I was one of those women who despised women who dated married men without even taking into consideration how they could have ended up in such situations.
I also took pride in myself that no married man could ever trick me to believe he would leave his wife to be with me without being able to see right through his teet. I thought for a woman to be tricked like that she must be completely stupid and said ‘NOT ME’ would I ever be in such a situation. I was so proud of myself that for many years I managed to avoid getting tangled in such a situation.
God was I wrong about that, it happened to me and looking back it was so easy for the married man to manipulate me into falling for his charms, it took absolutely no effort at all no matter how smart I try to shield the story in my head. The interesting part was when it came to an end, he used my strength/weakness depending on how one looks at it to try and manipulate or blame me for not being the right girlfriend therefore if I did not do as he says and change to be what he wanted me to be we could not continue with the relationship.
He was asking for the impossible knowing fully well it was something which just couldn't be done. The reasoning for the breakup was very unreasonable, not sensible at all and I couldn't really understand what the hell he was talking about.What never bothered him at the beginning when he wanted sex became a weapon for him to use to end the relationship…looking back its actually hilarious and I am laughing as I type this. This is a very common trick used by these men.
They will tell you that you talk too much even though they met you that way, you drink too much even though they met you that way, you listen to people or friends too much even though they met you that way, you have slept with too many people therefore I cant trust you even though they knew that from the beginning, you don’t want me to control you even though they never controlled you at the beginning and also as if you are not a human being but rather just a thing to be used and controlled. They’ll tell you my wife or child is sick and I need to be there for them and cant leave now….I mean the excuses most women we know as they are endless.
But please know you are NOT at fault, he is MANIPULATING you and I beg you leave him with dignity. The more you try to reason with him the more he will become very disrespectful towards you, believe me he will enjoy seeing you begging him not to leave you, its truly nothing but a sickness. Leave him with dignity because it doesn’t matter what you say or do he is going to LEAVE you regardless.I understand there are women who enjoy and get the thrill of dating married men which is something that is truly disturbing and I hope in time this behaviour changes.
For majority of women I believe they simply have hope and believe that they found the right person who they connected with and one day the married man would set his wife free to be with them (as they often tell these women that the marriage has long ended at home and they are no longer having sex with their wives) and sadly enough I was indeed in that category.The fact that matters is that the majority of women have this longing need to settle down, be someone else’s wife and have a family of her own, it is very cultural to think that way but unfortunately often this weakness/strength to feel this way is often abused by most men not just married men and only for their own sexual need and satisfaction.
These women have had their hearts broken into million pieces because of the disappointment of falling in love with a married man and when the truth hits home, realisation that it has all just been a game to the man the results are painful to even think about. Few women will take it with dignity and die the embarrassment silently, some will seek endless revenge, some will have a mental breakdown, some will commit suicide, some will go into the depth of depression and a few will take this simply as part of life and draw something positive out of the situation for their own personal growth.
We don’t need to choose to remain victims, we can choose to see the light at the end of the tunnel by also taking responsibility of the situation. How one reacts to the breakup completely depends on one’s personal life experience.We all know that infidelity comes a long way, most people grow up knowing father, grandfather great-grandfather had affairs therefore the chain continued to an extent it feels like it is now cultural. I just want us to look at this on a deeper level rather than blaming men all the time. If we identify ourselves with situations we remain stuck in those situations and we continue to live life in circles.
Having said that, this behaviour is nothing but animalistic, what is the point of being called a human being when we are behaving in such animalistic way? We have evolved to what we are because we have consciousness and intelligence, this is what differentiates us from animals. How one could constantly allow their hormones to hijack their intelligence is completely beyond me. Where is our consciousness? Where is our intelligence? This question doesn’t only go to men but also to women who have chosen to nowadays behave like men just because they are sick of being cheated on and seek revenge.
How could we possibly break the cycle if we carry on like this? This truly breaks my heart and I see no resolution if we carry on this way.It is us women who can change this because we are the ones responsible for raising our sons into men. It is us women who have the power to STOP this behaviour by saying NO to sleeping with married men. It is us who have the power to leave our husbands if they are cheating and you believe he will not stop treating you badly. We truly hold the key to turning this situation around rather than joining men in this infidelity situation.
