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Alalu Dies on Mars

Benson C Saili
THIS EARTH, MY BROTHER…

A legend passes on but is immortalised in stone. Meanwhile, the man who tended him is raised from the dead!


Aseven-man panel, constituted differently from the one that condemned Kumarbi, was convened to try Alalu.  It included King Anu who had travelled to Earth to come and toast to the demise of Kumarbi. Other members of the panel were Enlil, Enki, one Anzu, Nungal, Abgal and another guy going by the name Alalgar, all members of the Anunnaki aristocracy.    

Anu sat in the middle, flanked by Enlil to his right and Enki to his left. This setup is the original source of the terms left wing (or leftist) and right wing in politics. Left wingers are moderate in their agenda and are ostensibly pro-people (like the Democrats in the US). Right wingers, on the other hand, are extremists and generally self-serving (like the Republicans in the US): they put their   self-aggrandisement interests before those of the wider populace though they couch these interests in universal terms.

That was the dichotomy of Enki and Enlil.  Enki was soft, kindly and sympathetic, whereas Enlil was hard, strict and unforgiving. Enki wanted to enlighten mankind and bring them on par with the Anunnaki; Enlil wanted us to be forever beneath the Anunnaki and under their yoke. Enki wanted to utilise mankind; all Enlil was interested in was to use mankind. Enlil would rather     mankind disappeared from the face of the Earth; Enki wanted us preserved and in addition blossom and flourish.   But we’re getting ahead of our story, sorry.  

Alalu was brought before the judgement panel, his hands and feet in chains as befitted a prisoner. Anu ordered that he be unbound.  Enlil was the first to inquisition him, followed by Enki. Alalu made the case that he was the King of Sirius for “nine counted periods”, that is 9 shars, as the Anunnaki even when they were here on Earth still counted time in Nibiru terms, and that  Anu used to be his Cup-Bearer.

“To my seed kingship was belonging. On my throne Anu himself sat, to escape death to distant Earth I made a dangerous journey. Salvation for Nibiru I, Alalu, on the alien planet discovered! … Then to Earth came Enki … Then Enlil, the succession from Anu he himself claiming. Then Anu came, by lots he tricked Ea; Enki, the Lord of Earth, he was proclaimed, of Earth not of Nibiru to be the master. Then to Enlil command was granted, Enki to the distant Abzu was delegated. My heart of all that was aching, my chest from shame and anger was bursting … Anu his foot upon my chest placed, upon my aching heart he was treading!”           

The trial took days.  When judgement day arrived, the no-nonsense Enlil recommended a death sentence, a pronouncement seconded by Alalgar, Abgal and Ningal. But Enki and Anzu were more level-headed. Enki and Anzu opined that Alalu be slapped a life sentence right here on Earth. It was now left to King Anu to state his piece of mind.  

Like Enki, Anu was a naturally compassionate being and slow to anger and basically bore no grudges.  He pronounced that Alalu not be condemned to death or incarceration but to exile on yet another planet – LAHMU (Mars).  When the vote on Anu’s verdict was done, it was unanimous.   And so it was that a sickly (from the poison Enlil had secretly administered to him) and dejected Alalu was loaded onto the same celestial ship that was carrying Anu to the Ari to be dropped off on Mars on the way.

As the spaceship prepared to land on Mars, pilot Anzu dropped a bombshell.  “With Alalu to the firm soil of LAHMU I shall descend,” he said to Anu. “With the sky chamber to return I wish not. With Alalu on a strange planet I shall stay. Until he dies I shall protect him. When he dies of his innards’ poison, as befits a King him I shall bury.”

Surprisingly, Anu did not balk at Anzu’s suggestion but was instead deeply touched. “There were tears in the eyes of Alalu,” recalls Enki. “There was amazement in the heart of Anu.”

The ever-gracious, ever-generous Anu pledged a dream reward to Anzu. “Your wish shall be honoured. Hereby let a promise to you be made. By my raised hand to you I swear: on the next journey a chariot by LAHMU shall circuit, its skyship to you shall descend. If alive, it shall find you, the master of LAHMU you shall be proclaimed. When a way station on LAHMU shall be established, its commander you shall be!”  

Hence it was that Anzu and Alalu remained on Mars – the only civilisation on the planet – with plentiful food supplies, tools and the requisite survival equipment.

ENKI SETS UP IN ZIMBABWE

Shortly after Anu’s departure back to Nibiru, Enki moved to the Abzu, southern Africa, to establish a new base there as per his new brief as the superintendent of imminent gold mining operations. He characterises his new environs as a land “bursting with riches, perfect in fullness. Many rivers rushed across the region, great waters there rapidly flowed.” His own residence he describes as “an abode by the flowing waters”. It does not require overmuch mental gymnastics to infer, as practically every scholar has, that the region of the Abzu Enki was talking about was   modern-day Zimbabwe. The river along whose banks he established his abode was almost certainly the Zambezi.

