First thing fist gentlemen, this article will not review how to get over a divorce, this article only attempts to help you get over a breakup with a girlfriend with whom you do not share children. Lastly, for purposes of this articles we will assume the girl in the relationship broke up with you.
So it went like this: She broke up with you. She said goodbye, sweet heart. This is it, I am moving on. Places to go, people to meet. It was great knowing you. You’re a great guy and all that. Keep the jewellery. Or maybe she got the jewellery. Either way, weeks later you’re an emotional wreck, drowning in beer and delivery pizza. You’re having second thoughts. You miss her laugh, you miss the back rubs, the hot sex and her cooking.
Almost every one of us, at some point has found himself suddenly sadly riding solo. It’s an awful state, a free fall into self-indulgence and melancholy. Over the years I observed that, while women tend to pack up and move on, men often wind up mourning and longing and wanting to try again, especially if she’s packed up and moved in with that guy she always claimed was just a ‘’close friend’’. That’s where you have to choose: Let her go or try to get her back.
It’s the former, then all you need is time. If you choose the latter, then buckle up. You’ll act desperate, throw money around and probably call her all hours of the night, usually after a few drinks. But if you’re willing, there are certain subtle strategies that might work. Even if she may not have thrown the dead bolt. Play it right and you could wedge yourself back in. The following are 5 guidelines that you should follow:
Rule No: 1) IDENTIFY WHAT YOU REALLY WANT Is it (a) Her? Or (b) a return to regular hot sex? Or (c) not her at all, but also for her not to have another boyfriend? Your pining may be your manhood talking or your response may stem from rivalry, not romance. I will say this fellas, It’s not fair to re-entering just for the sake of winning. To win your ex, only the purest of motives will do. Can you look yourself in the eye and say ‘’it’s her laugh, her earlobes or her cooking that you can’t live without?’’ Alright then. Next rule.
Rule No: 2) ASSES HOW BAD THE DAMAGE IS Did you two just simply fade, awkwardly and silently to grey? Or did you crash and burn like an old VW Golf4? Oddly enough, the high drama ending bodes better for a sequel. In other words, if you broke up because interest just cooled off, your relationship will be tougher to rekindle. But if you left things hot, the spark may still be there, which is fine, if you don’t mind playing with fire. Another factor to consider is whether your split was brought on more by specific circumstances such as a new job in a different town or by creative differences like ‘’You know, I have been thinking, I’ve just realized that I don’t like you’’.
Rule No: 3) DON’T BE HER FRIEND Unless of course you want to start hearing about her sex life with her new boyfriend. Don’t accept invitations for drinks or movies and don’t engage her on social media, no friend requests accepted from her. Remember that here we are talking about a situation where she is the one who broke up with you, not the other way round. You may feel that any continuing relationship is better than nothing, but what you’re really doing is making the new status quo a comfortable one. The best tactic for making an ex reconsider is the date-or-nothing ultimatum. The ultimatum also works because upgrades from friends to lovers don’t work. Even the worst case scenario has its merits. It hurts like hell when all ‘’all or nothing’’ becomes ‘’nothing’’, but ultimately it’s less painless than pulling the band-aid off slowly and it gives your wound a better chance of healing. You may ask me, ‘’Hey Vic, how do I pull off that ‘no friends’ rule?’’. Well, move to the next rule.
Rule No: 4) NO CONTACT Don’t call her, and when I say don’t call her I mean don’t freaking call her. Just don’t. Get hold of yourself fellas. You can’t gather a clear sense of what you want and why, and neither can she, until you’ve both taken a breather. Even more important is to get your ex to feel your commanding absence. Let her experience the impact of not having you around. Let her suffer through horrible dates, bad blockbuster rentals and hours alone sipping cold coffee. Well, not exactly. You’re simply giving her time to make a before-and-after comparison. Time to distance are needed to be sure that coming back is not a needy response to loneliness, but a conscious, grown up choice. It may take a few weeks, maybe several months, or even a year and sometimes another relationship. Gut-wrenching, right. Well, move on to the final and most crucial rules of them all.
Rule No: 5) GET A LIFE Just because your heart is broken doesn’t mean you should stop doing all things that you love. Continue pursuing your busy life, your hobbies, interests and your dreams. Hit the gym, sweat it out and get into shape, get new cloths, go out and meet new people. No sniveling around, buying her flowers or writing her poetry. Such campaigning is so unconvincing. It presents no evidence or promise of commitment or understanding. Your ex girlfriend should see you having a great time without her. There was obviously something she liked about you when you first met her, so the idea is to switch back to your old charming, fun and exciting self. Use it to your advantage. If there is an interesting girl in your social circle, establish contact with her and take things slow. The power that lies within this rule is that it gives you an opportunity to have options, incase your ex girlfriend doesn’t come crawling back to you. Good luck fellas. Some girls think that once they dump you, it's over and done with. If the girl tells you that she doesn't want to get back with you, just accept it. Maybe she needs time. Cheers!
