OK, I will admit it. I am a Doctor “I work at a hospital.”
These words have left my mouth several times before, though reluctantly. If I am having a conversation with someone I have just met and the inevitable question, “So, what do you do?” is asked; like I just remembered, I would say the thing many of ‘us’ say: “Oh, I work at X hospital.”
It is true; I do work in a hospital. But that is not what I really do. What I do is take care of the sick and sometimes the dying, as a medical doctor. I hardly know what a holiday is, I work long nights, busy weekends, and even busier weekdays taking care of sick people: making them well, helping them hope, thinking and rethinking their care so that we get the best outcome. And here is the secret: I love it. I love what I do. Given a chance I will choose it all over again!
Most days, no matter how crazy, I stop to think: “I am so, so lucky to do this job. And I am proud. I am proud of the almost-a-decade of years (and upcoming ones) that I spent learning to be someone whom people entrust with their lives. I am proud of all the nights I spent studying when peers were out having fun. I am proud of the exams that I quietly aced, not saying anything when my male medical school friends bragged about their scores (not quite as good as mine, sometimes). I am proud of the years I sacrificed my personal well-being so I could make sure that every patient I am seeing today gets the very, very best of me. So why don’t I say any of this? Why don’t I say the one, tiny little phrase that I shouldn’t even be thinking twice about?”
There are a thousand moments in life that condition women to minimize their accomplishments, especially in our continent. I see it every day. From high school, girls start downplaying their intelligence, not because they want to but because they are forced to, we get teased for being ‘di crack’ or simply labeled ‘nerdy’. I had a fair share of that! Girls withdraw from ‘so called male dominated subjects and activities’ that they enjoy, and exhibit lower self-esteem compared to their male counterparts. We know from experience and research that men tend to credit their own skills and smarts for their success while women credit external factors. “So many people helped me along the way,” we would say, or “I got really lucky.”
This isn’t all bad. In addition to being proud of my IQ, I wholeheartedly embrace the fact that I have gratitude for my amazing tribe of family and friends that contribute so much to my successes as a human. And I do feel lucky. The reality is that I was born in a family of people who believed in me. I started my primary school at a very young age not because my mom wanted to dump me at school but because she so much believed in my capabilities. Growing up, it literally never occurred to me that I could not be or do anything I wanted to. My family set the foundation for me to become who I am today, but I did the work to get there.
We have come so far in medicine from generations before us. The number of women choosing medicine as a career continues to grow. One study reported that in 2000, women in medicine comprised about a third of the physician population while almost half of the students in medical schools were females. Women are reshaping the way medicine is practiced. The same study reported that women physicians generally report being satisfied with their career though they admitted to experiencing additional stressors on top of the stressors that their male colleagues also face.
I am paid the same amount of salary as my male colleagues. And yet, it is still different, and sometimes a lot harder, to be a woman in medicine. Apart from the predisposition to inappropriate sexual comments or behaviour, verbal abuse and physical assault from our male patients and lack of support and criticism from male colleagues during times of pregnancy, maternity leaves etc.; there isn’t a day that goes by that someone at work does not make a demeaning remark regarding our position.
Many other female doctors will attest to this. Patients find it fit to call us nurses, even when we are wearing long white coats, with a stethoscope hanging around our neck and we have just introduced ourselves as “Dr. so and so”. Just recently one of my colleagues took to her facebook page, about a patient who insisted she was not the doctor but “the doctor’s secretary” because she was a woman. It makes me furious, and sad. But on this day, as I remember my regular answer, “I work at a hospital”, it suddenly and maddeningly dawned on me: I am doing the same thing to myself that I cringe when other people do to me, or to any of us. I am downplaying my accomplishments maybe because I am a woman. I do not want to do it anymore.
So, I will admit it: I am a doctor! And I am really damn good at it!!
This article is dedicated to all aspiring young girls who wish to join this humble profession of ours; Know that you can be anything you want, and you can actually be better at it!
