One is entombed live and kicking; the other is hung on a stake
With the Enkites having refused to surrender Marduk to the Enlilites and having pronounced forth his acquittal, the headstrong Inanna-Ishtar decided to take the law into her own hands. She unilaterally declared war on Marduk, challenging him to emerge from the Giza Pyramid so the two could engage in a military showdown, failure to which she would reduce the great structure to rabble.
In his response, Marduk dismissed her threats with the contempt they deserved. He said he was not in the mood to pit military wits with a trigger-happy amazon. He dug in his heels in the “Ekur”, as the Great Pyramid was otherwise called. Inanna took Marduk’s response as a dare and decided to teach him a lesson. She got into a fighter craft which was loaded with an array of weapons that deployed by the press of a button, set course for the Giza Pyramid, and took indiscriminate aim. She had just instituted the Third Pyramid War, in which she was literally the only belligerent. Both the Enkites and Enlilites urged her to cease fire but she gave them the middle finger, vowing that she was not going to stop till the structure “fell to the ground.”
She “ceased not striking at its corners, even its multitude of stones”, according to the Sumerian records. At some stage, Marduk thought he had had enough of this relentless, one-sided broadside at an iconic structure that was the most prestigious symbol of Enkite power. He radioed a message to Enlil that if Inanna was not tamed, he would resort to the use of a weapon “whose outburst was terrible”. This was a weapon Enki had prevented him from using at the height of the Second Pyramid War.
Fearing the possible ramifications, the Enlilites became frantic. They sent an urgent message to King Anu on Nibiru beseeching him to help ram sense into his intractable great granddaughter who was also his mistress. The response was quick in coming: the king ordered that Inanna withdraw and that Marduk appear for trial before an Enlilite tribunal. The message was accordingly relayed to Marduk who “despite the anger of his heart” and “clear tears into his eyes” consented to the idea of the trial. The trial was held in a temple that stood by a river bank within the vicinities of the Giza Pyramid. The case was prosecuted by Inanna.
MARDUK IS SENTENCED TO A SLOW DEATH
Although the tribunal was an all-Enlilite affair, it was far from partial. Inanna prayed for the death penalty but the bench was dead-set against this course of action, insisting there wasn’t a scintilla of evidence that Marduk had a direct role in the death of Dumuzi. But a game Inanna wasn’t yielding either: she countered that if Marduk could not get a direct death penalty, at least he deserved an indirect death penalty as the circumstances in which Dumuzi died arose from Marduk’s scheme to frame him with the concocted rape of Geshtinanna. Indeed, in her testimony, Geshtinanna confessed to having plotted the whole thing with Marduk and said she regretted the abominable deed. She also made it clear to the bench that the scheme did not extend to causing the death of Dumuzi, thus absolving Marduk of premeditated murder.
Having digested Inanna’s petition, the panel asked her what form Marduk’s indirect death sentence should take. Inanna proposed thus: “There is a way to sentence Marduk to death without actually executing him. Let him be buried alive within the Great Pyramid! Let him be sealed there as in a gigantic envelope – a great envelope that is sealed, with no one to offer him nourishment. Alone he should suffer, with the potable water source cut off … Let the encased hiding chamber be Marduk's stone coffin.”
It was game, set, and match: Marduk was sentenced to “entombment” alive in the Great Pyramid of Giza. He was going to be dungeoned right within the innards of the pyramid, in a sealed compartment known as the King’s Chamber. But there would be no luxury to indulge even if it would be staring all around him. For a day or two, he’d have a bit of air to breathe all right but no food or water, meaning he’d be dead within weeks, or at most a month if he was a strong guy. As if that was not harsh enough, he’d be without artificial light of any from – in absolute darkness.
Marduk was accordingly stripped of his regal attire and draped in a shroud to symbolise the fact that the solitary chamber of his confinement was a virtual coffin. But he did not allow himself to be led away meekly, like a sheep to the slaughterhouse: he resisted with every fibre of his being as he angrily and vociferously enunciated his innocence. The Enlilite police were forced to give him a bloodied nose in a bid to neutralise him. His father Enki and his mother Damkina, who were present at the trial, shed a copious amount of tears as they watched their firstborn son weather the furious assault.
During the first week of Marduk’s incarceration, his supporters ran riot throughout Egypt. They had pitched stone-pelting battles with those sections of the Egyptian community who revered Enlil and Inanna. It took a heavy-handed response by Ishkur-Adad, coupled with Enki’s repeated appeals for calm, to quell the nation-wide unrest.
SPARE MARDUK, PLEADS NINMAH
The first to raise a hue and cry about Marduk’s plight was his firstborn son Nabu. Nabu had boycotted the trial, which he had pre-dismissed as a travesty of justice, as a kangaroo court of some sort in that one clan was at once prosecutor and judge. Now upon learning that his father was set to languish in the bowels of the Giza Pyramid, he immediately left Borsippa, his cult city in Sumer, to check on his condition. By the time he arrived at Giza, however, Marduk was already in confinement and an indefinite prohibition to entry into the pyramid was already in place.