After announcing the postponement in March, the 6th edition of Yarona FM Music Awards (YAMAS) have bounced back and will be held virtually via Now Channel on DSTV Channel 290 and on the Yarona FM Facebook page on September 26 at 20h00.
This is one of the first virtual music awards to be held in Botswana.The 2020 edition of the YAMAS was originally slated to be held at the University of Botswana (UB) Campus Indoor Sport Centre early this year, but plans for an indoor ceremony were thrown for a loop by the coronavirus pandemic.
“There will be no public attendance at this year’s event, it will be produced for broadcast on TV and digital platforms. The event will take place in an extended reality studio which will comprise of the hosts only. The show must go on and we still have to award artist for their splendid job” said Yarona FM Station Manager Kelly Ramputswa.
Furthermore, Ramputswa stated that nothing much has changed apart from the awards ceremony going virtual, the voting lines for nominees remain the same. The voting lines opened on Tuesday 8th September and will close on 23rd September at midnight.Yarona FM has partnered with the Ministry of Youth Empowerment, Sport and Culture Development (MYSC) and First National Bank Botswana (FNBB) who contributed money to ensure that winners go home with cash prizes ranging from P10 000 and P15 000.
“We recognize the hardship that has befallen the creative industry due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Botswana’s creative sector remains resilient and Yarona FM, as a crucial player remains committed to contributing meaningfully to develop the sector.
The partnership to bring the YAMAS at this time, with cash winnings for musicians and other creatives involved in the show is demonstration that we are all in this together,” said the Yarona FM Station Manager.The effort of gifting artists with money is a big boost since most of them did not manage to source income from live performances due to COVID- 19 protocols that led to suspension of many events.
The 6th edition of the YAMAS will be hosted by Yarona FM presenters Loungo Andre Pitse and Kedi Molosiwa. There will be performances from artists such as ATI, Mophato Dance Theater, Girly and FME DJs.
The entertainment industry remains the hardest hit by the Covid-19 pandemic and some creatives cannot take the strain anymore.
Other sectors seem to be gradually re-opening and learning to live with the pandemic, the creative industry on the other hand is still closed with no hope for it opening any time soon. Government has seemingly turned a blind eye to the drowning industry.
Meanwhile other countries are coming up with strategic plans on how best their entertainment industries can be re-opened and how people can live with the pandemic without putting each other at risk. Promoters Association gathered to air out their concerns and lament on how much the government has side-lined them.
Government is still delaying to pay subsidies to the creatives. The Ministry of Youth currently claims to have paid a total sum of P19 404 180 to 340 youth businesses and 9090 creatives. The ministry further stated that they have 15 640 who were assessed and vetted and 12 391 were approved.
A further P 4 054 820 is yet to be paid during the ongoing payment process. However, the Botswana Entertainment Promoters Association (BEPA), are demanding that the ministry provides them proof of payment for those who were credited, instead of releasing statistics.
“We have contributed to the best of our ability even though other promoters were not paid. As for now that P7500 is not as important because people have life problems and commitments and they got tired of waiting for the money. We tried were we could as BEPA with MYSC,” said Gilbert Seagile, President of BEPA.
Some promoters however found themselves drowning during the pandemic with no life raft as life issues pile up without any source of income. “We had cases of depression. They came to our offices. We had cases were other promoters almost committed suicide due to lack of income,’’ said Seagile.
Promoters Association wishes to work on their own without relying on the government. They had however crafted a project dubbed ‘Project Tselapedi’, wherein they seek P20 million to fund annual events. The funds are to be disbursed pending on how much each project is worth. This in an effort to help the ministry and to relief problems.
“We believe the project can be financed because even today we do not know when the sector will be opened. We have solutions but we are never called when decisions are made. We are three months away from December without hosting any event. They keep postponing meetings every week. Our industry is dying and it is dying in their hands,” said Promoter Exotic. “All sectors were met, the transport sector has been fully opened yet they are not adhering to Covid-19 protocols.
Which means we can also host events whilst adhering to covid-19 protocols. The creative industry contribute highly to the GDP. We are not happy and we are going to do everything. We are being colonized by the liquor Act. These two are different. This issue puts us at a disadvantage. The liquor Act has nothing to do with us,” said Seagile.
Former President of BEPA, Zenzel Hirschfield, has sternly lashed out at the government for side-lining promoters and denying them the one thing that buttered their bread.“We are tired of going to the offices without anything coming forth. We also have the expertise to sit down and advice. The reason why they are doing what they are doing is because they are feeling the heat like us. We are not going to remain silent.
We will not listen and sit down. We will continue to speak. And we need to speak to the relevant people which is our President. We are dying of hunger. We don’t trade with alcohol we trade with the arts,” she lamented.
POLYGAMIST: South African businessman Musa Mseleku and his four wives.
No one can be blamed for thinking that women have been failed in this country. The 2020 World Population Reviews has placed Botswana as the second out of 10 countries after neighbouring South Africa with the highest rape cases in the world.