We are the hearts of this world and without the heart this world wouldn’t know what gentleness is, what beauty is, what delicacy is, what decency is, what lifes fun is and also we are the balancers of this life. We are the ones keeping this world together in one piece and not falling apart because believe me if it was only men on this earth they would destroy this planet instantly and believe me if it wasn’t because of the sexual need a man has for a woman they would have also long time ago destroyed us women and that is a fact. Please let us not join them in destroying our planet and ourselves but rather find a way to resolve the situation. Let's tackle the root of this.
I have had the privilege of being a victim and raised above that and looked deep into the situation to enable me to share this with the nation.Perhaps it was a path I had to take at the right time in my life, who knows?! After all life is a mystery with nothing but uncertainty and we can never ever know what’s instore for us. There is more I could say about this issue but let me end it here for now and say thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope what I said finds the light within you to help us light this nation.
Botswana is a very small population and we can be a great example for other countries around the world if we worked together hand in hand to tackle many issues we face in this country, not just infidelity. May God Bless Us!
Once again, Hanceford Magapatona emerged the biggest winner with ease at the 7th Yarona FM Music Awards (YAMAs) this past weekend. Famously known as Han C in the music industry, the 27-year old self-taught singer and songwriter snatched the titles of YAMAs People’s Choice Artist of the Year and Best Male single for his all-time hit ‘Padi padi’.
Han C did not go home empty-handed as there were good monies for each category, courtesy of First National Bank Botswana, Mascom and Now TV. The two prestigious awards earned him P60 000 and P25 000 each, making him the biggest winner of the night. After being announced as the winner under the Best Male Single, Han C took to social media to express his serenity about the achievements. He said, “words cannot explain how I feel right now, but all I can say is thank you much to the people who have been showing us love and support.
Special shout out to Yarona FM for giving us this platform to showcase our talents and creativity. I also would love to give a special shout out to all the sponsors for making this happen. We appreciate all of you.” When getting his People’s Choice Artist of the Year award, Han C showed deference to artists nominated with him under this category. Even though they could not go home with the prize, Mahalapye-born acknowledged that they are equally artistic. “Getting a nomination for this award is quite an achievement on its own, mainly because you are nominated alongside brilliant, amazing good artists—a special shout out to my team. We put in the work; I think we should continue doing so.
PREVIOUS AWARDS NOMINATIONS
Han C’s hard work and dedication have garnered him recognition in the local scenes. And it would look suspicious if he didn’t get an accolade or two. In 2018, he was nominated YAMAs Artist of the Year, Best Male Artist, and Song of the Year (Mafurafura), Best Collabo (Mafurafura) and Best Dance Single (Mafurafura). In 2016, he was nominated for Song of the Year (SediLaaka) and Best Collaboration (SediLaaka). He won Best New Artist in 2016, Artist of the Year (2018) and Best Dance Single 2018.
MOTSETSEREPA LOSES ALL NOMINATIONS
Local comedian-turned musician Bofelo William Molebatsi, known as William KRM Last saw dust at the recently held 7th YAMAs. After being the most nominated artist, William Last did not go home with any of his nominated awards. He was nominated under: People’s Choice Award of the Year category, won by Han C, Song of the Year taken home by La Tonde and Names, Best Male Single (Han C), Best Hip-hop (snatched by Ozi F Teddy) as well as Best Social Media (Mjamaica).
He, however, took to social media to share the devastating news, which came as a slapping blow right on his face. “Wow! Whenever I think of the huge success of my Amara Willian album, I always cry happy tears. I celebrate and thank God for where he has brought me to with all this big brand success. This is especially through the greatest love from my supporters/fans all over. They are a million followers of my brand and the views that I always get on my daily posts all over my social media platforms. These big numbers scream love and appreciation to me so loud. I appreciate the love and support; God bless.”
OTHER YAMAS 2021 WINNERS
Peoples’ Choice Song of the year was awarded La Tonde and Names for their song ‘Dibulele’. YAMAs 2021 Inductee to the Yarona FM Hall Of Fame was the late Sasa Klaas. Sasa Klaas died in a helicopter crash on March 5th 2021, near Sojwe. She was an all-around musician mostly known for her hip-hop culture.
