In the fast paced world of social networking and technology, courting as we know it has died. FEATURE WRITER ANGELA MDLALANI explores the clichéd world of likes, pokes, and simple clicks that come with the pervasive Facebook stalking and how the dynamics have killed the dating phenomenon.
The dating game has changed. From a time where there used to be a mystery behind getting to know the other person, the drill these days is as convenient as accepting a friend request to set ablaze an affair!
While some people appreciate the convenience technology has brought to the dating world because the gap between them and their crush has been significantly bridged, it is also worth noting that the process too has killed chivalry as would be suitors now manipulate the whole system.
With traditional courtship, asking someone to go out with you required courage, and a considerable investment of ego if not strategical planning, being rejection in person does hurt. But a quick Facebook message, whatsapp or text message removes the all that charm, and maybe if rejected by text it doesn’t hurt much? It should very much resemble casting the net and hoping for a catch, if you wait too long you are bound to forget you dropped the net, or better yet give up and move on!
Imagine the one person who lives in your neighborhood, you meet them every day on your way to work, then one day they send you a friend request on Facebook and inbox you a bunch of 3’s and semi colons and closed brackets, supposedly meaning to tell u how crazy they are over you, how they love you. Seriously, they are wooing you, with hashtags and emoticons!
Because there really is no planning about this new dating trend, the approach too is lazy and suitors tend to use a trial and error method. Many women are familiar with “Ke go cheke?” or “O ncheka leng” as the opening to the day’s wooing process. Ke go cheke loosely translated means “can I come over?” and the latter translates to “when are you coming over”?
Kebonye Tebogo, 28 relates that strangers have courted her through Facebook and her greatest fears were entertaining a serial killer or a mentally disturbed individual with ulterior motives.
“I would rather go old school as that way you know whom you are dealing with as opposed to being wooed online and standing a great deal of risk to your life because you never know who for real you are chatting with. Remember identities are easy to manipulate and people never really use their own photos whilst at it,” she allayed.
According to Tebogo, online wooing never intends to flatter, “You get people who just shoot out that they don’t have a girlfriend or tell you a soppy story of how their last r/ship “ended all the while coming out as too good to believe.”
A lot of activists and pro technology users have argued that conservatism has no place in today’s world because as much as people want relationships, they have demanding schedules and courting, dating and waiting for that first kiss is not an option for many. And with the convenience of smart phones and access to social media, one can easily stalk, judge and scope out their potential fling online!
In the typical world, dating follows the predictable pattern whereby the man is the active party, he is the one who shows interest first and asks the woman to go out with him, he organizes everything whereas the woman on the other hand reacts by either accepting or rejecting the man’s overtures. Going out on a date could be something as mundane taking walks at dusk together and trying to get to know each other, and there is that prospect of a future relationship.
Of course the times moved and there was the paid dinners and expensive gifts and general splashing of money, but that is a topic for another day!
My point is whether we like it or not, the digital age has written a new set of play rules for modern romance. It is now common to meet someone and get the question “do you have whatsapp?”, or “Are you on Facebook?” Wooing as we know it has changed, and no one takes their time to know the other anymore.
Web searches are pretty much to blame, if Google can give you someone’s background information by linking you to their social media profile, or any other online profile, there really is no need for that date that would most probably lead to uncomfortable questioned being answered in person.
I really do not care much about culture or change or the century we are in, emotions are just that, and faux trend can replace that. Why is the world developing apps “to find your perfect match”? Admittedly, some of the apps like Facebook and whatsapp play very significant roles in long distance relationships, but even so there is still something uneasy about letting “apps” and gadgets meddle in one’s love life.
Technology has really found a way to strip out the remaining traces of human interaction.
However, in a world where relationship validity is determined by a relationship status on Facebook, this may all be acceptable.
An entrepreneur who spoke on the condition of anonymity argued that while technology played a role in the changes in dating, it was not all to blame.
“Of course it is easier to use whatsapp or BBM to try start a fling with someone, but the fact of the matter is times have changed, women have asked for equality and I guess a quick text asking someone to hang constitutes as equality,” he argued.
