGAN VESSEL SHIPWRECKS
A month later, Gilgamesh and Enkidu, accompanied by 50 men comprising sailors, body minders, and medical attendants, set sail in a chartered Magan Boat, a “Ship of Egypt”. This was a decoy boat – to give the impression that they were headed for Egypt when their destination was actually the Sinai Peninsula.
For part of the way, Shamash escorted them. Then wishing them a safe journey, he sailed back in the opposite direction, his heart heavy with the harrowing thought of seeing Enkidu for the last time. It galled him that such a man of valour and such a fine physical specimen would no longer be his son-in-law. As he sailed along, he cursed his grandfather Enlil, who more often than not came across as a devil than a virtuous, above-board being.
Gilgamesh and Enkidu meanwhile continued with their journey. They were not too far gone from Sumer and were sailing through the narrow strait leading out of the Persian Gulf, today known as the Strait of Ormuz, when dusk fell. “The mountains along the distant coast became dark, shadows spread over them.” Shortly thereafter, they noticed a watchtower far afield on the right-hand shore of a strip of land which is today part of a country called Oman.
What they saw atop the watchtower gave them the creeps. “Standing alongside the mountain was someone who like Huwawa could emit rays from which none can escape. Like a bull he stood on the great Earth house.” The creature beckoned them to come to a halt. Clearly, it wanted to accost them.
Gilgamesh was all too aware that such a creature had to be fought and tamed before it erased them from the face of the Earth with its death-ray emitting device. The memory of Cedar Mountain was still fresh in his mind: if Enkidu hadn’t killed Huwawa, he and him would not be alive today. So Gilgamesh there and then gave orders that the ship anchor ashore so that they confront the mechanical watchman.
Enkidu on the other had seemed to have a presentiment of what could transpire. He countered that they keep clear of the shore, postpone the journey, make u-turn, and head back to Uruk. Gilgamesh refused to budge. “Whether the watchman be a god, a mortal, or otherwise, I’ll fight him,” Gilgamesh vowed as he instructed his men to have their arms at the ready.
Then all hell broke loose. “A sudden wind, as though driven by the watchman's beam, tore the ship's sail and overturned the boat. Next, the ship itself was thrust on its side and capsized. It sank fast, like a stone in water. All in it sank down.” Unbeknownst to them, it was all the work of Enlil. Remember what he had said about sorting Enkidu out when the prerogative of mercy over Enkidu was wrung from his lips by Enki, Ninmah and Ninsun? Enkidu was the Jonah of the Magan ship. It was he Enlil had plotted to be rid off for destroying his beloved Gudanna: everybody else was collateral damage. No one held a grudge like Jehovah.
ENKIDU IS NO MORE
Only two survived the shipwreck and these were none other than Gilgamesh and Enkidu. Gilgamesh for one was essentially unscathed. But Enkidu sustained internal injuries which compromised his ability to swim. Seeing his body drifting limply, Gilgamesh swam over and dragged him along towards the shore, well away from the location of the watchtower, praying for a miracle. Gilgamesh then laid him down and began to administer mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and Enkidu came to at long last and sat up.
Outwardly, Enkidu didn’t look in a particularly bad shape and spoke coherently. Since the winds were blowing in the direction of the shore, the flotsam soon began to wash ashore, including the wreckage itself. Gilgamesh and Enkidu rose to their feet and ambled toward the wreckage so they could take a closer look at it. “They could see the ship with its crew still at their posts, looking amazingly alive in their deaths. In the sudden death (from the death rays fired off by the mechanical watchman and not from drowning), they just froze in whatever position they were.”
The two survivors spent the whole night arguing as to what should be their next of action. Enkidu, who not hundred percent, wanted them to hitch a ride back to Uruk on the first passing boat but Gilgamesh was determined that come what may, he had to get to the Sinai Peninsula by any means necessary. The idea of making a retreat was simply inconceivable. Then in the early hours of the morning, Enkidu took a turn for the worse.
