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FALLING FOR A MARRIED MAN

I was one of those women who despised women who dated married men without even taking into consideration how they could have ended up in such situations.

I also took pride in myself that no married man could ever trick me to believe he would leave his wife to be with me without being able to see right through his teet. I thought for a woman to be tricked like that she must be completely stupid and said ‘NOT ME’ would I ever be in such a situation.  I was so proud of myself that for many years I managed to avoid getting tangled in such a situation.

God was I wrong about that, it happened to me and looking back it was so easy for the married man to manipulate me into falling for his charms, it took absolutely no effort at all no matter how smart I try to shield the story in my head. The interesting part was when it came to an end, he used my strength/weakness depending on how one looks at it to try and manipulate or blame me for not being the right girlfriend therefore if I did not do as he says and change to be what he wanted me to be we could not continue with the relationship.

He was asking for the impossible knowing fully well it was something which just couldn't be done. The reasoning for the breakup was very unreasonable, not sensible at all and I couldn't really understand what the hell he was talking about.What never bothered him at the beginning when he wanted sex became a weapon for him to use to end the relationship…looking back its actually hilarious and I am laughing as I type this. This is a very common trick used by these men.

They will tell you that you talk too much even though they met you that way, you drink too much even though they met you that way, you listen to people or friends too much even though they met you that way, you have slept with too many people therefore I cant trust you even though they knew that from the beginning, you don’t want me to control you even though they never controlled you at the beginning and also as if you are not a human being but rather just a thing to be used and controlled. They’ll tell you my wife or child is sick and I need to be there for them and cant leave now….I mean the excuses most women we know as they are endless.

But please know you are NOT at fault, he is MANIPULATING you and I beg you leave him with dignity. The more you try to reason with him the more he will become very disrespectful towards you, believe me he will enjoy seeing you begging him not to leave you, its truly nothing but a sickness. Leave him with dignity because it doesn’t matter what you say or do he is going to LEAVE you regardless.I understand there are women who enjoy and get the thrill of dating married men which is something that is truly disturbing and I hope in time this behaviour changes.

For majority of women I believe they simply have hope and believe that they found the right person who they connected with and one day the married man would set his wife free to be with them (as they often tell these women that the marriage has long ended at home and they are no longer having sex with their wives) and sadly enough I was indeed in that category.The fact that matters is that the majority of women have this longing need to settle down, be someone else’s wife and have a family of her own, it is very cultural to think that way but unfortunately often this weakness/strength to feel this way is often abused by most men not just married men and only for their own sexual need and satisfaction.

These women have had their hearts broken into million pieces because of the disappointment of falling in love with a married man and when the truth hits home, realisation that it has all just been a game to the man the results are painful to even think about. Few women will take it with dignity and die the embarrassment silently, some will seek endless revenge, some will have a mental breakdown, some will commit suicide, some will go into the depth of depression and a few will take this simply as part of life and draw something positive out of the situation for their own personal growth.

We don’t need to choose to remain victims, we can choose to see the light at the end of the tunnel by also taking responsibility of the situation. How one reacts to the breakup completely depends on one’s personal life experience.We all know that infidelity comes a long way, most people grow up knowing father, grandfather great-grandfather had affairs therefore the chain continued to an extent it feels like it is now cultural. I just want us to look at this on a deeper level rather than blaming men all the time. If we identify ourselves with situations we remain stuck in those situations and we continue to live life in circles.

Having said that, this behaviour is nothing but animalistic, what is the point of being called a human being when we are behaving in such animalistic way? We have evolved to what we are because we have consciousness and intelligence, this is what differentiates us from animals. How one could constantly allow their hormones to hijack their intelligence is completely beyond me. Where is our consciousness? Where is our intelligence? This question doesn’t only go to men but also to women who have chosen to nowadays behave like men just because they are sick of being cheated on and seek revenge.

How could we possibly break the cycle if we carry on like this? This truly breaks my heart and I see no resolution if we carry on this way.It is us women who can change this because we are the ones responsible for  raising our sons into men. It is us women who have the power to STOP this behaviour by saying NO to sleeping with married men. It is us who have the power to leave our husbands if they are cheating and you believe he will not stop treating you badly. We truly hold the key to turning this situation around rather than joining men in this infidelity situation.

We are the hearts of this world and without the heart this world wouldn’t know what gentleness is, what beauty is, what delicacy is, what decency is, what lifes fun is and also we are the balancers of this life. We are the ones keeping this world together in one piece and not falling apart because believe me if it was only men on this earth they would destroy this planet instantly and believe me if it wasn’t because of the sexual need a man has for a woman they would have also long time ago destroyed us women and that is a fact. Please let us not join them in destroying our planet and ourselves but rather find a way to resolve the situation. Let's tackle the root of this.