Equally gutted was Sarpanit II, Nabu’s step mother. Following the death of his Earthling wife Sarpanit in 3800 BC, Marduk had re-married. This time around, he had chosen a half-sister, a daughter Enki had with his step-sister Ninmah. The name Sarpanit was now a title for Marduk’s spouse and so his new wife also went by the same name. Sarpanit II too had boycotted the trial of her husband but when she learnt of his slow-death sentence, she set up a wailing racket.
Then with her step son Nabu in tow, she set course for Enki’s mansion on Abu Island, whereupon she implored him to do something to have his son spared from certain demise. Enki in his usual diplomatic style first suggested that Sarpanit II approach Inanna’s father Nannar-Sin and her twin-brother Utu-Shamash, who being her closest relations were best-placed to prevail over her to file for a prerogative of mercy. Where that failed, she should approach Ninmah and beseech her to broker a meeting between Enlil and himself.
Sarpanit II paid heed and mobilising priest-astronomers, she went to see Sin and Shamash in the presence of Inanna herself. “Reciting prayers and incantations,” say the Sumerian records, “offerings were made to Ishtar (by the astronomer-priests) that she may show her mercy. The high priest appealed to Sin and to Shamash: ‘Restore Bel (Marduk) to life!’” But Inanna simply wasn’t budging. “For the death of my beloved, the Instigator (Marduk) must die!” she thundered in response, adding that if only she was the one to directly erase him from the face of the Earth.
Having hit a brick wall, Sarpanit II then proceeded, as per Enki’s suggestion, to approach Ninmah, Dumuzi’s grandmother. Ninmah, who was as tender-hearted as Enki, had sympathy for Sarpanit notwithstanding that it was by the machinations of her husband that she lost a treasured grandson. Soon she had arranged a meeting with Enlil, with her own son Ninurta in attendance. Ninmah proposed that Marduk be released and sent into exile under one strong precondition – that he relinquishes his entitlement to supremacy in the forthcoming Age of Aries and that that right be ceded to Ninurta. “Punishment to Marduk must come, death is not warranted,” she posited. “Let Marduk in exile live, the succession on Earth to Ninurta submit!”
MARDUK SENTENCE COMMUTED
Both Enlil and Ninurta endorsed Ninmah’s proposition, as did Inanna herself. When the proposition was relayed to Enki, he embraced it not wholeheartedly but with resignation. “If between succession and life the choice is, what can I, a father, say?” Enki muttered. The Enlilite tribunal sat again and announced a new verdict – from death by hunger and suffocation to exile, which was a typical pronouncement for erring members of the Anunnaki pantheon. Ninurta then tasked a certain Nusku to promulgate the news to all the Anunnaki. Ninurta’s own wife Gula, who was also known as Bau, even provided Sarpanit II with a set of new clothing and sandals for Marduk as a gesture of goodwill.
It was Ningishzidda, the architect of the Giza Pyramid, who was called upon to undertake the arduous task of extricating Marduk from his predicament. Zidda took days to do so as it was like prying open a strong room purely by mechanical rather electronic means. By the time Zidda made the breakthrough, Marduk had already passed out. It was thanks to Zidda’s resuscitative prowess that Marduk came to. He was given food and water and although he did not gain his full strength there and then, he was able to talk.
When Enki spelt out to him the terms and implications of his release, Marduk was furious. He made it clear that whilst he was prepared to go into exile, there was no way he was going to trade his imminent rulership of Earth for anything under the Sun. “I would rather die than my birthright forfeit,” he underscored. The Enlilites were disappointed but half a loaf was better than nothing: Marduk and Sarpanit II were immediately made to embark onto a skyship and flown to the “Land of No Return”, where “horned beasts are hunted”. This was the Amazonian wilds of South America.
Marduk, however, was not destined to live long in exile this time around. According to a Babylonian text titled The Death and Resurrection of Bel-Marduk (metaphorically speaking), it turned out Dumuzi did not die accidentally as such but was startled into falling below the boulder he stood on behind the Nile cataract by one of his pursuers, an Anunnaki. This pursuer, dubbed “The Evil One”, later confessed. He was ultimately “smitten and slain”. With the real culprit having surfaced, Marduk was exonerated and his exile came to a sweetly quick end.
INANNA BARRED FROM HUBBY’S FUNERAL
With the Marduk saga having concluded, the official funeral of Dumuzi now had to proceed. It was to be held in the “Lower Domain”, that is, southern Africa, which was Nergal’s fiefdom. The venue was Nergal’s palace, where the body of Dumuzi had lain in state since it was retrieved from the banks of the Nile. Every Anunnaki whose name was not Marduk was called upon to attend the funeral except Inanna, who was barred from doing so by Nergal’s wife Ereshkigal, the ceremony hostess. Why her?
First, let us appreciate that as the widow, Inanna had to be at the funeral as a matter of course. It was she who was to take the remains of her husband to Nibiru for burial. However, Inanna had indicated to Enki, Enlil, and her father Sin that she would not fulfil that obligation if one strong precondition was not met – that of Nergal taking her hand as wife No. 2. Now, that is not as outlandish a stance as it may sound. According to the Anunnaki’s marital and succession laws, a surviving brother was under obligation to marry his late brother’s widow even if he was already married. The idea was to produce a heir so that the deceased’s name “shall not be blotted out”. This law would later apply to Enlil’s chosen people, the Jews, as crystal-clearly set out in DEUTERONOMY 25:5-10.
