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Huge, red flags of a dying relationship

Relationships can be a lot of work, keeping them running can mean a lot of stress for the individuals in a relationship.

When a relationship is good and healthy, all of that work and stress is working towards a common and shared goal and ‘’It is important to remember that all couples have perpetual problems and can develop tools to deal with them’’.

However, when a relationship becomes more work than it is fun, it can mean that the relationship is slowly dying. In other words, if you can’t talk about the hard things, you will also fell less warmth and affection; and over time less fondness and admiration for your partner. According to power of positivity, not talking about personal things anymore is a sign that the relationship is reaching for bedrock. At the beginning of the relationship, maybe you discussed all of your hopes and dreams, and serious issues in your life. But now, it seems likes all of your conversations are rehearsed and rehashed small talk.

You’re no longer discussing real, emotional things and instead, seem to only talk about how your day went and what to have for dinner.‘’When you share your struggles and difficulties you not only strengthen your bond through your vulnerability but you also set the precedence for an open and non-judgmental relationship for the future’’ says life and wellness coach Dana Peters. Therefore, it’s clear that when there’s nothing left to talk about, the relationship starts to die.

When a relationship is dying, your values are no longer as aligned as they once were. Disagreements turn toxic when your partner can’t even understand where your opinion is coming from. Perhaps you grew up into two different people than you had been when you first started dating, or when you first got married. Important things that mean a lot to you no longer mean the same to your partner, or vice versa. Disagreeing without understanding the other person’s perspective indicates a deep lack of understanding of the other person, in general. And somebody who doesn’t understand you will not make a great long-term partner.

Whatever the issue, you can never seem to agree.Experts say complaining about the same things is also a clear sign that the boat is sinking. The sink is broken. They don’t pick up their laundry. You leave hair in the drain. Whatever the issue, the complaint arises over and over, and it never gets fixed. This means that you and your partner are no longer actively trying to make the other happy. The things that upset you go in one ear and out of the other.

When this happens, a relationship starts to die.Peters indicated that arguing more is a sign that should not be ignored. At the beginning of your relationship, maybe everything was so happy and wonderful that you never argued at all. But now, it seems like all you do is argue. And the arguments are all about mundane or superficial things, or maybe they’re the exact same argument that you’ve been having for years that never seem to have an end, and there’s no way to resolve. ‘’As couples get to know each other better, there should be a progression toward more understanding and less misunderstanding.

Therefore, more arguments mean that there’s less compromise, which means the relationship is dying’’.Further, it is said that when your partner goes to visit their parents, or goes on a business trip, you get a huge sense of relief at having space to yourself. You no longer miss your partner during the day like you once did and you feel your need for space seeming to increase more and more frequently. ‘’If you’re all that excited to have a weekend alone, consider that the reason for your joy is that they’re draining you when they’re around’’, says relationship expert April Masini.

Wanting more space is a huge, red flag of a dying relationship when you no longer want to be around your partner, or are happier when they’re not around.When you are not around your partner, do you feel more anxious, depressed or uncomfortable than you used to? Are you no longer the happy, talkative person that you once were? A dying relationship can make you feel all kinds of upset and negative emotions, and you suddenly no longer feel like yourself anymore.

Maybe your friends and family notice that your personality has begun to change. This is a sign that a relationship is on its last leg. When you thinking about your future, are you suddenly no longer envisioning yourself with them by your side? Has your small family home in the suburbs suddenly turned into a vision of a studio in your town? If you no longer think about them in your future, it may be a sign that they’re not destined to be there.

A dying relationship will no longer feel like something that you can look forward to in future.While we all want to keep our relationships as happy and healthy as possible, sometimes two people just simple don’t work out in a relationship. And that’s Okay. No matter how long you’ve been together, there’s always a chance that you both just need to move on from one another. If that is the case, knowing the early warning signs of a dying relationship will allow you to move on, or work on fixing it if that is something you and your partner want to do.

Not all relationships survive the test of time and there will always be moments when you would feel the need to finally give up and let go. However, it’s not also that easy to just drop everything and leave because you’re talking about something that once made you the happiest person in the world- so you are stuck in the frustrating and often heart-breaking dilemma between staying and saying goodbye.

Take a break but don’t say goodbye. Don’t give up on your relationship yet because as long as you both believe in your love for each other, there will always be a rainbow after every storm. Maybe you just need a break from everything. Take all the time that you need- both of you. Trying to fix an almost broken relationship can be emotionally taxing and sometimes it can even affect you physically so take it easy. You deserve to breathe- and remember that at the end of this remedy, you have someone to come home to.

