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“Go to Abode of Gods”

Benson C Saili

Enkidu urges death-plagued bosom-friend Gilgamesh    

The anti-Gilgamesh spooks in the ranks of Uruk’s intelligence community had been alerted about the arrival in town of Enkidu and so were already primed to provide him with all the requisite material support.  Because of his towering size and arresting looks, Enkidu was quick to catch the attention and fascination of the Uruk populace: practically overnight, he was the buzz of the city-state. Word spread about   this mammoth being who was reputed to have fought bears, chimpanzees, and gorillas and wipe the floor with them. Soon there was talk of him challenging Gilgamesh to a wrestling match in a historic clash of the titans.

With Enkidu making waves in his own domain, Gilgamesh got to hear of him but he totally ignored him with typical monarchical ego.  It did not take long, however, for their paths to cross.  A wedding was due and Enkidu was strategically invited as one of the guests of honour. Gilgamesh automatically made a showing with an eye to do his usual deed only this time around there was a spanner in the works.  For when the newly-weds retired to their pad that evening, Enkidu offered to stand guard at their gate to ensure the King did not harass the bride. The couple were ecstatic at the prospect of consummating their marriage without the intrusion of a usurpist third part.

Turning up at the house later in the evening to demand his due, Gilgamesh was stoutly opposed by Enkidu, who told him in no uncertain terms that he was not welcome. The King was surprised at Enkidu’s cheek and boldness. Ordinarily, he’d have let loose his security detail on him but he beckoned to them to hold their ground so that he himself teaches the giant rascal a lesson. Stepping forward, Gilgamesh laid into Enkidu and a fight ensued. “They grappled each other, holding fast like bulls,” the Sumerian chronicles relate. “Walls shook, doorposts shattered as the two wrestled.”

The two behemoths tangled for about 45 minutes as a concourse   of onlookers cheered them on, most of them rooting for Enkidu as opposed to their thuggish King. At some stage in the tussle, Enkidu pinned Gilgamesh, putting him in a rather precarious position whereby he had no option but to tap out in submission. For the first time in his life, Gilgamesh had lost a wrestling scrap. The sense of ignominy was harrowing.

The following day, the King’s defeat was the number one  topic of conversation throughout Uruk. There was even conjectural talk that Gilgamesh was so mortified he was contemplating stepping down from the throne to give way to Enkidu. Meanwhile, wherever Enkidu went, he was lauded, feted, and serenaded like a kind of messiah. In a bid to reclaim his fame as a gladiator, Gilgamesh issued a challenge to Enkidu for them to clash again in a Samson-versus-Hercules affair, this time in a formal wrestling setting and not the impromptu one in which he was routed. Enkidu gleefully accepted the challenge.

It was the most heralded and best-attended wrestling match in Uruk’s history, with some people travelling from neighbouring Sumerian city-states to come and witness the contest first hand. They got their money’s worth:  it was a pulsating and engaging  see-saw match in which both men fought their lungs out. Sadly for Gilgamesh, he was made to tap out in surrender once again even after weeks of preparation, with the chant “Enkidu! Enkidu!” rending the air: as always, the popular Hercules had beaten Samson hands down.

Shortly after the umpire had lifted Enkidu’s hand in triumph, Ninsun, Gilgamesh’s mother, came into the ring and announced that she did not wish Gilgamesh and Enkidu to be foes but the very best of friends. Paying heed, a humbled Gilgamesh walked over to Enkidu, gave him a bear hug, and told him from that day on the two would be inseparable, to which Enkidu nodded heartily and the audience applauded in cheerful acknowledgement. Gilgamesh’s dream of yesteryears had come to pass: it  was the beginning of a Damon and Pythias kind of friendship.

Enkidu turned out to be Gilgamesh’s luck-bringer. As time went by and as he matured mentally, he showed “wisdom and broad understanding” and being an everyday companion of Gilgamesh, the latter immensely benefitted from his invariably sage advice. Gilgamesh would over time become known as “The wise one, he who has experienced everything”. Gone now were the days when Gilgamesh made an art of sexually molesting brides and teenage girls thanks to Enkidu’s restraining   influence: once again, he was back in the good graces of his subjects as   an exceedingly popular King,  in fact going on to  become Uruk’s first and only celebrity monarch ever.

We noted last week that like his father Lugalbanda before him, Gilgamesh loved and enjoyed life. He wanted to waltz on Cloud 9 in perpetuity. But there was a catch: there would come a time when he’d grow old and at long last die, leaving this wonderful world  behind. But why should he die? The question began to haunt him again just as it did when he saw Utu-Shamash about it last time around.  He wasn’t an ordinary human being: he was at least two-thirds Anunnaki, almost a full-fledged god and gods never died. Surely, with so much Anunnaki blood in him, he was deserving of immortality wasn’t he?  Why should he “peer over the wall” (ancient metaphor for “dying”) like an ordinary mortal?

     Thus plagued non-stop by the death conundrum, this time Gilgamesh decided to approach   his mother Ninsun, rather than Uncle Shamash, to seek clarity on the matter and to find out from her whether it was possible for him to retain eternal youth.
     “Mum,” he said, “I am about three-quarters god. Gods don’t die. Why therefore should I be fated to die? Why can’t I live forever like you do?”