Dumuzi had several brothers but Marduk as firstborn had the prior right to execute the levirate marriage with Inanna. Having been implicated in the death of Dumuzi, however, Marduk had already forfeited this eligibility, which meant Nergal, who was next in the sibling pecking order, had to step into the breach. With Marduk and Zidda now out of contention for the rulership of Egypt, Nergal was practically a shoe-in. This prospect, more than anything else, was what Inanna wished to position herself for – as the next Queen of Africa at the expense of Ereshkigal and possibly the next Queen of Earth if Nergal perchance became the new Enlil in the Age of the Ram, a direction in which she would do her utmost to nudge him.
Having gotten wind of the stirrings of what Inanna was indeed up to, Ereshkigal disinvited her from attending the funeral. She didn’t want to afford her a platform to pitch her levirate propaganda and sensitise Nergal up-close on the idea. Ereshkigal feared that if the levirate marriage with her husband took place, Inanna might go to any lengths imaginable to supplant her as Nergal’s Queen given her penchant for bare-knuckle tactics in achieving any end. Furthermore, Inanna’s son with Nergal would in future be the cause of endless succession polemics.
Inanna, however, was not the one to take any obstacle flung her way lying down. Parrying the advice of Enlil, Enki, and her father Sin to keep away from the funeral given Ereshkigal’s veto of her prospective presence there, she vowed she was going to make a showing come rain or shine and that she was going to create one hell of scene right at the palace if her wish to marry Nergal and produce a little Dumuzi was not granted. And when Inanna made up her mind, nothing would stand in her way.
INANNA IS KILLED
Nergal’s palace in today’s South Africa was its own, gated estate with oodles of acreage. In order to reach the plush edifice itself, one had to negotiate seven gates, where they were thoroughly vetted by heavily armed guards using very sophisticated scanning equipment. Maybe Nergal was paranoid but he didn’t want to let his guard down in the slightest and consequently court harm. Security was particularly heightened on this occasion with the entire Anunnaki royalty in attendance.
Inanna arrived at the palace with great pomp and circumstance. Accompanied by a posse of gun-wielding body minders, she was clad in “emblems and regalia of divine status”, with miniature, high-tech weapons concealed under her clothing. The moment she showed up at the first gate, the gate keepers refused to admit her as per Ereshkigal’s instructions, but she told them in no uncertain terms that if she was barred from entry, she would raze down the palace with incendiary devices that were replete in her plane. “If thou openest not the gate so that I cannot enter,” she went on, “I will smash the door, I will shatter the bolt, I will smash the doorpost, I will move the doors.”
Alarmed, the guards made her presence known to Ereshkigal as well as her threats and upon hearing that, Ereshkigal’s face “turned pale, her lips turned dark”. Ereshkigal then gave orders that Inanna be stripped of her ostentatious royal attire and that she be strip-searched at each gate. Ereshkigal’s aim was to at once humiliate her and ensure that she was completely disarmed. “One by one, the seven gates leading to the abode of Ereshkigal were opened to Ishtar,” the Sumerian records relate.
When at long last Inanna stood stark naked before Ereshkigal, who sat on Nergal’s throne surrounded by seven Anunnaki with a judicial capacity, Ereshkigal “burst at her”. She blitzed her with insults and all manner of vitriol, accusing her of “scheming a heir by my husband Nergal”. Hot-tempered by nature, Inanna lost her cool and charged at Ereshkigal, wounding her badly (she was a decorated martial artist of black belt pedigree) before Ereshkigal’s security detail had time to intercept her. She was there and then arrested, arraigned for attempted murder (probably an exaggeration) and put on trial as the judges were already present.
It was a hasty trial that was no more than a caricature of justice. Inanna was sentenced to a slow death by induced illness on a stake. The judges there and then ordered Namtar, Ereshkigal’s “vizier”, to “let loose against her the sixty diseases” that would kill her practically overnight. But Namtar was not human: the Sumerian records describe him as armless, feetless, and incapable of eating or drinking water. In other words, he was an android. His name actually meant “Terminator”. The Babylonian texts refer to him as “Memittu”, meaning “Angel of Death”. He was a cyborg who was deployed to cause death in all sorts of ways – the Anunnaki’s version of a Tokoloshe.
Once Namtar was done with her, Ninmah was loaded onto a chopper, taken deep into the African wilds, strapped high on a tree trunk, and left to die. All this was taking place without the knowledge of the rest of the Anunnaki pantheon, including Nergal, who were busy with the week-long funeral ceremony in the palace hall.
Princess Mary falls pregnant only one month after her betrothal to Prince Joseph
To put the lineage of Mary the mother of Jesus in context, General Atiku, it is in order that we begin with her grandfather Yehoshua (Jesus in Greek) III.
Mary was offspring of two royal lines, the Davidic line and the Hasmonean line. Yehoshua III was the Herod–appointed High Priest of Israel between 36 and 23 BC. He had no sons, only three daughters namely Joanna, Elizabeth, and Anna, all of whom he organised dynastic suitors.
Elizabeth would be married off into the House of Aaron, the legitimate priestly line, and Joanna and Anna would be married off into the House of David, the legitimate kingly line. That’s how Elizabeth became the wife of Zechariah of the tribe of Levi and in due course the mother of John the Baptist.