“His limbs became numb, his insides were disintegrating.” Gilgamesh was thrown into panic. He there and then changed his mind and now inclined to return to Uruk for the sake of his best friend. “My friend," he cried, "Please stay alive. To our land I will bring thee.”
Sadly, Enkidu’s number was up. He opened his eyes for the last time and unable to utter a single word as his vocal chords were numbed stared fixedly at Gilgamesh as if to bid him farewell. Then breathing his last, he gave up the ghost. Gilgamesh could not believe his bosom friend, who was closer and more dedicated to him than any of his brothers, was gone. He dug a grave right on the shore and buried Enkidu. For six days and seven nights, he sat by the grave, mourning the man he esteemed as the hero of Uruk.
Princess Mary falls pregnant only one month after her betrothal to Prince Joseph
To put the lineage of Mary the mother of Jesus in context, General Atiku, it is in order that we begin with her grandfather Yehoshua (Jesus in Greek) III.
Mary was offspring of two royal lines, the Davidic line and the Hasmonean line. Yehoshua III was the Herod–appointed High Priest of Israel between 36 and 23 BC. He had no sons, only three daughters namely Joanna, Elizabeth, and Anna, all of whom he organised dynastic suitors.
Elizabeth would be married off into the House of Aaron, the legitimate priestly line, and Joanna and Anna would be married off into the House of David, the legitimate kingly line. That’s how Elizabeth became the wife of Zechariah of the tribe of Levi and in due course the mother of John the Baptist.
Mainstream Israel up to the level of the Sanhedrin had recognised Anna as the eligible mother of the future King of Israel and not the sitting impostor Herod (it is not clear what happened to first-born Joanna but she probably passed away before she got married). Anna was accordingly married off to Alexander III, a Davidic and Hasmonean prince who was best known as Heli as indeed the genealogy of Luke clearly attests.
Heli and Anna too had no sons. They only had daughters, the firstborn of whom was Dorcas, whose was born in 26 BC and whose titular name was Mary. Mary was orphaned early in her childhood when her father Heli was killed in 17 BC at the orders of the increasingly paranoid Herod and when her mother Anna died a year or so later.
Since she was a dynastic heiress, it was likely that Herod would come after her. The Essenes thus secreted her somewhere in remote Galilee. It was actually in Galilee that most members of the Davidic royal line were concentrated not only to keep as far away from Herod as possible but to also enjoy the protective custody of the Zealots, who were the secret military wing of the Essenes and a thorn in the side of both Herod and the Romans. Joseph was also officially based in Galilee although both he and Mary were in truth based at Qumran in the Judean wilds.
JOSEPH CALLED TO “DUTY”
Dynastic marriages are often more politically strategic than spontaneous, General. For example, the union of Prince Charles and Princess Diana was motivated by the need to fuse the Windsor genes with those of the Stuarts as the Windsors, being predominantly Reptilians, were finding it increasingly difficult to maintain their human form.
The Stuarts, the clan of Diana, had by far more human genes than Reptilian and they too were an aristocratic family. That’s why once Charles had produced a “heir and a spare”, he completely sidelined Diana, who he had never loved, and devoted himself to his real love – Camilla Parker-Bowles.
The marriage of Joseph to Mary, General, was equally strategic. Although both were from the tribe of Judah and of the royal Davidic line, they were from different branches. Joseph was a descendant of Solomon, whereas Mary was a descendant of Nathan, Solomon’s elder brother. The line of Solomon, as we once underlined, had been tainted by the Jeconiah curse.
The line of Nathan was clean. Since the son of Joseph and Mary would be the future King of Israel, it was important that he not be compromised by the baggage, rightly or wrongly, of the Jeconiah curse. Hence the desirability of the union of Prince Joseph and Princess Mary.
Now, both Joseph and Mary’s clans were Essenes. As such, their marriage process, formalities, and protocols had to strictly adhere to Essene dynastic rules. The Essenes were in ranks. Amongst the higher echelons were the two great dynasties, the Davids and the Zadoks, who had been the high priests and kings of Israel respectively before the destruction of the Temple by Nebuchadnezzar in 586 BC.