     “Well son,” Ninsun answered, “You too could live as long as we do. All you need to do is travel to the Celestial Eden (planet Nibiru) and stay there for at least one full shar. The secret to our longevity lies in the long orbital period of our planet. You want to live forever son? Come to our planet: join us there.”   

     “Wait a minute Mum,” Gilgamesh said.  “I am told that Ziusudra (Noah), the Hero of the Deluge, didn’t go to Heaven (Nibiru) but he’s still alive. He lives somewhere around the Land of Mines (Tilmun in the Sinai Peninsula, the site of the spaceport) with his wife in total bliss. I don’t need to go to Heaven to live forever like Ziusudra do  I?”

     “His is a special case son,” Ninsun replied. “As you say, he was the hero of the Deluge. He did something really extraordinary to merit that idyllic situation in which he finds himself.”
     “Suppose I wish to travel to Heaven, what do I need to get there?”

     “You will need a Fiery Stone we call a shem (rocketship). And since you cannot pilot a shem, you will need Eagles (astronauts) to take you there.  Only at Tilmun are Eagles and shems found. However, it is unlikely that Shamash, who is in charge of Tilmun, would give you the green light to venture to Tilmun and proceed to our planet.”  

     “Why not Mum?” Gilgamesh wondered aloud. “Adapa was taken to Heaven. So was  Enoch and so was Etana. All these were demigods like I am. So why can’t I be taken to Heaven too?”
     “I am afraid those questions can best be answered by the likes of Enlil and Shamash son,” Ninsun regretted. “Much as I’d love you to  travel to my planet and acquire immortality,  my hands are tied: there’s utterly nothing I can do. I’m a goddess all right but I’m insignificant in the greater scheme of things. I’m not even among the Pantheon of the Twelve great gods and goddesses. In fact, we goddesses hardly have any sway over the agenda for this planet and its people: it’s the gods who call the shots.”


As Gilgamesh and Enkidu bonded, they confided in each other their secrets as well as their most pressing   preoccupations of mind. On the part of Gilgamesh, his major obsessions still were his fear of death and the implication of the Handiwork of Anu, the rocket booster he encountered in his dream. Gilgamesh told Enkidu about his mum’s interpretation of the dream, which had already been fulfilled in the person of Enkidu, and his own  – that it was King Anu’s way of inviting him to the “Divine Abode”(Nibiru) to gain immortality and that it was essential that he honours the Heavenly Father’s wish. All he needed was access to a shem. “O Enkidu,  even the mighty wither;  they meet the fated end,” he lamented of the human condition. “Even the tallest man (metaphor for a human being like him who had a lot of Anunnaki blood in him) cannot stretch to Heaven (go to Nibiru).”

The emotion Gilgamesh showed as he uttered these words moved Enkidu. “The eyes of Enkidu filled with tears, ill was his heart, bitterly he sighed,” the Sumerian records relate. Once both men had regained their calm, Enkidu at first seemed to concur with his best friend’s view of the fate of a human  being. “Who, my friend, can scale Heaven?" he paused a rhetorical question. “Only the gods, by going to the underground place of Shamash. Mankind's days are numbered; whatever they achieve is but the wind.”

Enkidu then proceeded to relate the snippets he had picked up whilst he was under the tutelage of Enki, that there was a place on Earth where Gilgamesh could access a shem. This place, which  was overseen by Shamash and was known as the Abode of the Gods, was located somewhere in the Cedar Mountains. But since it was a foregone conclusion that the gods would never permit Gilgamesh to  venture there, the only way to do so was to force his way there.

Enkidu, however, was not exactly spot-on. He was talking about Baalbek, the Landing Place, but Baalbek was not the spaceport proper: it was the Heathrow Airport of the day.  The spaceport proper was at Tilmun in the Sinai Peninsula. The mix-up was understandable since Enkidu wasn’t that conversant in these matters. What he said nevertheless did  ring a bell to Gilgamesh: he too had heard about the Land of the Living located not very far from the  Land of Mines (Tilmun) where Noah, his wife and other  consecrated Earthlings  lived happily ever after  in eternal youth. “It is the abode of the forefathers who by the great gods with the Purifying Waters were anointed,” he explained to Enkidu. “There, partaking of the food and beverage of the gods, have been residing princes born to the crown who had ruled the land in days of yore. Like Anu and Enlil, spiced meats they are served; from waterskins, cool water to them is poured.”

There was a chance, Gilgamesh reasoned,  that the Land of the Living and the Abode of the Gods Enkidu was talking about were one and the same given that the Anunnaki were notoriously tight-lipped about these matters: they just never talked about them for fear of triggering a Paradise-bound stampede from Earthlings. Thus both Baalbek and Tilmun were largely received as legends by the greater majority of Earthlings.

Roused by the Enkidu cue, Gilgamesh decided there and then that he must undertake a daredevil’s journey to the “underground place of Shamash” in the Cedar Mountain so as to “scale Heaven” in the manner the gods did come what may.  “The Land I will  enter. I will  set up my shem. In the place where the shems have been raised up, I a shem I will  raise up.” Gilgamesh put it to Enkidu that even if he perishes in the enterprise, he will have made history anyway. “Should I fall, ‘Gilgamesh against fierce Huwawa had fallen' they will say long after my offspring will be born.” But before he set out on this adventure, it was imperative that Gilgamesh take soundings with the Council of the Elders, the King of Uruk’s highest advisory organ.