The ancient city of Great Zimbabwe is preserved in those famed ruins 250 kilometres north of Harare and 500 kilometres south of the Zambezi River. The Great Zimbabwe ruins (actually ruins on top of ruins) are one of the most enigmatic stone structures of antiquity in the world. No one knows exactly when they were built and how they were built. In 1531, a certain Vincent Pegado,  a Portuguese army officer, marvelled thus of the construction technology of the Zimbabwe edifice: “Among the gold mines of the inland plains between the Limpopo and Zambezi rivers there is a fortress built of stones of marvellous size, and there appears to be no mortar joining them”. It goes without saying that Great Zimbabwe was the Anunnaki’s first settlement on the continent of Africa.

Enki referred to the mining site in the Abzu as “The Place of Deepness”, or simply the Abyss, because there the Heroes (Anunnaki astronauts) descended into “Earth’s bowels” to do the mining. Because of this style, Africa as a whole in due course came to be known as the Lower World or the Underworld, a term that clueless, latter day theologians spun into a byword for “Hell”. Well, to Hell with them!

Gold mining in the Abzu would not be an open-cast affair but a backbreaking, underground enterprise. Like the peerless engineer he was, Enki, having settled down in his new residence on the shores of the Zambezi River, set about designing the appropriate tools. Principal among the machines he designed were the “Earth Splitter”, “That Which Crunches”, and “That Which Crushes”. The blueprints were beamed to Nibiru for manufacture and subsequent delivery to Earth.

Meanwhile, even after having spent over 30,000 years on Earth (about 8 years in Nibiru terms), the Anunnaki were still not fully adjusted to the conditions on the planet. They complained of a number of privations, inadequacies and indispositions. “To the Heroes Earth’s quick circuits (years) were upsetting,” recalls Enki. “Earth’s quick day and night cycles dizziness were causing. The atmosphere, though good, was in some things lacking, in others too abundant. On the sameness of the food the Heroes were complaining.” Notwithstanding the fact that this was in the Ice Age, a basically chilly epoch, the Anunnaki complained of “blisteringly hot weather”. Coming from the almost completely sunless planet that was Nibiru, their distress was understandable.

Enlil, Enki’s step brother and the Bible’s Jehovah, comes across as the most allergic to what was “Earth’s unforgiving weather”. Enki writes that “Enlil, the commander, by the heat of the Sun on Earth was afflicted, for coolness and shade he was longing”. Enlil therefore decided to build himself a home higher up in the snow-covered mountains, where it was frigid but rather suiting for him. He chose a perch on the Cedar Mountains in modern-day Lebanon. There, he not only built a mansion but also established the Landing Place, a paved platform for Anunnaki skyships and rocketships. This is the now famous 9-hectare Baalbek platform ruins, whose immense stone structures continue to stagger the imagination to date.   

Enki, too, was disconcerted by Earth’s “searing” weather, as evidenced by his having had to set up his abode hundreds of kilometres away from the gold-mining belt so he could perpetually indulge the  continuously refreshing effects of the  riverside weather. He noted down all the health-related complaints of the Heroes and relayed them to Nibiru for the attention of King Anu.

RIP ALALU, HOWDY ANZU

When Anu arrived back on Nibiru after presiding over the trial of Alalu, he quickly announced to his Cabinet and other key assemblies that gold-prospecting missions were to be undertaken to every celestial body in the Solar System with a hospitable climate. This included planets and their moons.  He also decreed that Earth was to be permanently settled under the head of Enlil deputised by Enki and therefore more Heroes were to travel to the planet to augment gold mining efforts as well as help speed up the erection of the required infrastructure.

Before long, a fresh wave of 50 Anunnaki was en route to Earth. This time around, females were part of the contingent. Heading it was Anu’s firstborn daughter, Ninmah, a distinguished Chief Medical Officer. Also numbering on the party was Ninmah’s ravishingly beautiful deputy called Sud, who you should take note of in view of what was to transpire in the near future.    

Amongst other accoutrements, Ninmah carried special palliatives as well as the mining equipment Enki had designed.  Before she set off for Earth, Anu had instructed her to make a stopover on Mars and if Anzu was still alive boost him with 20 men to start a base there. In the gold transportation process, Mars was to serve as a Way Station between Earth and Nibiru. This was both scientifically and logistically sensible. Says Slave Species of God author Michael Tellinger: “At present we (Earthlings) have the ability to take about seven people into space. Any more than that starts to require much greater thrust and technology mainly because of the added weight and the effect of gravity. The gravity on Mars is only 38 percent of that on Earth. By sending regular smaller shipments to Mars, they (the Anunnaki) would be able to send fewer but much larger shipments to Nibiru. A simple and practical solution.”  

As Ninmah’s Celestial Boat coursed through the skies of Mars, it picked up a distress signal and homed in on it. The signal, it turned out, was being beamed from Anzu’s helmet. Anzu was the compassionate Anunnaki who had a certain, inexplicable attachment to the disgraced Alalu, the former King of  Sirius and one of Earth’s pioneers (from the Sirius star system) who Anu had exiled to Mars. Anzu had volunteered to look after the ailing Alalu, who had been intravenously poisoned by Enlil after he conspired with his grandson Kumarbi to prise Earth from the grip of the Sirian-Orion Empire ruled by King Anu and his Queen Antu.   

Anzu lay “prostrate” on the shores of a lake, seemingly lifeless. Indeed upon closer examination, he was found to be as dead as a door nail. The medical guru that was Ninmah immediately went to work. She first employed two ultra-sophisticated instruments called a Pulser and an Emitter.

