Connect with us
Advertisement

How To Get Her Back


First thing fist gentlemen, this article will not review how to get over a divorce, this article only attempts to help you get over a breakup with a girlfriend with whom you do not share children. Lastly, for purposes of this articles we will assume the girl in the relationship broke up with you.


So it went like this: She broke up with you. She said goodbye, sweet heart. This is it, I am moving on. Places to go, people to meet. It was great knowing you. You’re a great guy and all that. Keep the jewellery. Or maybe she got the jewellery. Either way, weeks later you’re an emotional wreck, drowning in beer and delivery pizza. You’re having second thoughts. You miss her laugh, you miss the back rubs, the hot sex and her cooking.


Almost every one of us, at some point has found himself suddenly sadly riding solo. It’s an awful state, a free fall into self-indulgence and melancholy. Over the years I observed that, while women tend to pack up and move on, men often wind up mourning and longing and wanting to try again, especially if she’s packed up and moved in with that guy she always claimed was just a ‘’close friend’’. That’s where you have to choose: Let her go or try to get her back.


It’s the former, then  all you need is time. If you choose the latter, then buckle up. You’ll act desperate, throw money around and probably call her all hours of the night, usually after a few drinks. But if you’re willing, there are certain subtle strategies that  might work. Even if she may not have thrown the dead bolt. Play it right and you could wedge yourself back in. The following are 5 guidelines that you should follow:


Rule No: 1) IDENTIFY WHAT YOU REALLY WANT
Is it (a) Her? Or (b) a return to regular hot sex? Or (c) not her at all, but also for her not to have another boyfriend?  Your pining may be your manhood talking or your response may stem from rivalry, not romance. I will say this fellas, It’s not fair to re-entering just for the sake of winning. To win your ex, only the purest of motives will do. Can you look yourself in the eye and say ‘’it’s her laugh, her earlobes or her cooking that you can’t live without?’’ Alright then. Next rule.


Rule No: 2) ASSES HOW BAD THE DAMAGE IS
Did you two just simply fade, awkwardly and silently to grey? Or did you crash and burn like an old VW Golf4? Oddly enough, the high drama ending bodes better for a sequel. In other words, if you broke up because interest just cooled off, your relationship will be tougher to rekindle. But if you left things hot, the spark may still be there, which is fine, if you don’t mind playing with fire.
Another factor to consider is whether your split was brought on more by specific circumstances such as a new job in  a different town or by creative differences like ‘’You know, I have been thinking, I’ve just realized that I don’t like you’’.

Rule No: 3) DON’T BE HER FRIEND
Unless of course you want to start hearing about her sex life with her new boyfriend. Don’t  accept invitations for drinks or movies and don’t engage her on social media, no friend requests accepted from her. Remember that here we are talking about a situation where she is the one who broke up with you, not the other way round. You may feel that any continuing relationship is better than nothing, but what you’re really doing is making the new status quo a comfortable one.
The best tactic for making an ex reconsider is the date-or-nothing ultimatum. The ultimatum  also works because upgrades from friends to lovers don’t work. Even the worst case scenario has its merits. It hurts like hell when all ‘’all or nothing’’ becomes ‘’nothing’’, but ultimately it’s less painless than pulling the band-aid off slowly and it gives your wound a better chance of healing. You may ask me, ‘’Hey Vic, how do I pull off that ‘no friends’ rule?’’. Well, move to the next rule.


Rule No: 4) NO CONTACT
Don’t call her, and when I say don’t call her I mean don’t freaking call her. Just don’t. Get hold of yourself fellas. You can’t gather a clear sense of what you want and why, and neither can she, until you’ve both taken a breather. Even more important is to get your ex to feel your commanding absence. Let her experience the impact of not having you around. Let her suffer through horrible dates, bad blockbuster rentals and hours alone sipping cold coffee. Well, not exactly. You’re simply giving her time to make a before-and-after comparison. Time to distance are needed to be sure that coming back is not a needy response to loneliness, but a conscious, grown up choice. It may take a few weeks, maybe several months, or even a year and sometimes another relationship. Gut-wrenching, right. Well, move on to the final and most crucial rules of them all.

Rule No: 5) GET A LIFE
Just because your heart is broken doesn’t mean you should stop doing all things that you love. Continue pursuing your busy life, your hobbies, interests and your dreams. Hit the gym, sweat it out and get into shape, get new cloths, go out and meet new people. No sniveling around, buying her flowers or writing her poetry. Such campaigning is so unconvincing. It presents no evidence or promise of commitment or understanding. Your ex girlfriend should see you having a great time without her. There was obviously something she liked about you when you first met her, so the idea is to switch back to your old charming, fun and exciting self. Use it to your advantage. If there is an interesting girl in your social circle, establish contact with her and take things slow. The power that lies within this rule is that it gives you an opportunity to have options, incase your ex girlfriend doesn’t come crawling back to you. Good luck fellas. Some girls think that once they dump you, it's over and done with. If the girl tells you that she doesn't want to get back with you, just accept it. Maybe she needs time. Cheers!
 