The Davids and Zadoks lived a strictly holy life, typically in a monastery at Qumran, the reclusive headquarters of the Essenes. They were sequestered there so that they did not fall prey to the machinations of the bloodthirsty King Herod though officially their address was Galilee. In fact, the major reason the Essene movement had come into existence was to preserve and safeguard the Davidic and Zadokite lines, the religio-politico haunt of Herod and the Hasmoneans initially.
According to the Essene code, General, the Zadoks and the Davids were not to engage in sex for recreational purposes because it was regarded as defiling: it diluted holiness. The only times they were supposed to do so was when need arose to produce heirs. In 8 BC, it was now opportune for Joseph, the David, to produce a heir and so he was excused from a life of chastity.
At this point in time in fact, the Essenes were focused on two dynastic figures. These were Joseph and Zechariah. The two were expected to produce the Messiah of David and the Messiah of Aaron, that is, the future King of Israel and the future High Priest of Israel.
According to Essene rules, the David had to marry at age 36, so that by the time he was 40, he had already sired a heir. The new heir had to be born when the David was 37. If the child was a daughter, she could not inherit, and so the David had to set about the procreation of a second-born, who hopefully would be a boy (copulation to that end was allowed only when the daughter was 3 years old).
The Davidic heir had to be born not in any other month but in September, the holiest in the Jewish calendar. In order to conform to these parameters, a betrothal ceremony was held at the beginning of June. During the betrothal period – the three months from beginning of June to end of August – sexual relations were not permitted.
Then at the beginning of September, a First Marriage was held. This was the beginning of the marriage proper as now the couple were allowed to become intimate. However, the intimacy began only in December, with a view to delivering a heir in September the following year. At the end of March, the Second Marriage was held for it was hoped that by that time the spouse was three months pregnant if there hadn’t been a miscarriage. With the Second Marriage, the wedlock was permanent: divorce was never allowed whatsoever.
Meanwhile, General, if the spouse hadn’t conceived in December, sexual relations were suspended till December the following year. The husband would then leave her spouse and return either to the monastery at Qumran or embark on a tour of duty elsewhere in furtherance of the Essene cause.
A BINDING ENGAGEMENT
According to the Dead Sea Scrolls, General, the Essenes were not only a spiritual, revolutionary, and philosophical movement. They were also ardent believers in astrology. They meticulously studied the stars and the movements of planets to read what they portended about the future.
Thus the reason a Davidic heir had to be born in September was not only because this was the holiest month of the year: it was also in recognition of the fact that September was ruled by the constellation Virgo. In other words, September was astrologically the month of the virgin. That was what Mary was.
Mary was both a virgin physically and a virgin titularly. A bride of the future king was required to be a virgin. As an Essene, Mary belonged to the Order (not the tribe) of Dan. This was the Order of Nuns, or virgins, both legal and physical virgins. Thus in the Order of Dan, a woman was not a virgin only before she slept with a man: she was a virgin until she was six months pregnant. In the case of a dynastic spouse like Mary, this was up to end of June. From then henceforth, she was promoted within the Order to the first stage of a Mother.
Joseph’s betrothal to Mary took place at Qumran in June 8 BC. Now, in our day, betrothal simply means engagement to be married. In ancient Israel up to New Testament times, betrothal was part and parcel of the marriage contract. It was definite and binding upon both groom and bride, who were considered as man and wife in all legal and religious aspects, except that sexual relations were not permitted.
For example, in 2 SAMUEL 3:14, King David refers to his betrothed woman as “my wife”. Also in DEUTERONOMY 22:24, a betrothed woman is referred to as “his neighbour’s wife”. In the betrothal formalities, dowry and bride price were included. If a bride and groom for one reason or the other wanted to opt out of the betrothal after the betrothal ceremony, they had to seek a formal divorce.