Gilgamesh was just about to call an assembly of the elders when Enkidu stopped him in his tracks. “You know what buddy?” he said as he clasped the great Uruk King’s hand in his. “Let me go check out the Abode of the Gods before you do so that if there are any snares or perils of sorts, you get to know them in advance.  Let me go ahead of you. Let your mouth say to me, ‘Advance Enkidu: fear not’.”

The idea was appealing but Gilgamesh was reluctant to countenance it. It didn’t seem right to throw his best friend into the breach, to use him as cannon fodder. What if something sinister happened to him?  Enkidu, however, was so insistent Gilgamesh at long last caved in.  When he set off, Enkidu was not all alone: he was with a retinue of auxiliary men who were armed to the teeth. And for every day Enkidu was away, Gilgamesh kept an eye out for his safe return.

About a month later, Enkidu was back and in one piece. But he didn’t have particularly good news. He reported that the Cedar Mountain was not easy to breach as it was guarded by a seemingly invincible monstrous creature known as Huwawa, whose principal brief was to keep humans from foolhardily scaling the mountain and stealing into the Abode of the Gods.  Huwawa, said Enkidu, was a “feared monster with the fiery Killer Beam that shoots out from its forehead”. Enkidu also made mention of “weapon-trees that kill”. He said, “I went down into its (the Cedar Mountain) midst. For many leagues extends the forest. The place is guarded by the Cedar Forest's watcher.

The Fiery Warrior is a mighty, never resting guardian artfully created by Enlil, a siege engine whose mouth is fire, whose breath is death, whose roaring is a flood-storm.  The monster's name is Huwawa. As a terror to mortals Enlil has appointed him. And no one can even come near him, for at sixty leagues (330 km) he can hear the wild cows of the forest.”

Exactly who was Huwawa and “weapon-trees that kill”?  From the way he is described, he clearly was not flesh and blood. He was one of a mechanical “race” of cyborgs – sophisticated robotic creatures installed under the aegis of Enlil. Huwawa was programmed to pick up the thermal (infra-red) image of an Earthling as he approached the Cedar Mountains and obliterate him with a Killer Beam, that is, a fatal laser beam, that shot out from the middle of his brow. The “weapon-trees that kill” were tall, upright, laser-equipped remote-controlled surveillance masts that were disguised as trees.  

In Huwawa, also spelt Hwahwa, can be detected an echo of Cyclops, in Greek and Roman mythology  a member of a primordial race of giants, each with a single eye in the centre of his forehead. The equivalent of Huwawa in Setswana is gu-gu, meaning a “nondescript creature”. In African lore, a scary, nondescript creature which preys on mankind in one way or the other is variously known as a demon, ghost, apparition, or vampire.  In Zambia’s most dominant language, Bemba, a ghost is referred to as a wa without determinatives, or ici-wa (literally “fallen creature”) with a singular determinative. This nomenclature no doubt stems from the Sumerians’  Huwawa. Just as Huwawa was conceived and commissioned as an enemy of mankind, ghosts are also believed to be enemy tormentors/killers  of mankind.  


Once again, Gilgamesh decided to announce  his intended mission to the Council of Elders and hear their take.  Naturally, they were alarmed at their king’s certain encounter with the death-dealing Huwawa. “We hear that Huwawa is wondrously built,” they voiced their anxiety. “Who is there to face his weapons? Unequal struggle it is with the siege-engine Huwawa.”

A doggedly determined  Gilgamesh assured them that he could take care of himself in the face of Huwawa and that in any case, he was ready to die in his quest to attain immortality. Noting that their great King just would not budge, they proceeded to render him some piece of advice – that he obtains the consent and protection of Shamash before he set out on the journey. “If the Land thou wish to enter,  inform Utu. Inform Utu, the hero Utu! The Land, it is in Utu's charge. The Land which with the cedars is aligned, it is the hero Utu's charge. Inform Utu! Let Shamash grant thee thy desire: what thy mouth hath spoken, let him show thine eyes. May he open for thee the barred path, the road unclose for thy treading, the mountain unclose for thy foot.”

The King duly hearkened to the advice of the elders. He made a sacrifice to Shamash as was the custom before a mortal saw a god. Then entering the god’s presence and led by a high priest,  the King intoned thus on his knees: “O Utu, my hands are raised in prayer. Bring me to the landing place. The Land which with the cool cedars is aligned I wish to enter, be thou my ally:  let me go, O Shamash! To the Landing Place give command … Establish over me your protection!  Let me enter the Land. Let me set up my shem. In the places where the shems are raised up, let me raise my own shem. Be thou my ally! By the life of my goddess mother who bore me, my step direct to the Land.” Would Shamash heed the desperate King’s prayer?


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A “Virgin” Conceives

2nd March 2021

Princess Mary falls pregnant only one month after her betrothal to Prince Joseph

To put the lineage of Mary the mother of Jesus in context, General Atiku, it is in order that we begin with her grandfather Yehoshua  (Jesus in Greek) III.

Mary was offspring of two royal lines, the Davidic line and the Hasmonean line. Yehoshua III was the Herod–appointed High Priest of Israel between 36 and 23 BC.  He had no sons, only three daughters namely Joanna, Elizabeth, and Anna, all of whom he organised dynastic suitors.

