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Surviving heartbreak and seizing the future!

Love is such a beautiful thing…and falling in love for the very first time is just striking.

One comes out of a lonely childhood and begins to find confidence as a young adult. Secure a good job, buy your first car and experience a freedom you never felt before. That is all good, but to add cherry on top, let a beautiful girl or boy come your way…they will definitely take you to another level.

Well…bad news will always come around whether you happy in that relationship or not! Just around the corner lay the numbness of loss, the feeling of helplessness and sleepless nights as something magical just slipped away. When you guys first met, you hit it right away. The relationship was fine, burning and the partner was attractive and fun to be around. You guys laughed at the same things, and as you grew closer, stronger feelings soon developed. Falling in love was exciting, for both of you.

Great times, lots of laughs, beautiful flowers, nice chocolates, funny and yet romantic texts, long calls, chilled picnics, matching outfits, fun drives, romantic and cool music, great sex, gossips and romance…and the list goes on. Few months later, you plucked up the courage and propose. She said yes! Marriage was suddenly on the horizon. You spent all your savings on a ring, and made plans for the future. People’s generosity overwhelmed you guys as you were adorned with engagement presents.

As marriage plans are still underway, hints at secrets began to emerge. With little warning, plans crumbled. You spend night after night driving around in your car wondering what to do and how to cope. You stressed and it’s killing you softly. You cry yourself to sleep, you losing appetite and your body is deteriorating.  For some reason you will never understand, your fiancée seemed to change. She became colder, and obviously you wondered if she will have feelings for other men. You tried a few times to keep the relationship going, but it didn’t work. It was a dark time of bitter recriminations and rumours. The experience somehow strengthened you.

After a difficult, long time you started developing a more positive sense that happier time could be ahead and that the future, the undiscovered country, could still hold excitement and happiness. We all have a choice to hold onto that belief or dwell in the past. Love can cause pain, but it can heal pain too…According to a lifestyle blog owned by Alan Marsden, a split often results in one person hurting more than the other. Emotions are strong and the feeling is fragile, so it’s vital to avoid anger confrontations. Alan advised that one should not try to convert the relationship into something else overnight. He said it’s key to give each other space.

He further said one should not hide away from favourite haunts. ‘’As a couple, you probably frequented some places, and you are avoiding those not to avoid the memories. Avoiding favourite places only creates conscious reminders and heightens the sense of loss. Although difficult at the start, if you enjoyed particular cafes, cinemas, or beaches, do not avoid them. Enjoy them and create new memories. Although hard in the beginning, continue walking at a nearby lake, and eventually the reminiscing shall stop.Enjoy being a solo artist, Alan said. He stressed that separation can make you aware of how much you are looking for happiness in other people. Take some time without a serious relationship and you will find yourself becoming more able to enjoy your own company.‘’As your self-confidence grows, your reliance on having a partner to enjoy good times diminishes. You get to enjoy single for a certain time, and afterward this will help in your recovery. It is better to let life unfold’’ he said. It’s true to keep the memories secure. Destroying photographs, deleting messages or burning down love letters is not the right thing to do. Things happened, and burning pictures does not change that. Sore the photos away but somewhere safe, perhaps easier in the digital age- but bear in mind that they are also easier to delete. When the time is right, go ahead and look because these were important time sin your life, and you will want to revisit them sometime.

As time passes, the hurt subsides naturally. Alan said you don’t need to do anything. No effort. No timetable. ‘’Just let nature take its course, and be sure in the knowledge that you will recover. Cry when you need to, yes, even if you are a man. Keep an honest perspective. He shared that if a relationship is not working for you, it is not working for the other person too. This realization will help you to come to terms with the situation and help you think about how the other person feels. Putting your fiancé first will help you realize she is no longer wanted you to continue, and you have to come to terms with that.Alan noted that people might judge you as you come out of a relationship. Do not let people taking sides trouble you, and don’t feel you have to correct what they think.

There will always be people who judge, but judgements only hurt if you judge yourself in response. Instead of dwelling on what other people think, focus on finding peace within yourself and you will become stronger and more positive as a result. Forgiving and forgetting also does wonders, Alan claims. Never hold grudges or judge your ex-partner harshly if they were at fault. Nobody makes perfect decisions. It will be easier to forgive if you try to empathize with their situation. Most importantly though, when it comes to forgiving, start with yourself. Beating yourself up slows down your recovery. Show compassion for yourself and you will definitely heal.