Since the betrothal took place in June, General, Joseph and Mary were not supposed to make love till December, that is, six months after the betrothal ceremony and three months after the First Marriage ceremony in September. Just one month after the betrothal ceremony (that is, at the beginning of July 8 BC), however, Mary became pregnant. Was it Joseph, General? Was it rape by a Roman soldier called Panthera as some contemporary records suggest? Or was it simply the supernatural act of the “Holy Spirit” as Christendom holds?
THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS
Those who hold that the circumstances of Mary’s pregnancy were supernatural, General, can be excused. This is because the language employed therein smacks of ethereality – Holy Spirit, Angel Gabriel, Son of the Most High, etc. To those who have read and rigorously studied the Dead Sea Scrolls, however, such terminology is well within the temporal context.
That is to say, it does not carry spiritual connotations as such. True, the idea of an angel speaking to Joseph and Mary in their sleep may seem supernatural but the dreams are theological interpolations, inserted into the gospels in onward editing to fit a contrived agenda – what Karl Marx called the opium of the masses.
The Dead Sea Scrolls are so named because they were discovered in caves around the Qumran plateau of the West Bank (about 40 km east of Jerusalem), at the northwest corner of the Dead Sea, in March 1947. The discoverer was a Bedouin shepherd kid who was looking for a lost goat. The scrolls were found hidden in jars.
The 1947 find was the initial discovery: more discoveries were made after further excavations on the same site spanning 11 years in a series of 11 caves. Altogether, 972 texts were turned up. They are written in four languages, namely Hebrew (the majority), Aramaic, Greek, and Nabatean, mostly on parchment. Other texts were inscribed on papyrus and bronze.
Most of the Dead Sea Scrolls are fragments. Fragments of all the Old Testament books have been found save for the book of Esther. The only complete book is Isaiah. There are also apocryphal books (those arbitrarily excluded from the Old Testament canon by the Constantine-convened Nicene Council of AD 325) such as the Book of Enoch and the Book of Jubilees, and sect-specific writings that embody rules and beliefs of the people who compiled them.
The latter include commentaries on the Old Testament, paraphrases that expand on the Law of Moses, rule books of the community, war conduct, thanksgiving psalms, hymnic compositions, benedictions, liturgical texts, and sapiential (wisdom) writing. These texts have been given appropriate titles such as the War Scroll; Manual of Discipline; the Community Rule; the Temple Scroll; the Copper Scroll; etc.
The Dead Sea Scrolls were written/preserved by the Essenes between 168 BC and 68 AD. We know this because Pliny, the first century Roman historian, wrote that, “On the west coast of Lake Asphaltitis (the Dead Sea) are settled the Essenes, at some distance from the noisome odours that are experienced on the shore itself.
They are a lonely people, the most extraordinary in the world, who live without women, without love, without money, with the palm trees for their only companions.” The Essenes stashed away the scrolls sometime in 70 AD, when Roman General Flavius Titus overran Jerusalem and laid waste to the Temple following a catastrophic Jewish uprising – led by the Zealots, the military wing of the Essenes – that began in 66 BC.
This they did in heed of JEREMIAH 32:14, which says, “Thus saith the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel; Take these evidences … and put them in an earthen vessel, that they may continue many days.” The Dead Sea Scrolls have given us invaluable insight into the beliefs, customs, rituals, politics, philosophies, and traditions of first century Palestine.
The rivalry between luxury German automotive marques Mercedes-Benz and BMW is legendary. Both brands offer high-end, high-priced desirable models, always at the forefront of cutting-edge driving technology and excellence. And in the annals of the advertising world, a campaign between the two rivals is equally legendary and it happened on our own doorstep.