Elizabeth would be married off into the House of Aaron, the legitimate priestly line, and Joanna and Anna would be married off into the House of David, the legitimate kingly line. That’s how Elizabeth became the wife of Zechariah of the tribe of Levi and in due course the mother of John the Baptist.

Mainstream Israel up to the level of the Sanhedrin had recognised Anna as the eligible mother of the future King of Israel and not the sitting impostor Herod (it is not clear what happened to first-born Joanna but she probably passed away before she got married). Anna was accordingly married off to Alexander III, a Davidic and Hasmonean prince who was best known as Heli as indeed the genealogy of Luke clearly attests.

Heli and Anna too had no sons. They only had daughters, the firstborn of whom was Dorcas, whose was born in 26 BC and whose titular name was Mary.  Mary was orphaned early in her childhood when her father Heli was killed in 17 BC at the orders of the increasingly paranoid Herod and when her mother Anna died a year or so later.

Since she was a dynastic heiress, it was likely that Herod would come after her. The Essenes thus secreted her somewhere in remote Galilee. It was actually in Galilee that most members of the Davidic royal line were concentrated not only to keep as far away from Herod as possible but to also enjoy the protective custody of the Zealots, who were the secret military wing of the Essenes and a thorn in the side of both Herod and the Romans.  Joseph was also officially based in Galilee although both he and Mary were in truth based at Qumran in the Judean wilds.


Dynastic marriages are often more politically strategic than spontaneous, General. For example, the union of Prince Charles and Princess Diana was motivated by the need to fuse the Windsor genes with those of the Stuarts as the Windsors, being predominantly Reptilians, were finding it increasingly difficult to maintain their human form.

The Stuarts, the clan of Diana, had by far more human genes than Reptilian and they too were an aristocratic family. That’s why once Charles had produced a  “heir and a spare”, he completely sidelined Diana, who he had never loved, and devoted himself to his real love – Camilla Parker-Bowles.

The marriage of Joseph to Mary, General, was equally strategic. Although both were from the tribe of Judah and of the royal Davidic line, they were from different branches.  Joseph was a descendant of Solomon, whereas Mary was a descendant of Nathan, Solomon’s elder brother. The line of Solomon, as we once underlined, had been tainted by the Jeconiah curse.

The line of Nathan was clean. Since the son of Joseph and Mary would be the future King of Israel, it was important that he not be compromised by the baggage, rightly or wrongly, of the Jeconiah curse. Hence the desirability of the union of Prince Joseph and Princess Mary.

Now, both Joseph and Mary’s clans were Essenes. As such, their marriage process, formalities, and protocols had to strictly adhere to Essene dynastic rules. The Essenes were in ranks. Amongst the higher echelons were the two great dynasties, the Davids and the Zadoks, who had been the high priests and kings of Israel respectively before the destruction of the Temple by Nebuchadnezzar in 586 BC.

The Davids and Zadoks lived a strictly holy life, typically in a monastery at Qumran, the reclusive headquarters of the Essenes. They were sequestered there so that they did not fall prey to the machinations of the bloodthirsty King Herod though officially their address was Galilee.  In fact, the major reason the Essene movement had come into existence was to preserve and safeguard the Davidic and Zadokite lines, the religio-politico haunt of Herod and the Hasmoneans initially.

According to the Essene code, General, the Zadoks and the Davids were not to engage in sex for recreational purposes because it was regarded as defiling: it diluted holiness. The only times they were supposed to do so was when need arose to produce heirs. In 8 BC, it was now opportune for Joseph, the David, to produce a heir and so he was excused from a life of chastity.

At this point in time in fact, the Essenes were focused on two dynastic figures. These were Joseph and Zechariah. The two were expected to produce the Messiah of David and the Messiah of Aaron, that is, the future King of Israel and the future High Priest of Israel.

According to Essene rules, the David had to marry at age 36, so that by the time he was 40, he had already sired a heir. The new heir had to be born when the David was 37. If the child was a daughter, she could not inherit, and so the David had to set about the procreation of a second-born, who hopefully would be a boy (copulation to that end was allowed only when the daughter was 3 years old).

The Davidic heir had to be born not in any other month but in September, the holiest in the Jewish calendar. In order to conform to these parameters, a betrothal ceremony was held at the beginning of June. During the betrothal period – the three months from beginning of June to end of August – sexual relations were not permitted.

Then at the beginning of September, a First Marriage was held. This was the beginning of the marriage proper as now the couple were allowed to become intimate. However, the intimacy began only in December, with a view to delivering a heir in September the following year. At the end of March, the Second Marriage was held for it was hoped that by that time the spouse was three months pregnant if there hadn’t been a miscarriage. With the Second Marriage, the wedlock was permanent: divorce was never allowed whatsoever.

Meanwhile, General, if the spouse hadn’t conceived in December, sexual relations were suspended till December the following year. The husband would then leave her spouse and return either to the monastery at Qumran or embark on a tour of duty elsewhere in furtherance of the Essene cause.


According to the Dead Sea Scrolls, General, the Essenes were not only a spiritual, revolutionary, and philosophical movement. They were also ardent believers in astrology. They meticulously studied the stars and the movements of planets to read what they portended about the future.