I have had the privilege of being a victim and raised above that and looked deep into the situation to enable me to share this with the nation.Perhaps it was a path I had to take at the right time in my life, who knows?! After all life is a mystery with nothing but uncertainty and we can never ever know what’s instore for us. There is more I could say about this issue but let me end it here for now and say thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope what I said finds the light within you to help us light this nation.

Botswana is a very small population and we can be a great example for other countries around the world if we worked together hand in hand to tackle many issues we face in this country, not just infidelity. May God Bless Us!

Written by a Victim From Ramatlabama

 

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WeekendLife

‘Mindset’ unlocks positive mindset

2nd February 2023
At the age of 17, Boniface Lewanika is ready to take over the world. He has shown commitment to being the next big thing to ever emerge from Botswana. Mindset MusiQ, as he is affectionately known, is a self-taught music producer. The story of how Mindset started music production can be traced back to end-to-end lockdowns, which jaded him to the core.

At least, for Mindset MusiQ, these lockdowns were a blessing in disguise. He got to unlock the hidden potential in him, or maybe, the creativity that he never knew about. Being locked down meant that Mindset MusiQ has plenty of time to waste, but he was quick to switch his mindset to coming up with something positive.

He saw it much better to waste time on the internet. Well, for lot of people, the internet was the only saving grace then. But for Mindset MusiQ, it was the beginning of a journey that he intends to walk for the rest of his life.

“I became a music producer because I love music. I then asked myself why I should not make music, that’s when in 2020 during lockdowns I started watching YouTube tutorials on how to make music. I didn’t have any knowledge on how to produce a song. YouTube introduced me to Digital Audio Workstation (DAW) which is a software used for music production.”

The Letlhakane born then downloaded his first software which was Ableton Live, which was way too complex and distorted. “I felt it was too hard to learn and I switched to FI studio which was also complicated but fortunately, easy to use. Because I don’t have a good voice to sing, music production became too good to me and very flexible to embark on.”

Mindset MusiQ became part of the Department of Broadcasting Services (DBS) national roadshow, after being picked from the capacity building workshop. He was challenged to speak to the audience, fellow creatives (artists and music producers) and his presentation caught the eye of the adjudicator, DJ Fresh.

“I heard about the artist’s capacity building workshop from my mother, who saw it on Facebook. My father immediately reacted and dropped me off and even though I was late, the host then introduced me and the rest became history. As we speak, I am part of the Top 30, and we will be having the finale on the 11th of February in Gaborone.”

Being on the Top 30 for Mindset MusiQ is a dream come true. This is because he wasn’t even told that there will be a boot camp and grand prizes, and he has always wanted to advance his premature music career. He said this has shown that he is on the right track.

“Working with DJ Fresh is really cool. It’s not everyone who can be afforded that opportunity and the experience humbles me all the time. Already, I have rocked the Thando remix and I can’t wait to do more with his mentorship.”

Mindset MusiQ is currently in South Africa working on cooking more music with industry moguls. He was invited by producer Trey Bankz and some colleagues from Imperial City Music, a new record label in Johannesburg

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WeekendLife

All The Star She Is lands on BTV

2nd February 2023
With zero existence of TV programs empowering women in Botswana, a new show that strives to make that news of the past has just started airing on the tedious BTV. At least, after so many years, All The Star She Is will inspire viewers to see a new change in terms of supporting women in Botswana.

Each incredible series celebrates women but not from all walks of life, but those who are turning heads in the entertainment industry. The show will cast a bright light on women who have conquered tremendous obstacles and weathered the storms.

In an exclusive interview with WeekendLife on Monday, Director of Cosign267 Koone Boikaego said the show reveals the paths that these phenomenal women took to be where they are in the entertainment and media industry.

Cosign267 is a 100% youth owned film and TV Production Company led by Boikaego. It has worked with a number of organization, executing various projects such as filming, shooting, editing and one-on-one couch interviews.

The youthful company recently wrapped up the Department of Broadcasting Services (DBS) three months’ national roadshow and boot camp. It was assigned with capturing all moments of the roadshow, alongside Thato DJ Fresh Sikwane.

“Celebrating women is one thing that is often overlooked. We put together this project to take followers into the lives of creative and incredible women. They are determined to break walls and pave way for the next generation of women. In this show, these women serve viewers with factual stories of how they started and what it takes to be at the forefront, the bittersweet experiences that took them that far. It’s really a show that many young girls can draw inspiration from.”

