Sharing nudes is actually phenomenal
WeekendLife
The age of sending nudes is upon us. Sending naked pictures has long been possible, but in the 21st century it’s astonishingly easy. There is time to send them, how to shoot them and how to keep yourself safe. There’s no getting away from it, we’re a world of over sharers.
Whether popping political opinions in a Twitter thread or Instagramming a pain au chocolat, it’s never been easier to let the world know who you are. Technological advances have revolutionised dating experiences and sex lives too: apps, sexting, sex over FaceTime, and, of course, the big one. Nudes.
The term ‘’send nudes’’ is such a second nature for anyone on a dating app or social media that it quickly became a meme and can be seen graffitied all over the world. Although sending a naked photo has been possible for years- albeit more grainy, slow to load, or even in print, the farther back in time you go- it’s only in the last few years that the act of sending a photo of, or including, your tackle has become a regular NBD pat of the seduction process. High spec cameras, filtering and high-speed internet connections mean you can have the idea, whip it out, take the snap and send with barely a moment’s thought.
In the reader survey to mark GQ’s 30th anniversary, it was revealed 40 per cent of 16 to 24-year-olds have agreed sending nudes was the new normal. But why the change” is this purely a generational thing? Journalist Calvin reckons it’s an extension of the already popular thirst traps, the next level of seduction. ‘’Theoretically people have more dating options than ever. It’s a bit like in a game show when they wheel out the grand prize. ‘Here’s what you could win!’’
The rules around sending nudes seem fairly simple, but boundaries are overstepped constantly- usually by men. Most people would say an unsolicited dick pic is unwelcome- it’s much more polite to ask if they’d like one, or respond to a request- and yet men can’t seem to help themselves. There’s the view, perhaps, they ‘’might as well’’, but given they’re up against men actually using their charm to encourage a dick pic request, do they really think it’ll get them one straight back in return?
Unwelcome nudes are the top turnoff, but a close second would be a nude photo with zero artistry. There’s something quite depressing about asking for a nude and then being sent a snap, shot from above, of a red, angry penis subjected to the mercy of ugly lightning and a careless photographer. Obviously, turn-ons can vary, but context is key. Most women agreed that they tended to take more time over them, composing them to look not only sexy, but feel confident too. Men, however, preferred a more direct approach.
Lingerie designer Marisa says a topless pic does much more for her than a gonzo-shot dick pic and she much prefers to send than receive- when she can. ‘’Sending nudes is great fun; I haven’t had anyone to send them to me for a while and I kind of miss that adrenaline rush,’’ she says. Unprompted nudes can have their place, she reckons, but ‘’generally with someone who I’ve been chatting with or dating’ I wouldn’t send them to a stranger’’.
In a relationship, of course, nude photos are a way of keeping the passion alive and they’re especially useful in long-distance relationships. No more fiddling with a Polaroid or hoping the Snappy Snaps guy developing your film won’t call the feds- digital photography allows us to be right there and ready. It can build excitement and maintain intimacy, no matter how far apart you are, says one man, who’s been with his wife for 15 years: ‘’It’s become our regular thing on a Friday afternoon. She’ll send me a down-the-top shot- or more if she’s at home that day- and I’ll nip to the loo and give her a quick peek. Sometimes I’ll do a decent one at home and save it to send to her on Friday. I usually have a spare nude ready to go. We love it.’’
Often overlooked is the normalisation of nudes and its effect on body positivity. It’s well-known the regular, jeans-on selfies can be a confidence boost- either to reaffirm your attractiveness or garner interactions on social media- so it’s fairly obvious nudes can do the same for sexual confidence. Photographing yourself nude forces you to appraise your body afresh, there’s nowhere to hide; and while there’s every risk it could confirm your worst fears- photographing yourself from below can help you appreciate its wonder.