Thus the reason a Davidic heir had to be born in September was not only because this was the holiest month of the year: it was also in recognition of the fact that September was ruled by the constellation Virgo. In other words, September was astrologically the month of the virgin. That was what Mary was.

Mary was both a virgin physically and a virgin titularly. A bride of the future king was required to be a virgin. As an Essene, Mary belonged to the Order (not the tribe) of Dan.  This was the Order of Nuns, or virgins, both legal and physical virgins. Thus in the Order of Dan, a woman was not a virgin only before she slept with a man: she was a virgin until she was six months pregnant. In the case of a dynastic spouse like Mary, this was up to end of June.  From then henceforth, she was promoted within the Order to the first stage of a Mother.

Joseph’s betrothal to Mary took place at Qumran in June 8 BC. Now, in our day, betrothal simply means engagement to be married. In ancient Israel up to New Testament times, betrothal was part and parcel of the marriage contract. It was definite and binding upon both groom and bride, who were considered as man and wife in all legal and religious aspects, except that sexual relations were not permitted.

For example, in 2 SAMUEL 3:14, King David refers to his betrothed woman as “my wife”. Also in DEUTERONOMY 22:24, a betrothed woman is referred to as “his neighbour’s wife”.  In the betrothal formalities, dowry and bride price were included. If a bride and groom for one reason or the other wanted to opt out of the betrothal after the betrothal ceremony, they had to seek a formal divorce.

Since the betrothal took place in June, General, Joseph and Mary were not supposed to make love till December, that is, six months after the betrothal ceremony and three months after the First Marriage ceremony in September. Just one month after the betrothal ceremony (that is, at the beginning of July 8 BC), however, Mary became pregnant. Was it Joseph, General? Was it rape by a Roman soldier called Panthera as some contemporary records suggest? Or was it simply the supernatural act of the “Holy Spirit” as Christendom holds?


Those who hold that the circumstances of Mary’s pregnancy were supernatural, General, can be excused. This is because the language employed therein smacks of ethereality – Holy Spirit, Angel Gabriel, Son of the Most High, etc. To those who have read and rigorously studied the Dead Sea Scrolls, however, such terminology is well within the temporal context.

That is to say, it does not carry spiritual connotations as such. True, the idea of an angel speaking to Joseph and Mary in their sleep may seem supernatural but the dreams are theological interpolations, inserted into the gospels in onward editing to fit a contrived agenda – what Karl Marx called the opium of the masses.

The Dead Sea Scrolls are so named because they were discovered in caves around the Qumran plateau of the West Bank (about 40 km east of Jerusalem), at the northwest corner of the Dead Sea, in March 1947. The discoverer was a Bedouin shepherd kid who was looking for a lost goat. The scrolls were found hidden in jars.

The 1947 find was the initial discovery: more discoveries were made after further excavations on the same site spanning 11 years in a series of 11 caves. Altogether, 972 texts were   turned up. They are written in four languages, namely Hebrew (the majority), Aramaic, Greek, and Nabatean, mostly on parchment. Other texts were inscribed on papyrus and bronze.

Most of the Dead Sea Scrolls are fragments. Fragments of all the Old Testament books have been found save for the book of Esther. The only complete book is Isaiah.  There are also apocryphal books (those arbitrarily excluded from the Old Testament canon by the Constantine-convened Nicene Council of AD 325) such as the Book of Enoch and the Book of Jubilees, and sect-specific writings that embody rules and beliefs of the people who compiled them.

The latter include commentaries on the Old Testament, paraphrases that expand on the Law of Moses, rule books of the community, war conduct, thanksgiving psalms, hymnic compositions, benedictions, liturgical texts, and sapiential (wisdom) writing. These texts have been given appropriate titles such as the War Scroll; Manual of Discipline; the Community Rule; the Temple Scroll; the Copper Scroll; etc.

The Dead Sea Scrolls were written/preserved by the Essenes between 168 BC and 68 AD. We know this because Pliny, the first century Roman historian, wrote that, “On the west coast of Lake Asphaltitis (the Dead Sea) are settled the Essenes, at some distance from the noisome odours that are experienced on the shore itself.

They are a lonely people, the most extraordinary in the world, who live without women, without love, without money, with the palm trees for their only companions.”   The Essenes stashed away the scrolls sometime in 70 AD, when Roman General Flavius Titus overran Jerusalem and laid waste to the Temple following a catastrophic Jewish uprising – led by the Zealots, the military wing of the Essenes – that began in 66 BC.

This they did in heed of JEREMIAH 32:14, which says, “Thus saith the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel; Take these evidences … and put them in an earthen vessel, that they may continue many days.” The Dead Sea Scrolls have given us invaluable insight into the beliefs, customs, rituals, politics, philosophies, and traditions of first century Palestine.


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A crash course in publicity

2nd March 2021

The rivalry between luxury German automotive marques Mercedes-Benz and BMW is legendary. Both brands offer high-end, high-priced desirable models, always at the forefront of cutting-edge driving technology and excellence. And in the annals of the advertising world, a campaign between the two rivals is equally legendary and it happened on our own doorstep.

