It was with both dread and relief that I listened to Dr Bhagat’s show on male menopause on GABZfm this week (his really informative segment airs every Tuesday and Thursdays around about 13h45 so I often catch it on the way back from lunch). Whilst the symptoms are different to women because we don’t suffer hot flushes and irritability, we are more prone to wanting to copulate with younger specimens, buy flashier cars, and develop a beer boep and man-boobs (gynecomastia).
I have all the classic symptoms, it would appear, which is quite depressing (note to self – buy a new car). The relief is that I am not alone and in the company of others like Tom Cruise, Johnny Depp and Hugh Grant. (I like to fool myself that this is the company I keep – probably another menopausal symptom!)
Dr Bhagat is a doctor who gives back. He has always been known for being generous with his time and knowledge – not something naturally associated with his peers in my experience. E.g. the other day I had to see a specialist outside of the country. The purpose was to take some blood tests and because I had a full business day the arrangement was that I could meet the doctor at 6.30 (think Jhb traffic so that is how such meetings are sometimes made in Jozi – “just come along and I will see you immediately”.
Unbeknown to me this was the exact same message he had obviously given to a few others, also lined up for their early morning consultation before heading off to work. So Doctor (Capital ‘D’ – very significant) decides to roll up half an hour later at 7, brazenly walks in, offers no apology, has TWO cups of tea while we all sit waiting. I was all but fuming (perhaps irritability is a sign of male menopause or is it simply being able to spot bulls@%t behaviour?). This is a trend that I have noticed with doctors and dentists. Maybe it’s the medical profession?
In my own business I rarely fail to see someone at the allotted time because I just think that it is the height of rudeness. When you have to wait for someone the message is clear – they are more important than you and this is evident when no apology is offered for the wait, a practice common amongst the medical fraternity (pleasing pun there).
A doctor friend once explained that you couldn’t schedule efficiency with illness. Absolute crap again. Personally I have hardly ever spent a full 15 minutes in a consultation, the standard time and when I did during an earlier Jhb appointment, I was charged R1500 (or P6000 an hour) for no value-add whatsoever. Even worse, my brother in law was in ICU in Millpark hospital the other day and was charged R1900 for the surgeon’s follow up – a mere 4 minutes – which works out at a staggering R28,500 an hour. Prof Bhagat is the exception proving the rule here; he is one of the few that I have always found gives great value.
So are these behaviours specific to healthcare? Organisational behaviour is the term that is used to describe the study of how people act within organisations and the poor time keeping of doctors would appear symptomatic of healthcare all over the world.
My rant may seem like a sweeping stereotype or generalisation and if you speak to a doctor, they will give you a 1001 reasons why they run late, but good doctors design their business in such a way that the appointment time may be scheduled for different activities – check in, form filling, consultation, blood tests; in other words the task is broken down to ensure the production line is as quick and efficient as possible – yes business process engineering in a way.
Medical doctors will tell you that time wastage is a result of the patients who visit and how they behave which always leaves me with that cold feeling associated with the notion of how efficient we could be if the customers – i.e. those annoying sick people – weren’t around.
One doctor I spoke to did explain that some of the flaws can be attributed to how people behave when they get to the clinic, obvious habits like coming with many medical complaints – you ought to make multiple appointments instead of thinking one 15 minute conversation like a group discount approach will work. I must admit I have never thought about that. At the same time apparently people are also guilty of arriving just before the appointment time when they haven’t factored in parking, form filling etc.
The other big thing is not apparently letting the doctor know what you are coming for so that the correct amount of time can be scheduled for.
I guess regardless of the business it comes down to communication. If I know how the structure works and what is expected of me when I am there we can work out something better and I won’t feel so frustrated but on the other hand I am sick to death of medical appointments (loved the second unintended pun there) that run over, sometimes by as much as 45 minutes.
I have made the time and effort to get my menopausal body there 15 minutes before the time – surely you with all your medicines and potions can take something to ensure you are on time? There is no excuse for my doctor being 30 minutes late, then having a tea break when he arrives and proffering no apology. It’s people like him who put the ‘pause’ in menopause so I won’t be going back to him! But I will go back to Bhagat – I just hope that this article doesn’t fill up his appointment book so full he can’t fit me in!