Mainstream Israel up to the level of the Sanhedrin had recognised Anna as the eligible mother of the future King of Israel and not the sitting impostor Herod (it is not clear what happened to first-born Joanna but she probably passed away before she got married). Anna was accordingly married off to Alexander III, a Davidic and Hasmonean prince who was best known as Heli as indeed the genealogy of Luke clearly attests.
Heli and Anna too had no sons. They only had daughters, the firstborn of whom was Dorcas, whose was born in 26 BC and whose titular name was Mary. Mary was orphaned early in her childhood when her father Heli was killed in 17 BC at the orders of the increasingly paranoid Herod and when her mother Anna died a year or so later.
Since she was a dynastic heiress, it was likely that Herod would come after her. The Essenes thus secreted her somewhere in remote Galilee. It was actually in Galilee that most members of the Davidic royal line were concentrated not only to keep as far away from Herod as possible but to also enjoy the protective custody of the Zealots, who were the secret military wing of the Essenes and a thorn in the side of both Herod and the Romans. Joseph was also officially based in Galilee although both he and Mary were in truth based at Qumran in the Judean wilds.
JOSEPH CALLED TO “DUTY”
Dynastic marriages are often more politically strategic than spontaneous, General. For example, the union of Prince Charles and Princess Diana was motivated by the need to fuse the Windsor genes with those of the Stuarts as the Windsors, being predominantly Reptilians, were finding it increasingly difficult to maintain their human form.
The Stuarts, the clan of Diana, had by far more human genes than Reptilian and they too were an aristocratic family. That’s why once Charles had produced a “heir and a spare”, he completely sidelined Diana, who he had never loved, and devoted himself to his real love – Camilla Parker-Bowles.
The marriage of Joseph to Mary, General, was equally strategic. Although both were from the tribe of Judah and of the royal Davidic line, they were from different branches. Joseph was a descendant of Solomon, whereas Mary was a descendant of Nathan, Solomon’s elder brother. The line of Solomon, as we once underlined, had been tainted by the Jeconiah curse.
The line of Nathan was clean. Since the son of Joseph and Mary would be the future King of Israel, it was important that he not be compromised by the baggage, rightly or wrongly, of the Jeconiah curse. Hence the desirability of the union of Prince Joseph and Princess Mary.
Now, both Joseph and Mary’s clans were Essenes. As such, their marriage process, formalities, and protocols had to strictly adhere to Essene dynastic rules. The Essenes were in ranks. Amongst the higher echelons were the two great dynasties, the Davids and the Zadoks, who had been the high priests and kings of Israel respectively before the destruction of the Temple by Nebuchadnezzar in 586 BC.
The Davids and Zadoks lived a strictly holy life, typically in a monastery at Qumran, the reclusive headquarters of the Essenes. They were sequestered there so that they did not fall prey to the machinations of the bloodthirsty King Herod though officially their address was Galilee. In fact, the major reason the Essene movement had come into existence was to preserve and safeguard the Davidic and Zadokite lines, the religio-politico haunt of Herod and the Hasmoneans initially.
According to the Essene code, General, the Zadoks and the Davids were not to engage in sex for recreational purposes because it was regarded as defiling: it diluted holiness. The only times they were supposed to do so was when need arose to produce heirs. In 8 BC, it was now opportune for Joseph, the David, to produce a heir and so he was excused from a life of chastity.
At this point in time in fact, the Essenes were focused on two dynastic figures. These were Joseph and Zechariah. The two were expected to produce the Messiah of David and the Messiah of Aaron, that is, the future King of Israel and the future High Priest of Israel.
According to Essene rules, the David had to marry at age 36, so that by the time he was 40, he had already sired a heir. The new heir had to be born when the David was 37. If the child was a daughter, she could not inherit, and so the David had to set about the procreation of a second-born, who hopefully would be a boy (copulation to that end was allowed only when the daughter was 3 years old).
The Davidic heir had to be born not in any other month but in September, the holiest in the Jewish calendar. In order to conform to these parameters, a betrothal ceremony was held at the beginning of June. During the betrothal period – the three months from beginning of June to end of August – sexual relations were not permitted.
Then at the beginning of September, a First Marriage was held. This was the beginning of the marriage proper as now the couple were allowed to become intimate. However, the intimacy began only in December, with a view to delivering a heir in September the following year. At the end of March, the Second Marriage was held for it was hoped that by that time the spouse was three months pregnant if there hadn’t been a miscarriage. With the Second Marriage, the wedlock was permanent: divorce was never allowed whatsoever.
Meanwhile, General, if the spouse hadn’t conceived in December, sexual relations were suspended till December the following year. The husband would then leave her spouse and return either to the monastery at Qumran or embark on a tour of duty elsewhere in furtherance of the Essene cause.
A BINDING ENGAGEMENT
According to the Dead Sea Scrolls, General, the Essenes were not only a spiritual, revolutionary, and philosophical movement. They were also ardent believers in astrology. They meticulously studied the stars and the movements of planets to read what they portended about the future.
Thus the reason a Davidic heir had to be born in September was not only because this was the holiest month of the year: it was also in recognition of the fact that September was ruled by the constellation Virgo. In other words, September was astrologically the month of the virgin. That was what Mary was.