Many of you will be familiar with the coastal road out of Cape Town called Chapman’s Peak. It is a beautiful, sightseeing attraction, the road winding through spectacular coastal-mountain scenery, with cliffs sinking into the  Atlantic ocean on one side, and steep mountains towering over the road on the other. However, the road is also notoriously dangerous, with its 114 sharp, meandering bends . It’s reputation is well-deserved . Several years ago, when a major coastal cleanup campaign was launched, a helicopter pulled a total of 22 wrecked cars out of the water adjacent to Chapman’s Peak and it was one such accident which prefaced the notorious marketing battle. The story is thus:

In 1988 an Irish businessman lost control of his Mercedes Benz when driving along this road, plunging 100 metres down the cliff. Miraculously, he not only survived the accident, but crawled out of the wreckage with hardly a scratch on his body.

When Mercedes heard the details, the marketing department decided to base a new advertisement on the story to promote the safety features and stability of the brand. In the video ad they intentionally drove an identical model off the road in the exact same location, having it plunge off the edge of the cliff, the driver stepping out similarly unscathed, proving the phenomenal survivability and strength of Mercedes Benz.

When the marketing suits at BMW saw this ad, they took a bold and ingenious decision to mimic it but with a twist. Only a week later, whilst the first ad was still fresh in the public’s minds, they shot their ad showing a BMW driving along the exact same stretch of road in the rain. However, when it reached the point at which the Mercedes plunged off the cliff, the BMW negotiated it safely, and continued driving along the road.

The catchphrase of the ad was “BMW beats the bends” . Or was it? It was cunningly recorded so that it could equally have been ‘beats the Benz’, implying that their cars had superior cornering and stability to their rival, Even more sneakily, they launched their campaign on a Saturday, mindful of the rules on competitive advertising in South Africa, safe in the knowledge that no objectionable actions could be taken till the new working week.

Mercedes-Benz wasted no time on Monday in issuing an injunction, the ad was swiftly pulled but the damage was done and the dog had had its day. The ad campaign ranks high in the history of advertising and can still be found online to this day. Meanwhile the rivalry between the two automotive greats goes on.

I reference this piece of marketing history in the light of this week’s horror crash by golfing great, Tiger Woods. Driving from a luxury holiday resort in California to a nearby country club Tiger Woods lost control of his vehicle on a downhill stretch of the road, smashed through a road sign, crossed over the central reservation and rolled his car several hundred feet. He had to be cut out and pulled to safety through the windscreen and the vehicle was so badly damaged, the attending police officers said he was ‘lucky to survive’.

The vehicle Woods was driving was a rented Genesis GV80 SUV. If you are unfamiliar with the brand that is not surprising since it is a relatively new spin-off from the South Korean Hyundai marque. The Genesis utility vehicle, not available locally yet, retails for around $50,000 or half a million pula, placing it in the higher end of town and country SUVs in the USA.

The model has certainly been widely publicised in the media coverage of the high-profile sportsman’s accident and I suspect that if asked to comment, Hyundai/Genesis would disagree with the police assessment, putting Woods’ survival down to build quality and in-built safety features such as crumple zones, anti-roll bars and airbags, which were deployed in the crash and would most certainly have played their part cushioning the effects of the rolling and ultimate impact. There is , of course, no suggestion that the manufacturers will capitalise on Woods’ survival but certainly it will have done the brand no harm that he did indeed emerge with recoverable injuries.

Comparing the two accidents, the driver of the Mercedes driving along Chapman’s Peak was, of course, an ordinary member of the public whilst Tiger Woods is a household name. That said, in humanitarian terms each tale of survival carries equal weight but the fact remains that the former was just another local story of yet one more victim of a notoriously tricky stretch of road whilst the latter went round the world in an instant because of the fame and name of the driver.

There is also no evidence that that stretch of Californian urban highway carried any inherent risk. His appears to have been just a loss of control and a freak accident. However, in the event that Hyundai/Genesis should consider making capital from that accident, a note of caution needs to be sounded.

In the advertising world, the use of celebrities to promote a product is a fall-back stance to sell anything from washing-up liquid to whisky but statistics have shown that it can be a double-edged sword in that yes, the ads are memorable and the public love them when the celeb is popular and personable. But…..what is often remembered is the name of the famous promoter, not the name of the product. In other words, they sell themselves far better than they sell the item.

In golfing terminology Hyundai/Genesis are not ‘out of the Woods’ yet and maybe they should go with a completely different Driver!

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Pact with the Devil

2nd March 2021

How Jesus’s grandfather sold his birthright to megalomaniac Herod

If you were to ask a Christian to name the main Jewish sects, General Atiku, he would no doubt begin with the Pharisees (because Jesus had innumerable slanging matches with  them according to the gospels), followed by the Sadducees.  Yet there was a third, equally momentous sect – the Essenes.

Although there’s not a single, one mention of the Essenes in the Bible, General, the New Testament is filled with Essene-type language as anybody who has read the Dead Sea Scrolls would readily recognise.

In point of fact, it was the Essenes who produced Jesus as well as the infamous Jewish band of freedom fighters known as the Zealots. Furthermore, almost all the New Testament writers were either Essenes or champions of the Essene cause as is apparent in their language and the drift of their overall philosophy.   The Essenes have a palpable presence in the Bible, albeit a cloaked one.

