I was one of those women who despised women who dated married men without even taking into consideration how they could have ended up in such situations.
I also took pride in myself that no married man could ever trick me to believe he would leave his wife to be with me without being able to see right through his teet. I thought for a woman to be tricked like that she must be completely stupid and said ‘NOT ME’ would I ever be in such a situation. I was so proud of myself that for many years I managed to avoid getting tangled in such a situation.
God was I wrong about that, it happened to me and looking back it was so easy for the married man to manipulate me into falling for his charms, it took absolutely no effort at all no matter how smart I try to shield the story in my head. The interesting part was when it came to an end, he used my strength/weakness depending on how one looks at it to try and manipulate or blame me for not being the right girlfriend therefore if I did not do as he says and change to be what he wanted me to be we could not continue with the relationship.
He was asking for the impossible knowing fully well it was something which just couldn't be done. The reasoning for the breakup was very unreasonable, not sensible at all and I couldn't really understand what the hell he was talking about.What never bothered him at the beginning when he wanted sex became a weapon for him to use to end the relationship…looking back its actually hilarious and I am laughing as I type this. This is a very common trick used by these men.
They will tell you that you talk too much even though they met you that way, you drink too much even though they met you that way, you listen to people or friends too much even though they met you that way, you have slept with too many people therefore I cant trust you even though they knew that from the beginning, you don’t want me to control you even though they never controlled you at the beginning and also as if you are not a human being but rather just a thing to be used and controlled. They’ll tell you my wife or child is sick and I need to be there for them and cant leave now….I mean the excuses most women we know as they are endless.
But please know you are NOT at fault, he is MANIPULATING you and I beg you leave him with dignity. The more you try to reason with him the more he will become very disrespectful towards you, believe me he will enjoy seeing you begging him not to leave you, its truly nothing but a sickness. Leave him with dignity because it doesn’t matter what you say or do he is going to LEAVE you regardless.I understand there are women who enjoy and get the thrill of dating married men which is something that is truly disturbing and I hope in time this behaviour changes.
For majority of women I believe they simply have hope and believe that they found the right person who they connected with and one day the married man would set his wife free to be with them (as they often tell these women that the marriage has long ended at home and they are no longer having sex with their wives) and sadly enough I was indeed in that category.The fact that matters is that the majority of women have this longing need to settle down, be someone else’s wife and have a family of her own, it is very cultural to think that way but unfortunately often this weakness/strength to feel this way is often abused by most men not just married men and only for their own sexual need and satisfaction.
These women have had their hearts broken into million pieces because of the disappointment of falling in love with a married man and when the truth hits home, realisation that it has all just been a game to the man the results are painful to even think about. Few women will take it with dignity and die the embarrassment silently, some will seek endless revenge, some will have a mental breakdown, some will commit suicide, some will go into the depth of depression and a few will take this simply as part of life and draw something positive out of the situation for their own personal growth.
We don’t need to choose to remain victims, we can choose to see the light at the end of the tunnel by also taking responsibility of the situation. How one reacts to the breakup completely depends on one’s personal life experience.We all know that infidelity comes a long way, most people grow up knowing father, grandfather great-grandfather had affairs therefore the chain continued to an extent it feels like it is now cultural. I just want us to look at this on a deeper level rather than blaming men all the time. If we identify ourselves with situations we remain stuck in those situations and we continue to live life in circles.
Having said that, this behaviour is nothing but animalistic, what is the point of being called a human being when we are behaving in such animalistic way? We have evolved to what we are because we have consciousness and intelligence, this is what differentiates us from animals. How one could constantly allow their hormones to hijack their intelligence is completely beyond me. Where is our consciousness? Where is our intelligence? This question doesn’t only go to men but also to women who have chosen to nowadays behave like men just because they are sick of being cheated on and seek revenge.
How could we possibly break the cycle if we carry on like this? This truly breaks my heart and I see no resolution if we carry on this way.It is us women who can change this because we are the ones responsible for raising our sons into men. It is us women who have the power to STOP this behaviour by saying NO to sleeping with married men. It is us who have the power to leave our husbands if they are cheating and you believe he will not stop treating you badly. We truly hold the key to turning this situation around rather than joining men in this infidelity situation.
We are the hearts of this world and without the heart this world wouldn’t know what gentleness is, what beauty is, what delicacy is, what decency is, what lifes fun is and also we are the balancers of this life. We are the ones keeping this world together in one piece and not falling apart because believe me if it was only men on this earth they would destroy this planet instantly and believe me if it wasn’t because of the sexual need a man has for a woman they would have also long time ago destroyed us women and that is a fact. Please let us not join them in destroying our planet and ourselves but rather find a way to resolve the situation. Let's tackle the root of this.
I have had the privilege of being a victim and raised above that and looked deep into the situation to enable me to share this with the nation.Perhaps it was a path I had to take at the right time in my life, who knows?! After all life is a mystery with nothing but uncertainty and we can never ever know what’s instore for us. There is more I could say about this issue but let me end it here for now and say thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope what I said finds the light within you to help us light this nation.