STUART WHITE is the Managing Director of HRMC and they can be reached on 395 1640 or at www.hrmc.co.bw
Seventy-seven years ago, on the evening of December 2, 1943, the Germans launched a surprise air raid on allied shipping in the Italian port of Bari, which was then the key supply centre for the British 8th army’s advance in Italy.
The attack was spearheaded by 105 Junkers JU88 bombers under the overall command of the infamous Air Marshal Wolfram von Richthofen (who had initially achieved international notoriety during the Spanish Civil War for his aerial bombardment of Guernica). In a little over an hour the German aircraft succeeded in sinking 28 transport and cargo ships, while further inflicting massive damage to the harbour’s facilities, resulting in the port being effectively put out of action for two months.
Over two thousand ground personnel were killed during the raid, with the release of a secret supply of mustard gas aboard one of the destroyed ships contributing to the death toll, as well as subsequent military and civilian casualties. The extent of the later is a controversy due to the fact that the American and British governments subsequently covered up the presence of the gas for decades.
At least five Batswana were killed and seven critically wounded during the raid, with one of the wounded being miraculously rescued floating unconscious out to sea with a head wound. He had been given up for dead when he returned to his unit fourteen days later. The fatalities and casualties all occurred when the enemy hit an ammunition ship adjacent to where 24 Batswana members of the African Pioneer Corps (APC) 1979 Smoke Company where posted.
Thereafter, the dozen surviving members of the unit distinguished themselves for their efficiency in putting up and maintaining smokescreens in their sector, which was credited with saving additional shipping. For his personal heroism in rallying his men following the initial explosions Company Corporal Chitu Bakombi was awarded the British Empire Medal, while his superior officer, Lieutenant N.F. Moor was later given an M.B.E.
Remember: bricks and cement are used to build a house, but mutual love, respect and companionship are used to build a HOME. And amongst His signs is this: He creates for you mates out of your own kind, so that you may find contentment (Sukoon) with them, and He engenders love and tenderness between you; in this behold, there are signs (messages) indeed for people who reflect and think (Quran 30:21).
This verse talks about contentment; this implies companionship, of their being together, sharing together, supporting one another and creating a home of peace. This verse also talks about love between them; this love is both physical and emotional. For love to exist it must be built on the foundation of a mutually supportive relationship guided by respect and tenderness. As the Quran says; ‘they are like garments for you, and you are garments for them (Quran 2:187)’. That means spouses should provide each other with comfort, intimacy and protection just as clothing protects, warms and dignifies the body.
In Islam marriage is considered an ‘ibaadah’, (an act of pleasing Allah) because it is about a commitment made to each other, that is built on mutual love, interdependence, integrity, trust, respect, companionship and harmony towards each other. It is about building of a home on an Islamic foundation in which peace and tranquillity reigns wherein your offspring are raised in an atmosphere conducive to a moral and upright upbringing so that when we all stand before Him (Allah) on that Promised Day, He will be pleased with them all.
Most marriages start out with great hopes and rosy dreams; spouses are truly committed to making their marriages work. However, as the pressures of life mount, many marriages change over time and it is quite common for some of them to run into problems and start to flounder as the reality of living with a spouse that does not meet with one’s pre-conceived ‘expectations’. However, with hard work and dedication, couples can keep their marriages strong and enjoyable. How is it done? What does it take to create a long-lasting, satisfying marriage?
Below are some of the points that have been taken from a marriage guidance article I read recently and adapted for this purposes.
POSITIVITY Spouses should have far more positive than negative interactions. If there is too much negativity — criticizing, demanding, name-calling, holding grudges, etc. — the relationship will suffer. However, if there is never any negativity, it probably means that frustrations and grievances are not getting ‘air time’ and unresolved tension is accumulating inside one or both partners waiting to ‘explode’ one day.