Many of you will be familiar with the coastal road out of Cape Town called Chapman’s Peak. It is a beautiful, sightseeing attraction, the road winding through spectacular coastal-mountain scenery, with cliffs sinking into the Atlantic ocean on one side, and steep mountains towering over the road on the other. However, the road is also notoriously dangerous, with its 114 sharp, meandering bends . It’s reputation is well-deserved . Several years ago, when a major coastal cleanup campaign was launched, a helicopter pulled a total of 22 wrecked cars out of the water adjacent to Chapman’s Peak and it was one such accident which prefaced the notorious marketing battle. The story is thus:
In 1988 an Irish businessman lost control of his Mercedes Benz when driving along this road, plunging 100 metres down the cliff. Miraculously, he not only survived the accident, but crawled out of the wreckage with hardly a scratch on his body.
When Mercedes heard the details, the marketing department decided to base a new advertisement on the story to promote the safety features and stability of the brand. In the video ad they intentionally drove an identical model off the road in the exact same location, having it plunge off the edge of the cliff, the driver stepping out similarly unscathed, proving the phenomenal survivability and strength of Mercedes Benz.
When the marketing suits at BMW saw this ad, they took a bold and ingenious decision to mimic it but with a twist. Only a week later, whilst the first ad was still fresh in the public’s minds, they shot their ad showing a BMW driving along the exact same stretch of road in the rain. However, when it reached the point at which the Mercedes plunged off the cliff, the BMW negotiated it safely, and continued driving along the road.
The catchphrase of the ad was “BMW beats the bends” . Or was it? It was cunningly recorded so that it could equally have been ‘beats the Benz’, implying that their cars had superior cornering and stability to their rival, Even more sneakily, they launched their campaign on a Saturday, mindful of the rules on competitive advertising in South Africa, safe in the knowledge that no objectionable actions could be taken till the new working week.
Mercedes-Benz wasted no time on Monday in issuing an injunction, the ad was swiftly pulled but the damage was done and the dog had had its day. The ad campaign ranks high in the history of advertising and can still be found online to this day. Meanwhile the rivalry between the two automotive greats goes on.
I reference this piece of marketing history in the light of this week’s horror crash by golfing great, Tiger Woods. Driving from a luxury holiday resort in California to a nearby country club Tiger Woods lost control of his vehicle on a downhill stretch of the road, smashed through a road sign, crossed over the central reservation and rolled his car several hundred feet. He had to be cut out and pulled to safety through the windscreen and the vehicle was so badly damaged, the attending police officers said he was ‘lucky to survive’.
The vehicle Woods was driving was a rented Genesis GV80 SUV. If you are unfamiliar with the brand that is not surprising since it is a relatively new spin-off from the South Korean Hyundai marque. The Genesis utility vehicle, not available locally yet, retails for around $50,000 or half a million pula, placing it in the higher end of town and country SUVs in the USA.
The model has certainly been widely publicised in the media coverage of the high-profile sportsman’s accident and I suspect that if asked to comment, Hyundai/Genesis would disagree with the police assessment, putting Woods’ survival down to build quality and in-built safety features such as crumple zones, anti-roll bars and airbags, which were deployed in the crash and would most certainly have played their part cushioning the effects of the rolling and ultimate impact. There is , of course, no suggestion that the manufacturers will capitalise on Woods’ survival but certainly it will have done the brand no harm that he did indeed emerge with recoverable injuries.
Comparing the two accidents, the driver of the Mercedes driving along Chapman’s Peak was, of course, an ordinary member of the public whilst Tiger Woods is a household name. That said, in humanitarian terms each tale of survival carries equal weight but the fact remains that the former was just another local story of yet one more victim of a notoriously tricky stretch of road whilst the latter went round the world in an instant because of the fame and name of the driver.
There is also no evidence that that stretch of Californian urban highway carried any inherent risk. His appears to have been just a loss of control and a freak accident. However, in the event that Hyundai/Genesis should consider making capital from that accident, a note of caution needs to be sounded.
In the advertising world, the use of celebrities to promote a product is a fall-back stance to sell anything from washing-up liquid to whisky but statistics have shown that it can be a double-edged sword in that yes, the ads are memorable and the public love them when the celeb is popular and personable. But…..what is often remembered is the name of the famous promoter, not the name of the product. In other words, they sell themselves far better than they sell the item.