Botswana is a very small population and we can be a great example for other countries around the world if we worked together hand in hand to tackle many issues we face in this country, not just infidelity. May God Bless Us!
After announcing the postponement in March, the 6th edition of Yarona FM Music Awards (YAMAS) have bounced back and will be held virtually via Now Channel on DSTV Channel 290 and on the Yarona FM Facebook page on September 26 at 20h00.
This is one of the first virtual music awards to be held in Botswana.The 2020 edition of the YAMAS was originally slated to be held at the University of Botswana (UB) Campus Indoor Sport Centre early this year, but plans for an indoor ceremony were thrown for a loop by the coronavirus pandemic.
“There will be no public attendance at this year’s event, it will be produced for broadcast on TV and digital platforms. The event will take place in an extended reality studio which will comprise of the hosts only. The show must go on and we still have to award artist for their splendid job” said Yarona FM Station Manager Kelly Ramputswa.
Furthermore, Ramputswa stated that nothing much has changed apart from the awards ceremony going virtual, the voting lines for nominees remain the same. The voting lines opened on Tuesday 8th September and will close on 23rd September at midnight.Yarona FM has partnered with the Ministry of Youth Empowerment, Sport and Culture Development (MYSC) and First National Bank Botswana (FNBB) who contributed money to ensure that winners go home with cash prizes ranging from P10 000 and P15 000.
“We recognize the hardship that has befallen the creative industry due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Botswana’s creative sector remains resilient and Yarona FM, as a crucial player remains committed to contributing meaningfully to develop the sector.
The partnership to bring the YAMAS at this time, with cash winnings for musicians and other creatives involved in the show is demonstration that we are all in this together,” said the Yarona FM Station Manager.The effort of gifting artists with money is a big boost since most of them did not manage to source income from live performances due to COVID- 19 protocols that led to suspension of many events.
The 6th edition of the YAMAS will be hosted by Yarona FM presenters Loungo Andre Pitse and Kedi Molosiwa. There will be performances from artists such as ATI, Mophato Dance Theater, Girly and FME DJs.
The entertainment industry remains the hardest hit by the Covid-19 pandemic and some creatives cannot take the strain anymore.
Other sectors seem to be gradually re-opening and learning to live with the pandemic, the creative industry on the other hand is still closed with no hope for it opening any time soon. Government has seemingly turned a blind eye to the drowning industry.
Meanwhile other countries are coming up with strategic plans on how best their entertainment industries can be re-opened and how people can live with the pandemic without putting each other at risk. Promoters Association gathered to air out their concerns and lament on how much the government has side-lined them.
Government is still delaying to pay subsidies to the creatives. The Ministry of Youth currently claims to have paid a total sum of P19 404 180 to 340 youth businesses and 9090 creatives. The ministry further stated that they have 15 640 who were assessed and vetted and 12 391 were approved.
A further P 4 054 820 is yet to be paid during the ongoing payment process. However, the Botswana Entertainment Promoters Association (BEPA), are demanding that the ministry provides them proof of payment for those who were credited, instead of releasing statistics.
“We have contributed to the best of our ability even though other promoters were not paid. As for now that P7500 is not as important because people have life problems and commitments and they got tired of waiting for the money. We tried were we could as BEPA with MYSC,” said Gilbert Seagile, President of BEPA.
Some promoters however found themselves drowning during the pandemic with no life raft as life issues pile up without any source of income. “We had cases of depression. They came to our offices. We had cases were other promoters almost committed suicide due to lack of income,’’ said Seagile.
Promoters Association wishes to work on their own without relying on the government. They had however crafted a project dubbed ‘Project Tselapedi’, wherein they seek P20 million to fund annual events. The funds are to be disbursed pending on how much each project is worth. This in an effort to help the ministry and to relief problems.
“We believe the project can be financed because even today we do not know when the sector will be opened. We have solutions but we are never called when decisions are made. We are three months away from December without hosting any event. They keep postponing meetings every week. Our industry is dying and it is dying in their hands,” said Promoter Exotic. “All sectors were met, the transport sector has been fully opened yet they are not adhering to Covid-19 protocols.
Which means we can also host events whilst adhering to covid-19 protocols. The creative industry contribute highly to the GDP. We are not happy and we are going to do everything. We are being colonized by the liquor Act. These two are different. This issue puts us at a disadvantage. The liquor Act has nothing to do with us,” said Seagile.
Former President of BEPA, Zenzel Hirschfield, has sternly lashed out at the government for side-lining promoters and denying them the one thing that buttered their bread.“We are tired of going to the offices without anything coming forth. We also have the expertise to sit down and advice. The reason why they are doing what they are doing is because they are feeling the heat like us. We are not going to remain silent.
We will not listen and sit down. We will continue to speak. And we need to speak to the relevant people which is our President. We are dying of hunger. We don’t trade with alcohol we trade with the arts,” she lamented.
POLYGAMIST: South African businessman Musa Mseleku and his four wives.
No one can be blamed for thinking that women have been failed in this country. The 2020 World Population Reviews has placed Botswana as the second out of 10 countries after neighbouring South Africa with the highest rape cases in the world.
