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Huge, red flags of a dying relationship

Relationships can be a lot of work, keeping them running can mean a lot of stress for the individuals in a relationship.

When a relationship is good and healthy, all of that work and stress is working towards a common and shared goal and ‘’It is important to remember that all couples have perpetual problems and can develop tools to deal with them’’.

However, when a relationship becomes more work than it is fun, it can mean that the relationship is slowly dying. In other words, if you can’t talk about the hard things, you will also fell less warmth and affection; and over time less fondness and admiration for your partner. According to power of positivity, not talking about personal things anymore is a sign that the relationship is reaching for bedrock. At the beginning of the relationship, maybe you discussed all of your hopes and dreams, and serious issues in your life. But now, it seems likes all of your conversations are rehearsed and rehashed small talk.

You’re no longer discussing real, emotional things and instead, seem to only talk about how your day went and what to have for dinner.‘’When you share your struggles and difficulties you not only strengthen your bond through your vulnerability but you also set the precedence for an open and non-judgmental relationship for the future’’ says life and wellness coach Dana Peters. Therefore, it’s clear that when there’s nothing left to talk about, the relationship starts to die.

When a relationship is dying, your values are no longer as aligned as they once were. Disagreements turn toxic when your partner can’t even understand where your opinion is coming from. Perhaps you grew up into two different people than you had been when you first started dating, or when you first got married. Important things that mean a lot to you no longer mean the same to your partner, or vice versa. Disagreeing without understanding the other person’s perspective indicates a deep lack of understanding of the other person, in general. And somebody who doesn’t understand you will not make a great long-term partner.

Whatever the issue, you can never seem to agree.Experts say complaining about the same things is also a clear sign that the boat is sinking. The sink is broken. They don’t pick up their laundry. You leave hair in the drain. Whatever the issue, the complaint arises over and over, and it never gets fixed. This means that you and your partner are no longer actively trying to make the other happy. The things that upset you go in one ear and out of the other.

When this happens, a relationship starts to die.Peters indicated that arguing more is a sign that should not be ignored. At the beginning of your relationship, maybe everything was so happy and wonderful that you never argued at all. But now, it seems like all you do is argue. And the arguments are all about mundane or superficial things, or maybe they’re the exact same argument that you’ve been having for years that never seem to have an end, and there’s no way to resolve. ‘’As couples get to know each other better, there should be a progression toward more understanding and less misunderstanding.

Therefore, more arguments mean that there’s less compromise, which means the relationship is dying’’.Further, it is said that when your partner goes to visit their parents, or goes on a business trip, you get a huge sense of relief at having space to yourself. You no longer miss your partner during the day like you once did and you feel your need for space seeming to increase more and more frequently. ‘’If you’re all that excited to have a weekend alone, consider that the reason for your joy is that they’re draining you when they’re around’’, says relationship expert April Masini.

Wanting more space is a huge, red flag of a dying relationship when you no longer want to be around your partner, or are happier when they’re not around.When you are not around your partner, do you feel more anxious, depressed or uncomfortable than you used to? Are you no longer the happy, talkative person that you once were? A dying relationship can make you feel all kinds of upset and negative emotions, and you suddenly no longer feel like yourself anymore.

Maybe your friends and family notice that your personality has begun to change. This is a sign that a relationship is on its last leg. When you thinking about your future, are you suddenly no longer envisioning yourself with them by your side? Has your small family home in the suburbs suddenly turned into a vision of a studio in your town? If you no longer think about them in your future, it may be a sign that they’re not destined to be there.

A dying relationship will no longer feel like something that you can look forward to in future.While we all want to keep our relationships as happy and healthy as possible, sometimes two people just simple don’t work out in a relationship. And that’s Okay. No matter how long you’ve been together, there’s always a chance that you both just need to move on from one another. If that is the case, knowing the early warning signs of a dying relationship will allow you to move on, or work on fixing it if that is something you and your partner want to do.

Not all relationships survive the test of time and there will always be moments when you would feel the need to finally give up and let go. However, it’s not also that easy to just drop everything and leave because you’re talking about something that once made you the happiest person in the world- so you are stuck in the frustrating and often heart-breaking dilemma between staying and saying goodbye.

Take a break but don’t say goodbye. Don’t give up on your relationship yet because as long as you both believe in your love for each other, there will always be a rainbow after every storm. Maybe you just need a break from everything. Take all the time that you need- both of you. Trying to fix an almost broken relationship can be emotionally taxing and sometimes it can even affect you physically so take it easy. You deserve to breathe- and remember that at the end of this remedy, you have someone to come home to.