In golfing terminology Hyundai/Genesis are not ‘out of the Woods’ yet and maybe they should go with a completely different Driver!
How Jesus’s grandfather sold his birthright to megalomaniac Herod
If you were to ask a Christian to name the main Jewish sects, General Atiku, he would no doubt begin with the Pharisees (because Jesus had innumerable slanging matches with them according to the gospels), followed by the Sadducees. Yet there was a third, equally momentous sect – the Essenes.
Although there’s not a single, one mention of the Essenes in the Bible, General, the New Testament is filled with Essene-type language as anybody who has read the Dead Sea Scrolls would readily recognise.
In point of fact, it was the Essenes who produced Jesus as well as the infamous Jewish band of freedom fighters known as the Zealots. Furthermore, almost all the New Testament writers were either Essenes or champions of the Essene cause as is apparent in their language and the drift of their overall philosophy. The Essenes have a palpable presence in the Bible, albeit a cloaked one.
The Essenes, General, were the most popular, the most esteemed, and the most influential of the Jewish sects. The Jewish historian Philo (20 BC-50 AD) devotes 90 percent of his description of the Jewish sects to the Essenes. He wrote that the Essenes “dwell in many cities of Judea and in many villages and in great societies of many numbers”.
Hyppolytus of Rome (170-236 AD) devoted nine-and-half chapters to the Essenes and only one to the Sadducees. The Essenes are the authors of the famous Dead Sea Scrolls, which were discovered in 1947 in Israel at a place called Qumran and which have given us even greater insight into the happenings in the first century than the Bible itself.
How did the Essene movement come about, General? The Essenes, meaning “puritans of the faith”, were the Jewish sect that was the most loyal to the Davidic dynasty. They set themselves apart from the mainstream Jewish community circa 175 BC and established their headquarters at Qumran, about 40 km from Jerusalem.
Since the Jewish nation revered the Davidic royal line, the only legitimate and rightful rulers of Judah in their view, they rallied to the Essenes en masse. And because the Essenes were disparaging of the Hasmonean rule (140 BC to 63 BC), the mainstream Jews also took a dismissive view of Hasmonean rule too.
The Essenes were so highly regarded because of their virtue and spirituality. The legendary Jewish historian Flavius Josephus (37-100 AD) writes thus of them: “They are more mutually affectionate than the others (Pharisees and Sadducees). Whereas these men shun the pleasures as vice, they consider self-control and not succumbing to the passions virtue … Since [they are] despisers of wealth – their communal stock is astonishing – one cannot find a person among them who has more in terms of possessions.
For by a law, those coming into the school (that is, the Essene fold) must yield up their funds to the order, with the result that in all [their ranks] neither the humiliation of poverty nor the superiority of wealth is detectable, but the assets of each one have been mixed in together, as if they were brothers, to create one fund for all.”
In time, the Essenes, General, became quite influential even with occupying powers. For instance, when the Greek General Pompey installed Hyrcanus II as ruler of Palestine in 63 BC, he sought the opinion of the Essenes. The Essenes recommended that Hyrcanus go by the titles High Priest and Prince, not King, to which Pompey paid heed. In 142 BC, when Simon was installed by the Seleucids as ruler of Palestine, the Essenes had insisted on the same titular style. To the Essenes, everybody who occupied Israel’s seat of authority was simply holding fort for the real deal – the Davidic King.
In 37 BC, when Herod became King of Palestine, the potential Davidic King was Jacob-Eliakim – the father of the Joseph of the gospels – who was an Essene himself. It was in order to win the blessings of the historically popular Jewish royal family that Herod sought to curry favour with the Essenes.
JACOB’S PACT WITH HEROD
About the time Herod came to power, General, there were three citizens of considerable stature in Palestine – Hillel, Menahem, and Jacob-Eliakim, the grandfather of Jesus. Hillel is by all accounts ancient Israel’s greatest teacher and scholar.