For questions regarding pursuing a career in medicine please email email@example.com
Seventy-seven years ago, on the evening of December 2, 1943, the Germans launched a surprise air raid on allied shipping in the Italian port of Bari, which was then the key supply centre for the British 8th army’s advance in Italy.
The attack was spearheaded by 105 Junkers JU88 bombers under the overall command of the infamous Air Marshal Wolfram von Richthofen (who had initially achieved international notoriety during the Spanish Civil War for his aerial bombardment of Guernica). In a little over an hour the German aircraft succeeded in sinking 28 transport and cargo ships, while further inflicting massive damage to the harbour’s facilities, resulting in the port being effectively put out of action for two months.
Over two thousand ground personnel were killed during the raid, with the release of a secret supply of mustard gas aboard one of the destroyed ships contributing to the death toll, as well as subsequent military and civilian casualties. The extent of the later is a controversy due to the fact that the American and British governments subsequently covered up the presence of the gas for decades.
At least five Batswana were killed and seven critically wounded during the raid, with one of the wounded being miraculously rescued floating unconscious out to sea with a head wound. He had been given up for dead when he returned to his unit fourteen days later. The fatalities and casualties all occurred when the enemy hit an ammunition ship adjacent to where 24 Batswana members of the African Pioneer Corps (APC) 1979 Smoke Company where posted.
Thereafter, the dozen surviving members of the unit distinguished themselves for their efficiency in putting up and maintaining smokescreens in their sector, which was credited with saving additional shipping. For his personal heroism in rallying his men following the initial explosions Company Corporal Chitu Bakombi was awarded the British Empire Medal, while his superior officer, Lieutenant N.F. Moor was later given an M.B.E.
Remember: bricks and cement are used to build a house, but mutual love, respect and companionship are used to build a HOME. And amongst His signs is this: He creates for you mates out of your own kind, so that you may find contentment (Sukoon) with them, and He engenders love and tenderness between you; in this behold, there are signs (messages) indeed for people who reflect and think (Quran 30:21).
This verse talks about contentment; this implies companionship, of their being together, sharing together, supporting one another and creating a home of peace. This verse also talks about love between them; this love is both physical and emotional. For love to exist it must be built on the foundation of a mutually supportive relationship guided by respect and tenderness. As the Quran says; ‘they are like garments for you, and you are garments for them (Quran 2:187)’. That means spouses should provide each other with comfort, intimacy and protection just as clothing protects, warms and dignifies the body.
In Islam marriage is considered an ‘ibaadah’, (an act of pleasing Allah) because it is about a commitment made to each other, that is built on mutual love, interdependence, integrity, trust, respect, companionship and harmony towards each other. It is about building of a home on an Islamic foundation in which peace and tranquillity reigns wherein your offspring are raised in an atmosphere conducive to a moral and upright upbringing so that when we all stand before Him (Allah) on that Promised Day, He will be pleased with them all.
Most marriages start out with great hopes and rosy dreams; spouses are truly committed to making their marriages work. However, as the pressures of life mount, many marriages change over time and it is quite common for some of them to run into problems and start to flounder as the reality of living with a spouse that does not meet with one’s pre-conceived ‘expectations’. However, with hard work and dedication, couples can keep their marriages strong and enjoyable. How is it done? What does it take to create a long-lasting, satisfying marriage?
Below are some of the points that have been taken from a marriage guidance article I read recently and adapted for this purposes.
POSITIVITY Spouses should have far more positive than negative interactions. If there is too much negativity — criticizing, demanding, name-calling, holding grudges, etc. — the relationship will suffer. However, if there is never any negativity, it probably means that frustrations and grievances are not getting ‘air time’ and unresolved tension is accumulating inside one or both partners waiting to ‘explode’ one day.