“Ninmah touched his face, to his heart she gave attention,” writes Enki. “From her pouch she took out the Pulser; upon Anzu’s heart pulsing she directed. From her pouch she took the Emitter, its crystals life-giving emissions on his body she directed. Sixty times did Ninmah direct the Pulser, sixty times the Emitter she directed.”

The result reads like sci-fi: Anzu’s eyes opened and his lips began to quiver! Next, Ninmah orally administered two ingestible substances to a spasmodic, reflexive Anzu. “Gently upon his face the Water of Life she poured; his lips with it wetting. Gently upon his mouth the Food of Life she placed. Then the miracle did happen: Anzu from the dead arose!”   

Anzu was so revitalised he was immediately able to talk, though haltingly, and walk, though falteringly. Ninmah inquired about Alalu and Anzu replied thus: “Alalu soon after the landing  from unremitting pain to scream began. From his mouth his innards he was spitting.” He then led Ninmah and her entourage to  some rocky outcrop well away from the lake. When they reached the site, Anzu explained: “In the great rock a cave I found, Alalu’s corpse therein I hid. Its entrance with stones I covered.”  

Alalu’s remains were a pile of bones. In his case, however, the reanimating efforts that had applied to Anzu were not at all attempted as they were needless. All Ninmah did, on behalf of her father Anu (who generally had the tender virtues of Enki in contrast to the mean streak of Enlil) was to order that a lasting memorial be made for Alalu. “Let the image of Alalu forever gaze toward Nibiru (actually Sirius) that he ruled, toward the Earth whose gold he discovered.” Anu’s wishes were carried out forthwith, again using inconceivably sophisticated technology.  Writes Enki: “The image of Alalu upon the great rock mountain with beams they  carved. They showed him wearing an Eagle’s helmet; his face they made  uncovered.”

As for Anzu himself, his manner of recognition was a foregone conclusion. Said Ninmah: “To you Anu the King his promise shall be keeping. Twenty heroes with you shall remain, the Way Station’s building to begin; rocketships from Earth the golden ores shall here deliver. Celestial Chariots from  here the gold to Nibiru shall then transport. Hundreds of Heroes their abode on LAHMU (Mars) shall make: you Anzu shall be their commander.”  

THE NASA COVER-UP

Until 2001, the gigantic rock carving that bore  Alalu’s image, dubbed  “Face on Mars”,  was vividly seen in many a picture of the region of the planet Mars called Cydonia. Then NASA began a systematic process of defacing it in a bid to damp down curiosity and therefore forestall   the inevitable dot connection: how they managed only they know.

Did our Illuminati alert their Anunnaki counterparts on Mars to effect a gradual remoulding of the iconic image? For when you today look at the same image, it is almost nondescript: it’s not as definitive as it was in 1976, the year it was first photographed. If Mars had a dense atmosphere like Earth, one would say this may have been the ultimate result of wind erosion but Mars almost totally lost its atmosphere 13,000 years ago    in the aftermath of the same Nibiru “sweep-by” that triggered Noah’s Flood here on Earth.

As for the Anzu life-restoration miracle, does this suggest the Anunnaki were indeed capable of bringing the dead back to life? History seems to suggest so. Actually, those privy to occultic secrets (such as witches) will tell you that anybody can be revived from death within three days of their demise.  In the first three days of one’s death, so it is said, one’s spirit still lingers around on Earth and so it can be “enticed” back into the body. That’s why one witch-doctor boasted in a local paper that “any dead body can be turned into a zombie”, though he did concede that for genuine Christians that is close to impossible!    

The Bible actually seems to bear out Ninmah’s feat. Jesus is said to have arisen  from the dead (the surface story) in three days’ time. The so-called raising of Lazarus by Jesus (again the surface story) was done on the fourth day, as if Jesus wanted to demonstrate that he had such unmitigated power he could summon back a being from the dead even when the 3-day feasibility period was past! There is a great deal   you and I need to know about this Earth, my Brother.

NEXT WEEK: EDEN EVOLVES

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A “Virgin” Conceives

2nd March 2021
IT’S THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS, STUPID

Princess Mary falls pregnant only one month after her betrothal to Prince Joseph

To put the lineage of Mary the mother of Jesus in context, General Atiku, it is in order that we begin with her grandfather Yehoshua  (Jesus in Greek) III.

Mary was offspring of two royal lines, the Davidic line and the Hasmonean line. Yehoshua III was the Herod–appointed High Priest of Israel between 36 and 23 BC.  He had no sons, only three daughters namely Joanna, Elizabeth, and Anna, all of whom he organised dynastic suitors.

Elizabeth would be married off into the House of Aaron, the legitimate priestly line, and Joanna and Anna would be married off into the House of David, the legitimate kingly line. That’s how Elizabeth became the wife of Zechariah of the tribe of Levi and in due course the mother of John the Baptist.

Mainstream Israel up to the level of the Sanhedrin had recognised Anna as the eligible mother of the future King of Israel and not the sitting impostor Herod (it is not clear what happened to first-born Joanna but she probably passed away before she got married). Anna was accordingly married off to Alexander III, a Davidic and Hasmonean prince who was best known as Heli as indeed the genealogy of Luke clearly attests.