“Let not some men among you laugh at others: it may be that the (latter) are better than the (former): nor let some women laugh at others: it may be that the (latter) are better than the (former): nor defame nor be sarcastic to each other, nor call each other by (offensive) nicknames.” (49:11)
We all have our individual faults though we may not see them nor want to admit to them but we will easily identify them in others. The key is balance between the two extremes and being supportive of one another. To foster positivity in a marriage that help make them stable and happy, being affectionate, truly listening to each other, taking joy in each other’s achievements and being playful are just a few examples of positive interactions. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: “The believers who show the most perfect faith are those who have the best character and the best of you are those who are best to their wives”
Another characteristic of happy marriages is empathy; understanding your spouses’ perspective by putting oneself in his or her shoes. By showing that understanding and identifying with your spouse is important for relationship satisfaction. Spouses are more likely to feel good about their marriage and if their partner expresses empathy towards them. Husbands and wives are more content in their relationships when they feel that their partners understand their thoughts and feelings.
Successful married couples grow with each other; it simply isn’t wise to put any person in charge of your happiness. You must be happy with yourself before anyone else can be. You are responsible for your actions, your attitudes and your happiness. Your spouse just enhances those things in your life. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: “Treat your women well and be kind to them for they are your partners and committed helpers.”
Successful marriages involve both spouses’ commitment to the relationship. The married couple should learn the art of compromise and this usually takes years. The largest parts of compromise are openness to the other’s point of view and good communication when differences arise.
When two people are truly dedicated to making their marriage work, despite the unavoidable challenges and obstacles that come, they are much more likely to have a relationship that lasts. Husbands and wives who only focus on themselves and their own desires are not as likely to find joy and satisfaction in their relationships.
Another basic need in a relationship is each partner wants to feel valued and respected. When people feel that their spouses truly accept them for who they are, they are usually more secure and confident in their relationships. Often, there is conflict in marriage because partners cannot accept the individual preferences of their spouses and try to demand change from one another. When one person tries to force change from another, he or she is usually met with resistance.
However, change is much more likely to occur when spouses respect differences and accept each other unconditionally. Basic acceptance is vital to a happy marriage. Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: “It is the generous (in character) who is good to women, and it is the wicked who insults them.” “Overlook (any human faults) with gracious forgiveness.” (Quran 15:85)
COMPASSION, MUTUAL LOVE AND RESPECT
Other important components of successful marriages are love, compassion and respect for each other. The fact is, as time passes and life becomes increasingly complicated, the marriage is often stressed and suffers as a result. A happy and successful marriage is based on equality. When one or the other dominates strongly, intimacy is replaced by fear of displeasing.
It is all too easy for spouses to lose touch with each other and neglect the love and romance that once came so easily. It is vital that husbands and wives continue to cultivate love and respect for each other throughout their lives. If they do, it is highly likely that their relationships will remain happy and satisfying. Move beyond the fantasy and unrealistic expectations and realize that marriage is about making a conscious choice to love and care for your spouse-even when you do not feel like it.
Seldom can one love someone for whom we have no respect. This also means that we have to learn to overlook and forgive the mistakes of one’s partner. In other words write the good about your partner in stone and the bad in dust, so that when the wind comes it blows away the bad and only the good remains.
Paramount of all, marriage must be based on the teachings of the Noble Qur’an and the teachings and guidance of our Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). To grow spiritually in your marriage requires that you learn to be less selfish and more loving, even during times of conflict. A marriage needs love, support, tolerance, honesty, respect, humility, realistic expectations and a sense of humour to be successful.
The past week or two has been a mixed grill of briefs in so far as the national employment picture is concerned. BDC just injected a further P64 million in Kromberg & Schubert, the automotive cable manufacturer and exporter, to help keep it afloat in the face of the COVID-19-engendered global economic apocalypse. The financial lifeline, which follows an earlier P36 million way back in 2017, hopefully guarantees the jobs of 2500, maybe for another year or two.
It was also reported that a bulb manufacturing company, which is two years old and is youth-led, is making waves in Selibe Phikwe. Called Bulb Word, it is the only bulb manufacturing operation in Botswana and employs 60 people. The figure is not insignificant in a town that had 5000 jobs offloaded in one fell swoop when BCL closed shop in 2016 under seemingly contrived circumstances, so that as I write, two or three buyers have submitted bids to acquire and exhume it from its stage-managed grave.