Continue Reading

WeekendLife

The King’s journal 

23rd November 2021
Kgafela Kgafela II

This book is a true-life story of an African King based in South Africa. The Last Frontier is a resistance stand by Bakgatla Ba Kgafela tribe and its line of Kings from 1885 against a dark force called ‘western democracy’ that is insidiously destroying lives, peoples, nations and threatens to wipe away whole civilizations in Africa.

The story flows through four important episodes of history, beginning in about 1885 when Bechuanaland Protectorate was formed. This section briefly reveals interactions between Kgosi Linchwe 1 and the British Colonial Government, leading to the establishment of Bakgatla Reserve by Proclamations of 1899 – 1904.

The second episode deals with Kgosi Molefi’s interaction with the British Colonial Government in the period of 1929-36. The third episode records Kgosi Linchwe II’s interactions with the British Colonial Government and black elites of Bechuanaland. It covers the period of 1964-66, leading to Botswana’s independence. Kgosi Linchwe ii resisted the unlawful expropriation of his country (Bakgatla Reserve) by Sir Seretse Kgama’s government of 1966 to no avail. He wrote letters of objection (December 1965) to Her Majesty the Queen of England, which are reproduced in this book.

The fourth episode covers the period between Kgafela Kgafela II’s crowning as King of Bakgatla in 2008 to 2021. It is a drama of the author’s resistance to the present-day Botswana Government, a continuation of Bakgatla Kings’ objection against losing Bakgatla country to the Kgama dynasty assisted by the British Government since 1885. The story is told with reference to authentic letters, documents, and Court records generated during the period of 1885-2019. There is plenty of education in history, law, and politics contained in The Last Frontier for everyone to learn something and enjoy.   

Continue Reading

WeekendLife

Gospel concerts make a comeback

16th November 2021
Bishop Benjamin Dube

Hailed for being the prime gospel concert after the Covid-19 pandemic had put events to a halt, Golden Relic, in conjunction with Sweet Brands, recently unveiled the Arise and Worship Concert, Botswana. The show marks the return of worshippers and fans to enjoy music and worship together after what seemed like “cooler box” events were taking over the entertainment scene. 

The concert to be held on December 11th 2021, at the Molapo Showcase, has a packed lineup with the Headlining acts being Bishop Benjamin Dube, Lebo Sekgobela from South Africa and Botswana’s very own Obakeng Sengwaketse. More international acts from Nigeria and Ghana are also expected to grace the event. The show organizers have invested an effort in diversifying the lineup with live performances. 

The promoter of the Arise and Worship Concert, David “DVD” Abram revealed in an overview of the event that; “We have lost a lot of loved ones this year, and when that happens, one’s spirit goes down, and we need a light to ground us once more, to heal our souls. Therefore, the two main purposes of this event are to do the work of God and, secondly, to make sure that we nurture and develop talent in Botswana. With challenges that come up with events of such magnitude, the team and I have been committed to seeking guidance from God through having night prayers.” 

Abram added that as promoters, they usually have a bias towards already established artists, thus neglecting the upcoming ones and wanting to change that. “We approached the Melody Gospel TV Show since we aim at nurturing new talent and agreed on having one of the winners as a headliner for the event to allow them to share the stage with gospel giants so that they are exposed to the industry. This resulted in securing the Second Winner of the Melody Gospel TV show; Thabiso Mafoko as a local headlining act.”

The concert also aims at celebrating a Motswana. Multi-Award Winner; with the most recent title; BOMU Best Traditional Gospel under his belt, also best known for his soulful voice and heartfelt lyrics, Obakeng Sengwaketse enthusiastically said, “I want to thank the organizers of the Arise and Worship concert, it means a lot to me after recently winning two awards that are currently the highlight of my career.

I regard this as a great revival because the Covid-19 pandemic has muffled events such as this. I am looking forward to sharing the stage with the great Bishop Benjamin Dube, Lebo Sekgobela and more artists from Nigeria and Ghana. Sengwaketsi urged Batswana to come and witness the greatness of the Lord as their lives will never be the same.”