Heli and Anna too had no sons. They only had daughters, the firstborn of whom was Dorcas, whose was born in 26 BC and whose titular name was Mary.  Mary was orphaned early in her childhood when her father Heli was killed in 17 BC at the orders of the increasingly paranoid Herod and when her mother Anna died a year or so later.

Since she was a dynastic heiress, it was likely that Herod would come after her. The Essenes thus secreted her somewhere in remote Galilee. It was actually in Galilee that most members of the Davidic royal line were concentrated not only to keep as far away from Herod as possible but to also enjoy the protective custody of the Zealots, who were the secret military wing of the Essenes and a thorn in the side of both Herod and the Romans.  Joseph was also officially based in Galilee although both he and Mary were in truth based at Qumran in the Judean wilds.

JOSEPH CALLED TO “DUTY”

Dynastic marriages are often more politically strategic than spontaneous, General. For example, the union of Prince Charles and Princess Diana was motivated by the need to fuse the Windsor genes with those of the Stuarts as the Windsors, being predominantly Reptilians, were finding it increasingly difficult to maintain their human form.

The Stuarts, the clan of Diana, had by far more human genes than Reptilian and they too were an aristocratic family. That’s why once Charles had produced a  “heir and a spare”, he completely sidelined Diana, who he had never loved, and devoted himself to his real love – Camilla Parker-Bowles.

The marriage of Joseph to Mary, General, was equally strategic. Although both were from the tribe of Judah and of the royal Davidic line, they were from different branches.  Joseph was a descendant of Solomon, whereas Mary was a descendant of Nathan, Solomon’s elder brother. The line of Solomon, as we once underlined, had been tainted by the Jeconiah curse.

The line of Nathan was clean. Since the son of Joseph and Mary would be the future King of Israel, it was important that he not be compromised by the baggage, rightly or wrongly, of the Jeconiah curse. Hence the desirability of the union of Prince Joseph and Princess Mary.

Now, both Joseph and Mary’s clans were Essenes. As such, their marriage process, formalities, and protocols had to strictly adhere to Essene dynastic rules. The Essenes were in ranks. Amongst the higher echelons were the two great dynasties, the Davids and the Zadoks, who had been the high priests and kings of Israel respectively before the destruction of the Temple by Nebuchadnezzar in 586 BC.

The Davids and Zadoks lived a strictly holy life, typically in a monastery at Qumran, the reclusive headquarters of the Essenes. They were sequestered there so that they did not fall prey to the machinations of the bloodthirsty King Herod though officially their address was Galilee.  In fact, the major reason the Essene movement had come into existence was to preserve and safeguard the Davidic and Zadokite lines, the religio-politico haunt of Herod and the Hasmoneans initially.

According to the Essene code, General, the Zadoks and the Davids were not to engage in sex for recreational purposes because it was regarded as defiling: it diluted holiness. The only times they were supposed to do so was when need arose to produce heirs. In 8 BC, it was now opportune for Joseph, the David, to produce a heir and so he was excused from a life of chastity.

At this point in time in fact, the Essenes were focused on two dynastic figures. These were Joseph and Zechariah. The two were expected to produce the Messiah of David and the Messiah of Aaron, that is, the future King of Israel and the future High Priest of Israel.

According to Essene rules, the David had to marry at age 36, so that by the time he was 40, he had already sired a heir. The new heir had to be born when the David was 37. If the child was a daughter, she could not inherit, and so the David had to set about the procreation of a second-born, who hopefully would be a boy (copulation to that end was allowed only when the daughter was 3 years old).

The Davidic heir had to be born not in any other month but in September, the holiest in the Jewish calendar. In order to conform to these parameters, a betrothal ceremony was held at the beginning of June. During the betrothal period – the three months from beginning of June to end of August – sexual relations were not permitted.

Then at the beginning of September, a First Marriage was held. This was the beginning of the marriage proper as now the couple were allowed to become intimate. However, the intimacy began only in December, with a view to delivering a heir in September the following year. At the end of March, the Second Marriage was held for it was hoped that by that time the spouse was three months pregnant if there hadn’t been a miscarriage. With the Second Marriage, the wedlock was permanent: divorce was never allowed whatsoever.

Meanwhile, General, if the spouse hadn’t conceived in December, sexual relations were suspended till December the following year. The husband would then leave her spouse and return either to the monastery at Qumran or embark on a tour of duty elsewhere in furtherance of the Essene cause.

A BINDING ENGAGEMENT

According to the Dead Sea Scrolls, General, the Essenes were not only a spiritual, revolutionary, and philosophical movement. They were also ardent believers in astrology. They meticulously studied the stars and the movements of planets to read what they portended about the future.

Thus the reason a Davidic heir had to be born in September was not only because this was the holiest month of the year: it was also in recognition of the fact that September was ruled by the constellation Virgo. In other words, September was astrologically the month of the virgin. That was what Mary was.

Mary was both a virgin physically and a virgin titularly. A bride of the future king was required to be a virgin. As an Essene, Mary belonged to the Order (not the tribe) of Dan.  This was the Order of Nuns, or virgins, both legal and physical virgins. Thus in the Order of Dan, a woman was not a virgin only before she slept with a man: she was a virgin until she was six months pregnant. In the case of a dynastic spouse like Mary, this was up to end of June.  From then henceforth, she was promoted within the Order to the first stage of a Mother.