Mary was both a virgin physically and a virgin titularly. A bride of the future king was required to be a virgin. As an Essene, Mary belonged to the Order (not the tribe) of Dan. This was the Order of Nuns, or virgins, both legal and physical virgins. Thus in the Order of Dan, a woman was not a virgin only before she slept with a man: she was a virgin until she was six months pregnant. In the case of a dynastic spouse like Mary, this was up to end of June. From then henceforth, she was promoted within the Order to the first stage of a Mother.
Joseph’s betrothal to Mary took place at Qumran in June 8 BC. Now, in our day, betrothal simply means engagement to be married. In ancient Israel up to New Testament times, betrothal was part and parcel of the marriage contract. It was definite and binding upon both groom and bride, who were considered as man and wife in all legal and religious aspects, except that sexual relations were not permitted.
For example, in 2 SAMUEL 3:14, King David refers to his betrothed woman as “my wife”. Also in DEUTERONOMY 22:24, a betrothed woman is referred to as “his neighbour’s wife”. In the betrothal formalities, dowry and bride price were included. If a bride and groom for one reason or the other wanted to opt out of the betrothal after the betrothal ceremony, they had to seek a formal divorce.
Since the betrothal took place in June, General, Joseph and Mary were not supposed to make love till December, that is, six months after the betrothal ceremony and three months after the First Marriage ceremony in September. Just one month after the betrothal ceremony (that is, at the beginning of July 8 BC), however, Mary became pregnant. Was it Joseph, General? Was it rape by a Roman soldier called Panthera as some contemporary records suggest? Or was it simply the supernatural act of the “Holy Spirit” as Christendom holds?
THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS
Those who hold that the circumstances of Mary’s pregnancy were supernatural, General, can be excused. This is because the language employed therein smacks of ethereality – Holy Spirit, Angel Gabriel, Son of the Most High, etc. To those who have read and rigorously studied the Dead Sea Scrolls, however, such terminology is well within the temporal context.
That is to say, it does not carry spiritual connotations as such. True, the idea of an angel speaking to Joseph and Mary in their sleep may seem supernatural but the dreams are theological interpolations, inserted into the gospels in onward editing to fit a contrived agenda – what Karl Marx called the opium of the masses.
The Dead Sea Scrolls are so named because they were discovered in caves around the Qumran plateau of the West Bank (about 40 km east of Jerusalem), at the northwest corner of the Dead Sea, in March 1947. The discoverer was a Bedouin shepherd kid who was looking for a lost goat. The scrolls were found hidden in jars.
The 1947 find was the initial discovery: more discoveries were made after further excavations on the same site spanning 11 years in a series of 11 caves. Altogether, 972 texts were turned up. They are written in four languages, namely Hebrew (the majority), Aramaic, Greek, and Nabatean, mostly on parchment. Other texts were inscribed on papyrus and bronze.
Most of the Dead Sea Scrolls are fragments. Fragments of all the Old Testament books have been found save for the book of Esther. The only complete book is Isaiah. There are also apocryphal books (those arbitrarily excluded from the Old Testament canon by the Constantine-convened Nicene Council of AD 325) such as the Book of Enoch and the Book of Jubilees, and sect-specific writings that embody rules and beliefs of the people who compiled them.
The latter include commentaries on the Old Testament, paraphrases that expand on the Law of Moses, rule books of the community, war conduct, thanksgiving psalms, hymnic compositions, benedictions, liturgical texts, and sapiential (wisdom) writing. These texts have been given appropriate titles such as the War Scroll; Manual of Discipline; the Community Rule; the Temple Scroll; the Copper Scroll; etc.
The Dead Sea Scrolls were written/preserved by the Essenes between 168 BC and 68 AD. We know this because Pliny, the first century Roman historian, wrote that, “On the west coast of Lake Asphaltitis (the Dead Sea) are settled the Essenes, at some distance from the noisome odours that are experienced on the shore itself.
They are a lonely people, the most extraordinary in the world, who live without women, without love, without money, with the palm trees for their only companions.” The Essenes stashed away the scrolls sometime in 70 AD, when Roman General Flavius Titus overran Jerusalem and laid waste to the Temple following a catastrophic Jewish uprising – led by the Zealots, the military wing of the Essenes – that began in 66 BC.
This they did in heed of JEREMIAH 32:14, which says, “Thus saith the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel; Take these evidences … and put them in an earthen vessel, that they may continue many days.” The Dead Sea Scrolls have given us invaluable insight into the beliefs, customs, rituals, politics, philosophies, and traditions of first century Palestine.
The rivalry between luxury German automotive marques Mercedes-Benz and BMW is legendary. Both brands offer high-end, high-priced desirable models, always at the forefront of cutting-edge driving technology and excellence. And in the annals of the advertising world, a campaign between the two rivals is equally legendary and it happened on our own doorstep.