Talk about it and be honest to each other, experts say. Communicate and be honest and truthful about how you relay feel. Tell them about the time when they hurt you but you’re too scared to show it. Just go on and ask the questions that have been bothering you all this time. Admit your mistakes and have faith in the fact that it’s not yet too late to fix it. One expert indicated that it is imperative to remember why you love them. ‘’You were once the happiest person in the world because you’ve finally met your soul mate- the love of your life. Remember those important moments of elation. Even if your heart is filled with hurt and has suffered so much pain, they’re still there, just waiting to be found.

Take the goods parts and learn from the bad. It’s important that you learn the lessons from all these. Although both of you want to fix this and make the pain go away, it’s not a wise thing to forget and just let go of the faults that contributed to this situation. Recognize that you both are responsible for what happened and try your best not to repeat the same mistakes again.

 

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WeekendLife

Of Musicians and No Shows

10th May 2022
Musicians and No Shows

There is a growing unpleasant of artists who do not pitch for events they have been booked for; or simultaneously, there could be another development – false advertising – where artists’ names are used to draw large crowds.

Musicians and promoters in their mission to put bread on the table seem to have resorted to obscene means of securing their means. To many, this is tantamount to fraud and deception to gain an unfair advantage over their unsuspecting fans who swoon at the mention of their name, their presence and entire existence.

The month of May has just begun and bottomless grievances are pouring in of no show musicians at gigs they have been booked and paid for. Instead of leaving the crowd stunned by a spectacular show they are leaving revellers disappointed.

Exhibit A; This past weekend Eswatini’s DJ Uncle Waffles was scheduled to perform in Botswana. She never pitched up for the shows and continues to be silent on her lack of presence at the show. Exhibit B; Maphorisa, Kabza De Small and Sha Sha were all set to perform on 29 April at the Victoria Falls Carnival 10th Anniversary but did not arrive in Zambia for the gig.

In a statement released on Sunday 1 May, Victoria Falls Carnival organisers confirmed that flights and accommodation were organised for DJ Maphorisa, Kabza De Small and Sha Sha.
The statement continued; “Confirmations were sent to them as agreed and emails were sent to them several times before, for some reason they did not show up at the airport on the day of travel…

Above and beyond we tried to communicate with the artists to change the date of performance but still we could not get hold of them despite all the effort and all means of communication from our side,” Organisers have demanded that the artists refund them the full booking fee and the payments made for flights and accommodation

“All three artists were paid in full and contractually bound to perform at the Carnival, and accommodated at every corner with their numerous flight and accommodation change requests.” Adds the statement. Exhibit C; South African artist Prince Benza’s passport was confiscated by the Deputy Sheriffs pending payment for damages on breach of contract.

He was scheduled to perform at Mogobane on the 31st of December at the Reflector Music Festival but did not appear as well. He nabbed when he came into the country for a separate event.
The President of Botswana Entertainment Promoters Association (BEPA), Gilbert Seagile this week had his company; Gilbert Promotions registered in South Africa.

This puts him in an ideal spot to become an intermediary and help solve the feud between Botswana and South African artists and their no show at events.  Seagile emphasized that it’s not only international artists that miss events but even the local artists have the same tendencies. He elaborated that reasons for artists not pitching up are many amongst them ; breach of contracts , promoters not paying deposits and some can be natural like artist testing positive for Covid-19.

The BEPA president also indicated that fly-by-night promoters are also a concern as they do not follow the BEPA Code of conduct, “BEPA members are well coordinated, they have the code of conduct which guides them to do things accordingly. The government is pushing for promoters to join BEPA they have already started refusing with permits when one is not a member of BEPA.” he emphasized

Seagile said that the association is in talks with the South African Music Promoters Association (SAMPA) to provide protection of Botswana Promoters that when artists miss shows they can be able to rope in their lawyers in South Africa through SAMPA and Botswana through BEPA to compensate for losses incurred as a result of this exploitation.

He said another way of dealing with this matter is for Promoters to issue a contract to the artist as currently the norm is that the artist produces the contract to the promoter so this solution can help the promoters to protect themselves.

In an interview with Weekendlife, Superintendent Tumediso of Urban Police Station enunciated that matters of no show artists are normally reported by the promoter who normally comes as the complainant. The matter is then taken forward taking into consideration the evidence, this will in turn assist in determining on whether the case is theft, obtaining by false pretence or fraud.
When it is all said and done, revellers love musicians to hate them and hate them to love them. It is an unending toxic relationship which no one wants to pull away from.

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WeekendLife

COSBOTS mulls funding for struggling members

10th May 2022
COSBOTS

As the creative industry is trying to resurface from the COVID-19 dust, the board chairperson of Copyright Society of Botswana (COSBOTS), Bakalanga Mahoko, says the society is considering giving out relief funds to their members who have been hit hard by the COVID -19 induced restrictions. She noted that this will however depend on government’s response to their request for funds.