According to the man in his late 20s, men should not have to beg to be given a chance to be with the woman, the playground has to be leveled in that women should not be given preferential treatment as equals to men.
While there is no hard-and-fast rule in politics, former Molepolole North Member of Parliament, Mohamed Khan says populism acts in the body politic have forced him to quit active partisan politics. He brands this ancient ascription of politics as fake and says it lowers the moral compass of the society.
Khan who finally tasted political victory in the 2014 elections after numerous failed attempts, has decided to leave the ‘dirty game’, and on his way out he characteristically lashed at the current political leaders; including his own party president, Advocate Duma Boko. “I arrived at this decision because I have noticed that there are no genuine politics and politicians. The current leaders, Boko and President Dr Mokgweetsi Masisi are fake politicians who are just practicing populist politics to feed their egos,” he said.
Former Botswana Democratic Party (BDP) parliamentary hopeful, Lawrence Ookeditse has rejected the idea of taking up a crucial role in the Botswana Patriotic Front (BPF) Central Committee following his arrival in the party this week. According to sources close to development, BPF power brokers are coaxing Ookeditse to take up the secretary general position, left vacant by death of Roseline Panzirah-Matshome in November 2020.
Ookeditse’s arrival at BPF is projected to cause conflicts, as some believe they are being overlooked, in favour of a new arrival. The former ruling party strategist has however ruled out the possibility of serving in the party central committee as secretary general, and committed that he will turn down the overture if availed to him by party leadership.
Ookeditse, nevertheless, has indicated that if offered another opportunity to serve in a different capacity, he will gladly accept. “I still need to learn the party, how it functions and all its structures; I must be guided, but given any responsibility I will serve the party as long as it is not the SG position.”
“I joined the BPF with a clear conscious, to further advance my voice and the interests of the constituents of Nata/Gweta which I believe the BDP is no longer capable to execute.” Ookeditse speaks of abject poverty in his constituency and prevalent unemployment among the youth, issues he hopes his new home will prioritise.
He dismissed further allegations that he resigned from the BDP because he was not rewarded for his efforts towards the 2019 general elections. After losing in the BDP primaries in 2018, Ookeditse said, he was offered a job in government but declined to take the post due to his political ambitions. Ookeditse stated that he rejected the offer because, working for government clashed with his political journey.
He insists there are many activists who are more deserving than him; he could have chosen to take up the opportunity that was before him but his conscious for the entire populace’s wellbeing held him back. Ookeditse said there many people in the party who also contributed towards party success, asserting that he only left the BDP because he was concerned about the greater good of the majority not individualism purposes.
According to observers, Ookeditse has been enticed by the prospects of contesting Nata/Gweta constituency in the 2024 general election, following the party’s impressive performance in the last general elections. Nata/Gweta which is a traditional BDP stronghold saw its numbers shrinking to a margin of 1568. BDP represented by Polson Majaga garnered 4754, while BPF which had fielded Joe Linga received 3186 with UDC coming a distant with 1442 votes.
There are reports that Linga will pave way for Ookeditse to contest the constituency in 2024 and the latter is upbeat about the prospects of being elected to parliament. Despite Ookeditse dismissing reports that he is eying the secretary general position, insiders argue that the position will be availed to him nevertheless.
Alternative favourite for the position is Vuyo Notha who is the party Deputy Secretary General. Notha has since assumed duties of the secretariat office on the interim basis. BPF politburo is expected to meet on 25th of January 2020, where the vacancy will be filled.
Botswana Democratic Party (BDP) big wigs have decided to cancel a retreat with the party legislators this weekend owing to increasing numbers of Covid-19 cases. The meeting was billed for this weekend at a place that was to be confirmed, however a communique from the party this past Tuesday reversed the highly anticipated meeting.
“We received a communication this week that the meeting will not go as planned because of rapid spread of Covid-19,” one member of the party Central Committee confirmed to this publication. The gathering was to follow the first of its kind held late last year at party Treasurer Satar Dada’s place.