According to World Population Review, Botswana has 92.9 percent incidents per 100,000 people. The statistics are spine chilling and would prompt any country to act fast and put measures in place to reduce the numbers and keep save the most vulnerable; women and children.
In view of this ignominy, policy-makers would respond by putting in necessary legislations to address the crisis. However, it turns out such a belief is only presumptions. Even female MPs have not proved indifferent to the pleas of those who are at the receiving end, a disappointing gesture on their part.
Recently, Member of Parliament for Mahalapye East, Yandani Boko tabled a motion in parliament on urgent basis in which he requested President Mokgweetsi Masisi to set-up a Commission of Inquiry on GBV and other sexual offenses.The motion was infamously opposed by Anna Mokgethi, the minister responsible for gender affairs, disputing its urgency.
Incidentally, not long ago, Mokgethi went on record and sought help from President Masisi, seeking protection from her husband, citing that she fears for her life.Despite refusing to support the motion when it was tabled later, Mokgethi has been taking part in campaigns against GBV on social media.
If that was not enough, this week another female MP took it to another level. Beauty Manake, a Specially Elected MP is of the firm belief that polygamy can be a solution to GBV. It begs the question; how does having many wives solve GBV? If anything it may very well lead to a spike in the number of cases.
These remarks have left many women very much disenchanted on the idea, arguing that they are misrepresented and disappointed that the remarks were made by another woman.WeekendLife has taken it to the relevant people to find whether polygamy is really what we need to curb Gender Based Violence.
“Such a law disadvantages women as they are seldom involved in the decision to invite another women into their marriage. It is of course, highly discriminatory and should not be entertained. It will not work especially given the many social ills that lead to Gender Based Violence. Many domestic disputes are centered around adultery.
Legalising polygamy would lead to a conflict in homes and of laws in which an aggrieved spouse can sue for adultery, but the law in question would allow men to court other women during marriage,” Precious Gondwe, President of Pan African Game Changers and the founding Partner of Precious & Partner Law Firm.
“How will the rights of the first wife be protected? People are already killing each other as they cannot handle sharing their spouse. Couples fight about the presence of a third party in their marriage. Therefore officialising something that is not right, won’t make it morally right. It will only continue to repress women further and breakdown the family.
Once the family is broken then the very essence of society will be broken.””Legalising such a social ill would not make it morally correct. What does that mean to us as Batswana with the high rate of HIV and other social ills? This does not cure any of the social ills related to GBV. It is retrogressive in nature would be a proponent of GBV.
Surely in 2020 that is unacceptable. You cannot solve this by bringing in another predicament. As a woman and a Batswana, I am deeply concerned as to why that issue should be raised. We are adding more injury to the wound. I vehemently disagree with what the minister raised. We can’t legalize a problem!”
Polygamy in an era faced with Covid-19 and the repercussions of it is tantamount to economic suicide. Women no longer submit to men as easily, they understand the importance of independence and building legacies and protecting their wellbeing and that of their children. They understand that their lives are not centred around a man.
Social Activist Gaontebale Omphemetse Mmolai strongly believes polygamy will only regress women.“I am against polygamy because looking at the things we normally complain about, be it finances, children’s welfare, family relations and all, I believe that if we legalise polygamy in Botswana it will be a way of advocating for an increase in women’s problems.
Men will be given more power to oppress and abuse women in all different ways,” she said.“So imagine if you are stuck in that kind of a relationship or a marriage. Then both of you are being abused and the situation is worsened. So legalizing polygamy is a way of making an excuse for men. It will never be an alternative to solve GBV issues in our country. I am against the idea.”
The church however believes that in as much as there was polygamy in the Bible, God was clear that a man shall leave his family to be joined to his wife and not wives. They are of the belief that, there is no room for polygamy in the body of Christ and hence people should be inspired by the truth of God regarding marriage.
“The fact that there was polygamy in the bible does not mean that God approved of the practice. When we come under the new dispensation, we are under the New Testament. In 1Timothy 3 v 2 & 12, Titus 1 v 16, which explains that good leadership comes with a man having only one wife. In this portion of scripture, it was referred to church leaders and pastors,” Boago Ramogapi, Royal Assembly Ministries Pastor highlighted to WeekendLife.
“The reason why it was so, it was because they were the example of the Godly life. So that what we see in them becomes an example of what we are supposed to have in our personal lives. A man with one wife meant the congregation of the society must also follow an example of being joined to one wife. We are of the belief that one man one wife.”
As GBV persists, he has admitted that it has even entered church doors and that they are affected as much. Many people within church indoors are victims of rape and violence. “When it comes to GBV and polygamy being used to curb GBV I don’t think it will work. We just need behavioural change. The stance is that we need to permeate all the spheres so that men can rise to the occasion. And much more importantly I wish to see more men standing against it,” he said.
“We need to rise up to the occasion because GBV have also permeated church walls, because church members are sometimes abused sexually in the church. We need to reach out to men, we have done well with the girl child. It is now time to empower the boy child.”