Talk about it and be honest to each other, experts say. Communicate and be honest and truthful about how you relay feel. Tell them about the time when they hurt you but you’re too scared to show it. Just go on and ask the questions that have been bothering you all this time. Admit your mistakes and have faith in the fact that it’s not yet too late to fix it. One expert indicated that it is imperative to remember why you love them. ‘’You were once the happiest person in the world because you’ve finally met your soul mate- the love of your life. Remember those important moments of elation. Even if your heart is filled with hurt and has suffered so much pain, they’re still there, just waiting to be found.

Take the goods parts and learn from the bad. It’s important that you learn the lessons from all these. Although both of you want to fix this and make the pain go away, it’s not a wise thing to forget and just let go of the faults that contributed to this situation. Recognize that you both are responsible for what happened and try your best not to repeat the same mistakes again.

 

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WeekendLife

Overcoming the trauma of rape

29th September 2020
Moving-on-after-rape

According to World Population Review, women aged 16-19 are four times more likely to be victims of rape or sexual assault and female college students ages 18-24 are three times more likely to experience sexual assault. Transgender people and those with disabilities are twice as likely to be victims of sexual assault or rape.

From these very statistics Botswana can be found second only to neighbouring South Africa with the highest rape cases in the world. The number of incidents per 100,000 citizens do not take into account the number of cases that have not been reported to authorities. This goes without saying that Botswana may very well be on the same level as South Africa if not surpassing it.

Most of these victims have a hard time dealing with the violence they faced to an extent where it affects their day to day life.

WeekendLife interviewed rape survivor, Patience Ruwona, who was raped at the age of 15. Ruwona shared her gruesome experience and what it took for her to find healing, gather strength and move forward.

“It happened eight years ago and at the time I was only 15 years old. My mother was staying with her boyfriend at the time. So it happened that one day I came early from school. I was still doing form 2. I was the first one to come back from school. The boyfriend was home. So when I was changing into home clothes in my room, the boyfriend came in without even knocking. He then told me my mother has left some money so that whoever comes back first from school can go and buy meat,” Ruwona narrated.

“I then told him I will come get the money when I am done. He went back to his room. So after I finished changing, I went to their room. I knocked and he told me to come in. When I got, I found him half naked with only a towel. That made me feel very uncomfortable because when we were growing, we were taught never to enter an elder’s room when they are not fully dressed. I told him I came to collect the money and he pointed the dressing table.”

Unbeknownst to the young unsuspecting Ruwona, her mother’s then boyfriend would then grab the young lad, rip apart her garments and have his way with her. When Ruwona threatened to expose him, the audacious perpetrator would laugh in her face, telling her that there would be nothing her mother would do about the incident. And true to his words, Ruwona’s mother did not flinch upon hearing the gruesome crime that befell her daughter.

“In the evening when my mother came I told her everything. It was a simple thing to her and she never took it seriously. I told her I am bleeding and she said go and wash up we will talk about this some other time. Just like that suddenly I recalled that man’s words and I truly believed him. Till then I have not told anyone about this. I thought my mother is going to protect me, so if my mother failed to protect me no one else could protect me,” said a distraught Ruwona.

Seeking help after being raped

“Physically I had no desire to have sexual intercourse, I was scared. Years passed by and emotionally I was still battling because there were days I had flashbacks of the rape. It’s like a wound, it can never heal but it can stop bleeding. It never heals. It will bleed another time. I felt uncomfortable around men and I never went for counselling. I never went for anything, I thought I will cope on my own,” she said.

“So one day I decided enough is enough and I decided to speak out. That time I figured counselling would be best.  I later went for counselling and I was doing well. I had to accept it happened and put everything in the past. Forgiving my mother helped me to heal.”

Director of Save A Woman, Babedi Samakabadi, has highlighted that rape is a permanent wound that one has to live with for the rest of their lives.

“The first thing the victim can do is to admit that they have been abused and they should be able to talk about it to whoever they can trust; could be a close relative, a counsellor, a friend or a pastor. It is not easy to take a step towards your healing but it must be done.

Victims of rape, must create a huge room in their hearts to forgive the perpetrators even when they are not sorry, forgiveness will help the victim to make peace with life and the future. Forgiveness will allow the victim to be able to get over the horrible experience and not associate the intimate relations as abuse at all times,” said Samakabadi.

“If one doesn’t allow themselves to heal and move on, dating and engaging in intimate matters are going to be a problem in their lives. As the victim can disclose to whoever they trust like friends or family, they are also advised to seek more especially professional counselling for proper psychological therapy, as the memories of the incident may torment the victim therefore  therapy may assist with getting to live with such memories without being drawn back or life progress being affected . Lastly, the victims must know that issues as these aren’t easy to deal with through our own ability, we need God for strength, wisdom and courage. We have no power to diminish some of the weight in our emotions or the damage done to our souls and hearts, hence we need God to carry us through.”