Joseph’s betrothal to Mary took place at Qumran in June 8 BC. Now, in our day, betrothal simply means engagement to be married. In ancient Israel up to New Testament times, betrothal was part and parcel of the marriage contract. It was definite and binding upon both groom and bride, who were considered as man and wife in all legal and religious aspects, except that sexual relations were not permitted.

For example, in 2 SAMUEL 3:14, King David refers to his betrothed woman as “my wife”. Also in DEUTERONOMY 22:24, a betrothed woman is referred to as “his neighbour’s wife”.  In the betrothal formalities, dowry and bride price were included. If a bride and groom for one reason or the other wanted to opt out of the betrothal after the betrothal ceremony, they had to seek a formal divorce.

Since the betrothal took place in June, General, Joseph and Mary were not supposed to make love till December, that is, six months after the betrothal ceremony and three months after the First Marriage ceremony in September. Just one month after the betrothal ceremony (that is, at the beginning of July 8 BC), however, Mary became pregnant. Was it Joseph, General? Was it rape by a Roman soldier called Panthera as some contemporary records suggest? Or was it simply the supernatural act of the “Holy Spirit” as Christendom holds?

THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS

Those who hold that the circumstances of Mary’s pregnancy were supernatural, General, can be excused. This is because the language employed therein smacks of ethereality – Holy Spirit, Angel Gabriel, Son of the Most High, etc. To those who have read and rigorously studied the Dead Sea Scrolls, however, such terminology is well within the temporal context.

That is to say, it does not carry spiritual connotations as such. True, the idea of an angel speaking to Joseph and Mary in their sleep may seem supernatural but the dreams are theological interpolations, inserted into the gospels in onward editing to fit a contrived agenda – what Karl Marx called the opium of the masses.

The Dead Sea Scrolls are so named because they were discovered in caves around the Qumran plateau of the West Bank (about 40 km east of Jerusalem), at the northwest corner of the Dead Sea, in March 1947. The discoverer was a Bedouin shepherd kid who was looking for a lost goat. The scrolls were found hidden in jars.

The 1947 find was the initial discovery: more discoveries were made after further excavations on the same site spanning 11 years in a series of 11 caves. Altogether, 972 texts were   turned up. They are written in four languages, namely Hebrew (the majority), Aramaic, Greek, and Nabatean, mostly on parchment. Other texts were inscribed on papyrus and bronze.

Most of the Dead Sea Scrolls are fragments. Fragments of all the Old Testament books have been found save for the book of Esther. The only complete book is Isaiah.  There are also apocryphal books (those arbitrarily excluded from the Old Testament canon by the Constantine-convened Nicene Council of AD 325) such as the Book of Enoch and the Book of Jubilees, and sect-specific writings that embody rules and beliefs of the people who compiled them.

The latter include commentaries on the Old Testament, paraphrases that expand on the Law of Moses, rule books of the community, war conduct, thanksgiving psalms, hymnic compositions, benedictions, liturgical texts, and sapiential (wisdom) writing. These texts have been given appropriate titles such as the War Scroll; Manual of Discipline; the Community Rule; the Temple Scroll; the Copper Scroll; etc.

The Dead Sea Scrolls were written/preserved by the Essenes between 168 BC and 68 AD. We know this because Pliny, the first century Roman historian, wrote that, “On the west coast of Lake Asphaltitis (the Dead Sea) are settled the Essenes, at some distance from the noisome odours that are experienced on the shore itself.

They are a lonely people, the most extraordinary in the world, who live without women, without love, without money, with the palm trees for their only companions.”   The Essenes stashed away the scrolls sometime in 70 AD, when Roman General Flavius Titus overran Jerusalem and laid waste to the Temple following a catastrophic Jewish uprising – led by the Zealots, the military wing of the Essenes – that began in 66 BC.

This they did in heed of JEREMIAH 32:14, which says, “Thus saith the Lord of hosts, the God of Israel; Take these evidences … and put them in an earthen vessel, that they may continue many days.” The Dead Sea Scrolls have given us invaluable insight into the beliefs, customs, rituals, politics, philosophies, and traditions of first century Palestine.

NEXT WEEK: THE PANTERA INVOLVEMENT

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A crash course in publicity

2nd March 2021

The rivalry between luxury German automotive marques Mercedes-Benz and BMW is legendary. Both brands offer high-end, high-priced desirable models, always at the forefront of cutting-edge driving technology and excellence. And in the annals of the advertising world, a campaign between the two rivals is equally legendary and it happened on our own doorstep.

Many of you will be familiar with the coastal road out of Cape Town called Chapman’s Peak. It is a beautiful, sightseeing attraction, the road winding through spectacular coastal-mountain scenery, with cliffs sinking into the  Atlantic ocean on one side, and steep mountains towering over the road on the other. However, the road is also notoriously dangerous, with its 114 sharp, meandering bends . It’s reputation is well-deserved . Several years ago, when a major coastal cleanup campaign was launched, a helicopter pulled a total of 22 wrecked cars out of the water adjacent to Chapman’s Peak and it was one such accident which prefaced the notorious marketing battle. The story is thus:

In 1988 an Irish businessman lost control of his Mercedes Benz when driving along this road, plunging 100 metres down the cliff. Miraculously, he not only survived the accident, but crawled out of the wreckage with hardly a scratch on his body.

