In the fast paced world of social networking and technology, courting as we know it has died. FEATURE WRITER ANGELA MDLALANI explores the clichéd world of likes, pokes, and simple clicks that come with the pervasive Facebook stalking and how the dynamics have killed the dating phenomenon.
The dating game has changed. From a time where there used to be a mystery behind getting to know the other person, the drill these days is as convenient as accepting a friend request to set ablaze an affair!
While some people appreciate the convenience technology has brought to the dating world because the gap between them and their crush has been significantly bridged, it is also worth noting that the process too has killed chivalry as would be suitors now manipulate the whole system.
With traditional courtship, asking someone to go out with you required courage, and a considerable investment of ego if not strategical planning, being rejection in person does hurt. But a quick Facebook message, whatsapp or text message removes the all that charm, and maybe if rejected by text it doesn’t hurt much? It should very much resemble casting the net and hoping for a catch, if you wait too long you are bound to forget you dropped the net, or better yet give up and move on!
Imagine the one person who lives in your neighborhood, you meet them every day on your way to work, then one day they send you a friend request on Facebook and inbox you a bunch of 3’s and semi colons and closed brackets, supposedly meaning to tell u how crazy they are over you, how they love you. Seriously, they are wooing you, with hashtags and emoticons!
Because there really is no planning about this new dating trend, the approach too is lazy and suitors tend to use a trial and error method. Many women are familiar with “Ke go cheke?” or “O ncheka leng” as the opening to the day’s wooing process. Ke go cheke loosely translated means “can I come over?” and the latter translates to “when are you coming over”?
Kebonye Tebogo, 28 relates that strangers have courted her through Facebook and her greatest fears were entertaining a serial killer or a mentally disturbed individual with ulterior motives.
“I would rather go old school as that way you know whom you are dealing with as opposed to being wooed online and standing a great deal of risk to your life because you never know who for real you are chatting with. Remember identities are easy to manipulate and people never really use their own photos whilst at it,” she allayed.
According to Tebogo, online wooing never intends to flatter, “You get people who just shoot out that they don’t have a girlfriend or tell you a soppy story of how their last r/ship “ended all the while coming out as too good to believe.”
A lot of activists and pro technology users have argued that conservatism has no place in today’s world because as much as people want relationships, they have demanding schedules and courting, dating and waiting for that first kiss is not an option for many. And with the convenience of smart phones and access to social media, one can easily stalk, judge and scope out their potential fling online!
In the typical world, dating follows the predictable pattern whereby the man is the active party, he is the one who shows interest first and asks the woman to go out with him, he organizes everything whereas the woman on the other hand reacts by either accepting or rejecting the man’s overtures. Going out on a date could be something as mundane taking walks at dusk together and trying to get to know each other, and there is that prospect of a future relationship.
Of course the times moved and there was the paid dinners and expensive gifts and general splashing of money, but that is a topic for another day!
My point is whether we like it or not, the digital age has written a new set of play rules for modern romance. It is now common to meet someone and get the question “do you have whatsapp?”, or “Are you on Facebook?” Wooing as we know it has changed, and no one takes their time to know the other anymore.
Web searches are pretty much to blame, if Google can give you someone’s background information by linking you to their social media profile, or any other online profile, there really is no need for that date that would most probably lead to uncomfortable questioned being answered in person.
I really do not care much about culture or change or the century we are in, emotions are just that, and faux trend can replace that. Why is the world developing apps “to find your perfect match”? Admittedly, some of the apps like Facebook and whatsapp play very significant roles in long distance relationships, but even so there is still something uneasy about letting “apps” and gadgets meddle in one’s love life.
Technology has really found a way to strip out the remaining traces of human interaction.
However, in a world where relationship validity is determined by a relationship status on Facebook, this may all be acceptable.
An entrepreneur who spoke on the condition of anonymity argued that while technology played a role in the changes in dating, it was not all to blame.
“Of course it is easier to use whatsapp or BBM to try start a fling with someone, but the fact of the matter is times have changed, women have asked for equality and I guess a quick text asking someone to hang constitutes as equality,” he argued.
According to the man in his late 20s, men should not have to beg to be given a chance to be with the woman, the playground has to be leveled in that women should not be given preferential treatment as equals to men.