According to World Population Review, Botswana has 92.9 percent incidents per 100,000 people. The statistics are spine chilling and would prompt any country to act fast and put measures in place to reduce the numbers and keep save the most vulnerable; women and children.
In view of this ignominy, policy-makers would respond by putting in necessary legislations to address the crisis. However, it turns out such a belief is only presumptions. Even female MPs have not proved indifferent to the pleas of those who are at the receiving end, a disappointing gesture on their part.
Recently, Member of Parliament for Mahalapye East, Yandani Boko tabled a motion in parliament on urgent basis in which he requested President Mokgweetsi Masisi to set-up a Commission of Inquiry on GBV and other sexual offenses.The motion was infamously opposed by Anna Mokgethi, the minister responsible for gender affairs, disputing its urgency.
Incidentally, not long ago, Mokgethi went on record and sought help from President Masisi, seeking protection from her husband, citing that she fears for her life.Despite refusing to support the motion when it was tabled later, Mokgethi has been taking part in campaigns against GBV on social media.
If that was not enough, this week another female MP took it to another level. Beauty Manake, a Specially Elected MP is of the firm belief that polygamy can be a solution to GBV. It begs the question; how does having many wives solve GBV? If anything it may very well lead to a spike in the number of cases.
These remarks have left many women very much disenchanted on the idea, arguing that they are misrepresented and disappointed that the remarks were made by another woman.WeekendLife has taken it to the relevant people to find whether polygamy is really what we need to curb Gender Based Violence.
“Such a law disadvantages women as they are seldom involved in the decision to invite another women into their marriage. It is of course, highly discriminatory and should not be entertained. It will not work especially given the many social ills that lead to Gender Based Violence. Many domestic disputes are centered around adultery.
Legalising polygamy would lead to a conflict in homes and of laws in which an aggrieved spouse can sue for adultery, but the law in question would allow men to court other women during marriage,” Precious Gondwe, President of Pan African Game Changers and the founding Partner of Precious & Partner Law Firm.
“How will the rights of the first wife be protected? People are already killing each other as they cannot handle sharing their spouse. Couples fight about the presence of a third party in their marriage. Therefore officialising something that is not right, won’t make it morally right. It will only continue to repress women further and breakdown the family.
Once the family is broken then the very essence of society will be broken.””Legalising such a social ill would not make it morally correct. What does that mean to us as Batswana with the high rate of HIV and other social ills? This does not cure any of the social ills related to GBV. It is retrogressive in nature would be a proponent of GBV.
Surely in 2020 that is unacceptable. You cannot solve this by bringing in another predicament. As a woman and a Batswana, I am deeply concerned as to why that issue should be raised. We are adding more injury to the wound. I vehemently disagree with what the minister raised. We can’t legalize a problem!”
Polygamy in an era faced with Covid-19 and the repercussions of it is tantamount to economic suicide. Women no longer submit to men as easily, they understand the importance of independence and building legacies and protecting their wellbeing and that of their children. They understand that their lives are not centred around a man.
Social Activist Gaontebale Omphemetse Mmolai strongly believes polygamy will only regress women.“I am against polygamy because looking at the things we normally complain about, be it finances, children’s welfare, family relations and all, I believe that if we legalise polygamy in Botswana it will be a way of advocating for an increase in women’s problems.
Men will be given more power to oppress and abuse women in all different ways,” she said.“So imagine if you are stuck in that kind of a relationship or a marriage. Then both of you are being abused and the situation is worsened. So legalizing polygamy is a way of making an excuse for men. It will never be an alternative to solve GBV issues in our country. I am against the idea.”
The church however believes that in as much as there was polygamy in the Bible, God was clear that a man shall leave his family to be joined to his wife and not wives. They are of the belief that, there is no room for polygamy in the body of Christ and hence people should be inspired by the truth of God regarding marriage.
“The fact that there was polygamy in the bible does not mean that God approved of the practice. When we come under the new dispensation, we are under the New Testament. In 1Timothy 3 v 2 & 12, Titus 1 v 16, which explains that good leadership comes with a man having only one wife. In this portion of scripture, it was referred to church leaders and pastors,” Boago Ramogapi, Royal Assembly Ministries Pastor highlighted to WeekendLife.
“The reason why it was so, it was because they were the example of the Godly life. So that what we see in them becomes an example of what we are supposed to have in our personal lives. A man with one wife meant the congregation of the society must also follow an example of being joined to one wife. We are of the belief that one man one wife.”
As GBV persists, he has admitted that it has even entered church doors and that they are affected as much. Many people within church indoors are victims of rape and violence. “When it comes to GBV and polygamy being used to curb GBV I don’t think it will work. We just need behavioural change. The stance is that we need to permeate all the spheres so that men can rise to the occasion. And much more importantly I wish to see more men standing against it,” he said.
“We need to rise up to the occasion because GBV have also permeated church walls, because church members are sometimes abused sexually in the church. We need to reach out to men, we have done well with the girl child. It is now time to empower the boy child.”