Look into the future. Alan highlighted that one should think of all the possibilities that still await-new steps in your career, new friends and experiences in life to enjoy. You often hear advice about focusing on the present moment. This is good advice, but during a relationship break-up, know that the present moment will pass. Move on and make a fresh start. Years later, you will meet a truly wonderful person, a soul mate, a friend and a loyal partner. This will put everything into perspective and more years later, you will still be madly in love.

You see, the end of one relationship might just mean moving closer to the beginning of a new one, and the right one. You never know when love strikes, so if you have lost love recently, don’t give up, believe in yourself, and take each day one at a time. Your soul mate is out there looking for you right now…good luck!

 

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WeekendLife

The King’s journal 

23rd November 2021
Kgafela Kgafela II

This book is a true-life story of an African King based in South Africa. The Last Frontier is a resistance stand by Bakgatla Ba Kgafela tribe and its line of Kings from 1885 against a dark force called ‘western democracy’ that is insidiously destroying lives, peoples, nations and threatens to wipe away whole civilizations in Africa.

The story flows through four important episodes of history, beginning in about 1885 when Bechuanaland Protectorate was formed. This section briefly reveals interactions between Kgosi Linchwe 1 and the British Colonial Government, leading to the establishment of Bakgatla Reserve by Proclamations of 1899 – 1904.

The second episode deals with Kgosi Molefi’s interaction with the British Colonial Government in the period of 1929-36. The third episode records Kgosi Linchwe II’s interactions with the British Colonial Government and black elites of Bechuanaland. It covers the period of 1964-66, leading to Botswana’s independence. Kgosi Linchwe ii resisted the unlawful expropriation of his country (Bakgatla Reserve) by Sir Seretse Kgama’s government of 1966 to no avail. He wrote letters of objection (December 1965) to Her Majesty the Queen of England, which are reproduced in this book.

The fourth episode covers the period between Kgafela Kgafela II’s crowning as King of Bakgatla in 2008 to 2021. It is a drama of the author’s resistance to the present-day Botswana Government, a continuation of Bakgatla Kings’ objection against losing Bakgatla country to the Kgama dynasty assisted by the British Government since 1885. The story is told with reference to authentic letters, documents, and Court records generated during the period of 1885-2019. There is plenty of education in history, law, and politics contained in The Last Frontier for everyone to learn something and enjoy.   

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WeekendLife

Gospel concerts make a comeback

16th November 2021
Bishop Benjamin Dube

Hailed for being the prime gospel concert after the Covid-19 pandemic had put events to a halt, Golden Relic, in conjunction with Sweet Brands, recently unveiled the Arise and Worship Concert, Botswana. The show marks the return of worshippers and fans to enjoy music and worship together after what seemed like “cooler box” events were taking over the entertainment scene. 

The concert to be held on December 11th 2021, at the Molapo Showcase, has a packed lineup with the Headlining acts being Bishop Benjamin Dube, Lebo Sekgobela from South Africa and Botswana’s very own Obakeng Sengwaketse. More international acts from Nigeria and Ghana are also expected to grace the event. The show organizers have invested an effort in diversifying the lineup with live performances. 

The promoter of the Arise and Worship Concert, David “DVD” Abram revealed in an overview of the event that; “We have lost a lot of loved ones this year, and when that happens, one’s spirit goes down, and we need a light to ground us once more, to heal our souls. Therefore, the two main purposes of this event are to do the work of God and, secondly, to make sure that we nurture and develop talent in Botswana. With challenges that come up with events of such magnitude, the team and I have been committed to seeking guidance from God through having night prayers.” 

Abram added that as promoters, they usually have a bias towards already established artists, thus neglecting the upcoming ones and wanting to change that. “We approached the Melody Gospel TV Show since we aim at nurturing new talent and agreed on having one of the winners as a headliner for the event to allow them to share the stage with gospel giants so that they are exposed to the industry. This resulted in securing the Second Winner of the Melody Gospel TV show; Thabiso Mafoko as a local headlining act.”

The concert also aims at celebrating a Motswana. Multi-Award Winner; with the most recent title; BOMU Best Traditional Gospel under his belt, also best known for his soulful voice and heartfelt lyrics, Obakeng Sengwaketse enthusiastically said, “I want to thank the organizers of the Arise and Worship concert, it means a lot to me after recently winning two awards that are currently the highlight of my career.

I regard this as a great revival because the Covid-19 pandemic has muffled events such as this. I am looking forward to sharing the stage with the great Bishop Benjamin Dube, Lebo Sekgobela and more artists from Nigeria and Ghana. Sengwaketsi urged Batswana to come and witness the greatness of the Lord as their lives will never be the same.”