In a classic and shocking case of disgrace and dishonour to this country, the law enforcement agencies are currently struggling to cover up a damaging and humiliating scandal of having conspired to forge the signature of a Palapye Chief Magistrate, Rebecca Motsamai in an unlawful acquisition of the much-publicised 2019 warrant of arrest against Isaac Kgosi, the former director of the Directorate of Intelligence Services (DIS).
The cloak-and-dagger arrest was led by the DIS director, Brigadier Peter Magosi supported by the Botswana Police, Botswana Defence Force (BDF), with the Botswana Unified Revenue Services (BURS) which accused Kgosi of tax evasion, in the backseat.
Umbrella for Democratic Change (UDC) constituent members are struggling to reach an agreement over the allocation of wards for the imminent ward by-elections across the country.
Despite a Memorandum of Understanding (MoU) between Umbrella for Democratic Change (UDC), Botswana Patriotic Front (BPF) and Alliance for Progressives (AP) are said to be active, but the nitty-gritties are far from being settled.
The eight bye-elections will be a precursor of a somewhat delayed finalisation of the brittle MoU. The three parties want to draw a plan on how and who will contest in each of the available wards.
This publication has gathered that the negotiations will not be a run off the mill because there is already an impasse between the Botswana Congress Party (BCP) which is a UDC constituent and AP (currently negotiating to join umbrella).
The by-elections joint committee met last week at Cresta President Hotel in a bid to finalise allocation but nothing tangible came out of the gathering, sources say.
The cause of the stalemate according to those close to events, is the Metsimotlhabe Ward which the two parties have set their eyes on.
In 2019, he ward was won by Botswana Democratic Party’s (BDP) Andrew Sebobi who unfortunately died in a tragic accident in February last year.
Sebobi had convincingly won by 1 109 votes in the last elections; and was trailed by Sephuthi Thelo of the UDC trailed him with 631 votes; while Alliance for Progressives’ Innocent Moamogwe got 371 votes.
Thelo is a BCP candidate and as per UDC norm, incumbency prevails meaning that the BCP will contest since they were runners up. On the other hand, AP has also raised its hand for the same.
“AP asked for it on the basis that they have a good candidate but BCP did not agree to that request also arguing they have a better contestant,” one UDC member confided to this publication.
Notwithstanding Metsimotlhabe Ward squabble, it is said the by-election talks are almost a done deal, with Botswana National Front (BNF) tipped to take Boseja South ward in Mochudi East constituency. Botswana Patriotic Front (BPF) will be awarded Tamasane Ward in Lerala/Maunatlala constituency, sources say.
“But the agreement has to be closed by National Executive Committee (NEC),” emphasized the informant.
The NEC is said to have been cautioned not to back the wrong horse but rather rate with reason and facts.
UDC President, Duma Boko has told this publication that, “allocation is complete with two wards already awarded but with only one yet to be finalized,” he could not dwell into much details as to which party got what and the reasons for the delay in finalisation.
Chairperson of the by-elections committee, Dr. Phenyo Butale responded to this publication regarding the matter: “As AP we contested and as you may be aware we signed the MoU with UDC and BPF to collaborate on bye-elections. The opposition candidate for all bye-elections will be agreed by these parties and that process is still ongoing,” he said when asked if AP is interested on the ward and how far with the talks on bye-elections.
Butale, a former Gaborone Central Member of Parliament, who is also AP Secretary General continued to say, “As the chairperson of the bye-elections committee we are still seized with that matter. We should also do some consultations with the local structures. Once the process is complete we will issue a notice for now we cannot talk about the other two while the other is still pending the other one”.
Butale further clarified: “There is no such thing as AP and BCP not in agreement. It is an issue of signatories discussing and determining the opposition candidates across the three wards.”
Apart from the three wards, there are five more council wards that UDC is yet to allocate to cooperating partners.
FROM PALAPYE MEET: BPP CAUTION NEC MEMBERS
With the UDC cheerful from last weekend’s meeting in Palapye, the meeting however was very tense on the side of both BCP and BNF, with only BPP flexing its muscle and even lashing out.
BCP going into the meeting, had promised to ask difficult questions to the UDC NEC.