One body positivity in her forties says ‘’Taking nudes has gone from being something that scared me because I didn’t think I was hot enough to something that’s increased my confidence hugely. There are literally hundreds of naked photos of me online now and I’ve photographed over 20 people in their forties with varying degrees of good and bad relationships with their bodies’’
In the gay dating arena, perhaps, there’s more of a demand for nudes. Although straight dating apps are also popular with people wanting hook-ups, it could be argued gay men pioneered the openness around casual sex and specialist apps, born both of convenience and necessity: gay dating apps offer gay, bi and trans men a safe space to express themselves, on the understanding that everyone is there for the same reason and an approach will not offend. But with such freedom comes expectation. Bisexual guy Alex says he gets asked for nudes ‘’within minutes of initiating conversation. There definitely seems to be a culture of pressuring for nudes in the gay community’’
If you want to send nudes that you’re oh-so-proud of, by all means, go for it, just make sure you follow these rules first. Set your own boundaries. Nude doesn’t have to mean completely naked. Do what you feel comfortable doing- you’re in control of this situation. Partially nude photos can actually be way sexier than baring it all anyway. Try a sexy pose in your underwear only or a really cute bathing suit. Leaving more to the imagination sometimes gets guys more excited than the alternative.
Be prepared for other people seeing your goodies. You have a damn good body, so be prepared that your recipient is going to want to show off that photo. If you haven’t met his friends before, just know that the first time you meet them might not be the first time they’ve seen parts of you that you don’t to be seen. Be prepared for this but also be good person and don’t share nudes you receive with others without their permission.
Keep that pretty face out of it. On that note, make sure to keep your face out of it. Send a selfie you want, send nudes all you want, but for the love of the sexting gods, don’t send your face and nudes in the same shot just in case he turns out to be a douchebag who spreads the picture everywhere or just in case the phone gets into the wrong hands or whatever other horrible tragedy that can occur.
Don’t send nudes to men you don’t know. You may be very close to someone you haven’t met in person yet and feel comfortable sharing nudes. Only you can be the judge of whether or not you truly know someone well enough for this kind of intimacy, but please don’t send nudes to brand new guys. You don’t know them or their motivations and you need to protect yourself. And again, don’t send nudes under the influence. As most everything goes, sending nudes under the influence is a bad idea. You’re bound to forget all the other remaining rules.
Next thing you know, your whole body is in the picture, face and all, and you’ve sent it to your boss and then accidentally uploaded it to Facebook. Check your lightning and angle. A little bit of advice that’s different than the rest. If you’re going to send those nudes, I want you to send your best self. Take photos from above or straight on. Never take a photo from below looking up- everyone has a double chin at this angle. Try for natural light instead of harsh fluorescent light. So now, go for it, send nudes- just make sure your clean and well shot.
WeekendLife
The Science of Happiness
There is an intimate relationship between material wealth and poverty of spirit, posits Jeff Golden, whose award-winning book, Reclaiming the Sacred: Healing Our Relationships with Ourselves and the World, begins with scientific revelations regarding the things that nourish the human spirit and the things that don’t, most notably money and possessions.
“As we’ve surrounded ourselves with more and more possessions, we’ve grown further from the sacredness of the world, and the sacredness of ourselves,” Golden writes. “As we’ve elevated economic growth and consumption to the highest measures of success and purpose, we’ve closed ourselves off from so much of the joy and wonder that are inherent in us and the world.”
The result of 12 years of research, Reclaiming the Sacred draws upon the work of thousands of psychologists and economists, cosmologists and activists, saints and poets, to ground readers in their inherent joy, purpose and belonging — both for their own sakes and for the sake of the world.
Golden explores the profound consequences of materialism, including how it impacts the global climate crisis. Then he goes beyond all of that, diving into the very heart of humanity’s existence, by charting a path — both scientific and mystical — for reclaiming the inherent joy and richness of life.
Money accounts for just 2-4% of our happiness, according to former Vassar College instructor and activist Jeff Golden. What about the remaining 96-98%? Jeff’s thoroughly researched insights provide the answers, and he shares them in his new book, Reclaiming the Sacred, which received the 2023 Nautilus Book Awards Grand Prize, putting him in the company of the Dalai Lama, Barbara Kingsolver, Eckhart Tolle, Deepak Chopra and other luminaries.
Reclaiming the Sacred explores profound questions, including:
- How important is money to happiness?