She told WeekendLife that the society has already written to government requesting funds. Once the request is approved, she says some of the funds will enable the society to embark on road shows across the country to sensitise the general public about COSBOTS. The road shows are designed to run for several weeks before the annual general meeting which is scheduled for May, 28th this year. Among other things, she says part of the money will be used as a relief fund for their members.

“As we are all aware, the industry was hit hard by the COVID-19 restrictions and some of our members were unable to raise money for their survival and that alone affected the industry. We anticipate that government will consider and approve our request and once it’s approved our members will smile all the way to the bank as their bank accounts will be credited by the COSBOTS,” she says.

She added that if things go according to plan, this will be the second time that their members would have been assisted through such an initiative. She said at the moment they have registered about 2800 members across the country and the board anticipates that the membership number will increase sharply.

“I am not yet in a better position to divulge the amount which each artist will be given because government has not yet responded to our request, but once that has been approved the society will announce,“ she says.

Mahoko was elected as the board chairperson sometime last year and has also been the first woman to lead such society which she described as “privileged”. “As many will recall, the society was in a mess and there were squabbles among members. There was also mismanagement of funds that resulted in the members, government as well as the public losing trust on the society and that dented badly the image of the society,” she says.

Mahoko further stated since she has been in office for more than a year, things now look much better and promising. The government gave the society a grant and that alone was a sign of trust from government. Recently COSBOTS distributed over P7 million as royalties.

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WeekendLife

Collegium launches E-books

10th May 2022

With over 20 years in the business of publishing school books for both primary and high school schools as well as fuelling the imagination and guiding the soul of the youth. Collegium Education Publishers are continuing with their trailblazing mission by launching EBooks.

During the launch of the Ebooks platform recently, Naledi Ratsoma, Author and Founding Director of Collegium Botswana took the audience on a trip down memory lane. She disclosed that after falling out with a local publishing company, she established new ties with a publishing company in South Africa. “The adage don’t get mad, get even worked for us.

We decided we are going to get them, we are curriculum specialists we know what the curriculum is all about and what books should be to support the type of curriculum.” She said deep in thought. “The start-up was not easy, I was the general, manager, tea lady working from 6 am to 10pm. It was sheer determination and hard work that got the company going.

Today I feel honoured and excited, Collegium grew by leaps and bounds. Here we are today. Dare I call Collegium a success story? Yes I do, it is a resounding success story.” She uttered excitedly
Looking into the future, Terrence Showa, Collegium CEO was tasked with only one job to do.

That job? Moving Collegium to digitization and joining the rest of the publishing world in transition towards the Fourth industrial revolution and a knowledge based economy. “Today I stay to you quite proud to be the first publisher in the country to launch the prescribed eBooks.” He said.

Showa mentioned; “I was told to come with a cheaper solution for government, after three years with meeting several Information Technology think tanks we came to the conclusion that Snapplify, gurus in providing eBooks and eLearning were in alignment with what we are looking for. Ebooks provide a simple solution for teachers, parents, students to use at their homes.

It will also be 30% cheaper for government to procure the books. An added benefit was the ability to give free content by Snapplify on the side of library service. ” He says the Ebook Platform has been fast tacked by the rural electrification program by government prioritizing the need to digitise books.

When speaking to the WeekendPost on the side after the event, Showa when questioned on matters of piracy which comes with the digital age, he enunciated that “as Collegium the failure of us to regulate the printing and photocopying of our books frustrates us daily. There are institutions who have committed to procuring photocopying machines to make copies of our books.

We are excited about eBooks because the licence procured when buying the book will run for only a year and will limit users to being able to photocopy and take screenshots of the books. One of the reasons Snapplify made sense to us is they know exactly what the challenges that come with digital platforms are. The content will only be downloadable into devices through a profile set up and limit the number of users on the site.”

For their presentation, Stephen Bestbier and Mark Seabrook from the Snapplify Team; the application is accessible everywhere with an offline feature to encourage data saving and reading offline, it is compatible with existing devices be it mobile, tablet and desktop. The simple library management functionality makes it easy to check out books and return them automatically to curb the ancient penalty of paying late return fees as well as avoiding d issues of lost book since it will be on an online platform.

The academic features include; a designated dyslexic friendly font, text to speech functionality, journal, bookmarks. The Elibrary provides for convenience as 24/7 access to learning, materials since the online library does not close like the traditional library. The support platform ‘teacha!’ also reliefs’ teachers in their work by building skills with accredited professional development courses and platform training.

Snapplify are leaders in Pan African educational technology with thousands of institutions across Africa with students and academic staff within the Snapplify ecosystem from primary schools to tertiary institutions.

Snapplify is the best eLearning solution with a comprehensive content catalogue with constant delivery and a proven track record of rolling out large government eLearning projects.  Collegium’s vision has indeed come to pass to become market leaders in the provision of high quality teaching and learning materials for institutions in Botswana.

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