Producer of the year was snatched by MB on the Beat, while Boipelo Seleke scooped the YAMAs 2021 Icon award. Seleke went home with P25 000 while MB on the Beat only earned himself P10 000. The new Mokaragana hostess Girly left the YAMAs as the new awardee of Best Female Single for her song ‘BMW’. Best Amapiano went to Deejay Bino’s ‘Touch’ featuring the late Sasa Klaas, Rasun and Da QuTness.
Further, Lloyd BW and Priscilla K’s ‘Have You Ever’ won Best Dance Single, while Best Collaboration was won by FlyBoi Que featuring Jordan MoOzy and FME Luther October on their hit ‘Ndeya’. Ozi F Teddy also made a debut appearance of the YAMAs nominations and snatched Best Hip Hop for his song ‘Negotiate’, where he features Murda.
Almost every year, Botswana Musicians Union (BOMU) attracts hullabaloo over its annual music awards. This time around, it was not only that. There has been much noise around compliance, Ministry of Youth Empowerment, Sport and Culture Development involvement in the affairs of this organisation, as well as the contentious sponsorship from the Department of Broadcasting Services (DBS).
Following a four-year hiatus, BOMU awards found themselves being the talk of the town due to unfair practices some artists claim clouded the non-complying organisation. These are serious accusations that BOMU has since rubbished as deliberate actions intended to tarnish its reputation.
Some disgruntled artists recently took to the streets to protest against these practices. However, these are not subscribing members of BOMU. Before being cut short by the Police, these artists demanded that the Minister of Youth Empowerment, Sport and Culture Development Tumiso Rakgare step down immediately. They claim that Rakgare has failed his mandate.
On the other hand, they demanded that the Youth Ministry reverse the P500 000 it has splashed on the BOMU awards, and the money be split among artists. A lead protester in these activities, Rhumba artist General Tuco, told Weekendlife that BOMU management should halt the awards and instead clean the organisation’s dirty laundry.
He further indicated that they would be dropping a petition at the DBS offices, urging the group to revoke the P1.5 million sponsorship it has awarded BOMU. Because these discontented artists claim that BOMU is non-compliant, they will also be marching to the Registrar of Societies to express their grievances.
In an interview this week, General Tuco said they are still engaging their attorney to formalise their protest and give them a way forward. The Police deny them a permit to hold their rally. According to information gathered last week, the artists were arrested and released the same day and asked to apply for a protest permit.
BOMU PRESIDENT SPEAKS
BOMU President Phemelo Lesokwane told a media member on Wednesday that “We have seen people on social media dragging our name on the mud as BOMU. They say we are non-compliant, corrupt and unfair. When we get to see who these people are, they are not our members. They call themselves artists, but as legalised agents of artists in Botswana, we do not know them, neither do we know what they are talking about. We condemn these acts.”
Lesokwane rubbished allegations that BOMU is not compliant. “We see journalists giving these guys who masquerade as artists more prime time for them to tarnish our name. But they do not have the evidence. BOMU is compliant, and we have all the documents. We also have verified documents from the Registrar of Societies, who are our key stakeholders.”
Talking about being backbitten, Lesokwane claims that government officials from the Registrar of Societies are promoting what unregistered artists are making noise about in the corridors. Some of these officers fed the Youth Minister Rakgare wrong information about BOMU. BOMU has much work to do in-house.
Further, Lesokwane revealed that when they took over the office, BOMU was mugged some of its finances. Investigations are ongoing to retrieve such monies, he said. As if that is not enough cleaning, Lesokwane has a headache dealing with another faction dubbed BW Artists, which represents artists in the Northside of the country.
“If you could look into the management of this organisation, you would question their interests. Two of them are politicians. Once they fail primary elections, they come back into the music industry and cause chaos. I always say I am going to fight with everything I have together with my team to make sure that we protect artists in Botswana.”
JOURNALISTS FINGERED IN THE BOMU MESS
BOMU President Lesokwane has accused journalists of being biased and unfair to his organisation. He stressed that BOMU depends on members of the press to help rebuild the dying Botswana music industry. “Most articles about our artists speak negatively about them. Foreign artists are always given priority instead of our local artists, but we value journalists as our equally significant stakeholders. We can grow this industry together.”
These media reports, Lesokwane said, have forced stakeholders to withdraw their sponsorships towards the BOMU awards, slated for October 2021. At times they are required to answer for hearsays that are not accurate. He reiterated that BOMU has nothing to hide as it is compliant.