Many of you will be familiar with the coastal road out of Cape Town called Chapman’s Peak. It is a beautiful, sightseeing attraction, the road winding through spectacular coastal-mountain scenery, with cliffs sinking into the Atlantic ocean on one side, and steep mountains towering over the road on the other. However, the road is also notoriously dangerous, with its 114 sharp, meandering bends . It’s reputation is well-deserved . Several years ago, when a major coastal cleanup campaign was launched, a helicopter pulled a total of 22 wrecked cars out of the water adjacent to Chapman’s Peak and it was one such accident which prefaced the notorious marketing battle. The story is thus:
In 1988 an Irish businessman lost control of his Mercedes Benz when driving along this road, plunging 100 metres down the cliff. Miraculously, he not only survived the accident, but crawled out of the wreckage with hardly a scratch on his body.
When Mercedes heard the details, the marketing department decided to base a new advertisement on the story to promote the safety features and stability of the brand. In the video ad they intentionally drove an identical model off the road in the exact same location, having it plunge off the edge of the cliff, the driver stepping out similarly unscathed, proving the phenomenal survivability and strength of Mercedes Benz.
When the marketing suits at BMW saw this ad, they took a bold and ingenious decision to mimic it but with a twist. Only a week later, whilst the first ad was still fresh in the public’s minds, they shot their ad showing a BMW driving along the exact same stretch of road in the rain. However, when it reached the point at which the Mercedes plunged off the cliff, the BMW negotiated it safely, and continued driving along the road.
The catchphrase of the ad was “BMW beats the bends” . Or was it? It was cunningly recorded so that it could equally have been ‘beats the Benz’, implying that their cars had superior cornering and stability to their rival, Even more sneakily, they launched their campaign on a Saturday, mindful of the rules on competitive advertising in South Africa, safe in the knowledge that no objectionable actions could be taken till the new working week.
Mercedes-Benz wasted no time on Monday in issuing an injunction, the ad was swiftly pulled but the damage was done and the dog had had its day. The ad campaign ranks high in the history of advertising and can still be found online to this day. Meanwhile the rivalry between the two automotive greats goes on.
I reference this piece of marketing history in the light of this week’s horror crash by golfing great, Tiger Woods. Driving from a luxury holiday resort in California to a nearby country club Tiger Woods lost control of his vehicle on a downhill stretch of the road, smashed through a road sign, crossed over the central reservation and rolled his car several hundred feet. He had to be cut out and pulled to safety through the windscreen and the vehicle was so badly damaged, the attending police officers said he was ‘lucky to survive’.
The vehicle Woods was driving was a rented Genesis GV80 SUV. If you are unfamiliar with the brand that is not surprising since it is a relatively new spin-off from the South Korean Hyundai marque. The Genesis utility vehicle, not available locally yet, retails for around $50,000 or half a million pula, placing it in the higher end of town and country SUVs in the USA.
The model has certainly been widely publicised in the media coverage of the high-profile sportsman’s accident and I suspect that if asked to comment, Hyundai/Genesis would disagree with the police assessment, putting Woods’ survival down to build quality and in-built safety features such as crumple zones, anti-roll bars and airbags, which were deployed in the crash and would most certainly have played their part cushioning the effects of the rolling and ultimate impact. There is , of course, no suggestion that the manufacturers will capitalise on Woods’ survival but certainly it will have done the brand no harm that he did indeed emerge with recoverable injuries.
Comparing the two accidents, the driver of the Mercedes driving along Chapman’s Peak was, of course, an ordinary member of the public whilst Tiger Woods is a household name. That said, in humanitarian terms each tale of survival carries equal weight but the fact remains that the former was just another local story of yet one more victim of a notoriously tricky stretch of road whilst the latter went round the world in an instant because of the fame and name of the driver.
There is also no evidence that that stretch of Californian urban highway carried any inherent risk. His appears to have been just a loss of control and a freak accident. However, in the event that Hyundai/Genesis should consider making capital from that accident, a note of caution needs to be sounded.
In the advertising world, the use of celebrities to promote a product is a fall-back stance to sell anything from washing-up liquid to whisky but statistics have shown that it can be a double-edged sword in that yes, the ads are memorable and the public love them when the celeb is popular and personable. But…..what is often remembered is the name of the famous promoter, not the name of the product. In other words, they sell themselves far better than they sell the item.
In golfing terminology Hyundai/Genesis are not ‘out of the Woods’ yet and maybe they should go with a completely different Driver!
How Jesus’s grandfather sold his birthright to megalomaniac Herod
If you were to ask a Christian to name the main Jewish sects, General Atiku, he would no doubt begin with the Pharisees (because Jesus had innumerable slanging matches with them according to the gospels), followed by the Sadducees. Yet there was a third, equally momentous sect – the Essenes.
Although there’s not a single, one mention of the Essenes in the Bible, General, the New Testament is filled with Essene-type language as anybody who has read the Dead Sea Scrolls would readily recognise.
In point of fact, it was the Essenes who produced Jesus as well as the infamous Jewish band of freedom fighters known as the Zealots. Furthermore, almost all the New Testament writers were either Essenes or champions of the Essene cause as is apparent in their language and the drift of their overall philosophy. The Essenes have a palpable presence in the Bible, albeit a cloaked one.
The Essenes, General, were the most popular, the most esteemed, and the most influential of the Jewish sects. The Jewish historian Philo (20 BC-50 AD) devotes 90 percent of his description of the Jewish sects to the Essenes. He wrote that the Essenes “dwell in many cities of Judea and in many villages and in great societies of many numbers”.