When Mercedes heard the details, the marketing department decided to base a new advertisement on the story to promote the safety features and stability of the brand. In the video ad they intentionally drove an identical model off the road in the exact same location, having it plunge off the edge of the cliff, the driver stepping out similarly unscathed, proving the phenomenal survivability and strength of Mercedes Benz.

When the marketing suits at BMW saw this ad, they took a bold and ingenious decision to mimic it but with a twist. Only a week later, whilst the first ad was still fresh in the public’s minds, they shot their ad showing a BMW driving along the exact same stretch of road in the rain. However, when it reached the point at which the Mercedes plunged off the cliff, the BMW negotiated it safely, and continued driving along the road.

The catchphrase of the ad was “BMW beats the bends” . Or was it? It was cunningly recorded so that it could equally have been ‘beats the Benz’, implying that their cars had superior cornering and stability to their rival, Even more sneakily, they launched their campaign on a Saturday, mindful of the rules on competitive advertising in South Africa, safe in the knowledge that no objectionable actions could be taken till the new working week.

Mercedes-Benz wasted no time on Monday in issuing an injunction, the ad was swiftly pulled but the damage was done and the dog had had its day. The ad campaign ranks high in the history of advertising and can still be found online to this day. Meanwhile the rivalry between the two automotive greats goes on.

I reference this piece of marketing history in the light of this week’s horror crash by golfing great, Tiger Woods. Driving from a luxury holiday resort in California to a nearby country club Tiger Woods lost control of his vehicle on a downhill stretch of the road, smashed through a road sign, crossed over the central reservation and rolled his car several hundred feet. He had to be cut out and pulled to safety through the windscreen and the vehicle was so badly damaged, the attending police officers said he was ‘lucky to survive’.

The vehicle Woods was driving was a rented Genesis GV80 SUV. If you are unfamiliar with the brand that is not surprising since it is a relatively new spin-off from the South Korean Hyundai marque. The Genesis utility vehicle, not available locally yet, retails for around $50,000 or half a million pula, placing it in the higher end of town and country SUVs in the USA.

The model has certainly been widely publicised in the media coverage of the high-profile sportsman’s accident and I suspect that if asked to comment, Hyundai/Genesis would disagree with the police assessment, putting Woods’ survival down to build quality and in-built safety features such as crumple zones, anti-roll bars and airbags, which were deployed in the crash and would most certainly have played their part cushioning the effects of the rolling and ultimate impact. There is , of course, no suggestion that the manufacturers will capitalise on Woods’ survival but certainly it will have done the brand no harm that he did indeed emerge with recoverable injuries.

Comparing the two accidents, the driver of the Mercedes driving along Chapman’s Peak was, of course, an ordinary member of the public whilst Tiger Woods is a household name. That said, in humanitarian terms each tale of survival carries equal weight but the fact remains that the former was just another local story of yet one more victim of a notoriously tricky stretch of road whilst the latter went round the world in an instant because of the fame and name of the driver.

There is also no evidence that that stretch of Californian urban highway carried any inherent risk. His appears to have been just a loss of control and a freak accident. However, in the event that Hyundai/Genesis should consider making capital from that accident, a note of caution needs to be sounded.

In the advertising world, the use of celebrities to promote a product is a fall-back stance to sell anything from washing-up liquid to whisky but statistics have shown that it can be a double-edged sword in that yes, the ads are memorable and the public love them when the celeb is popular and personable. But…..what is often remembered is the name of the famous promoter, not the name of the product. In other words, they sell themselves far better than they sell the item.

In golfing terminology Hyundai/Genesis are not ‘out of the Woods’ yet and maybe they should go with a completely different Driver!

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Pact with the Devil

2nd March 2021
THE LORD’S GREAT GRANDMOTHER

How Jesus’s grandfather sold his birthright to megalomaniac Herod

If you were to ask a Christian to name the main Jewish sects, General Atiku, he would no doubt begin with the Pharisees (because Jesus had innumerable slanging matches with  them according to the gospels), followed by the Sadducees.  Yet there was a third, equally momentous sect – the Essenes.

Although there’s not a single, one mention of the Essenes in the Bible, General, the New Testament is filled with Essene-type language as anybody who has read the Dead Sea Scrolls would readily recognise.

In point of fact, it was the Essenes who produced Jesus as well as the infamous Jewish band of freedom fighters known as the Zealots. Furthermore, almost all the New Testament writers were either Essenes or champions of the Essene cause as is apparent in their language and the drift of their overall philosophy.   The Essenes have a palpable presence in the Bible, albeit a cloaked one.

The Essenes, General, were the most popular, the most esteemed, and the most influential of the Jewish sects. The Jewish historian Philo (20 BC-50 AD) devotes 90 percent of his description of the Jewish sects to the Essenes. He wrote that the Essenes  “dwell in many cities of Judea and in many villages and in great societies of many numbers”.