BOMU MUSIC AWARDS CONSULTANT SPEAKS
BOMU Music Awards Consultant Seabelo Modibe has been topping the charts for a long good time. His appointment as a consultant was notorious as critics felt his company was relatively premature at the time of appointment.
He joined the BOMU get-together at the time the awards were still distressed by the hubbub. Many asked if he would manage the heat, but clearly, Modibe is having a hard time. He, however, stressed that BOMU is open to criticism.
“Lot of people say BOMU has been given money to waste. That is not precise. It has sold its product, its broadcasting rights. They were sold for P1.5 million to the DBS. Our contract is for a year, and we will be going back to them in December. MYSC has acquired what we call commercial rights. These are rights that someone buys to promote their mandate. MYSC seeks to promote local music using BOMU awards.”
Mpho Donald was undoubtedly the IT girl of the then tedious beauty industry. She loved looking pretty and smelling good. Of course, this is every girl’s dream, but making a living out of it doesn’t flash into many of these girls’ dreams.
Besides, it used to be a lot more common for the majority of entrepreneurs to be male in the past. However, in recent years the number of female entrepreneurs in the world has been on the rise. She is from a family of business-minded people. Both parents were entrepreneurs, but that is not why Donald is a powerful woman in this entrepreneurial space. At one point, life threw lemons at her, and she made lemonade.
At the age of 38, Donald has been to South Africa more than once. These frequent hazardous trips at the time were to acquire secret elements into being a real hustler. She would get robbed, risk being raped or hijacked, but she survived.
“At one point, life got too difficult to an extent where I found myself doing piece jobs for other people just so I earn something to buy toiletry, food and clothes even. I did laundry, and in the entire process, I got tired. I had to think about business, and it was easy because I come from a line of people who believe in trading. Somehow I got motivated, but I never wanted to work for anyone in life.”
Before embarking on shadowing missions in South Africa, Donald would go around the capital city, hunting for customers. Kgale Mews, Commerce Park are urban offices for various companies, but this did not restrict her from knocking, selling makeup, jewellery and accessories.
She was known for this particular hustle in all the offices. Some people will get exhausted because of her irritating products, but that did not stop her from acquiring a tiny spot in Main Mall. She pitched her gazibo, and her next items on display were plus size women’s outfits. These women are often overlooked, especially on beauty pageantry. The controversial Miss Plus Size Botswana pageant never saw the light of the day ever again.
“I guess that was after I saw the pains of plus-sized women when it came to shopping for something to wear. Being a plus-size woman made it easy for me to penetrate this space. I modelled all my clothes and advertised them on social media.”
Social media opened many doors for so many entrepreneurs. Donald can attest to that. She told Weekendlife that “People started coming in to buy both makeup and the clothes. Then, later on, I started selling second-hand clothes and while at it, I moved to my first shop. I think for me taking risks has never really been any scary because I convinced myself that in any case, I fall, I will rise again.”
“So I went boldly into everything that I could do at the time. I would travel to South Africa to places I never knew. I got my stock there, and even when I got robbed, I knew I would eventually reach my destination. It surely wasn’t an easy walk in a park, but I persevered,” she said.
From her mini boutique, Donald went full force into buying and supplying second-hand clothes. “As the COVID-19 lockdowns hit us, I was busy at work pushing the idea on mini bails and second-hand clothes. So it came down to my mind that I have to know what to sell in which season. It was a trial and error kind of hustle, but once you get a grip of it, you begin to sail smoothly.”
Donald currently supplies small businesses across the country. She gets to enjoy a good relationship with her customers, who are in other countries even. “It took me much effort, commitment and loyalty to be where I am today. I guess I could now boldly say that hard work is beginning to pay off. I have started knocking on bigger doors for partnerships, and I believe that if I can get them, beauty plus size clothing will be elevated to the next level.”
Mpho Donald is originally from Serowe. She studied her O and A-levels in Zimbabwe at the Specis College. Still, in Zimbabwe, she enrolled and qualified as a Travel and Tourism expert. She said in an interview that she will be venturing into other hustles too but couldn’t reveal which ones now. Donald is optimistic that everything will be ready and served in 2022.