“Let not some men among you laugh at others: it may be that the (latter) are better than the (former): nor let some women laugh at others: it may be that the (latter) are better than the (former): nor defame nor be sarcastic to each other, nor call each other by (offensive) nicknames.” (49:11)
We all have our individual faults though we may not see them nor want to admit to them but we will easily identify them in others. The key is balance between the two extremes and being supportive of one another. To foster positivity in a marriage that help make them stable and happy, being affectionate, truly listening to each other, taking joy in each other’s achievements and being playful are just a few examples of positive interactions. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: “The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best character and the best of you are those who are best to their wives”
Another characteristic of happy marriages is empathy; understanding your spouses’ perspective by putting oneself in his or her shoes. By showing that understanding and identifying with your spouse is important for relationship satisfaction. Spouses are more likely to feel good about their marriage and if their partner expresses empathy towards them. Husbands and wives are more content in their relationships when they feel that their partners understand their thoughts and feelings.
Successful married couples grow with each other; it simply isn’t wise to put any person in charge of your happiness. You must be happy with yourself before anyone else can be. You are responsible for your actions, your attitudes and your happiness. Your spouse just enhances those things in your life. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: “Treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers.”
Successful marriages involve both spouses’ commitment to the relationship. The married couple should learn the art of compromise and this usually takes years. The largest parts of compromise are openness to the other’s point of view and good communication when differences arise.
When two people are truly dedicated to making their marriage work, despite the unavoidable challenges and obstacles that come, they are much more likely to have a relationship that lasts. Husbands and wives who only focus on themselves and their own desires are not as likely to find joy and satisfaction in their relationships.
Another basic need in a relationship is each partner wants to feel valued and respected. When people feel that their spouses truly accept them for who they are, they are usually more secure and confident in their relationships. Often, there is conflict in marriage because partners cannot accept the individual preferences of their spouses and try to demand change from one another. When one person tries to force change from another, he or she is usually met with resistance.
However, change is much more likely to occur when spouses respect differences and accept each other unconditionally. Basic acceptance is vital to a happy marriage. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: “It is the generous (in character) who is good to women, and it is the wicked who insults them.” “Overlook (any human faults) with gracious forgiveness.” (Quran 15:85)
COMPASSION, MUTUAL LOVE AND RESPECT
Other important components of successful marriages are love, compassion and respect for each other. The fact is, as time passes and life becomes increasingly complicated, the marriage is often stressed and suffers as a result. A happy and successful marriage is based on equality. When one or the other dominates strongly, intimacy is replaced by fear of displeasing.
It is all too easy for spouses to lose touch with each other and neglect the love and romance that once came so easily. It is vital that husbands and wives continue to cultivate love and respect for each other throughout their lives. If they do, it is highly likely that their relationships will remain happy and satisfying. Move beyond the fantasy and unrealistic expectations and realize that marriage is about making a conscious choice to love and care for your spouse-even when you do not feel like it.
Seldom can one love someone for whom we have no respect. This also means that we have to learn to overlook and forgive the mistakes of one’s partner. In other words write the good about your partner in stone and the bad in dust, so that when the wind comes it blows away the bad and only the good remains.
Paramount of all, marriage must be based on the teachings of the Noble Qur’an and the teachings and guidance of our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). To grow spiritually in your marriage requires that you learn to be less selfish and more loving, even during times of conflict. A marriage needs love, support, tolerance, honesty, respect, humility, realistic expectations and a sense of humour to be successful.
The past week or two has been a mixed grill of briefs in so far as the national employment picture is concerned. BDC just injected a further P64 million in Kromberg & Schubert, the automotive cable manufacturer and exporter, to help keep it afloat in the face of the COVID-19-engendered global economic apocalypse. The financial lifeline, which follows an earlier P36 million way back in 2017, hopefully guarantees the jobs of 2500, maybe for another year or two.
It was also reported that a bulb manufacturing company, which is two years old and is youth-led, is making waves in Selibe Phikwe. Called Bulb Word, it is the only bulb manufacturing operation in Botswana and employs 60 people. The figure is not insignificant in a town that had 5000 jobs offloaded in one fell swoop when BCL closed shop in 2016 under seemingly contrived circumstances, so that as I write, two or three buyers have submitted bids to acquire and exhume it from its stage-managed grave.