Hyppolytus of Rome (170-236 AD) devoted nine-and-half chapters to the Essenes and only one to the Sadducees.     The Essenes are the authors of the famous Dead Sea Scrolls, which were discovered in 1947 in Israel at a place called Qumran and which have given us even greater insight into the happenings in the first century than the Bible itself.

How did the Essene movement come about, General?  The Essenes, meaning “puritans of the faith”, were the Jewish sect that was the most loyal to the Davidic dynasty. They set themselves apart from the mainstream Jewish community circa 175 BC and established their headquarters at Qumran,  about 40 km from Jerusalem.

Since the Jewish nation revered the Davidic royal line, the only legitimate and rightful rulers of Judah in their view, they rallied to the Essenes en masse. And because the Essenes were disparaging of the Hasmonean rule (140 BC to 63 BC), the mainstream Jews also took a dismissive view of Hasmonean rule too.

The Essenes were so highly regarded because of their virtue and spirituality. The legendary Jewish historian Flavius Josephus (37-100 AD) writes thus of them: “They are more mutually affectionate than the others (Pharisees and Sadducees). Whereas these men shun the pleasures as vice, they consider self-control and not succumbing to the passions virtue  … Since [they are] despisers of wealth –  their communal stock is astonishing – one cannot find a person among them who has more in terms of possessions.

For by a law, those coming into the school (that is, the Essene fold) must yield up their funds to the order, with the result that in all [their ranks] neither the humiliation of poverty nor the superiority of wealth is detectable, but the assets of each one have been mixed in together, as if they were brothers, to create one fund for all.”

In time, the Essenes, General, became quite influential even with occupying powers. For instance, when the Greek General Pompey installed Hyrcanus II as ruler of  Palestine in 63 BC,  he sought the opinion  of the Essenes. The Essenes recommended that Hyrcanus go by the titles High Priest and Prince, not King, to which Pompey paid heed. In  142 BC, when Simon was installed by the Seleucids as ruler of Palestine, the Essenes had insisted on the same titular style. To the Essenes, everybody who occupied Israel’s seat of authority was simply holding fort for the real deal – the Davidic  King.

In 37 BC, when Herod became King of Palestine, the potential Davidic King was Jacob-Eliakim – the father of the Joseph of the gospels – who was an Essene himself. It was in order to win the blessings of the historically popular Jewish royal family that Herod sought to curry favour with the Essenes.

JACOB’S PACT WITH HEROD

About the time Herod came to power, General, there were three citizens of considerable stature in Palestine – Hillel, Menahem, and Jacob-Eliakim, the grandfather of Jesus. Hillel is by all accounts ancient Israel’s greatest teacher and scholar.

He was the foremost spiritual sage in the development of the Talmud and the Mishnah, the most authoritative religious references of the Jews which are second only to the Old Testament in esteem.   The renowned “Golden Rule”, which is invariably attributed to Jesus, was actually coined by Hillel. It is not certain whether Hillel was an Essene but his teachings did have a profound influence both on Essene philosophy and that of Jesus, who was an Essene too.

It was Menahem, however, who was an incontrovertible Essene. The Essenes were of two main branches, General. First, there were the puritans, the Palestinian Essenes. Then there were the liberals, the Diaspora Essenes, who sneered at the Palestinian Essenes’ dogmatism and rather strict views on morality. Menahem was the leader of the  Diaspora Essenes.

He was also privilleged to be advisor to King Herod. Herod did hold Menahem in very high regard. Josephus relates that when Herod was a school-going lad, Menahem had patted him on his back and said to him, “one day you will be King young man.” Since the prophecy came to pass, Herod had a certain, atypical respect both for Menahem and the order of Essenes.

Jacob-Eliakim’s significance was by virtue of his pedigree. He was of the royal line of David and was therefore the uncrowned King of the Jews. Now, as we have already indicated, Herod had his own grand designs about rulership of the world notwithstanding the fact that he was in reality a vassal of Rome.

When he made overtures to the trio, they didn’t mince words: they told him that in the new Israel, the Israel that would rule Earth once the Romans had been toppled from the pedestal of world power, it was a Davidic King who would reign. Herod took very strong  exception to such a prospect. Herod was neither a full-blooded Jew nor of Davidic stock but he was royalty in his own right.

His father, Antipater,  had been the governor of Idumea and in due course Judea in  the Hasmonean government and was in fact the real ruler of the entire Palestine, with John Hyrcanus being a  mere figurehead king.  When he (Herod) was only 25 years old, his father had appointed him governor of Galilee.   Herod thus had strutted the corridors of power from the day he was born and he wasn’t going to give that up easily either for his own sake or that of his descendants.

As such, General, Herod maintained to the trio that in the new, overarching Kingdom of Israel, he was going to be the emperor and would be based in Jerusalem. Just like the Greek empire of Alexander had been a triarchy (a kingdom divided into three governments), the global Kingdom of Israel (“Thy Kingdom Come” in the Lord’s Prayer) was going to be likewise.

There was going to be a ruler in the east, a ruler in the west, and a ruler in the centre, that is Jerusalem, under the oversight of Herod himself. Hillel would rule in Jerusalem; Menahem in the east; and Jacob-Eliakim in the west. If these three happened to have disappeared from the Earthly scene by the time the Kingdom of Israel came into being, their descendants would observe the same setup.