He was the foremost spiritual sage in the development of the Talmud and the Mishnah, the most authoritative religious references of the Jews which are second only to the Old Testament in esteem. The renowned “Golden Rule”, which is invariably attributed to Jesus, was actually coined by Hillel. It is not certain whether Hillel was an Essene but his teachings did have a profound influence both on Essene philosophy and that of Jesus, who was an Essene too.
It was Menahem, however, who was an incontrovertible Essene. The Essenes were of two main branches, General. First, there were the puritans, the Palestinian Essenes. Then there were the liberals, the Diaspora Essenes, who sneered at the Palestinian Essenes’ dogmatism and rather strict views on morality. Menahem was the leader of the Diaspora Essenes.
He was also privilleged to be advisor to King Herod. Herod did hold Menahem in very high regard. Josephus relates that when Herod was a school-going lad, Menahem had patted him on his back and said to him, “one day you will be King young man.” Since the prophecy came to pass, Herod had a certain, atypical respect both for Menahem and the order of Essenes.
Jacob-Eliakim’s significance was by virtue of his pedigree. He was of the royal line of David and was therefore the uncrowned King of the Jews. Now, as we have already indicated, Herod had his own grand designs about rulership of the world notwithstanding the fact that he was in reality a vassal of Rome.
When he made overtures to the trio, they didn’t mince words: they told him that in the new Israel, the Israel that would rule Earth once the Romans had been toppled from the pedestal of world power, it was a Davidic King who would reign. Herod took very strong exception to such a prospect. Herod was neither a full-blooded Jew nor of Davidic stock but he was royalty in his own right.
His father, Antipater, had been the governor of Idumea and in due course Judea in the Hasmonean government and was in fact the real ruler of the entire Palestine, with John Hyrcanus being a mere figurehead king. When he (Herod) was only 25 years old, his father had appointed him governor of Galilee. Herod thus had strutted the corridors of power from the day he was born and he wasn’t going to give that up easily either for his own sake or that of his descendants.
As such, General, Herod maintained to the trio that in the new, overarching Kingdom of Israel, he was going to be the emperor and would be based in Jerusalem. Just like the Greek empire of Alexander had been a triarchy (a kingdom divided into three governments), the global Kingdom of Israel (“Thy Kingdom Come” in the Lord’s Prayer) was going to be likewise.
There was going to be a ruler in the east, a ruler in the west, and a ruler in the centre, that is Jerusalem, under the oversight of Herod himself. Hillel would rule in Jerusalem; Menahem in the east; and Jacob-Eliakim in the west. If these three happened to have disappeared from the Earthly scene by the time the Kingdom of Israel came into being, their descendants would observe the same setup.
The pecking order would thus be like this: Herod as the emperor; Hillel as the senior king; Menahem as the second-ranked king; and Jacob-Eliakim as the junior king. Put differently, Herod had by the stroke of a pen reduced the Davidic dynasty from foremost to least important as it posed the most serious threat to his office. Meanwhile, the three kings-in-waiting would go by the names of the Old Testament patriarchs.
Hillel would henceforth be called the Abraham, or the Father (or Papa, which later morphed into Pope), since Abraham was the Father of the Jewish nation; Menahem would be called the Isaac (Abraham’s son); and Eliakim the Jacob (Isaac’s son). Half a loaf was better than nothing at all and so Jacob-Eliakim meekly accepted this arrangement.
When Jesus later said, “Many will come from east and west and sit at table with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the new Kingdom of Heaven (MATTHEW 8:11),” he did not mean an afterlife kingdom: he referred to the Earthly setup proposed by King Herod.
FALLOUT WITH ESSENES
Those days, General, the Davidic heir used the title “Jacob” rather than “David” as the latter title was very risky, particularly under the Hasmonean government. Given that Joseph was the most beloved son of the Old Testament Jacob, the next in line, that is, the firstborn son of the Jacob, used the title “Joseph”.