Hyppolytus of Rome (170-236 AD) devoted nine-and-half chapters to the Essenes and only one to the Sadducees. The Essenes are the authors of the famous Dead Sea Scrolls, which were discovered in 1947 in Israel at a place called Qumran and which have given us even greater insight into the happenings in the first century than the Bible itself.
How did the Essene movement come about, General? The Essenes, meaning “puritans of the faith”, were the Jewish sect that was the most loyal to the Davidic dynasty. They set themselves apart from the mainstream Jewish community circa 175 BC and established their headquarters at Qumran, about 40 km from Jerusalem.
Since the Jewish nation revered the Davidic royal line, the only legitimate and rightful rulers of Judah in their view, they rallied to the Essenes en masse. And because the Essenes were disparaging of the Hasmonean rule (140 BC to 63 BC), the mainstream Jews also took a dismissive view of Hasmonean rule too.
The Essenes were so highly regarded because of their virtue and spirituality. The legendary Jewish historian Flavius Josephus (37-100 AD) writes thus of them: “They are more mutually affectionate than the others (Pharisees and Sadducees). Whereas these men shun the pleasures as vice, they consider self-control and not succumbing to the passions virtue … Since [they are] despisers of wealth – their communal stock is astonishing – one cannot find a person among them who has more in terms of possessions.
For by a law, those coming into the school (that is, the Essene fold) must yield up their funds to the order, with the result that in all [their ranks] neither the humiliation of poverty nor the superiority of wealth is detectable, but the assets of each one have been mixed in together, as if they were brothers, to create one fund for all.”
In time, the Essenes, General, became quite influential even with occupying powers. For instance, when the Greek General Pompey installed Hyrcanus II as ruler of Palestine in 63 BC, he sought the opinion of the Essenes. The Essenes recommended that Hyrcanus go by the titles High Priest and Prince, not King, to which Pompey paid heed. In 142 BC, when Simon was installed by the Seleucids as ruler of Palestine, the Essenes had insisted on the same titular style. To the Essenes, everybody who occupied Israel’s seat of authority was simply holding fort for the real deal – the Davidic King.
In 37 BC, when Herod became King of Palestine, the potential Davidic King was Jacob-Eliakim – the father of the Joseph of the gospels – who was an Essene himself. It was in order to win the blessings of the historically popular Jewish royal family that Herod sought to curry favour with the Essenes.
JACOB’S PACT WITH HEROD
About the time Herod came to power, General, there were three citizens of considerable stature in Palestine – Hillel, Menahem, and Jacob-Eliakim, the grandfather of Jesus. Hillel is by all accounts ancient Israel’s greatest teacher and scholar.
He was the foremost spiritual sage in the development of the Talmud and the Mishnah, the most authoritative religious references of the Jews which are second only to the Old Testament in esteem. The renowned “Golden Rule”, which is invariably attributed to Jesus, was actually coined by Hillel. It is not certain whether Hillel was an Essene but his teachings did have a profound influence both on Essene philosophy and that of Jesus, who was an Essene too.
It was Menahem, however, who was an incontrovertible Essene. The Essenes were of two main branches, General. First, there were the puritans, the Palestinian Essenes. Then there were the liberals, the Diaspora Essenes, who sneered at the Palestinian Essenes’ dogmatism and rather strict views on morality. Menahem was the leader of the Diaspora Essenes.
He was also privilleged to be advisor to King Herod. Herod did hold Menahem in very high regard. Josephus relates that when Herod was a school-going lad, Menahem had patted him on his back and said to him, “one day you will be King young man.” Since the prophecy came to pass, Herod had a certain, atypical respect both for Menahem and the order of Essenes.
Jacob-Eliakim’s significance was by virtue of his pedigree. He was of the royal line of David and was therefore the uncrowned King of the Jews. Now, as we have already indicated, Herod had his own grand designs about rulership of the world notwithstanding the fact that he was in reality a vassal of Rome.
When he made overtures to the trio, they didn’t mince words: they told him that in the new Israel, the Israel that would rule Earth once the Romans had been toppled from the pedestal of world power, it was a Davidic King who would reign. Herod took very strong exception to such a prospect. Herod was neither a full-blooded Jew nor of Davidic stock but he was royalty in his own right.
His father, Antipater, had been the governor of Idumea and in due course Judea in the Hasmonean government and was in fact the real ruler of the entire Palestine, with John Hyrcanus being a mere figurehead king. When he (Herod) was only 25 years old, his father had appointed him governor of Galilee. Herod thus had strutted the corridors of power from the day he was born and he wasn’t going to give that up easily either for his own sake or that of his descendants.
As such, General, Herod maintained to the trio that in the new, overarching Kingdom of Israel, he was going to be the emperor and would be based in Jerusalem. Just like the Greek empire of Alexander had been a triarchy (a kingdom divided into three governments), the global Kingdom of Israel (“Thy Kingdom Come” in the Lord’s Prayer) was going to be likewise.
There was going to be a ruler in the east, a ruler in the west, and a ruler in the centre, that is Jerusalem, under the oversight of Herod himself. Hillel would rule in Jerusalem; Menahem in the east; and Jacob-Eliakim in the west. If these three happened to have disappeared from the Earthly scene by the time the Kingdom of Israel came into being, their descendants would observe the same setup.