Tickets are selling like fat cakes with VVIP tickets having only five tickets remaining; the VVIP tickets include rounder access backstage to all the performing artists. The event will also comprise a seated Gold Circle Ticket, which accounts for 50% of revellers to allow for easier enforcement of COVID-19 protocols and avoid a potential stampede.

In a bid to entice merrymakers to buy tickets, the promoters have come up with a layby strategy and buying tickets on an instalment basis for the attendees to be able to buy their tickets since the COVID-19 Pandemic has left many Batswana in financial ruin but having the interest to attend the event.

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WeekendLife

Fame vs Mental health

9th November 2021
Lizibo

One can only imagine what is like being in the public eye. It is not a walk in the park; and not as easy as people might think it is because of the pressure from the public. Celebrities or influencers are perceived to be perfect, perfect bodies, perfect families, perfect parents, financially stable, healthy, and always smiling and patient with everyone – Is this for real?

However, when people’s expectations of celebrities are not met, the same celebrities are often victimized, body shamed, or blamed, fairly or unfairly. As a result of them not having a personal life, they are often scrutinized in all aspects of their lives; their lives are aired for the public to see and judge. Celebrities are often extra careful about everything that they do, they have to go an extra mile as compared to how ordinary people live their lives.

To understanding this experiences by public figures, this reporter made a case study of Mr Lizibo Gran Mabutho, the firstborn in his family with only one sibling, his younger brother. Lizibo describes himself as a simple Kalanga guy who was chosen by music and did not choose music.

He said being raised by his mother and grandmother, he grew up surrounded by music from birth. Lizibo said his grandmother was a religious person who held church services at their house in Zwenshambe, “for me singing was from Monday to Sunday. I was not like any ordinary child who only sang at church on Sundays or sometimes in school assembly, for me it was a daily thing. My mother was also a talented dancer in our village that is what I mean when I say I did not choose music, but music chose me.”

Lizibo said though he grew up surrounded by music, it was hard for his parents to accept the path he has chosen to be a musician. Lizibo said he had to prove to his parents that music was his passion and that it could pay the bills like any other profession. He said eventually they saw his passion for music and supported him.

Lizibo said being exposed to music from a tender age made him venture into the music career from a tender age. He said he was part of the Kgalemang Tumediso Motsete (KTM) choir, Lizibo said being in the public eye for the longest time has taught him that he is living for the people and that he does not have a life. He said the very society that is watching him has so much expectation for him and that means he has to conduct himself in a good manner because people are looking up to him.

Lizibo said he understands the saying that great power comes with great responsibility, “when people see me, they see a role model. I realize and understand that people are and have been modelling me even when I was not aware of it, I know of six mothers who have named their sons after me because they felt that I inspire them somehow.”

He said he has accepted his fate that he will never have a normal life because people are looking unto him. He said he is grateful to be in the public on a positive note by bringing hope to the people because he has always wanted to be part of people’s solutions and not their problems.

He said, “people should understand that our careers are our calling. One needs to be spiritually connected to their calling as an artist. The most rewarding part about being in the public for me is not about payment but about being the solution to someone’s problem.”

Lizibo said the greatest challenge that he has ever faced about being in the public eye has been the issue of trust, not able to know which friends are genuine and which ones are not. He said as a way of avoiding fake friends he has always kept his four close friends who have been there for him through thick and thin. Lizibo said being close to his family has also helped him as they have been his strength when things were not going well for him, “most of the time people say we change when we taste fame. That is not necessarily true because people are the ones who changed when we became famous. People always want something from us, nothing is ever genuine with people and that is why I chose to keep my circle very small.”

Lizibo said as much as he travels a lot because of the nature of his work because it is naturally demanding, he said he always ensures that he creates time for his family. He said that at home he is Lizibo who is sent to do errands, he is Lizibo the son, not a celebrity.

He said there is a lot of pressure that comes with being in the spotlight, “the public puts so much pressure on us mostly about the material lifestyle they portray us to have. We are often compared with South African celebrities, but people fail to understand that we are two different countries. Most people fell into the trap and are living above their means resulting in them living in debt. I often tell youngsters not to fall into that trap of being tempted to live life above their means.”

The advice Lizibo gave to upcoming celebrities was that they should know that being in the public is not about them, but it is about the people. He said, “one of my mentors once asked me if I make music about myself or the people. He said I need to make music for the people because it is my responsibility to feed them with what they need, he said they might not even be able to know that they have a need but that I need to identify that need and meet it. Our responsibility is to serve people what they need, our music is to feed people’s hunger. My music is about love, I feed people love.”

Lizibo said it is important for celebrities to seek counselling and take care of their mental health, he said he has been investing in his mental health for years because he understands the importance of mental health especially when one is in the public.

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