If you or a loved one is in need of help in dealing with rape or gender based violence, the following organisations provide free counselling services;

BOFWA (Botswana Family Welfare Association) 390 0489

BOSASNET (Botswana Substance Abuse Support Network) 395 9119

LIFE LINE 391 1270

MBGE (Men and Boys for Gender Equality) 395 7763

BGBVC (Botswana Gender Based Violence and Support Centre) 390 7659

BOCAIP (Botswana Christian AIDS Intervention Programme) 391 6454

Princess Marina Psychiatric Clinic

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WeekendLife

200,000 Members of International Church Hold Virtual Prayer Service for Covid-19

22nd September 2020
200,000

After its initial outbreak with a cluster of pneumonia cases at a seafood, poultry and live wildlife market in Wuhan City, China, Covid-19 has spread rapidly across the globe. The virus has hammered economies worldwide and brought devastation to many.

On 16 September Shincheonji Church of Jesus, a church with thousands of members in various countries, held a global online prayer service to pray for the victims of the coronavirus and their families, healthcare workers, government officials and for the complete eradication of and cure for Covid-19.

The virtual prayer service was live-streamed to the entire congregation with more than 200,000 members in countries all over the world participating, including the USA, the United Kingdom, South Korea, Australia, South Africa, Namibia and Zimbabwe.

In keeping with social distancing, health protocols and protecting its members from possible exposure to the coronavirus, Shincheonji arranged the virtual gathering for members to pray together in safety and set an example for others.

Prayers were mainly for the healing of those infected with the virus, for overworked healthcare workers who are struggling to fight Covid-19, and for people in economic distress in the wake of the pandemic. The overwhelming online participation from its members worldwide showed the desire and urgency to end this virus and for healing and restoration in communities.

The Chairman of Shincheonji Church Mr Manhee Lee suggested this online virtual gathering and said that all believers will continue to pray at the church’s worship services until the complete eradication of the coronavirus.

At least 1,700 of the church’s South Korean-based congregation have donated their blood plasma for research around an effective treatment. Convalescent plasma has also showed promise as therapy for Covid-19 and is believed to have reduced the severity of symptoms in critical patients.

“In order to defeat Covid-19, we need to embrace, love, and unite,” as global citizens, the church said. “We wanted to do all we can as believers by praying for the people working to prevent the spread of the virus and healthcare workers who are working at the frontlines of this battle against Covid-19 and we believe that God will answer our earnest prayers.”

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WeekendLife

AFRIMMA nominates Vee Mampeezy

22nd September 2020
Vee-Mampeezy

The annual prestigious music awards, African Muzik Magazine Awards and Music Festival (AFRIMMA), has resumed this year. But this time around with a virtual version of it.

The awards that celebrate the originality of African music has unveiled their seventh edition. The awards seek to promote the African talent by bringing together on the same stage African legendary artists to celebrate African culture.

The event was established by the International Committee of AFRIMMA, in collaboration with African Union to reward and celebrate musical works, talents and creativity around the African continent while promoting the African cultural heritage amongst African countries.

However after the Covid-19 global pandemic, the event will not be hosted on a live global stage, but it will be hosted virtually and nominees are expected to deliver their performances virtually. The AFRIMMA Virtual Awards 2020 is set to be the first of its kind in the African music world with performances coming from different artists around the world and audience catching the performances, speeches and award presentations on multiple streaming devices.

Amongst the many who are nominated by the AFRIMMAs is local sensation Vee Mampeezy who has been nominated in the category for Best Male Southern African alongside music giants, Black Coffee- South Africa, Slap Dee – Zambia, Cassper Nyovest- South Africa, Master KG- South Africa, Jah Prayzah – Zimbabwe, Vee Mampeezy – Botswana, Shyn – Madagascar, Tshego- South Africa, Tha Dogg – Namibia and Yanga Chief – South Africa.

Mampeezy has established with WeekendLife that prior to that, he had received an email from AFRIMMA confirming his nomination. They wished for him to perform which he said he will confirm the performance first with his manager, but as for now he is not sure if he will be performing.

“We have accepted the nomination. It is such an honour to be nominated alongside music giants like Black Coffee. I am very excited, others I am not as excited to be nominated alongside them because I have been nominated before with them. I do not mean to say they are not great, they are great in their respective right,” he said.

“We should be excited as a country that Botswana has been nominated as well. Before anything else, the fact that we are there as nominees makes us winners. It is such an honour to be recognised more so that Botswana is a small country with a very small population.”

Famous and most decorated artists the likes of Diamond Platnumz, Mr Flavour, Harmonize, Davido and Jah Prayzah are also amongst the nominees. However, South African based artist affectionately known as Master KG has been nominated six times for Video of the year, Best Male Southern Africa, Artist of the year, Best Collaboration as well as song of the year.

Master KG’s song ‘Jerusalem’ has been making waves internationally, and it was used mostly during the pandemic to shake off the Covid-19 anxiety. The song was nominated after South African Music Awards (SAMA) failed to nominate the young talented artist.

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