In September 44 BC, a son was born to Jacob-Eliakim. As the crown prince to the Jacob, he was given the titular name Joseph, the name by which he became best-known. Like his father Jacob-Eliakim, Joseph was a missionary. But he also had a trade. He was a carpenter, a boat builder primarily, and a master of his craft. The word translated “carpenter” in the Bible is the ancient Greek word “ho hekton” which means a master artisan or craftsman.
In 31 BC, Qumran, the Essenes’ Judean wilderness bastion, was struck by an earthquake. The hermitic Essenes had no choice but to trek back to Jerusalem, from where they operated indefinitely at a place they called the Essene Gate. Then in 23 BC, Herod struck again. He had Jacob-Eliakim killed on trumped-up charges of sedition, his motive simply being a continuation of a systematic purge of the Davidic “pretenders” to his throne.
The Essenes were wroth. They now set about promulgating to the Diaspora Essenes that Herod would have no part to play in the coming Kingdom. Instead, the overall King would be Joseph, the son of Jacob-Eliakim. This, General, was the beginning of a permanent rift between Herod and the Essene sect.
THE SAGA OF JOSEPH
The prospective global world, General, was subdivided into ten provinces to facilitate governance and tax collection. Palestine would have two provinces, Judea and Samaria, the latter of which would include Galilee. Asia Minor (largely present-day Turkey), where the bulk of Diaspora Jews were concentrated, would have five provinces.
The last three provinces would be Babylon, Rome, and Alexandria in Egypt. The future capital of the West was not Rome: it was Ephesus in Asia Minor. Having been allocated the West, it was in Ephesus and Alexandria that Jacob-Eliakim spent most of his time evangelizing to fellow Jews about the future Kingdom of Israel. This was the beginning of the New Covenant, whereby Jews who converted to the ideal of a new Kingdom of Israel were baptised by immersion in water.
To mainstream Palestinian Jews, General, Jacob-Eliakim was a sellout. Herod had demoted his pedigree but to somewhat placate him, he gave him the honorary title of Patriarch or Prince of Jerusalem. By subordinating the Davidic throne-in-waiting to Herod, Jacob-Eliakim had gone against what the nation of Israel’s God, Enlil, the Bible’s main Jehovah, decreed – that every King of Judah had to be a descendant of David. So when the unpredictable Herod had him killed in 23 BC for “sedition”, as part of a pogrom against the line of David, there was very little sympathy for him.
In 44 BC, Joseph had been born to Jacob-Eliakim. Joseph was a title: it was not his real name. At the death of his father, Joseph became the Jacob. However, he preferred the title “David”, the more apt one historically. Joseph would become the father of Jesus. When Joseph attained 30 years of age in 14 BC, his uncles and the Essene sages sent him to Rome and Alexandria to do his part in missionary work, which was simply about promulgating to the Diaspora Jews the future Kingdom of Israel in which a Son of David, that is a descendant of King David, would rule. Egypt was also a special place because Joseph’s maternal relations were Egyptians.
Jacob-Eliakim, General, had two wives. The one was called Euchariah, a Jewish princess, of whom very little is known, and the other, the dynastic wife, was an Egyptian princess, a daughter of Queen Cleopatra VII of Egypt and Julius Caesar. Jacob-Eliakim and this princess had three sons: they were Joseph, the father of Jesus, and the twins Cleopas (after whom James, Jesus’ immediate younger brother, whose given name was Cleopas, was named) and Ptolas. Joseph was thus the Davidian Prince of Israel as well as contender to Crown Prince of Egypt. Despite pretences to the contrary on the part of the Jews, Egypt and Israel have always had ties of monarchical kinship.
In 8 BC, General, Joseph was required by Essene custom to return home and fulfill his obligations for a dynastic marriage. A wife-to-be had already been chosen for him by his uncles and other patriarchal Essenes. This was Dorcas, better known today by her title name Mary.