Breaking down the show plan, Boikaego said airs every Saturday on BTV at 6PM, hosted by One Rabantheng. Rabantheng, famously known as Divine Diva is a media and marketing consultant, legendary radio personality who worked for Duma FM, e-TV and RB2, where she was shown the door for speaking foul of the then President without being aware that the microphone is on.

There are thirteen stars to be featured on the new show, therefore, this means that there will be thirteen episodes. Some of the familiar faces featured on the TV show are: Mpho Sebina, Olorato Ledique, Oratile Kebakile, Nnunu Ramogotsi, Tumi Ramsden, Kelly Ramputswa, Tshepie Olds, Winx Motcher, Mmaphala, Loretta and Nicole Martinez among others.

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WeekendLife

Lifestyle enthusiasts feel Big Brother vibes

27th January 2023

This past weekend MultiChoice Botswana hosted media and lifestyle enthusiasts in Oodi for an evening of fun, drama and everything in between. The treat dubbed Big Brother Titans Botswana media challenge basically recreated the Big Brother experience right here in Botswana.

Big Brother Titans is the joint South African and Nigerian edition of the Big Brother franchise. The series follows contestants as they live in an isolated house and compete for a cash prize at the end of the show by avoiding being evicted from the house by the viewers.

These viewers vote their favorite housemates to stay on the show. The show features housemates from South Africa and Nigeria. The first season of the show premiered on January 15 2023 on DStv.

DStv Botswana Corporate Affairs Manager, Thembile Legwaila told WeekendLife that they saw it critical to host media friends to experience how it feels by being in the Big Brother house.

“For the very first time in history of Big Brother, we’ve seen the merging of two superpowers, Mzansi and Naija, with the Big Brother Titans season and what a better way to celebrate the monumental season than hosting our media friends.”

THE LOVE

Participants were treated to top notch reception complimented by the Oodi sunset which just blew them away. A special shuttle was organized from Gaborone to Oodi, at a farm house that is just incredible in terms of design, aesthetics and ambience.

Of course they were welcomed by soft cocktails and non-alcoholic beverages for those who are not drinkers, and the next booth was an opportunity for housemates to introduce themselves to the man of the house, Biggie. RB2’s new baby Mdu the Party played the role of Biggie, and he nailed the character.

Some of the contestants were asked what they will do with the grand prize of P5000. With my ongoing voluntary movement, #Pad4HER, I needed the cash prize to push the campaign.  #Pad4HER is a campaign that I started last year with an aim of helping female students from disadvantaged backgrounds to have access to sanitary towels. Anyway, luck was not on my side but my colleague from The Botswana Gazette, Gosego Motsumi emerged as the winner.

We got done with the questions and made way into the house. The party began with more drinks and the first challenge kicked off. For this particular challenge, we were divided into pairs. I was matched with Motsumi and we won the first challenge.

WINNING STRATEGY

Other housemates asked how we managed but it was simple: we had a strategy before embarking on the challenge. We sat down and debated on what we need to do in order to emerge victorious.

DStv engaged a phenomenal local chef, Rachel Tlagae who served some enchanting, light meal. Its Big Brother Titans so we ought to mind what we eat and also take note of quantities. Chefs also brought some wine to go with the meal and everyone was contented.

THE WINNING CHALLENGE

Housemates were taken through the last challenge: mental ability. This particular challenge needed them to know who they are as well as knowing their fellow housemates. It was one of the simplest challenges yet difficult. This is where I lost lot of points even though I was at the top (after winning the first challenge).

These housemates were all unique in their own way. From the media side was myself, Sharon Mathala, Leungo Mokgwathi, Gosego Motsumi and Nancy Ramokhua. This is a team which did exceptionally well altogether. Motsumi emerged as the winner, followed by Mathala and me on fourth position.

The third position was won by Loungo Pitse from influencer’s side, and he tagged alongside DJ Gouveia, Dato Seiko, Kedi Molosiwa and Gape Makwati.

Legwaila said “We wanted to have a healthy mix of traditional media (print and radio) as well as social media personalities, artists and content creators in the house. We chose individuals who were characteristically different from each other because variety and diversity is important to us. We of course chose those with outgoing personalities as well as those who are a little more introverted as we wanted the interaction to be authentic and organic. We wanted a solid group of individuals who represented the many different people that make up this beautiful country.”

DSTV IS COOKING SOMETHING

When quizzed if there are plans to have a similar Big Brother Titans Botswana, Legwaila said “MultiChoice Africa is focused on entertaining audiences all over Africa with the current Big Brother franchises; BB Titans, Mzansi and Naija. Though we have no immediate plans to have a Big Brother Botswana in the future, we are continuously looking at ways to entertain our Botswana audience with local content and we are excited for what’s to come in the next few weeks from our country.”

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