The Essenes, General, were the most popular, the most esteemed, and the most influential of the Jewish sects. The Jewish historian Philo (20 BC-50 AD) devotes 90 percent of his description of the Jewish sects to the Essenes. He wrote that the Essenes  “dwell in many cities of Judea and in many villages and in great societies of many numbers”.

Hyppolytus of Rome (170-236 AD) devoted nine-and-half chapters to the Essenes and only one to the Sadducees.     The Essenes are the authors of the famous Dead Sea Scrolls, which were discovered in 1947 in Israel at a place called Qumran and which have given us even greater insight into the happenings in the first century than the Bible itself.

How did the Essene movement come about, General?  The Essenes, meaning “puritans of the faith”, were the Jewish sect that was the most loyal to the Davidic dynasty. They set themselves apart from the mainstream Jewish community circa 175 BC and established their headquarters at Qumran,  about 40 km from Jerusalem.

Since the Jewish nation revered the Davidic royal line, the only legitimate and rightful rulers of Judah in their view, they rallied to the Essenes en masse. And because the Essenes were disparaging of the Hasmonean rule (140 BC to 63 BC), the mainstream Jews also took a dismissive view of Hasmonean rule too.

The Essenes were so highly regarded because of their virtue and spirituality. The legendary Jewish historian Flavius Josephus (37-100 AD) writes thus of them: “They are more mutually affectionate than the others (Pharisees and Sadducees). Whereas these men shun the pleasures as vice, they consider self-control and not succumbing to the passions virtue  … Since [they are] despisers of wealth –  their communal stock is astonishing – one cannot find a person among them who has more in terms of possessions.

For by a law, those coming into the school (that is, the Essene fold) must yield up their funds to the order, with the result that in all [their ranks] neither the humiliation of poverty nor the superiority of wealth is detectable, but the assets of each one have been mixed in together, as if they were brothers, to create one fund for all.”

In time, the Essenes, General, became quite influential even with occupying powers. For instance, when the Greek General Pompey installed Hyrcanus II as ruler of  Palestine in 63 BC,  he sought the opinion  of the Essenes. The Essenes recommended that Hyrcanus go by the titles High Priest and Prince, not King, to which Pompey paid heed. In  142 BC, when Simon was installed by the Seleucids as ruler of Palestine, the Essenes had insisted on the same titular style. To the Essenes, everybody who occupied Israel’s seat of authority was simply holding fort for the real deal – the Davidic  King.

In 37 BC, when Herod became King of Palestine, the potential Davidic King was Jacob-Eliakim – the father of the Joseph of the gospels – who was an Essene himself. It was in order to win the blessings of the historically popular Jewish royal family that Herod sought to curry favour with the Essenes.


About the time Herod came to power, General, there were three citizens of considerable stature in Palestine – Hillel, Menahem, and Jacob-Eliakim, the grandfather of Jesus. Hillel is by all accounts ancient Israel’s greatest teacher and scholar.

He was the foremost spiritual sage in the development of the Talmud and the Mishnah, the most authoritative religious references of the Jews which are second only to the Old Testament in esteem.   The renowned “Golden Rule”, which is invariably attributed to Jesus, was actually coined by Hillel. It is not certain whether Hillel was an Essene but his teachings did have a profound influence both on Essene philosophy and that of Jesus, who was an Essene too.

It was Menahem, however, who was an incontrovertible Essene. The Essenes were of two main branches, General. First, there were the puritans, the Palestinian Essenes. Then there were the liberals, the Diaspora Essenes, who sneered at the Palestinian Essenes’ dogmatism and rather strict views on morality. Menahem was the leader of the  Diaspora Essenes.

He was also privilleged to be advisor to King Herod. Herod did hold Menahem in very high regard. Josephus relates that when Herod was a school-going lad, Menahem had patted him on his back and said to him, “one day you will be King young man.” Since the prophecy came to pass, Herod had a certain, atypical respect both for Menahem and the order of Essenes.

Jacob-Eliakim’s significance was by virtue of his pedigree. He was of the royal line of David and was therefore the uncrowned King of the Jews. Now, as we have already indicated, Herod had his own grand designs about rulership of the world notwithstanding the fact that he was in reality a vassal of Rome.

When he made overtures to the trio, they didn’t mince words: they told him that in the new Israel, the Israel that would rule Earth once the Romans had been toppled from the pedestal of world power, it was a Davidic King who would reign. Herod took very strong  exception to such a prospect. Herod was neither a full-blooded Jew nor of Davidic stock but he was royalty in his own right.

His father, Antipater,  had been the governor of Idumea and in due course Judea in  the Hasmonean government and was in fact the real ruler of the entire Palestine, with John Hyrcanus being a  mere figurehead king.  When he (Herod) was only 25 years old, his father had appointed him governor of Galilee.   Herod thus had strutted the corridors of power from the day he was born and he wasn’t going to give that up easily either for his own sake or that of his descendants.

As such, General, Herod maintained to the trio that in the new, overarching Kingdom of Israel, he was going to be the emperor and would be based in Jerusalem. Just like the Greek empire of Alexander had been a triarchy (a kingdom divided into three governments), the global Kingdom of Israel (“Thy Kingdom Come” in the Lord’s Prayer) was going to be likewise.