- What is the optimal amount of money and possessions for a person to be happy?
- Does having kids make people happy? Getting married? Having sex? Working?
- What are some of the most serious effects of global warming?
- What kinds of changes will people have to make as individuals and as a society as a result of global warming? How will those changes allow people to actually live better lives?
- What does the economic system get wrong when it comes to what really matters, and how should progress be measured?
Ultimately, Reclaiming the Sacred takes readers on a journey that follows the golden threads of happiness, abundance and belonging — and leads them home.
“We have an opportunity to reweave ourselves back into the human community and the family of all living beings, the family of the land and trees, the otters and grasses — to live with them in relationships of respect and wonder,” Golden adds. “We have an opportunity to reclaim ourselves and this world as sacred.”
About the Author
Jeff Golden has been teaching and writing about the topics he covers in his book for over 30 years, most recently at Vassar College. He was a Fulbright Scholar in sustainable development and a recipient of the State Department’s Millennium International Volunteer Award. He is a prison reform and animal rights activist, and has headed several nonprofits promoting social justice, sustainability and international education. A native of Idaho, he resides in the Mohicanituk Valley in New York, with his children, the river and the stars.
WeekendLife
Spring and outdoor sex!
The best sex of sexually active persons begins in Spring. Well, this season is time to pack up puffer coats and throw on some lacy lingerie, just so the bedroom is lightened up and the sex gets spicier. For singles, and just in case the libido has been hibernating all winter, it has now become crucial to bring in some heat.
Sexologists and therapists say better sex means different things to different people and it can mean changing many things over time, but one thing’s for sure, to improve sex life in any way, one got to be ready for change.
Certified Sex Therapist Kendra Capalbo suggests that lovers should make most of the weather. “Studies have shown the positive correlation between sunlight and mood, and now that there is more of it, harness the impact it can have on the mood of your relationship. One study from Tel Aviv University showed that increased exposure to sunlight can enhance romantic passion.”
Moving around outside won’t only improve your mood and possible mental approach to sex though, Clinical Sexologist Megwyn White says. “It has physical benefits too. It increases libido by releasing endorphins and improving self-confidence, and it brings more blood flow to the genitals.”
Removing negativity can also work this Spring. Think of the warm weather as a time in which to reset your mindset as well, especially when it comes to your time in the bedroom (or in this case the camping tent.)
“No more negative self-talk or other people’s opinions holding you back. If there is that one fantasy that you and your partner keep agreeing, then make it your mission to finally check it off your bucket list. Spring is all about adventure, so it is time to embrace it.”
Therapists also say that something about Spring makes people want to strip down. Plus, the mild forecast does wonders for your skin and hair, and you can see your legs again. The season allows sex enthusiasts to engage with windows open. Think of it as exhibitionism without the threat of jail time.
Its just as sensual as summer, without the sweat. Those summer months get all the sexual glory, but it’s hard to feel hot when you’re actually, legitimately so hot! When the bedroom turns into a sauna mid-hookup, it’s a little hard to get in the mood.
Experts say there are a number of factors that make Spring sensual. “The weather is the catalyst. Ever since the spring equinox, the days have been getting longer. More exposure to sunlight increases our production of serotonin, a neurotransmitter that boots mood. And happy people tend to be horny people,” said Danielle Forshee, a psychologist, family, marriage and individual therapist.
Having started her business in 2016, Forshee specializes in the evaluation and treatment of high-conflict family problems, high-risk behaviors, and psychological disorders within and outside of the family court system.
She also said that the pleasant weather also urges sex lovers outdoors, where they’re likely to socialize and meet potential new partners. “It encourages us to shed some of the bulky layers we’ve been wearing all winter too. People are coming out of hibernation, and they’re swapping out their sweats and comfy clothes for more, shall we say, ‘scantily clad’ options.”
“They are exposing more body parts. As humans we notice those things, and it makes us more apt to go into mating mode.”
Whether you are looking for a casual hookup or you just want to get more loving from your partner, Spring will boost your desire. According to a study published in the US National Library of Medicine, animal mating habits are directly correlated to the changing of the seasons.