The pecking order would thus be like this: Herod as the emperor; Hillel as the senior king; Menahem as the second-ranked king; and Jacob-Eliakim as the junior king. Put differently, Herod had by the stroke of a pen reduced the Davidic dynasty from foremost to least important as it posed the most serious threat to his office. Meanwhile, the three kings-in-waiting would go by the names of the Old Testament patriarchs.

Hillel would henceforth be called the Abraham, or the Father (or Papa, which later morphed into Pope), since Abraham was the Father of the Jewish nation; Menahem would be called the Isaac (Abraham’s son); and Eliakim the Jacob (Isaac’s son). Half a loaf was better than nothing at all and so Jacob-Eliakim meekly accepted this arrangement.

When Jesus later said, “Many will come from east and west and sit at table with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the new Kingdom of Heaven (MATTHEW 8:11),” he did not mean an afterlife kingdom: he referred to the Earthly setup proposed by King Herod.

FALLOUT WITH ESSENES

Those days, General, the Davidic heir used the title “Jacob” rather than “David” as the latter title was very risky, particularly under the Hasmonean government. Given that Joseph was the most beloved son of the Old Testament Jacob, the next in line, that is, the firstborn son of the Jacob, used the title “Joseph”.

In September 44 BC, a son was born to Jacob-Eliakim. As the crown prince to the Jacob, he was given the titular name Joseph, the name by which he became best-known.  Like his father Jacob-Eliakim, Joseph was a missionary. But he also had a trade. He was a carpenter, a boat builder primarily, and a master of his craft. The word translated “carpenter” in the Bible is the ancient Greek word “ho hekton” which means a master artisan or craftsman.

In 31 BC, Qumran, the Essenes’ Judean wilderness bastion, was struck by an earthquake. The hermitic Essenes had no choice but to trek back to Jerusalem, from where they operated indefinitely at a place they called the Essene Gate. Then in 23 BC, Herod struck again. He had Jacob-Eliakim killed on trumped-up charges of sedition, his motive simply being a continuation of a systematic purge of  the Davidic “pretenders” to his throne.

The Essenes were wroth. They now set about promulgating to the Diaspora Essenes that Herod would have no part to play in the coming Kingdom. Instead, the overall King would be Joseph, the son of Jacob-Eliakim. This, General, was the beginning of a permanent rift between Herod and the Essene sect.

THE SAGA OF JOSEPH

The prospective global world, General, was subdivided into ten provinces to facilitate governance and tax collection. Palestine would have two provinces, Judea and Samaria, the latter of which would include Galilee. Asia Minor (largely present-day Turkey), where the bulk of Diaspora Jews were concentrated, would have five provinces.

The last three provinces would be Babylon, Rome, and Alexandria in Egypt. The future capital of the West was not Rome: it was Ephesus in Asia Minor. Having been allocated the West, it was in Ephesus and Alexandria that Jacob-Eliakim spent most of his time evangelizing to fellow Jews about the future Kingdom of Israel. This was the beginning of the New Covenant, whereby Jews who converted to the ideal of a new Kingdom of Israel were baptised by immersion in water.

To mainstream Palestinian Jews, General, Jacob-Eliakim was a sellout. Herod had demoted his pedigree but to somewhat placate him, he gave him the honorary title of Patriarch or Prince of Jerusalem. By subordinating the Davidic throne-in-waiting to Herod, Jacob-Eliakim had  gone against what the nation of Israel’s God, Enlil, the Bible’s main Jehovah, decreed – that every King of Judah had to be a descendant of  David. So when the unpredictable Herod had him killed in 23 BC for “sedition”, as part of a pogrom against the line of David, there was very little sympathy for him.

In 44 BC, Joseph had been born to Jacob-Eliakim. Joseph was a title: it was not his real name. At the death of his father, Joseph became the Jacob. However, he preferred the title “David”, the more apt one historically. Joseph would become the father of Jesus. When Joseph attained 30 years of age in 14 BC, his uncles and the Essene sages sent him to Rome and Alexandria to do his part in missionary work, which was simply about promulgating to the Diaspora Jews the future Kingdom of Israel in which a Son of David, that is a descendant of King David, would rule.   Egypt was also a special place because Joseph’s maternal relations were Egyptians.

Jacob-Eliakim, General, had two wives. The one was called Euchariah, a Jewish princess, of whom very little is known, and the other, the dynastic wife, was an Egyptian princess, a daughter of Queen Cleopatra VII of Egypt and Julius Caesar. Jacob-Eliakim and this princess had three sons: they were Joseph, the father of Jesus, and the twins Cleopas (after whom James, Jesus’ immediate younger brother, whose given name was Cleopas, was named) and Ptolas. Joseph was thus the Davidian Prince of Israel as well as contender to Crown Prince of Egypt. Despite pretences to the contrary on the part of the Jews, Egypt and Israel have always had ties of monarchical kinship.

In 8 BC, General, Joseph was required by Essene custom to return home and fulfill his obligations for a dynastic marriage. A wife-to-be had already been chosen for him by his uncles  and other patriarchal Essenes. This was Dorcas, better known today by her title name Mary.

NEXT WEEK: HOW HEROD MINIMISED THE HOUSE OF DAVID

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