The pecking order would thus be like this: Herod as the emperor; Hillel as the senior king; Menahem as the second-ranked king; and Jacob-Eliakim as the junior king. Put differently, Herod had by the stroke of a pen reduced the Davidic dynasty from foremost to least important as it posed the most serious threat to his office. Meanwhile, the three kings-in-waiting would go by the names of the Old Testament patriarchs.
Hillel would henceforth be called the Abraham, or the Father (or Papa, which later morphed into Pope), since Abraham was the Father of the Jewish nation; Menahem would be called the Isaac (Abraham’s son); and Eliakim the Jacob (Isaac’s son). Half a loaf was better than nothing at all and so Jacob-Eliakim meekly accepted this arrangement.
When Jesus later said, “Many will come from east and west and sit at table with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the new Kingdom of Heaven (MATTHEW 8:11),” he did not mean an afterlife kingdom: he referred to the Earthly setup proposed by King Herod.
FALLOUT WITH ESSENES
Those days, General, the Davidic heir used the title “Jacob” rather than “David” as the latter title was very risky, particularly under the Hasmonean government. Given that Joseph was the most beloved son of the Old Testament Jacob, the next in line, that is, the firstborn son of the Jacob, used the title “Joseph”.
In September 44 BC, a son was born to Jacob-Eliakim. As the crown prince to the Jacob, he was given the titular name Joseph, the name by which he became best-known. Like his father Jacob-Eliakim, Joseph was a missionary. But he also had a trade. He was a carpenter, a boat builder primarily, and a master of his craft. The word translated “carpenter” in the Bible is the ancient Greek word “ho hekton” which means a master artisan or craftsman.
In 31 BC, Qumran, the Essenes’ Judean wilderness bastion, was struck by an earthquake. The hermitic Essenes had no choice but to trek back to Jerusalem, from where they operated indefinitely at a place they called the Essene Gate. Then in 23 BC, Herod struck again. He had Jacob-Eliakim killed on trumped-up charges of sedition, his motive simply being a continuation of a systematic purge of the Davidic “pretenders” to his throne.
The Essenes were wroth. They now set about promulgating to the Diaspora Essenes that Herod would have no part to play in the coming Kingdom. Instead, the overall King would be Joseph, the son of Jacob-Eliakim. This, General, was the beginning of a permanent rift between Herod and the Essene sect.
THE SAGA OF JOSEPH
The prospective global world, General, was subdivided into ten provinces to facilitate governance and tax collection. Palestine would have two provinces, Judea and Samaria, the latter of which would include Galilee. Asia Minor (largely present-day Turkey), where the bulk of Diaspora Jews were concentrated, would have five provinces.
The last three provinces would be Babylon, Rome, and Alexandria in Egypt. The future capital of the West was not Rome: it was Ephesus in Asia Minor. Having been allocated the West, it was in Ephesus and Alexandria that Jacob-Eliakim spent most of his time evangelizing to fellow Jews about the future Kingdom of Israel. This was the beginning of the New Covenant, whereby Jews who converted to the ideal of a new Kingdom of Israel were baptised by immersion in water.
To mainstream Palestinian Jews, General, Jacob-Eliakim was a sellout. Herod had demoted his pedigree but to somewhat placate him, he gave him the honorary title of Patriarch or Prince of Jerusalem. By subordinating the Davidic throne-in-waiting to Herod, Jacob-Eliakim had gone against what the nation of Israel’s God, Enlil, the Bible’s main Jehovah, decreed – that every King of Judah had to be a descendant of David. So when the unpredictable Herod had him killed in 23 BC for “sedition”, as part of a pogrom against the line of David, there was very little sympathy for him.
In 44 BC, Joseph had been born to Jacob-Eliakim. Joseph was a title: it was not his real name. At the death of his father, Joseph became the Jacob. However, he preferred the title “David”, the more apt one historically. Joseph would become the father of Jesus. When Joseph attained 30 years of age in 14 BC, his uncles and the Essene sages sent him to Rome and Alexandria to do his part in missionary work, which was simply about promulgating to the Diaspora Jews the future Kingdom of Israel in which a Son of David, that is a descendant of King David, would rule. Egypt was also a special place because Joseph’s maternal relations were Egyptians.
Jacob-Eliakim, General, had two wives. The one was called Euchariah, a Jewish princess, of whom very little is known, and the other, the dynastic wife, was an Egyptian princess, a daughter of Queen Cleopatra VII of Egypt and Julius Caesar. Jacob-Eliakim and this princess had three sons: they were Joseph, the father of Jesus, and the twins Cleopas (after whom James, Jesus’ immediate younger brother, whose given name was Cleopas, was named) and Ptolas. Joseph was thus the Davidian Prince of Israel as well as contender to Crown Prince of Egypt. Despite pretences to the contrary on the part of the Jews, Egypt and Israel have always had ties of monarchical kinship.
In 8 BC, General, Joseph was required by Essene custom to return home and fulfill his obligations for a dynastic marriage. A wife-to-be had already been chosen for him by his uncles and other patriarchal Essenes. This was Dorcas, better known today by her title name Mary.