“We’re attuned to our biological clocks. Our bodies know that offspring survival rates soar when the weather is warmer; food is plentiful, climate is temperate and no one will freeze to death. Therefore, when Spring hits and warm weather abounds, our biological mating siren is ticked off.”
Now, while there is conflicting discourse on whether Spring fever is an actual illness, most scientists agree that there are documented psychological changes associated with the change in season.
“Spring fever is not a definitive diagnostic category. But I would say it begins as a rapid and yet unpredictable fluctuating mood and energy state that contrasts with the relative low winter months that precede it,” said Michael Terman, Director of the Center for Light Treatment and Biological Rhythms at Columbia University Medical Center.
WeekendLife
Glotto to showcase at New York Fashion Week
The country’s Afrocentric and most popular youth fashion brand, Glotto, continues to dominate the fashion industry and shape fashion trends. It is reaching heights and staying relevant in a fast-paced and ever-changing landscape. Without doubt, the youthful fashion brand has revolutionized the fashion and lifestyle industry in Botswana.
Not only that, its iconic logo and tagline have become synonymous with style and sophistication, and Glotto’s influence extends far beyond the world of fashion. Haute couture, elegant designs and ready to wear is what Glotto has to offer.
New York Fashion Week (NYFW), a semi-annual series of events in Manhattan typically spanning seven to nine days when international fashion collections are shown to buyers, the press and fashion enthusiasts is coming up, and Glotto has been invited to showcase at the same top fashion event.
This is one of four major fashion weeks in the world, collectively known as the “Big Four”, along with those in Paris, London and Milan. This year’s NYFW schedule includes a range of runway shows and presentations for both men’s and women’s clothing lines.
Designers such as Marc Jacobs, Ralph Lauren, The Blonds, Proenza Schouler and Carolina Herrera will be showcasing their upcoming collections in a variety of different formats ranging from traditional runway shows to virtual showrooms and digital activations.
NYFW organizers say every great designer began as an “unknown”, so in addition to some of fashion’s most storied names, their schedule includes independent and emerging designers, many making their appearance on the runway for the first time.
“This is where NYFW becomes a true journey of discovery, the perfect opportunity to discover emerging designers who are pushing the boundaries of fashion and style. Some are new, and others are successful designers in their home country making an appearance at NYFW for the first time.”
Talking about making an appearance at the NYFW, WeekendLife had a conversation with the creative behind Glotto, Mboko Basiami this week, who unpacked how she was invited to showcase in New York and how things are unfolding.
When speaking to this publication, Basiami said a series of invitations were sent via email and social media, inviting her to be a part of the fashion week, something that she wouldn’t trade for anything.
She expanded a bit on collections that she will be showcasing, saying “It’s a seven-look collection and this is our first time participating in the NYFW. Glotto was founded seven years ago and everything is going to come altogether and of course, our attention to detail and texture and a lot of storytelling is what fashion lovers should expect.”
Quizzed if this is a self-sponsored trip to New York, Basiami stressed that in the business of fashion, one can’t expect to have talented runway models, hair, makeup and two assistants sponsored, therefore the trip will be taking money from her pockets. “It is heavily subsidized but there is still a 7000 US Dollar bill to it.”
Networking, global reach and exposure is what is motivating Glotto to go and shine in Manhattan. This is predominantly because New York Fashion Week has been there for so many years, having established itself as the most reputable fashion week in the whole world.
There is the media, right buyers, great location, investors and scholarships. “It will also allow me to compare the quality of my garments with that of designers all over the world. This adds on our unique product offering and what makes Glotto competitive, something that we have been striving for even though we are a local brand.
In preparing for this phenomenal opportunity, a lot needs to be done and thus far, everything is on track. According to Basiami, “I’m trying to balance not worrying about the business and accounts side of things, but rather about the looks and integrity of garments and fashion sustainability. We have reached out corporates who are willing to support us on the journey, the moral support is beautiful and heartwarming.
Meanwhile, Glotto recently showcased at the US-Africa Business Summit in Gaborone. The fashion brand hosted President Mokgweetsi Masisi, who was introduced to ready to wear collections and Glotto live mannequins.