Tickets are selling like fat cakes with VVIP tickets having only five tickets remaining; the VVIP tickets include rounder access backstage to all the performing artists. The event will also comprise a seated Gold Circle Ticket, which accounts for 50% of revellers to allow for easier enforcement of COVID-19 protocols and avoid a potential stampede.

In a bid to entice merrymakers to buy tickets, the promoters have come up with a layby strategy and buying tickets on an instalment basis for the attendees to be able to buy their tickets since the COVID-19 Pandemic has left many Batswana in financial ruin but having the interest to attend the event.

Continue Reading

WeekendLife

Fame vs Mental health

9th November 2021
Lizibo

One can only imagine what is like being in the public eye. It is not a walk in the park; and not as easy as people might think it is because of the pressure from the public. Celebrities or influencers are perceived to be perfect, perfect bodies, perfect families, perfect parents, financially stable, healthy, and always smiling and patient with everyone – Is this for real?

However, when people’s expectations of celebrities are not met, the same celebrities are often victimized, body shamed, or blamed, fairly or unfairly. As a result of them not having a personal life, they are often scrutinized in all aspects of their lives; their lives are aired for the public to see and judge. Celebrities are often extra careful about everything that they do, they have to go an extra mile as compared to how ordinary people live their lives.

To understanding this experiences by public figures, this reporter made a case study of Mr Lizibo Gran Mabutho, the firstborn in his family with only one sibling, his younger brother. Lizibo describes himself as a simple Kalanga guy who was chosen by music and did not choose music.

He said being raised by his mother and grandmother, he grew up surrounded by music from birth. Lizibo said his grandmother was a religious person who held church services at their house in Zwenshambe, “for me singing was from Monday to Sunday. I was not like any ordinary child who only sang at church on Sundays or sometimes in school assembly, for me it was a daily thing. My mother was also a talented dancer in our village that is what I mean when I say I did not choose music, but music chose me.”

Lizibo said though he grew up surrounded by music, it was hard for his parents to accept the path he has chosen to be a musician. Lizibo said he had to prove to his parents that music was his passion and that it could pay the bills like any other profession. He said eventually they saw his passion for music and supported him.

Lizibo said being exposed to music from a tender age made him venture into the music career from a tender age. He said he was part of the Kgalemang Tumediso Motsete (KTM) choir, Lizibo said being in the public eye for the longest time has taught him that he is living for the people and that he does not have a life. He said the very society that is watching him has so much expectation for him and that means he has to conduct himself in a good manner because people are looking up to him.

Lizibo said he understands the saying that great power comes with great responsibility, “when people see me, they see a role model. I realize and understand that people are and have been modelling me even when I was not aware of it, I know of six mothers who have named their sons after me because they felt that I inspire them somehow.”

He said he has accepted his fate that he will never have a normal life because people are looking unto him. He said he is grateful to be in the public on a positive note by bringing hope to the people because he has always wanted to be part of people’s solutions and not their problems.

He said, “people should understand that our careers are our calling. One needs to be spiritually connected to their calling as an artist. The most rewarding part about being in the public for me is not about payment but about being the solution to someone’s problem.”

Lizibo said the greatest challenge that he has ever faced about being in the public eye has been the issue of trust, not able to know which friends are genuine and which ones are not. He said as a way of avoiding fake friends he has always kept his four close friends who have been there for him through thick and thin. Lizibo said being close to his family has also helped him as they have been his strength when things were not going well for him, “most of the time people say we change when we taste fame. That is not necessarily true because people are the ones who changed when we became famous. People always want something from us, nothing is ever genuine with people and that is why I chose to keep my circle very small.”

Lizibo said as much as he travels a lot because of the nature of his work because it is naturally demanding, he said he always ensures that he creates time for his family. He said that at home he is Lizibo who is sent to do errands, he is Lizibo the son, not a celebrity.

He said there is a lot of pressure that comes with being in the spotlight, “the public puts so much pressure on us mostly about the material lifestyle they portray us to have. We are often compared with South African celebrities, but people fail to understand that we are two different countries. Most people fell into the trap and are living above their means resulting in them living in debt. I often tell youngsters not to fall into that trap of being tempted to live life above their means.”

The advice Lizibo gave to upcoming celebrities was that they should know that being in the public is not about them, but it is about the people. He said, “one of my mentors once asked me if I make music about myself or the people. He said I need to make music for the people because it is my responsibility to feed them with what they need, he said they might not even be able to know that they have a need but that I need to identify that need and meet it. Our responsibility is to serve people what they need, our music is to feed people’s hunger. My music is about love, I feed people love.”

Lizibo said it is important for celebrities to seek counselling and take care of their mental health, he said he has been investing in his mental health for years because he understands the importance of mental health especially when one is in the public.

Continue Reading
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!