There was going to be a ruler in the east, a ruler in the west, and a ruler in the centre, that is Jerusalem, under the oversight of Herod himself. Hillel would rule in Jerusalem; Menahem in the east; and Jacob-Eliakim in the west. If these three happened to have disappeared from the Earthly scene by the time the Kingdom of Israel came into being, their descendants would observe the same setup.

The pecking order would thus be like this: Herod as the emperor; Hillel as the senior king; Menahem as the second-ranked king; and Jacob-Eliakim as the junior king. Put differently, Herod had by the stroke of a pen reduced the Davidic dynasty from foremost to least important as it posed the most serious threat to his office. Meanwhile, the three kings-in-waiting would go by the names of the Old Testament patriarchs.

Hillel would henceforth be called the Abraham, or the Father (or Papa, which later morphed into Pope), since Abraham was the Father of the Jewish nation; Menahem would be called the Isaac (Abraham’s son); and Eliakim the Jacob (Isaac’s son). Half a loaf was better than nothing at all and so Jacob-Eliakim meekly accepted this arrangement.

When Jesus later said, “Many will come from east and west and sit at table with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the new Kingdom of Heaven (MATTHEW 8:11),” he did not mean an afterlife kingdom: he referred to the Earthly setup proposed by King Herod.


Those days, General, the Davidic heir used the title “Jacob” rather than “David” as the latter title was very risky, particularly under the Hasmonean government. Given that Joseph was the most beloved son of the Old Testament Jacob, the next in line, that is, the firstborn son of the Jacob, used the title “Joseph”.

In September 44 BC, a son was born to Jacob-Eliakim. As the crown prince to the Jacob, he was given the titular name Joseph, the name by which he became best-known.  Like his father Jacob-Eliakim, Joseph was a missionary. But he also had a trade. He was a carpenter, a boat builder primarily, and a master of his craft. The word translated “carpenter” in the Bible is the ancient Greek word “ho hekton” which means a master artisan or craftsman.

In 31 BC, Qumran, the Essenes’ Judean wilderness bastion, was struck by an earthquake. The hermitic Essenes had no choice but to trek back to Jerusalem, from where they operated indefinitely at a place they called the Essene Gate. Then in 23 BC, Herod struck again. He had Jacob-Eliakim killed on trumped-up charges of sedition, his motive simply being a continuation of a systematic purge of  the Davidic “pretenders” to his throne.

The Essenes were wroth. They now set about promulgating to the Diaspora Essenes that Herod would have no part to play in the coming Kingdom. Instead, the overall King would be Joseph, the son of Jacob-Eliakim. This, General, was the beginning of a permanent rift between Herod and the Essene sect.


The prospective global world, General, was subdivided into ten provinces to facilitate governance and tax collection. Palestine would have two provinces, Judea and Samaria, the latter of which would include Galilee. Asia Minor (largely present-day Turkey), where the bulk of Diaspora Jews were concentrated, would have five provinces.

The last three provinces would be Babylon, Rome, and Alexandria in Egypt. The future capital of the West was not Rome: it was Ephesus in Asia Minor. Having been allocated the West, it was in Ephesus and Alexandria that Jacob-Eliakim spent most of his time evangelizing to fellow Jews about the future Kingdom of Israel. This was the beginning of the New Covenant, whereby Jews who converted to the ideal of a new Kingdom of Israel were baptised by immersion in water.

To mainstream Palestinian Jews, General, Jacob-Eliakim was a sellout. Herod had demoted his pedigree but to somewhat placate him, he gave him the honorary title of Patriarch or Prince of Jerusalem. By subordinating the Davidic throne-in-waiting to Herod, Jacob-Eliakim had  gone against what the nation of Israel’s God, Enlil, the Bible’s main Jehovah, decreed – that every King of Judah had to be a descendant of  David. So when the unpredictable Herod had him killed in 23 BC for “sedition”, as part of a pogrom against the line of David, there was very little sympathy for him.

In 44 BC, Joseph had been born to Jacob-Eliakim. Joseph was a title: it was not his real name. At the death of his father, Joseph became the Jacob. However, he preferred the title “David”, the more apt one historically. Joseph would become the father of Jesus. When Joseph attained 30 years of age in 14 BC, his uncles and the Essene sages sent him to Rome and Alexandria to do his part in missionary work, which was simply about promulgating to the Diaspora Jews the future Kingdom of Israel in which a Son of David, that is a descendant of King David, would rule.   Egypt was also a special place because Joseph’s maternal relations were Egyptians.

Jacob-Eliakim, General, had two wives. The one was called Euchariah, a Jewish princess, of whom very little is known, and the other, the dynastic wife, was an Egyptian princess, a daughter of Queen Cleopatra VII of Egypt and Julius Caesar. Jacob-Eliakim and this princess had three sons: they were Joseph, the father of Jesus, and the twins Cleopas (after whom James, Jesus’ immediate younger brother, whose given name was Cleopas, was named) and Ptolas. Joseph was thus the Davidian Prince of Israel as well as contender to Crown Prince of Egypt. Despite pretences to the contrary on the part of the Jews, Egypt and Israel have always had ties of monarchical kinship.

In 8 BC, General, Joseph was required by Essene custom to return home and fulfill his obligations for a dynastic marriage. A wife-to-be had already been chosen for him by his uncles  and other patriarchal Essenes. This was Dorcas, better known today by her title name Mary.


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