BCP VP and also acting Secretary General, Dr. Kesitegile Gobotswang, presented their qualms which were addressed by UDC Chairperson Motlatsi Molapisi, informants say.
It is said Molapisi is fed up and concerned by some UDC members especially those in the NEC who ‘wash party’s dirty linen in public’.
Insiders say the veteran politician cautioned the NEC members that they “will not expel any party but individuals who tarnish the image of the UDC.”
It is not the first time BPP play a paternalistic role as it once expressed its discontent with BCP in 2020, saying it should never wash UDC linen in public.
At first it is said, BPP, the oldest political formation in Botswana, claims disappointment on BCP stance that UDC should be democratised especially by sharing their stand with the media. Again, BPP was not happy with BCP leader Dumelang Saleshando’s decision to air his personal views on social media regarding the merger of UDC party.
Botswana Police Service (BPS) Commissioner, Keabetswe Makgophe, has of late been dousing raging fires from various quarters of society following the infiltration of the police fingerprint system by the Directorate on Intelligence and Security (DIS), WeekendPost has learnt.
Fresh information gleaned from a number of impeccable sources, points to a pitiable working relationship between the two state organs. Cause of concern is the DIS continuous big brother role to an extent that it is now interfering with other institutions’ established mandates.
BPS which works closely with the DIS has been left exasperated by the works of the institution formed in 2008. It is said, the DIS through its Information Technology (IT) experts in collusion with some at BPS forensics department managed to infiltrate the Fingerprint system.
The infiltration, according to those in the know, was for the DIS to “teach a lesson” to some who are on their radar. It is said the DIS is playing and fighting dirty to win the fights they have lost before.
By managing to hack the police finger print system, a number of renowned businessmen and other politically exposed persons found their fingers in the system. What surprised the victims is the fact that they have never been charged of any wrongdoing by the police and they were left reeling in shock to learn that their fingers are on the data-base of criminals.
In fact, some of those who their fingerprints were falsely included in the records of those on the wrong side of law learnt later when other errands demanded their fingerprints.
“We learnt later when we had to submit and buy some documents and we were very shocked,” one politician who is also a businessman confided to this publication this week.
“We then learn that there are some fabricated criminality recorded for us, as to when did we commit those remained secret to the police, but then we had to engage our lawyers on the matter and that is when we were cleared,” said the politician-cum- tenderpreneur.
The lawyers have confirmed engaging the police and that the matters were settled in a gentlemen’s agreement and concluded.
All these happened behind the scenes with the police top brass oblivious only to be confronted by the irked lot, police sources also add. The victimized group who most of them have been fighting lengthy battles with the DIS read malice and did not blink when it was revealed that these were done by the DIS.
“And it was clear that they (DIS) are the ones in this dirty war which we don’t understand. Remember when we sue, it will be the Police at the courts not the DIS and that is why we agreed to a ceasefire more so they also requested that be kept under carpet,” said the victim.
Nonetheless, the Police through its spokesperson Assistant Commissioner, Dipheko Motube, briefly said: “we do not have any system that has been hacked.” On the other hand DIS mouthpiece Edward Robert was not in office this week to comment on the matter.
Reports however say DIS boss, Peter Magosi, who most of the victims accuse of the job, is said to have met his police counterpart Makgophe to put the matter to bed.
COVID-19 RAVAGES POLICE
As frontline workers, Police have not escaped the wrath of Covid-19. Already the numbers of those infected has reached the highest of high and they suggest that they be priorities on vaccine rollout.
“Our job is complicated, firstly we arrest including those who are non-compliant to Covid protocols and we go to accidents and many more. These put us at risk and it seems our superiors are not bothered,” said one police officer this week.
The cops further complain about that working spaces are small, as such expose them to contact the virus.
“Some tests positive and go for quarantine while the rest of the unit will be left without even test carried out. If at all the bosses are serious all the police officers should every now and then be subjected to testing or else we will be no more because of the virus,” added another officer based in Gaborone.
The government has since placed teachers on the priority list for the vaccines, it remains to be seen whether the police, who also man road blocks, will be considered.
“But our bosses should convince the country leadership about this, if not then we are doomed,” concluded a more senior officer.